Confessions of a Bulk Eater

I was doing so well.   Then Valentine’s Day came around and screwed it all up.  I can’t really blame the day.  I mean, I’m the one that put the food in my mouth.  I could have stopped.  It didn’t start out that bad…

• Amy’s Breakfast Burrito -5pts
• Balsamic Eggplant Parmesan - 6pts (2 servings)
• Salad w/ grape tomatoes and Basalmic Vinagrette Spritzer - 1pt

See, it doesn’t look to bad.   Of course this is before it went downhill.   My cubemate had recieved a chocolate chip cookie cake today from another co-worker.  I resisted it all day until about 2:00pm.   Then I had 3 peices of it.  They weren’t really big, and that alone wouldn’t really have hurt me.  But let’s keep going, shall we.   This same cubemate of mine (who knows I’m on a diet and has had her own challenges with weight loss) made chocolate covered strawberries.  I ate one.   After all, it’s a strawberry.  Can’t hurt me.   Still doing okay….

Fast forward to tonight.  I have severe cramps, my husband has to do overnight work, and neither one of us felt like cooking or cleaning.  I was prepared to cook though.  I was going to make a fritatta - only 3 points.  I don’t like eggs though and the proposition of going out was looking good.  I took the bait.   We went to Tijuana Flats and I had black bean nachos.  YUMMY!!  That blew my diet out of the water for today.  I had all of my 35 flex points still for the week, so I am okay.  I will go back on track tomorrow.

Today was good.  I was HUNGRY though.  Probably because I was looking at food blogs all day, mostly vegan, and everything looked so good!  I was sitting at my desk drooling and making myself hungry.  I stuck to my points though.  I actually have 1 point left, but I won’t use it.

• Peanut Butter/ Banana Waffle - 5pts
• Barley - Vegetable Ragout - 4pts
• Caramel Brownie Luna Bar - 4pts
• 1 cinnamon graham cracker - 3pts
• Balsamic Eggplant Parmesan (found in the 3 Chicks recipe section) - 3pts
• 1 C whole wheat pasta - 3pts
• 1 C Cheerios with 1/2 C fat free milk - 3pts

Total: 25 points

I’m still hungry, but like I said, I’m not going to use my points.   This was sort of a crappy shopping week so I don’t really have anything good to snack on.  I could FIND something to eat, but it wouldn’t be any good for me.  And it would probably lead to binging.  I am feeling “binge hungry.”  I want to call my husband and have him bring me something when he comes home, but I’m not going too.  I had my time over the weekend with the freaking pizza.  It won’t happen again!!  I have 5 weeks until I go to Rochester and I want to be close to 200 by the time I get there.  Maybe then I can fit into some old clothes.

 I am starting to feel like this is pointless.  I know that I have lost weight, but haven’t seen a difference in my clothes.  I saw a woman today that was obviously very overweight and I thought to myself, if I looked like that, would I be happier?  I could eat whatever I wanted.  I wouldn’t have to count points.  I wouldn’t have to worry about how much fat is in mexican food or pizza or any of those other good things.  But then I thought, no I probably wouldn’t be happier.  I’m not happy now, I certainly wouldn’t be happy then.  I think my problem is that I always expect miracles.  I expect to wake up in the morning and all my pre-pregnancy clothes will fit again.  I look at my closet full of shirts I can’t wear and my dresser full of pants and become discouraged.  I seriously wear the same things to work every week because I have nothing else that fits.  I have 3 pairs of jeans that fit and I alternate them through the week.  I’m tired of the same clothes.  Not that I’d have so much clothes to wear that I’d never wear the same thing twice, but I would at least have more of a selection.  I know that this is a slow process.  I know that it takes work.  I just don’t want to get to the point again of giving up.  I tend to get to that point quickly. I don’t see enough progress and just throw in the towel.  I must stay with it this time!

So….  here is my daily points for Tuesday.  I stayed within my points today (YAY!)

