Confessions of a Bulk Eater

I’m still around. I’m sure most of you regulars have noticed comments from me. I’m just wrapped in a ton of stuff right now and haven’t been able to focus on calorie counting, exercising, or me for that matter. Work has become chaos after 2 people in our department were let go last week. We are down to bare bones in our area… but we’ve been told we are safe until January. Oh good. 2 months until we have to worry Not sure what will happen then.

The move… ah, the move. I am SO over my husband right now. He’s been at the house every night doing “something”. Not sure what takes him hours over there, but I’m over it. I understand he’s trying to get things done before we move, but we still have things here in the apartment!! I’ve said all this before, so I’m not going to beat a dead horse.

Things are just very stressful right now. I have not been able to get to the gym. I was sick the beginning of the week so it was out. I feel better now, but just not ready to jump into gym time. I would have loved to go for a run tonight - the weather is gorgeous here right now - but hubby went back to house. Can’t go running with the baby - my stroller sucks.

I’ve been trying to watch my portions so I don’t totally overdo things during this period. It will be a few weeks before we are settled, so even if I keep THAT under control, it’s something.

I’ll be lurking around, commenting on your blogs, but probably not much of anything else for a week or so. Once we get paint and carpet in the house, I’ll have to post pictures!

So I have this one pair of jeans. They were given to me by a girl at work who has lost a TON of weight. No biggie. When she gave them to me, I was still filling 18s well (meaning they weren’t falling off of me like they are now) They are size 16 and they are Calvin Kliens. Hence the reason I kept them. Not to mention they are old and frayed and comfortable looking as well as comfortable to wear. Anyway, they were the one pair of 16’s that fit. Go figure — a designer pair of pants fitting when others don’t. None of my other 16’s fit. And if you wonder how many pairs of jeans I own…well, I don’t even know myself. I could probably outfit a small army in jeans. I love them. It’s my daily uniform. Jeans and a shirt.

Anyway, I put these comfy pair of Calvin’s on today and…. they are loose. They are not annoyingly pulling my belly button ring while I’m sitting like they normally do (the top of the jeans get’s hooked under the bottom barbell), I did not have to “suck it in” to put them on, and they are not looking skin tight on my thighs. Could I actually be making some progress? I’ve been sick all weekend and haven’t eaten much at all, so I’m not sure if it’s real or not. These jeans are not fitting like freshly washed jeans. They are fitting like jeans that have been worn every day for a week — and I’m sure we all know how those feel.

I am a little nervous to try on some of my other pairs though. Although it would be nice to be able to wear some of them instead of the 18’s that are starting to fall off of me. I’m just afraid that if I go to try them on and they don’t fit, that I will feel that sense of defeat. It happens… I guess I just have to mentally prepare myself and not let it defeat me this time.

That’s all I’m going to say less I spoil it for someone……

Against my better judgement, I came to work today. I really should stay home since I’m still not feeling well, but here I am. My glands are swollen, now I’m coughing…ugh. I’m sure if I got on the scale right now it would show a loss since I hardly ate all weekend. I was hungry, but I just couldn’t eat. Hubby went and got me some Broccoli Cheese soup from Jason’s Deli last night when he FINALLY got home and it hit the spot. I am trying to not be upset that he was gone all weekend and I had to watch the kids while sick. He was working at the house the whole time. My cousin, who is an electrician, came over yesterday and Jake helped him replace the breaker panel and install a fan box in the living room. He cut us a deal since Jake helped him. We probably paid about 1/2 of what he would normally charge.

I was thinking to myself how much we actually have to get done in a short period of time. We really need to start packing. We are down to the wire.

I woke up this morning with a sore throat and that weird head cold feeling. Not to mention the fact that I spent the night with the Captain last night and my kids woke me up before the crack of dawn. This is why I prefer not to drink when the kids are home - the morning comes too early. I’m not hungover, I just don’t feel good (yes I am whining!)

This cannot be happening. I can’t afford to be sick right now. We are supposed to be pulling the flooring out of our house today. I can’t take time off of work because we are now down 2 people in our department due to layoffs and I don’t want to lose MY job. I need to start seriously packing, I have to go to the new house to do laundry since our dryer is broken, I have to do all my usual chores on top of the stuff we are doing at the house. I go to NY in 2 weeks (YAY!) and I need to be better by then. I need to be able to go to the gym this week because I didn’t do ANYTHING- ANYTHING this past week.

