I’ve gotta tell you - I HATE-HATE-HATE this new blog format, and still can’t even begin to figure out that whole complicated process for inserting a picture! Whatever made them change over to this, anyway? Is it supposed to be BETTER? Well, maybe it’s better if you’re computer savvy and all that, but I’m afraid all I’m capable of is very simple applications. I had to move my blog to where the old ladies blog - they still use the OLD format where you can browse for a picture and stick the stupid thing into your post without a lot of fanfare. If anybody wants to visit me there, just drop me an e-mail.

BUT, having said all of that, I’ve got to say that I miss you guyz horribly. I want to know how you’re all doing, you know? JoAnnie, you must have your dress by now - when I finish writing this, I’ll hop over to your blog and see if you’ve posted a picture yet. (I bet YOU know how to use this annoying new program!) And Annie - how about the house hunting? I’ve got to catch up with you, too, lady! And Ruby Jean - does anybody know where she’s off to? (I’ll have to see if she left a trail of breadcrumbs). Ini, you doing okay? And Ms. Close is, I know, back from that wonderful camping trip with A. How fantastic is that? To have that time to spend alone (or mostly alone) out there in the wild with your daughter? What a great experience! Feathers! How are YOU doing????????? Okay, okay, I’ll check the blogs, but yours doesn’t come up when I click on your name - it takes me to the Lazy Rivers Writers page instead, which is very interesting, but I’m more interested right now in how you’re doing following the surgery. Lyn, the last time I heard from you, you were busy with that farmer’s market, which sounds so great! The closest I’ve gotten to a framer’s market this summer is reading about other people going to them, and growing some tomatoes and peppers in urns out in back of the house here.

Since getting back from NC I’ve managed, little by little to get myself back under control. Still not keeping close track - or not as close as I probably should - of what I’m eating, but I did get myself one of those Leslie Sansone walking DVD’s and I LOVE it!!!!! I should’ve gotten myself one a long time ago! I’ve been doing it when I get up in the morning and when I get home from work at night. I swear I can hear that music in my dreams - puff, puff, puff, and step to the side - LOL!

Getting back in the groove at work has been a bit grueling, but at least I’ve been getting back into it gradually - had that nice three-day weekend to kick back and relax in. Celebrated DH’s and my middle daughter’s birthdays Saturday night with a nice family dinner, and then DH & I spent Sunday at Old Sturbridge Village, which is about 15 minutes from where we live and it’s an entire reproduction of a New England Village circa 1840. We had lunch at the tavern there, and then took ourselves out to dinner as well, counting on all the miles we walked around the village to offset what we ate (NOT diet-conscious, trust me).

Omigawd! Can you believe that my youngest daughter (whose little girl is Morgan of broken wing fame - 7 years old) thinks she’s pregnant??? I’m so excited - although she said I wasn’t allowed to be until she had her first doctor’s appt. and got it confirmed - I can hardly believe it! A new little munchkin!!!! I’m already looking with longing at baby furniture and clothes - oh, they’re so adorable! Not excited yet, though. I’m not allowed to be.

Well, I shall now go and have my dinner, and come back afterwards to catch up with all my blogmates.

Love,

Z

Okay. At first I wrote this in a PAGE. What’s the difference between a PAGE and a POST, I ask you? The PAGE didn’t publish even though I clicked the “publish” button. We’ll see what this does (or doesn’t do). Well, I have a few pictures to post, but don’t understand how to do it, using this new format, so I guess I can’t. It sure was a lot easier using the old format. <snivel, whine>

