Hi All - Just trying to figure out how to do this blog. OK. Here’s a snippet of my story - sent out to the digital universe…

I wan’t always fat. But when adolescence hit - I started to eat compulsively. You know what I mean - eating crap when I’m not hungry, which sets up a cycle, etc. Started a cycle of binge, diet, and the funny thing is - I was probably 20 pounds over my “ideal” weight!! Grad school was great - all I had to do in life was study, swim, eat, sleep. I was in great shape for several years. Then, middle age, marriage, kids, stressful job, no sleep, etc. Hello 60 pounds!! Lost that with Jenny Craig. Several years go by - keeping it off and boom. Divorce, etc. Hello 80 pounds!!. Miraculously, fell in love again- took it off. Kept that off for several years. And, guess what, goodbye romance, family upheaval, etc. and now I am 115 pounds overweight. How much more can I gain??? I look at the people who can barely move and I see my future. The thing is, there’s this huge disconnect between my brain and my emotions, and I guess my body. In the am, I’m all about trying to be healthy. But by the mid day, I’m eating carbs compulsively and then down the hill till night. I know that one of my problems is that I am truly disorganized about my habits - food included. I think I’m the only mother who never mastered the cooking for dinner every day routine. Also, I have gained SO much weight, that it’s just difficult to even set a realistic mini goal - I feel as though my goal weight is just ridiculous. Plus, when you get this large, physical activity is really hard. And you get very tired. What’s the solution - sugar!! So, it’s a vicious cycle.

I’m not going to “diet” because dieting - for me - always backfires and I gain more than I ever lost. Somehow I have to a: organize my eating life better; start physical activity in a regimented way; and find other ways to destress and pass the time.

Would that I could just snap my fingers and make it happen!!