We got home late Sunday afternoon, and I think everybody just crashed until Monday. We had supper together, of course, with DS home - and then last night, we had a regular Bacchanalian lobster-steak-shrimp fest. DS can’t get *real* lobsters out there on the west coast, and they don’t seem to have very good meat in their markets, either - at least not the tender cuts of steak that we can get here. PLUS, the lobster prices are at rock bottom right now - bad for the lobster fishermen, but awfully nice for us. We all got two apiece, and DS and one daughter had three each. And all those lobsters (14) came to under a hundred dollars! I can remember spending a hundred dollars and getting four or five lobsters! Yikes! Well, anyway, we had our feast, and at noon today DH & I will drive DS & his girlfriend to the airport. <sigh>. I have to keep reminding myself that he’ll be back at Christmas.

My youngest daughter, as many of you already know, is finally pregnant - three months, now, and things proceeding nicely except for morning sickness that seems to last all day long. She’s having an ultrasound today and has an appointment with her doctor tomorrow. I hope the nausea is about ready to pass, because she’s being having a terrible time with it.

DH & I are still walking with Leslie Sansone. Three miles a day, unless we’re doing outside activities, and if that’s the case, we just walk with Leslie morning and evening.

I have to run. Time to get ready.

Love,

Z

So, the GOOD thing (I suppose) is that since my last post, I have continued with the Leslie Sansone walking DVD’s - I walk a mile every morning before leaving for work; walk a mile in my office just before lunch (punch up the AC, lock my office door, and strip off jewelry and any clothing that might get in my way) and then a third mile when I get home from work. DH does the morning and evening miles with me. We’re turning into two mighty fit old codgers. My eating has reduced itself, as well. Not through any major effort on my part, except for the fact that I DO cook in a much healthier manner than I used to, and have been for some time, now. My problem was with portion size - I always ate too much of a good thing, basically. Now, if I try to overeat, my stomach rebels and I spend half the night with a belly full of painful gas that won’t move in either direction - up or down. VERY unpleasant, to say the least. So, after suffering through a few nights like that, I have learned to eat much less at supper, and try to make breakfast (two packets of Quaker weight-control maple & brown sugar flavored oatmeal with a handful of raisins thrown in) and lunch my main meals of the day. That gives me time to get it digested before I get prone in the bed.

So, things, they are a’changin’ whether I like it or not. (And I can’t say that I mind too much).

My DS is coming home for a visit on Oct. 15, and I’m soooooo excited. He’ll also be home for Christmas, and it looks like I’ll go out to LA for a visit with him in the spring. How I love it there! I absolutely adore driving down the PCH and hiking through all that beauty in a park that he and Amanda have discovered and frequent themselves for lovely days of hiking and lunching outdoors together. They seem to be fitting together nicely, so I guess maybe I can start really liking the girl and hope that she’s permanent.

I found a wonderful woman poet on a recent excursion with my DH to an Art-on-the-Street fair. Gertrude Halstead is a 93-year-old Jewish WWII camp survivor who writes incredibly powerful and evocative poetry. I bought one of her books - entitled  space    between - and have been enjoying it so much.

I particularly like this little snippet because it is so evocative for me of my first meeting with my now DH (in a museum) -

lunch after Picasso

blue    iris

yellow  velvet  lipped

sips  at  my  table

we  toast  Picasso  periods

i    coffee

she    water

we  part

nodding

Hugs,

Z

BUT, having said all of that, I’ve got to say that I miss you guyz horribly. I want to know how you’re all doing, you know? JoAnnie, you must have your dress by now - when I finish writing this, I’ll hop over to your blog and see if you’ve posted a picture yet. (I bet YOU know how to use this annoying new program!) And Annie - how about the house hunting? I’ve got to catch up with you, too, lady! And Ruby Jean - does anybody know where she’s off to? (I’ll have to see if she left a trail of breadcrumbs). Ini, you doing okay? And Ms. Close is, I know, back from that wonderful camping trip with A. How fantastic is that? To have that time to spend alone (or mostly alone) out there in the wild with your daughter? What a great experience! Feathers! How are YOU doing????????? Okay, okay, I’ll check the blogs, but yours doesn’t come up when I click on your name - it takes me to the Lazy Rivers Writers page instead, which is very interesting, but I’m more interested right now in how you’re doing following the surgery. Lyn, the last time I heard from you, you were busy with that farmer’s market, which sounds so great! The closest I’ve gotten to a framer’s market this summer is reading about other people going to them, and growing some tomatoes and peppers in urns out in back of the house here.