Why does it seem that when we begin to make progress in our weight loss efforts, somethign comes along to sabatoge us? I was thisclose to Onederland and I feel it is a little further away right now. I know it will come off eventually, but I wanted to be under 200 by the time I went to NY. It’s not unattainable yet, but I definitely need to do some work to get there in 2 weeks.

And tiny2b: I think I am finally caught up with back episodes and ready to see the new one on Monday. One question: OMG - HE BIT HER!! I mean, I knew it would happen eventually, but I figured they’d drag it out a bit. And that damn collie really creeps me out.

I’m still not sure how I feel about this. Hubby asked me yesterday when it was all said and done if I was happy and I told him no. I’m not yet. He looked a little dissappointed, but I told him that it just hasn’t sunk in yet. I think once we actually get into the house THAT’S when it will hit me. We still have so much work to do before we get in there. My mom and grandparents came over last night to see the house for the first time. They were excited. And we have already met one of our neighbors. They are really nice. Their daugher and granddaugher were over as well and we got to meet them too. They were all excited we were moving in. I guess the house has been vacant for awhile.

THANKFULLY…. the house came with appliances b/c my dryer broke the other day. Good timing. I guess I’ll be doing laundry in my new house before we move in!! It’s only a mile from where we live now so it’s not too far out of the way. Plus we will be over there working a lot so it’s not like I’ll have to make extra trips. The only problem is my workout clothes that get washed every day. I’m going to have to figure out what do to about them.

Food this week is a bust. We went out to eat last night to celebrate. I’ve been a ball of nerves as well. Plus they are laying off more people today or Monday. I made sure I wasn’t one of them before I left for closing yesterday. But that means more work is coming our way. Ugh.

2pm.

I am a wreck right now. I didn’t get much sleep. I went to bed late b/c thanks to tiny2b, I have become hooked on True Blood and I was watching episodes on HBO On Demand to catch up. My son is sick and wanted to sleep with me since hubby was working overnight last night. He kept waking up and then waking me up to “snuggle” which was like snuggling with an oven at 350 degrees. My daughter for some reason woke up and refused to go back to sleep until about 3am or so. Not only that but my mind was racing. Finally fell asleep sometime before 4. My alarm goes off at 5. I didn’t wake up until 6. Never heard my alarm. At that point, I was running 30 minutes behind. My hair looks like crap today b/c I couldn’t even dry it. (I have found the secret to liking my hair though - it has to be dirty) So I was late to work. Found out there will be layoffs tomorrow or Monday. 2 in our department. THANKFULLY not me - that would be horrible horrible timing.

SO…. combined with nerves for the closing this morning, running late, no sleep, and having to leave early today so I have to work like a maniac to get 2 days of work done (stayed home yesterday with son) I am a mess. I have already eaten an egg mcmuffin, a hasbrown, and a cupcake. What a great start to the day.

That is the question.

I’ve been thinking alot about this lately. A few of my friends have gotten it done in the past year, and I think tiny2b had it done a few months ago as well. I am almost out of contacts, which means it’s time for another eye doctor appointment. If my prescription has changed, then glasses will be needed as well. Contacts and glasses are not cheap. Of course, they are cheaper than lasik, but if I have to change the prescription every year, is it really cheaper? When I get pink eye from my contacts, is it cheaper? When I can barely see my computer screen because my eyes are so dry, is it cheaper? There are lots of pros for sure but I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO nervous. I haven’t even made a consultation appointment and I’m anxious. I’m trying to decide b/c open enrollment will be coming up at the end of the year and I can do the flexible spending account to pay for it. I need to decide and make an appointment for a consultation before that so I know exacly how much it will be.

UGH….

Here they are… pictures of my hair. Now, here’s a disclaimer…. hubby took these pictures and it was late last night. You are not seeing “fresh salon” hair. I had to wash my hair after the gym yesterday so it lost it’s “freshness”. I’m feeling a little frustrated with it because they make it look SO good when you get it done and once you wash it… POOF!! It never looks the same. But I need to have some time to play with it and figure it out. I still like it and I like the color. If anything, I’ll just start growing it out again.