• Amy’s Vegan Breakfast Burrito - 5pts
• Lean Cuisine Chicken Club Ranch Flatbread - 7pts
• cucumbers and tomatos with rice vinegar - 0pts
• Nutz over Chocolate Luna Bar - 3pts
• 1 lowfat whole grain waffle - 1pt
• Barley - Vegetable Ragout - 4pts  (this was so good, I’ll post the recipe tomorrow)
• Romaine lettuce with grape tomatos and 2 TBSP Annie’s Low Fat Ginger Vinegarette - 1pt
• Pizza crust - 2pts (I’m guessing- can’t be anymore than that)

So I’m actually 2 points shy of my 26 points, but I’m going to leave it like that.  It’s 9pm already and there’s no point in eating them.  I’m not hungry.  Besides, on the old plan there was a range of points so I feel I am okay.  Hopefully there will be progress on the scale on Friday.

After my weekend of horrible food, I have started again.   There was no weigh in last week because my group didn’t meet, but that’s okay.  I’ll have an extra week to get results.  I am out of points and hungry.  I’m going to bed as soon as I’m done logging.

• Amy’s Vegan Breakfast Burrito - 5pts
• Veggie wrap made with Italian Herb Carbdown Flatout, 2 TBSP spicy red pepper hummus, cucumber, grated carrot, lettuce, grape tomatos, 1 tsp sunflower oil, 1 tsp balsalmic vinegar - 3pts
• Nutz over Chocolate Luna Bar - 3pts
• popcorn - 1
• 1 cinnimon graham cracker - 3
• Chick-Fil-A Chargrilled Chicken Sandwhich - 5pts
• small waffle fry - 6pts
• Honey Mustard sauce - 1 pt
• cucumbers - 0pts

I used up all of my 27 points.  I’m still hungry b/c dinner didn’t cut it.  I knew it wouldn’t but husband wanted to go out since we had errands to do.  I’m going to bed.  I would rather do that than feel the hunger pangs.

This weekend was NOT good.  First there was the pizza debacle on Saturday.   Then Sunday, when my husband got home, we went to Chili’s for lunch.  I ordered one of their new cheesburgers.  Why?  I’m not sure.  First of all, I haven’t eaten red meat in about a month.  I actually try to stay away from all meat, but I know it’s been about a month since I’ve eaten any sort of red meat.  Secondly, I ATE THE WHOLE THING!!!   I don’t know what came over me this week.  I’ve been hungry lately, so maybe I just needed to feel satisfied.   I paid for it though.  The pizza made me feel ill at volleyball on Saturday night, and then the hamburger sat in my stomach all day yesterday.  I went for a walk around the lake last night, but it didn’t help.  I ate a bowl of ceral with some banana for supper.

I’m not even going to try to figure out the points.  I was okay until we went to lunch…then I TOTALLY blew it.

Ah… today is a new day.

I succumbed to the pressure today.  I bought a pizza.  But not just for me.  I got it for dinner for me and the kids.  However I’m not sure how many pieces I ate.  I think it was “only” three, but it could have been four.  There are 2 peices left…  my son had 2, my daughter had 1/2 of one, so I am thinking I ate three.  But I went and played volleyball tonight and we played pretty hard core so perhaps (hopefully) I worked one of those slices off.  I think I had the points for 2 of them, but not 3.

• 1 low fat whole grain waffle - 1pt
• 2 TBSP PB2 - 1pt
• Progresso Southwestern Style soup - 0 pts
• Turkey Shepherds Pie - 6pts
• 3 pecies Large Pepperoni Pizza - 27pts

Ouch… writing it out, I realize how bad it actually is.  I’m only alloted 27pts A DAY!!  So I ate at dinner the amount of points I can have in a day.  Ugh.  

Okay, well tomorrow is a new day.  of course my husband will want to go out to eat when he gets home.  I’ll have to be “good” and order something reasonably healthy like a salad.