Since getting back from NC I’ve managed, little by little to get myself back under control. Still not keeping close track - or not as close as I probably should - of what I’m eating, but I did get myself one of those Leslie Sansone walking DVD’s and I LOVE it!!!!! I should’ve gotten myself one a long time ago! I’ve been doing it when I get up in the morning and when I get home from work at night. I swear I can hear that music in my dreams - puff, puff, puff, and step to the side - LOL!

Getting back in the groove at work has been a bit grueling, but at least I’ve been getting back into it gradually - had that nice three-day weekend to kick back and relax in. Celebrated DH’s and my middle daughter’s birthdays Saturday night with a nice family dinner, and then DH & I spent Sunday at Old Sturbridge Village, which is about 15 minutes from where we live and it’s an entire reproduction of a New England Village circa 1840. We had lunch at the tavern there, and then took ourselves out to dinner as well, counting on all the miles we walked around the village to offset what we ate (NOT diet-conscious, trust me).

Omigawd! Can you believe that my youngest daughter (whose little girl is Morgan of broken wing fame - 7 years old) thinks she’s pregnant??? I’m so excited - although she said I wasn’t allowed to be until she had her first doctor’s appt. and got it confirmed - I can hardly believe it! A new little munchkin!!!! I’m already looking with longing at baby furniture and clothes - oh, they’re so adorable! Not excited yet, though. I’m not allowed to be.

Well, I shall now go and have my dinner, and come back afterwards to catch up with all my blogmates.

Love,

Z

But here I am, home again - in fact, at WORK again, and none too happy about it, I must say. Not exceedingly UNhappy, really - just not overly delighted or anything like that. I’m beginning to think that I am, by nature, a not particularly happy person. At least not consistently or often. Mostly, life just seems to keep rolling by me at a faster and faster pace. Who, for example, can believe that summer is actually winding down? It hardly seems like we’ve had any summer at all! And of course here in New England, it’s been wet and rainy far more than it’s been hot and sunny, so that adds to the feeling of not having any summer. In North Carolina it was pretty hot, but of course always a breeze up in the mountainous area where sis lives. Now, usually when I visit my sis, we spend most of our time out on her patio - used to be smoking and drinking coffee or iced tea and talking, talking, talking…. now, of course, neither of us smokes anymore (a year and almost eight months for me, and closing in on five months for her) so there’s not that “just one more cigarette” delaying tactic and of course, THIS visit, my two daughters - and sons-in-law and grandson and granddaughter were with me, and my sister’s son who lives there in Hendersonville and her daughter who drove down from Ohio with her husband and little boy. What a crowd, eh? Well, the cousins hadn’t seen each other in some time and were anxious to catch up with each other, and they also wanted to get around to some of the local tourist attractions like the Cherokee Museum, which I’ve been to several times, but will go as often as anybody wants to, because each time I see something I didn’t notice the last time - and Cherokee Village, and Lake Lure, and Chimney Rock, and so on and so forth. So I did a bit of trotting around with them, although on the days that we went “touristing”, sis stayed home and puttered, which is what she’s fond of doing. She and I did get off alone together a few times, and out for a “just sis’s” supper, which was nice. Also went with her to the little uptown park where she takes her daily “constitutional” - walks around the perimeter twice, which I did with her. I had my quarterstaff along - it’s become one of those things “I don’t leave home without” because I never know when we’re going to get out and do some hiking or climb some rocks (both of which we managed to do while down in N.C.) and sis admired it so that I gave it to her. Bought myself another one, native N.C. carved, and very nice. When the kids and I drove up to Lake Lure for the day, we stopped in Chimney Rock, which has a river that flows parallel to the main street down in back of all the quant little shops. You can access the “riverwalk” via stairs that run down betwen the stores. The water levels were very low, owing to drought conditions there in western N.C., and we went down and climbed around the big rocks that would normally be mostly submerged but are now mostly above the water. The water was only a foot or so deep. We had some fun climbing the rocks and taking pictures of each other - my quarterstaff came in handy as a balancing pole, and also as a lever to get myself up the steeper rock surfaces. Then from there we went and rented a boat for ourselves and motored all around the lake, ogling the huge homes and mansions along the shore. There was one little trailer - and an old one at that - nestled between two ostentatious estates that we cheered about. It was refreshing to see that even the rich and famous can’t control ALL the good real estate, you know?

