Home today. Really PO’ed at some stuff going on at work….sometimes it feels like I’m working for a herd of ignorant buffoons; the sad part is when it turns out to be true! Okay. Very negative, I know, and I apologize. Really. But I’m feeling really frustrated and embittered and impotent and FAT…looked in the mirror and REALIZED that even with 20-something pounds gone, I am STILL too damned heavy! I took a ride on my bike and STILL felt defeated, somehow. The thread that I normally post on has become really large and unwieldy…a lot of new people post a few times and disappear again, and the old group seems to post less and less. I used to really look forward to logging on to see how everybody was doing, but now it seems like it’s just “quick hellos” from a dozen or more people with no continuity, no real substance to any of it. Some people post articles to read, and while some of them are actually quite interesting - and some are even helpful - it just feels like there’s not much interactivity between us. When there is any personal reference made, it’s essentially a one-liner…. I usually try to at least acknowledge everybody and say “hey”, but now there’s so many that in order to do that, you’d probably need an entire page, and besides, it’s too time-consuming and that’s the truth.

Okay, LOL. That’s me …the queen of kvetching and complaining. Today, anyway. I’m usually a little more upbeat, but not today. Today is my “feel sorry for myself” day. I hate my hair - really need a good haircut or trim or something, and REALLY need twenty pounds to be gone. Oh, we’re making a slideshow for my youngest daughter whose 30th birthday is coming up, and we’re doing a big “to-do” this Saturday night. We were looking through all the old albums last night to see what ones we wanted to scan, and there I was - four short years ago - with a slim little waist and no bulges anywhere. I’ve been thinking about it ever since. The way I’ve just let myself go. I’m purely disgusted and that’s the truth.

I’m sticking to my WW’s points and refusing to put another thing into my mouth, but I feel so discouraged and miserable today. I’m still sneezing every couple of hours too. Crapola! Poor me! (LOL…I know I have no right being depressed when my life in general is pretty darned good, but I am, and that’s all there is to it.)

It’s worse, I think, when you don’t even WANT any food. In the past, I ATE if I felt depressed. Now I don’t even want to eat.

Aurrrrgh.

This too shall pass.

E