So today was not a great day, but it wasn’t bad day either.  It could be, but I am forcing myself not to blow it.  I ended up going to Olive Garden for lunch with some co-workers.  I looked up their nutritional info online before I went and found something with fairly “low” points.    Then I went and worked at the “Fun Food” booth at a PTA Carnival.  I was in charge of popcorn, which was NOT fun.  And let me tell you, I will NEVER NEVER NEVER eat popcorn again from a vendor.  I knew it was bad, but after having to make it, EW!!!  That butter/oil/orange/whateverthehell it is that you have to melt is just gross.  And ask I said in my post below, I am CRAVING pizza.  SO, here is the breakdown of points for today:

• 1 fat free tortilla - 1pt
• 1/4 C fat free refried beans - 1pt
• 1 fat free tortilla w/ salsa - 1pt
• Olive Garden salad with low fat dressing - 2pts
• Olive Garden Capallini Pomadora - 8pts
• (1) Olive Garden Breadstick - 3pts
• 2 cookies -?
• 1 C Progresso Southwest Style soup - 0pts
• 1 fat free tortilla with salsa - 1 pt (yes, okay, I’m addicted)
• 1 Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwhich - 9 or 10 maybe?  It wasn’t reduced fat PB nor did I portion it out 

Okay, so now that I’ve written it down, it doesn’t look too bad.  Oh wait, there were those 3 chick-fil-a chicken nuggets I ate - forgot about those.  I also have 2 cookies staring at me and I still want a bloody pizza!!!

Okay, I am not hungry, but I totally want a pizza.  My husband is out of town, my son is at my mom’s and my daughter is fast asleep.  I have almost ordered a pizza twice tonight.  I went as far as putting my credit card info in the computer.  I want one so bad.  I could eat about half of it if I got it, so I really don’t want to go there.  So I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich instead.  Didn’t really help.  I still feel the “void.”  I feel hungry, but I know I’m not.  I don’t want to go to bed to stop the hunger, I want to watch Harry Potter in HD.  I don’t want to spend the money since we paid rent this week and I spent about $60 already today AND I got a speeding ticket.

I WILL NOT ORDER PIZZA… I WILL NOT ORDER PIZZA… I WILL NOT ORDER PIZZA… I WILL NOT ORDER PIZZA

I got pulled over this afternoon on my way to pick up my daughter from daycare.  Serves me right…  I’ll never take a day off on a whim again.   Thankfully the officer reduced my speed so I don’t have to pay the full amount.  My husband is going to kill me.

On a totally different note, I am going to go work at my son’s school PTA Carnival in an hour.  Guess which booth I get to work….  FUN FOOD!   That is NOT good.  I absolutely LOVE carnival/fair food.  I really could eat my way around a fair (okay, I have) so I am hoping that I won’t be TOO tempted.  I only have to be there for 45 minutes, but it’s long enough for the damage to be done.  Plus, I already went out to eat today, and even though I was “good” it was more points than I wanted.   I’ll update my FUN FOOD experience later tonight.

I discovered the best snack today.  1 fat free flour tortilla + 1/2 cup fat free refried beans = 1 FABULOUS 2 point snack!  Not sure why I never thought about it before.  I guess I never decided to figure up the points.  Anyway, I had 3 of them for dinner.  Of course when you took the amount of calories/fiber/fat and multiplied it by 3 servings, it came out to a 10 point dinner, but I feel it was totally worth it.  I am not hungry at all, and usually I get hungry in the evenings after dinner.  So here are my total points for the day.

• 1 Eggo Whole Grain Low Fat Waffle - 1pt
• 2 TBSP PB2 - 1pt
• Yoplait Fat Free yogurt - 2pts
• 1 C White Bean and Garlic Stew - 4pts
• 1/2 C brown rice - 2pts
• veggies and hominy - 2pts
• Caramel Nut Brownie Luna Bar - 4pts
• 3 fat free tortilla/refried bean tortillas - 10pts

I even talked my 5 year old into going for a walk with me tonight.  He rode his Big Wheel around the lake while I pushed the baby in the stroller.  So I probably gained back 2 points, but I’m not going to use them.