Well, I’m sorry to say that my “healthy eating” was unable to withstand the temptations of vacation: to begin with, the kids had the car packed solid with every kind of cookie, chip, cracker and drink (some bottles of water, thank gawd!) known to man. It was a 16-hour drive, but it went quickly with each of us driving 3-4 hours apiece and then resting, reading or sleeping while the others took their turns. The kiddos - the little grandbabies, I mean, were no trouble at all. That in and of itself positively amazed me! But they did puzzles, watched DVD’s (Yes, of COURSE they had their little DVD player), played videogames, and ultimately, slept. We stopped a few times to use the facilities and have a little nosh, but otherwise just drove straight on through. I’d forgotten what a WIDE state Virginia is! I thought we were stuck in an instant replay or something - seemed like we were in Virginia for most of the trip! We had my daughter Kim’s Garmin Nuvi (?) which I found quite entertaining, except for when we left the highway to grab a coffee or use the bathroom, and it said, quite sternly, “Make a U-turn as quickly as possible and get back on 81 south!” We KNEW to do that!!!!

But, as I was saying, it started with the snacks in the car and just got progressively worse with each day that we were there. By the time we got home, I felt like a stuffed pig (thus the “jiggedy-jig”) and still am feeling like one. I dare NOT get on the scale. I don’t think I could handle it right now. I’m going to gradually wean myself back off the nasty stuff (ice cream, cookies and such) and try to regain my healthy momentum. I DID find a Leslie Sansone “beginner’s” Walk Off The Pounds tape with both a one mile walk and a two-mile walk and bought it. Surely I can do that daily if I do nothing else of any physical value. I’m so tired, though, of having to work so hard for such minimal results. I REALLY get a kick out of the health columns where they assure you that “just by substituting sugar free iced tea for the sweetened kind, you can lose five pounds in a year. Yeah? What if you never drank sweetened iced tea to BEGIN with? Why am I not losing five pounds each and every year, then? Oh, blah! Small changes, my butt! ANYWAY, I’m willing to put some effort into it - I really, really would like to take off at least ten more pounds, but at my advanced age, I’m not sure I should HAVE to, you know? I mean, who CARES what I weigh besides ME? DH certainly couldn’t care less one way or the other. I mean, I’m sure he’d worry if I were to grow TOO big - healthwise, I mean - but ten pounds up or down wouldn’t even register with him, I don’t think. Unfortunately, it registers with ME, and I manage to make myself quite miserable when I’m not happy with my weight. Blah.

Oh, I’m SO glad that Ruby Jean’s Mum is home where she belongs, and I DO hope that she gets to feeling better soon. And, feathers, have you had your surgery yet? That’s SO exciting! I’m anxious for all the details! And Anniegirl is to become a property owner, Ms. Close is off vacationing, and where is Ini? Joannie? Have you picked out your dress yet? Please share! In the meantime, I am muddling through, trying to catch up with everyone, and haven’t quite managed it all yet.

Talk soon,

Z

Hot out there. <sigh> Getting hot in here. I am NOT a happy camper, not inclined to work much. Not under the circumstances.

I think I’m actually going to miss DH while I’m away in NC without him. Maybe. He’s already started to look hang-doggish and talk about our being so many miles apart and all. I pointed out that he’ll be up in NH Friday - Sunday, and it’s unlikely that he’ll have much time to be missing me. Monday - Friday might get a little lonely, but he’ll have Yoko and Daisy (the khats), after all. The way I’m feeling is that I’d welcome a week to myself, with no need to interact with anybody if I didn’t want to. I think I would’ve thrived as a hermit. Or not. I dunno. But he (DH) is being awfully sweet, and sweet tends to go along way with me. I’m such a sucker for sweet, I swear! Except I really, really need my “alone” time - something I haven’t had very much of for a very long time, now, and don’t expect to get much of while I’m “on vacation” over the coming week. Oh, well. If I can grab a day or two here and there before summer shouts it’s last Hurrah, and take myself off for a solitary day on the rocks overlooking the ocean at Newport, I’ll get my batteries recharged and be good again for another little while.

