Not a creature is stirring…oh, wait. That’s Christmas! This is Easter! Or, for some, the equinox holiday of Oestre, symbolizing balance. Or, Ostara, named after a Germanic goddess heralding the triumphant return of life and growth to the earth.

Life, okay. Growth - in my case, at least, and if we’re talking physical - nuh-uh. No thankyou. Maybe mental growth - and maybe spiritual growth - but this old body of mine has done all the growing it needs to do. And fertility! Yup…the Easter eggs and such - oh, and the bunnies, too (think of how prolific THEY are!) - are all fertility symbols, making this not exactly the holiday for moi. Further problems with this holiday include the traditional Easter Baskets, filled with -ahuh - CANDY! Now, on the plus side, I’ve never much cared for jelly beans, except the licorice ones which is why my children never found a black jelly bean in their Easter baskets. On the not-so-plus side, I DO care for chocolate, and I care for it a GREAT DEAL, which is why my children’s Easter baskets were always missing a bunny or two (but being the good mother that I am, I always made sure there was so much in their baskets that a missing bunny or three would go unnoticed.) Some years, I do have to confess that in the interests of ensuring that they’d have full-to-the-brim baskets, I would buy extra bags and packages of chocolate goodies so that my nibbling wouldn’t have any impact at all on the kiddies. That, of course, was back when I was a stick and could eat tons of chocolate and never gain an ounce. Needless to say, the effects are cumulative. I swear that I went to bed one night as a size 10 and woke up the next morning a 16!!!!

So here I am, working my way painfully back to - if not stickhood, then at least back into my personal comfort zone in which I do NOT feel jiggly and puffy and prone to wearing long-sleeved, voluminous sorts of clothing in an attempt to cover the consequences of my chocolate (and pizza, and ice cream, and cookies and pasta, etc., etc., etc.) indulgences. Since my children are all grown up and beyond needing Easter baskets for themselves, I can focus on the grandkids, and guess what they’re getting from Oooh-mama this Easter? Oooh-mama is what the grandkids call me; it started when the senior grandchild was unable to pronounce grandma, shortened it to Ooo-mama, and Oooh-mama I have been ever since. I rather like it. Reminiscent, isn’t it, of the rather Frenchified “Oooh-la-la”, signifying, perhaps, a sort of elegant raciness, eh? If only I could smoke without hacking and coughing, I could get myself a black onyx cigarette holder and a poodle.  But I digress, The grandkiddies are getting BOOKS from their Stepgranddaddy and I. He, I regret to say, never quite made it to “Oooh-papa” status, but has good-humoredly settled for the lesser title. He is a step, after all!

Books are non-fattening, cholesteral-free, and need nothing more than to be opened and enjoyed. Most importantly, Oooh-mama will not be tempted to eat one before Easter.

I’ve had a busy day. Kohl’s is having another one of their huge sales, and I set out to do a bit of innocent grocery shopping but was lured to Kohls by a little voice in the back of my head saying…“C’mon, old girl, looking won’t hurt.”  Hah! Famous last words! I can’t get over the way they’re marking things down this month! Usually all the winter sales are over and done with by the end of February, but this year, they seem to be continuing on eternally. Sears had huge mark-downs, and last week I picked up some skirts for the princely sum of $10 apiece, and a few tops for even less than that. A beautiful dark brown belted linen jacket for $12!!! Originally $68!!! What’s going on? I’m guessing the retailers mustn’t be doing so well, what with the economy going down the toilet the way it is these days. Well, I’m going to take advantage of it while I can. I mean, who knows? Things could get so bad that even I don’t dare shop anymore, and if that’s an even remote possibility, I figure it’s good to get it all out of my system while I still can. Kohls. Good grief. They had clearance rack after clearance rack with clothes that were already marked down to near-nothing, and then you took an additional 25% off the clearance price!!!! I got a dark brown A-shaped, calf-length linen skirt that actually MATCHES the jacket I found at Sears (Can you BELIEVE it???) for…are you READY for this (?) …..FIVE dollars!!!!!! A Bali bra exactly like the Bali bras that I typically pay $26 for - for $3 !!!!! C’mon!!!! It would’ve taken a tow truck to get me out of that store! I finally left, though, after spending @ $60 for a good $600+ worth of clothes. Sometimes I just can’t stand myself I’m such a clever shopper, you know? I JUSTIFY this, however, by NOT EATING while I’m shopping!!!!! This is without a doubt, one of the best ways I know to stick to a diet. Rationalizing, you say? Well, perhaps just a little, but you can’t deny that Kohl’s has an actual sign out front - small and inoffensive, to be sure, but a sign nonetheless - saying that food and drink should be kept outside. You simply cannot eat or drink anything in that store! Now, if I could only set up a little cot for myself down in back of the sale racks somewhere, think of how slender I would be when I finally ran out of money and credit!!!!

Okay, I think that’s enough out of me for the duration! Happy Easter, Oestre, Ostara…whatever it is you’re celebrating! Take it easy on the eggs…very sulphurous, doncha know?

Hugs to all my wonderful women-friends here in Blog City!

Z