Slowly, and with great difficulty, I seem finally to be developing a more accepting attitude towards life – mine in particular, at any rate – and I imagine it’s fairly common, coming to grips, I mean, with who and where you are in life once you get your kids all raised and have the time, finally, to exhale. Some of you may be familiar with that book by Terry MacMillan which was later made into a movie, “Waiting to Exhale”. The title at once struck me as the perfect description of how many of us women feel at one point or another – and sometimes for very long periods of time – in our lives. We do a lot of worrying, or at least I always have, about our families, our finances, our jobs, our whatevers…and feel like we always have to DO something, always have to be pro-active – to avert one disaster or another. WE have to do it; WE have to handle everything, WE have to maintain control at all times, or everything will for sure fall apart.  

What I’ve learned is that our worst fears are mostly in our imagination. Case in point, I stayed married to my first husband for nearly 25 years, hanging on virtually by the skin of my teeth, closing my eyes to a kazillion wrongs and offenses - not to mention the grinding unhappiness - and closing my eyes, as well, to the fact that I earned just as much as he did, and could easily enough support myself AND our kids if I had to. I was scared to death of divorce; felt like my whole world would fall apart. And then it happened, my world DID fall apart, and it was the best thing that ever could have happened to me! I was amazed that life actually got better…I didn’t have to support the kids by myself, because after years of writing my husband’s papers so that he could get his masters degree (he is almost functionally illiterate, AND he is the principal of a middle school in Boston, if THAT tells you anything about the educational system!) he was earning (and managing to spend up) a pretty nice salary, 35 % of which, before taxes, ended up being  deducted for child support until both of my younger children graduated from college. So, in the final analysis, I actually had MORE money to live on, because while we were still married, he would turn over some of his paycheck to me or not, depending on how he was feeling at the time. Oh, I could just go on and on here, which I won’t do for fear of boring people into a coma, but suffice it to say that what I feared most turned out to be quite the opposite….and so that alone has made me a little less fearful of the “what ifs?” in my life. We women are survivors. Now don’t get the wrong idea…when I said I earned as much as my ex, well, that may be the case, but before you ask yourself why I would be concerned anyway, because I ought to be able to live on that much, right (?) check out the cost of living here in Massachusetts. Add to that the fact that my daughter started college the year after my divorce, and her brother started the same year she graduated. “Daddy” was supposed to pay half, but never did come up with any help in that direction. I can’t complain – scrimping and scraping and economizing just made my kids and me a closer family unit, which is still the case even though they’re grown and out on their own now. The thing is that no matter what happens in life, we women, throughout history, have managed to keep things together, have managed to survive and have managed to see to it that our kids survive as well. We are ever so much better at it than men could ever hope to be.. My current DH is a sweet man. I no longer feel a grinding in my gut and as Ruby Jean would say, a “heaviness over my heart” when I’m on my way home after work, or from wherever I’ve been. He appreciates me for who I am, is non-critical, has a wonderful sense of humor, and is awfully bright and intelligent. Now, I look forward to going home, where I once dreaded it. And change happened in my life, and it was good. My old auntie used to say (she was a great one for clichés) “Anything that doesn’t KILL you makes you stronger”. I think she was right on.

Now if this $%^%$#*&^ last eighteen pounds would just drop off, my life would be complete. LOL. <Just kidding> Once that’s gone, you wait and see….there’ll be something else bugging me. But, life will go on until it doesn’t anymore. And that’s the truth. 

Hang in there, ladies and take good care of yourselves…we’re all we’ve got! 

TTFN, 

E!