Well, it’s later, now - 3:01 to be exact - the water’s back on, more’s the pity, and I didn’t get to go home after all. Got some work done, which is a good thing, and made it through the “dry times” without any serious problems.

Hey! Everybody give Ruby Jean a big round of applause! I mean, that girl is DOING IT!!!!!!! Roo-bee! Roo-bee! Roo-bee! (you’re supposed to imagine a huge crowd of supporters chanting….) Ruby, you are an inspiration to us all! Yay, Ruby! If my math is correct, we’re talking 17.5 pounds, right? AWESOME! GREAT job, Rubes!

Oh, isn’t it lovely - all this great and marvelous web of folks: this web of lovely JEWELS - that we’ve got here together?

Wednesday - and only two more days to go….

I’m back. Never did get a chance to finish this up yesterday. Got home and whipped up a lovely Jambalaya (Zatarain’s - I didn’t have to add a single spice of my own!) with chunks of pork roast left over from Sunday and a pound of lovely shrimp. Delicioso! And healthy! (Who would’ve guessed?). Washed hair and had myself a long soak in the tub after supper, and then it was off to bed. Couldn’t stop yawning. Then couldn’t stay asleep. Woke up three or four times over the course of the night (I should’ve given Ms. Close a call!) and then got up at 5:00 AM and drank several cups of coffee in rapid succession. So far, I’m managing to stay awake, although I’m not too optimistic about how I’ll be doing this afternoon. Right now I’m nibbling on dry oatmeal squares cereal - just ate a big, ripe peach. I’ve been drinking loads and loads of water, and I’m feeling very virtuous with regard to eating. Well, not virtuous, exactly, but just sort of comfortable, I guess you’d say. Not worried about counting anything or measuring anything - just eating good, nutritious foods in reasonable amounts. Of course my exercise program (my non-existent exercise program, that is) is down the toilet, but I’m not aiming for perfection, here - I’m just aiming for being able to handle the sight of myself in a mirror, or in a store window in passing, you know? Perfect is scary. I am slowly growing fond of my “laugh lines”, and if not fond, tolerant of my curves and less repulsed by those secret sags that get hidden by my choice of clothing. The one thing that I never want to do - or be - is that old lady with the make-up plastered on with a trowel, the hair dyed golden blonde, and the wrinkled bosom pushed up and presented to the world on a corsetted shelf like some huge, overripe and mushy pair of melons. I see one of those at the grocery market every so often, and it never fails to send me home loving my wrinkles and congratulating myself on my own good sense in knowing when to give up on the cleavage, and embrace age like a long-lost friend.

Well, I’m off to see the wizard - or more accurately, off to tie up as many loose ends as possible before heading off on my adventure with the children. I did a good bit of packing last night, and will finish up between tonight and tomorrow night. I still may have to cull through what I’ve already packed and remove a few things. I felt myself getting a little carried away with the “just in case” items last night.

Take good care, my web of jewels,

Hugs,

Z

 Scary, eh? This is my pensive face. I’m supposed to look intellectual.  LOL! Well, I’ve actually had glasses for years, now. Twenty, at least. My right eye is weak, and I am near-sighted like crazy. Never any trouble reading things up close, but distance has always been a bit troublesome. Not troublesome enough, however, to actually WEAR those danged glasses of mine, and definitely not pesky enough for me to be poking contact lenses into my eyes. No, not me. Nuh-uh. So, anyway, for the past month or so, my eyes have been blurring and feeling strained, and I’ve had a sort of low-grade headache, and it suddenly occurred to me that maybe I needed to wear my glasses! So I pulled them out of their dusty old case - they were stuck way in the back of a kitchen drawer - cleaned them off and stuck them on my face. There was a minor improvement, but not nearly enough, so it was apparent that I need(ed) a new prescription and some new glasses. (Ugh).

