Confessions of a Bulk Eater

more cat pictures” alt=”LOL cat” />

Warning: as you can probably tell from the title, I am feeling down. Proceed with caution.

I am feeling down. After my good day yesterday, I felt I had a horribly awful one today. I know if you read this, you are going to say it’s not bad, but in my mind it’s bad. I have a bad habit of coming down on myself harshly. I didn’t eat all that horribly. Breakfast was a Healthy Choice Panini (don’t ask). Lunch again was a veggie burrito from Chipotle (again, don’t ask). Dinner after the gym was salad bar from Jason’s Deli. I did induldge in some hummus and flatbread there. That was it. That was all I ate all day long, so it wasn’t really all that bad. No snacking or anything. 3 square meals.

I went to the gym. Today was supposed to be my C25k running day, but after running(sort of) last night, I decided to run on my own with my own music. However, I also listened to my body. I just wasn’t feeling the running today. So I walked briskly at an incline mostly. But I listened to my body as well and stopped when my knees started to bother me - it was 30 minutes on the tready. No need to push them. I did some abs with my hubby, and then some arms on my own, and then 10 minutes on the stationary bike. It just seemed like nothing after my workout yesterday.

So I ate “okay”, I went to the gym and I’m feeling discouraged. Why? Well, after reflection there are several things.

1. I am not seeing results. Now before you say, you just started doing this, I’ve told myself that too. I’ve only been doing it for 3 weeks and although I have seen weight loss, I haven’t seen physical changes. My clothes fit the same, I still look flabby, etc. I KNOW these things take time. I just want them quicker!! Like if we could twinkle our nose like Samantha from Bewitched and be the size we want to be in an instant. How nice. I have to get past this and keep up what I’m doing. Results will come. Just keep telling myself this. That cat picture so totally relates… to bad it can’t be like that for real.

2. Something feels different. When I started running, I did it to get out of the house! I did it because no one else could go with me. It was my time. Although the gym is still “my time,” there are times it doesn’t feel like it. On Mon, Wed, and Saturdays, the kids go with us and go to the kids club. That’s fine, but I still feel under pressure since it is only open a short time. On those days also, my hubby is at the gym with me. Again: fine, but even though he isn’t with me all the time, I KNOW he is there. This has no longer become MY TIME. My time to reflect. Now I’m on the tready thinking “The girl on my right is running at 6mph, the girl on my left is running at 7mph, and that dude over there is going at least 9mph - I suck with my pitiful 5mph!” When I was on my own outside, I couldn’t see what speed people were running. I don’t know - it seems silly, but something has changed. I would like to get outside and run, but unless I go at 5 in the morning, I don’t have time before work and it’s way too hot or rainy after work. How can I make it MY TIME in a gym full of people. That’s why I like going on nights on my own. There isn’t that many people and I don’t feel pressured to get home.

I don’t know — I am going to take the next two days to rest and reflect. Well, as much resting and reflecting as one can do with the chaos in my house.