Here you can see the color….

Here’s a view from the front with me and a weird face b/c hubby was being a douche with the camera…

I like my hair cut, I really do. I just wish I could make it look as good as the girl did on Saturday. She got it perfectly straight and soft without using a flat iron. I flat iron it and I still get waves. And it isn’t nearly as soft as she made it…although I think it was the deep conditioner she used. She said my hair is really coarse (which is why it didn’t hold the color the last time I did it myself).

In other news…. I jumped on the scale today at the gym and I am DOWN a pound!! I am just on this side (the larger side) of 200. It was less than 201 though!! WOO HOO!! I guess I didn’t do as bad as I thought last week OR it will bite me next week. I had my session with the trainer. We did total body workout and I almost threw up!! I had to stop at one point for a few minutes because I became nauseated. That never happens, so I’m not sure why. I’m wondering if it was because I was low in my calories yesterday and didn’t get enough. I was going to eat a banana before I went today since I felt a little hungry, but I didn’t. Hmmm…. something to ponder.

AND in house news…. we will close either Wednesday (yes, tomorrow) or Friday. It was moved to Friday, but our mortgage guy (Jason Veritek’s (from the Red Sox) brother btw) called last night and said as long as the sellers were okay with moving it to tomorrow we could. We’ll know for sure today!! Exciting - but yet scary as well. At least I’ll know I’ll get some exercise this weekend since we’ll be pulling flooring out of the house. Anyone want to join us? Anyone? Bueler?

Oh, and getupnow…. my husband ate the enchiladas and he is not a bean person… but he IS an enchilada person. They do not taste “beany” so maybe you could get them past your husband

After a week of… laziness, avoidance… whatever you want to call it, I am back in the saddle today. Last week didn’t start out like that, but with hubby coming down with strep and being in bed for 3 days, it became that. I wasn’t able to get to the gym. Cooking didn’t make much sense since it would only be me and the kids and they don’t eat half the time. Besides that, with me being sole chauffer, homework helper, bather, kitchen cleaner, bed tucker, etc, there wasn’t much time to cook healthy meals. Single parents have the utmost respect in my eyes. I don’t see how they do it. Besides not eating healthy, I couldn’t get to the gym either and the weather was not really condusive to walking.

SO…. here I am again. I have no idea how bad I sabotaged myself. I guess I’ll step on the scale tomorrow or Wednesday. But I went back to the gym this morning. Hubby has to go work overnight on the coast tonight, so I won’t be able to get there tomorrow, but maybe I’ll be able to go tomorrow night or go for a walk at least. I will be logging calories on sparkpeople again (none of that was done last week) It seems the cycle never ends. It’s like learning to ride a bike — you have to keep climbing back up once you fall and trying again. Of course, one would think that after 6 years of trying, one would get the hang of it.

In other news…. I did get my hair cut this weekend. I will have hubby take a picture of it tonight so I can post it. I went with number 2 — sort of. We didn’t put the short bang in it, but I like it. I got it a dark red/purplish color and then she put 6 lowlights in it to lighten it in parts. It looks really good.

***Why oh why can I eat breakfast and lunch and be freaking starving by 2pm. I’ve been chewing peice after peice of gum today to try to stave it off. No dice. Thankfully, it is 4 which means I can go home and cook dinner. I have plenty of calories left so I can afford to have a snack while cooking dinner. I know that doesn’t make much sense, but it is the only way I can restrain myself at dinner time. I have to eat something to take the edge off so I don’t go overboard at dinnertime. Sad..

Got through the day. Calories are at 1242, which is the low end of my range, but that’s okay. I had a bowl of cereal and milk when I got home while I made dinner. We had White Bean Enchiladas which sound as though they are complicated, but they are actually real easy. And yummy too!! I also made a salad with some of the leftover veggies from a salad I was making for my lunch tomorrow. I’ve brushed my teeth so no more munching for me tonight!! I am waiting for my gym clothes/towel to dry so I can pack my bag. Hubby changed his schedule for working tonight since he was off all last week so I can go to the gym. I have an appointment with my trainer and we are going to start working on my booty!!!