So, today I stayed home from work and off DH & I went to the eye doctor, after which we presented ourselves at Lenscrafters with paperwork in hand and started trying to find frames that I could live with. Well, there weren’t any regular glasses frames that I liked at all. I mean, flat out NONE. But I did like some of the sunglasses frames, and actually found some that they said they could put my (bifocal) lenses into. How kewl was that? Now the ones I REALLY liked - the Jackie-O’s - were just TOO BIG, they said, for my (old lady) lenses, but they could do those with just the distance prescription and sunglass tint (for driving). And I did manage to find some - a little bit smaller - I like nearly as much that they COULD put my (bifocal) lenses into, and those are what you see above. (And this is how I suppose I’ll be looking forevermore). Ultimately, we walked out of Lenscrafters having spent a whopping $730, but I think I may actually be able to bring myself to wear the darned things, you know? It’s just so annoying to think that with $730, we could’ve spent a couple of nights at the Cape or something. Jeeze. Well, I believe that my vision care plan at work will reimburse one pair of glasses per year, so I’ll get at least a partial reimbursement for what we spent, which is helpful, anyway. I have those glasses on right now, in fact - with my nightgown (am wondering if that’s proper glasses etiquette; does one wear glasses with pajamas?)

While my glasses were being made, DH and I had supper at Bertucci’s in the mall. Yeah. Not optimum, but yummy. Some of you may be familiar with their “Sporkie” pizza? Ohhhh. SO good! So calorie-filled, indeed. And I inhaled every last bite. Yes I did. It’s not EXACTLY “junque”; it tasted very fresh and all….oh, alright. While in the throes of trauma over having to finally give in to wearing glasses ALL THE TIME, I resorted to an old source of comfort - rich and plentiful food. I diodn’t even finish the Caesar salad that I ordered on the side. If I’d been half-way smart, I would’ve eaten all of that and then only had room for maybe a little bit of pizza. But not me - nope. I left plenty of room for pizza, and to heck with the salad! I may spend eternity trying to shed these last ten or so pounds - I’d prefer 20, but would settle for ten - and when you’re wearing glasses, who’s going to notice, anyway? (Just kidding).

Well, must be getting ready for work - just wanted to share this pivotal moment with you-all….(yes, and kvetch over it a bit).

Hugs,

Z

But back to my kvetching. (This is very cathartic).

This is the very group that I will be going to North Carolina with in a little under two weeks time. We are DRIVING down in a seven passenger mini-van thing - an “Uplander” (????) and there will be exactly seven of us, including the two children. It’s about a fifteen hour drive, and we’ll all share the driving - kind of rotate our way around the van, with each driver doing 3 hours (five adult drivers; 3 hours apiece - not hard, eh?). Those not driving can put on some headphones, listen to music and sleep. Maybe. I’m trying here, to picture GD & GS cooped up in a car for fifteen hours with only the occasional “get-out-and-walk-around, get-something-to-eat and use-the-restroom” breaks. Oh, Lordy, Lordy - what have I gotten myself into, anyway? Once we’re at my sis’s, I think we’ll be okay, because she has several bedroom suites on the lower levels of her house where the kids - and their kids - can stay. There are two bedrooms, two baths, a laundry room and a big family room with TV and everything else you might need down there. So, the kids, when we’re not out and about, can do their romping and running down there. Of course, each child will have the use of a laptop computer with a full complement of DVDs and what-have-you to keep them occupied. Hah! When I think of how we traveled with MY kids….well, never mind.

Yes, yes, I feel that “grumpy old woman” persona slowly taking over. I really do. And the sad part of it all is that I flat out don’t care. So much for the wise, warm and nurturing old crone whom everybody looks to for sage advice and unconditional love, eh? Nope, I’m just a grouchy old hag who plays a wise and nurturing grandmother-type on TV. LOL! Okay. Not. And I do - I DO love my kids - and my grandkids - but having said that, I certainly see the inherent need for a change in attitude as one progresses through the various stages of their lives.

I’m not old to the point where I’m at death’s door, or even close to it, I don’t imagine. But I have sort of “been there, done that” when it comes to procreating, raising the offspring, seeing them safely into adulthood, and now feeling the need to withdraw a bit. I know that most grandparents absolutely swoon over their grandchildren, and while I love mine very much and do whatever I can whenever I can for them, I am past swooning, I’m afraid. New babies I can work up a pretty good swoon for still, but by the time they’re running about making all sorts of (undisciplined) noise, I no longer swoon. I think that my kids love their kids very much, so having passed that capacity down from one generation to the next is no little thing, and I will give myself due credit for raising loving human beings. I’m glad of that.

But I have, of late, found myself feeling a little resentful at how busy their lives are, and how they seem to have to “make” time to see me. Silly and ungrateful, considering that they do make it, but it is somewhat strange to be on the receiving end of their emotional largesse when I used to be in charge. I think that’s what’s been bugging me, too - is that in my reality, they are supposed to look to me for permission to do thus and such, and now they do thus and such - and thusser and sucher - without so much as a by-your-leave, and I am sort of “along for the ride” in some respects. No longer CEO, you might say - now a retired exec with no staff to command, and just a salute in passing acknowledgement that I built the freaking company!

BUT, epiphanistically speaking (LOL) I think I have just now realized that life does have a “phasing out” process. I have done my job, done it fairly well, and now it’s time to bow out - time to decide what I want to do with the rest of my appointed years. I think that the irritation and annoyance I’ve been feeling is actually separation anxiety. I’ve been enabling myself to become irritated with them all beause THEN, leaving them when it’s my time to move on, will be less painful. For me. And, if I’m enough of a grouch and mean and miserable enough, it’ll be less painful for them, as well, to see me go. Good thinking, eh?

Oh, such craziness.

You’ve caught me in a weird mood. Or I’ve caught myself in a weird mood, eh?

I ironed this morning and effectively doubled my wardrobe. I have SO much stuff that I haven’t been wearing because it seemed like too much trouble to iron it - a few things that I haven’t had on my back yet this summer, and if I don’t hurry up and wear them once or twice, it’ll be winter and time to pack them up and put them away for the season.

I’m also trying to limit myself on my packing for this visit with my sister. Typically, I overpack to the point of ridiculousness and end up not even wearing half of what I’ve brought. BUT, there’s always something that I haven’t brought that would’ve been soooo perfect….well, you know what I mean. No, this time I’m going to pack smart for a change. With a little planning ahead, it shouldn’t be that hard. PLUS, we’re all going to have to learn to pack smarter, considering that the freaking airlines all want to charge us for checked bags now. Damned oil prices! Well, they’ve dropped a little in the past week. Maybe there’s still hope… Anyway, I’m going to really think through what we’re likely to be doing down there, decide exactly what I want to wear while we’re doing it, and bring just those things that I need and nothing more. ONE somewhat dressy (casual-dressy) outfit for going out to dinner in, but something I can wash, iron, and wear a second time if need be.

Oh, the other night? The kids all ordered pizza and grinders and chicken wings and onion rings. DH & I had a huge salad with chicken cubed into it, tomatoes, cucumbers, red onion, sliced green peppers and avocado. A slice apiece of pita bread. And it was GOOD! I like healthy food again! My foray back down the junque path seems over. Not that there won’t be the occasional stroll in that direction in the future - but brief strolls - brief. That’s the ticket! (We’ll see, won’t we?) It does tend to help, though, that I am forever haunted by the spectre of a fat little mother (mine) who wasn’t EXACTLY obese, but had a round little belly like a bowl full of jelly…etc. And long, thin stork legs. I don’t mind having her legs, but developing her belly would send me ’round the bend, and that’s the truth.

Okay, I am off to have my bath. Clean body, clean spirit. Something like that. At least smoothly shaven legs. Gawd, how I hate pickety legs!

Cheers & hugs,

Z

Anniegirl, bless her heart, asked about my sister, and I’m ever so delighted to report that not only is sis recovering quite wonderfully, but is now up to two miles a day in her walks around the park near her house. The woman never ceases to amaze me, you know? I am SO looking forward to seeing her in a couple of weeks. My kids - my two local daughters, that is, and their hubbys and kiddos (Morgan of broken wing fame, although she’s about all healed up - DD30’s little girl - and Devon the dinosaur man, DD36’s little boy) and I are driving down to NC for a reunion of sorts. My DH can’t go, as it conflicts with a longstanding annual storytelling commitment at a 3-day renaissance festival sort of thing. But no matter - it’ll be lovely to hang about with my sis for a week or so, just us girls (and the sons-in-law, of course, but they may play some golf and keep themselves at least semi-occupied for part of the time). We’re leaving Thursday, August 7th, and haven’t yet decided exactly when we’ll come back, although the following Friday seems likely.

I have <gulp> recommitted with great determination to eating right and getting off a few more of these unlovely pounds. Oh, yes, feathers, I, too, as you know, rail against the unfairness of being metabolically challenged. I feel like I’m slogging my way through life surrounded by some kind of thick, sticky glue-like stuff that makes every step a real, gut-wrenching effort while others just seem to “fly on gossamer wings”, the bitches. But, I’ve hit the familiar brick wall again - can’t gain another ounce or I’ll go mad, so it’s back to counting calories (Yeah, Jon Gabriel…neat concept, but frankly, listening repeatedly to you saying the same damned thing on that CD has me asleep before you get past “Hello, this is Jon Gabriel…”) Counting calories, on the other hand, actually WORKS so long as you write everything down, add everything up, and stay within your limits. Not great fun, no, but it does produce results. That, and having a whey protein drink a couple of times a day, although I think I may try mixing it into yogurt and see how I like that. Oh, and high fiber, and lots of water. NO chocolate. Omigawd, feathers, that picture of the chocolate cake-type dessert had me salivating on my keyboard! But no. Not now, and not for a long while. I’m going to try (yet AGAIN) to finally get this monster under control, knowing full well that there will be slips and slides and occasional cartwheels off the wagon, sometimes quite deliberately and in full knowledge that it will make things that much harder for the next few weeks. But I’ll keep at it because I don’t really have any other choice. I am uncomfortable with myself and quite, quite miserable when my weight isn’t where it needs to be. But next life…. well, LOOK OUT, because this is going to be one effortlessly slim, svelte chick, you know?

Okay. Bedtime here. Eyelids drooping, shoulders demanding that I get prone…

Hugs to all…the net of jewels; I picture you all blinking around the world in a network of beautiful colors and thoughts -

Z

Yeah. That’s me on the far left, alright. This is the reson why I could never, ever, EVER live in Florida, y’know? I am sooo intolerant of humidity, and it seems like so far this summer, we’ve either had rain and gray skies or sun, but with about 95% humidity to go along with it. SO not optimum! Or maybe I’m just too danged old. I dunno.

Anyway, yesterday, DH & I packed up a small cooler with little, itsy-bitsy (8 oz.) bottles of water, ham & cheese sandwiches on high-fiber wheat, etc., etc. pita bread, and a small canvas bag with some original recipe sun chips, sun bloc (more blockage for DH, less for me) and a book, as well as our *matching* (I mean, is that cute or what?) beach chairs and (not matching) straw hats and drove down the ‘Pike to Revere Beach to catch the New England Sand Sculpting Festival.  http://www.reverebeach.com/

It was lovely - sunny and hot but with a brisk ocean breeze. Just perfect. We found an ideal parking space, left our paraphernalia in the car while we headed up to the strip where the sculptors were all lined up, took our time making our way down from beginning to end, and then walked back to the car, got our beach gear and went down to the shore line - we were probably a quarter mile down beach from the actual festival activities, and it wasn’t at all all crowded - couldn’t have been better. We did a little wave jumping - enough to get nice and wet, and then came back, lathered on the lotion and started reading our book. Pulled our lunch sandwiches out at @ 1:00, enjoyed them immensely, went back to reading, and then, at @ 3:00, carried our stuff back to the car and meandered back down to the festival area to see what progress had been made. VERY neat time. We headed home at @ 3:30-ish, got home at 4:30, both had quick showers, fed los gatos, and got dressed for a dinner date with friends in Framingham. Headed out again at 5:30-ish, enjoyed ourselves immensely with two couples that we always like getting together with, and got ourselves home, exhausted and ready to do some serious sleeping at about 11:30. 

This morning I went grocery shopping - no time yesterday - and bought a lot of fresh fruits, veggies, salad-makings and such. Spent quite a bit more than I intended to, but sometimes I just get sick of keeping track, you know?

Now I’m home, sitting in my air conditioned space, and loathe to move again. I even put on one of my summer cotton nighties. I’m not planning to leave the house again today, and if anyone happens to drop by (ack!) I have some shorts and a jersey lying handily across the foot of my bed.

So here’s the nitty-gritty, though. I may have lost some weight, but not enough, really, to feel absolutely good about myself. And that’s pretty sad, y’know? I felt like a slug at the beach yesterday, and no I am not comparing myself to those firm little twenty-somethings leaping around the volleyball net, either. No, no, I am not the worst-looking body around, but I am so far from *best* that I’m probably out of range entirely - as in from here to, well … as if from here to feather’s place. And no, I don’t aspire to be *best*, either - just best for me, really, and I’m not. Not even close. I always figured that when you got “old”, you could comfortably “let it all hang out” and enjoy being the “grandmotherly” type. Well, here’s a newsflash: it doesn’t work that way! I STILL can’t tolerate the jelly-flesh that I can squinch on either side of my waist, HATE the jiggly-wiggly undersides of my upper arms that make an appearance when least expected, and HATE, HATE, REALLY HATE that I never get to where I can just breathe a sigh of relief, pop a cookie or tow in my mouth and not worry about it. It doesn’t look like that’s ever going to happen, and it really annoys me, y’know? SOME people can eat whatever they want and not have to even pay any attention to it, because they just stay naturally slim. Me? Nope. If I eat anything that I shouldn’t. you can bet on the fact that it’ll show up around my waist sooner or later.

Ugh. I’m hot, haute, hawter, and feeling fayette as all get-out. The AC is just keeping it manageable. Just.

Blah.

Gotta go lie down and try to forget where I am and how ugly it is around here.

Back more pleasant - later.

Hugs,

Z

REALLY! And yesterday, too! And Monday too! I am no longer depressed. DH & I did a lot of housecleaning chores Monday morning and then went to Regatta Point on Lake Quinsigamond (only a stone’s throw from our house) and did a brisk hour’s walk followed by an hour on our beach chairs, reading and soaking up some desperately needed vitamin D. The pound and a half weight gain must’ve been water weight, because it’s gone now, and my fingers, which were a tad swollen, aren’t anymore. Yay and double-Yay! We also did our walk & vitamin D absorption Tuesday, too. I stayed home from work again. Needed sun more than I needed to see my office. Worked Wednesday, but it was okay - I’m taking next Monday off so I can have a (reasonably) long weekend, and we’re going up to N.H. Good weather is predicted. I have been re-energized and rejuvenated…AND the tomato bushes that I’m growing out in the yard in urns are FILLED with little green tomatoes. How’s THAT for a complete turnaround in weather AND mood? Hmmmm. Supposedly, what they say about New England is, “if you don’t like the weather, wait a minute.” Hah! More like wait a couple of weeks!!!! But, I’m okay, now, and along with my better frame of mind is a new commitment to eating right. No more nibbles of cake here and a few cookies there. I really don’t know why I did that - the HEALTHY food that I make tastes WAY better, anyway! Last night I made our favorite Taco pizzas on flat (lavash) bread (100 calories for each big rectangular sheet). I spread a thin layer of pizza sauce on the bread, and then on top of that, spread the “taco meat” - faux crumbles, that is. Morningstar brand. I dice (finely) a green pepper, a red pepper, a half of a large Vidalia onion, throw it all into a big wok-type pan along with the faux meat crumbles, add a package and a half of “original” taco seasoning and about 3/4’s of a cup of hot water, stir, and cook on medium/low heat until peppers and onions are tender and the water is absorbed - about 15 minutes. So, I spread that on top of the layer of pizza sauce, and then add a layer of Fat Free shredded mozarella cheese. Bake it for about eight minutes in a 375 degree oven, cut each one (I make two - one for each of us) into six squares and serve with salsa, Fat free sour cream and, if you like it, guacamole. DH is a real avocado aficionado, so we always have them in the house, and always have guacamole with our taco pizzas. Yum! Problem is, there’s never any left over for the next day! WAY better than cake or cookies - seriously! (So why did I nibble at that crapola, huh? Huh? Wish I knew….)

So, spent another day up in the beautiful Berkshires today - meetings from 9:00 AM to 2:00 PM and then 2 1/2 hours home. Stopped at the market and picked up the stuff we’re planning to bring up to NH with us, and now I’m home - have pasta sauce simmering with turkey sausages and ground turkey meat, and of course the ever-popular chopped onions and red & green peppers. I’ll mix it all with *SMART* penne pasta (the high fiber, low calorie, low carb kind) and what we don’t eat tonight, I’ll pack in the cooler to take with us and share with the other odd-White Mountain-folk. Also some frozen spinach. DH & I love spinach mixed into our pasta, and we’ve trained the others to like it, too.

I didn’t sleep well at all last night - went to bed at 10:00 and was awake again at 2 AM, so I took a bath thinking that would be nice and soothing and put me back to sleep, but no luck on that front, so I’ve been up and running since 2:00. Auuuurgh, huh? I need to try to get a good night’s rest tonight, because I know that tomorrow night and the next night are going to be intensive discussion-fests and I hate not being at the top of my game with that crowd, let me tell you!

Well, off to do a little packing and what-not.

Hope you all have a nice, relaxing weekend!

Hugs,

Z