But here I am, home again - in fact, at WORK again, and none too happy about it, I must say. Not exceedingly UNhappy, really - just not overly delighted or anything like that. I’m beginning to think that I am, by nature, a not particularly happy person. At least not consistently or often. Mostly, life just seems to keep rolling by me at a faster and faster pace. Who, for example, can believe that summer is actually winding down? It hardly seems like we’ve had any summer at all! And of course here in New England, it’s been wet and rainy far more than it’s been hot and sunny, so that adds to the feeling of not having any summer. In North Carolina it was pretty hot, but of course always a breeze up in the mountainous area where sis lives. Now, usually when I visit my sis, we spend most of our time out on her patio - used to be smoking and drinking coffee or iced tea and talking, talking, talking…. now, of course, neither of us smokes anymore (a year and almost eight months for me, and closing in on five months for her) so there’s not that “just one more cigarette” delaying tactic and of course, THIS visit, my two daughters - and sons-in-law and grandson and granddaughter were with me, and my sister’s son who lives there in Hendersonville and her daughter who drove down from Ohio with her husband and little boy. What a crowd, eh? Well, the cousins hadn’t seen each other in some time and were anxious to catch up with each other, and they also wanted to get around to some of the local tourist attractions like the Cherokee Museum, which I’ve been to several times, but will go as often as anybody wants to, because each time I see something I didn’t notice the last time - and Cherokee Village, and Lake Lure, and Chimney Rock, and so on and so forth. So I did a bit of trotting around with them, although on the days that we went “touristing”, sis stayed home and puttered, which is what she’s fond of doing. She and I did get off alone together a few times, and out for a “just sis’s” supper, which was nice. Also went with her to the little uptown park where she takes her daily “constitutional” - walks around the perimeter twice, which I did with her. I had my quarterstaff along - it’s become one of those things “I don’t leave home without” because I never know when we’re going to get out and do some hiking or climb some rocks (both of which we managed to do while down in N.C.) and sis admired it so that I gave it to her. Bought myself another one, native N.C. carved, and very nice. When the kids and I drove up to Lake Lure for the day, we stopped in Chimney Rock, which has a river that flows parallel to the main street down in back of all the quant little shops. You can access the “riverwalk” via stairs that run down betwen the stores. The water levels were very low, owing to drought conditions there in western N.C., and we went down and climbed around the big rocks that would normally be mostly submerged but are now mostly above the water. The water was only a foot or so deep. We had some fun climbing the rocks and taking pictures of each other - my quarterstaff came in handy as a balancing pole, and also as a lever to get myself up the steeper rock surfaces. Then from there we went and rented a boat for ourselves and motored all around the lake, ogling the huge homes and mansions along the shore. There was one little trailer - and an old one at that - nestled between two ostentatious estates that we cheered about. It was refreshing to see that even the rich and famous can’t control ALL the good real estate, you know?

Well, I’m sorry to say that my “healthy eating” was unable to withstand the temptations of vacation: to begin with, the kids had the car packed solid with every kind of cookie, chip, cracker and drink (some bottles of water, thank gawd!) known to man. It was a 16-hour drive, but it went quickly with each of us driving 3-4 hours apiece and then resting, reading or sleeping while the others took their turns. The kiddos - the little grandbabies, I mean, were no trouble at all. That in and of itself positively amazed me! But they did puzzles, watched DVD’s (Yes, of COURSE they had their little DVD player), played videogames, and ultimately, slept. We stopped a few times to use the facilities and have a little nosh, but otherwise just drove straight on through. I’d forgotten what a WIDE state Virginia is! I thought we were stuck in an instant replay or something - seemed like we were in Virginia for most of the trip! We had my daughter Kim’s Garmin Nuvi (?) which I found quite entertaining, except for when we left the highway to grab a coffee or use the bathroom, and it said, quite sternly, “Make a U-turn as quickly as possible and get back on 81 south!” We KNEW to do that!!!!

But, as I was saying, it started with the snacks in the car and just got progressively worse with each day that we were there. By the time we got home, I felt like a stuffed pig (thus the “jiggedy-jig”) and still am feeling like one. I dare NOT get on the scale. I don’t think I could handle it right now. I’m going to gradually wean myself back off the nasty stuff (ice cream, cookies and such) and try to regain my healthy momentum. I DID find a Leslie Sansone “beginner’s” Walk Off The Pounds tape with both a one mile walk and a two-mile walk and bought it. Surely I can do that daily if I do nothing else of any physical value. I’m so tired, though, of having to work so hard for such minimal results. I REALLY get a kick out of the health columns where they assure you that “just by substituting sugar free iced tea for the sweetened kind, you can lose five pounds in a year. Yeah? What if you never drank sweetened iced tea to BEGIN with? Why am I not losing five pounds each and every year, then? Oh, blah! Small changes, my butt! ANYWAY, I’m willing to put some effort into it - I really, really would like to take off at least ten more pounds, but at my advanced age, I’m not sure I should HAVE to, you know? I mean, who CARES what I weigh besides ME? DH certainly couldn’t care less one way or the other. I mean, I’m sure he’d worry if I were to grow TOO big - healthwise, I mean - but ten pounds up or down wouldn’t even register with him, I don’t think. Unfortunately, it registers with ME, and I manage to make myself quite miserable when I’m not happy with my weight. Blah.

Oh, I’m SO glad that Ruby Jean’s Mum is home where she belongs, and I DO hope that she gets to feeling better soon. And, feathers, have you had your surgery yet? That’s SO exciting! I’m anxious for all the details! And Anniegirl is to become a property owner, Ms. Close is off vacationing, and where is Ini? Joannie? Have you picked out your dress yet? Please share! In the meantime, I am muddling through, trying to catch up with everyone, and haven’t quite managed it all yet.

Talk soon,

Z

at work, and then off to Sis’s for a week or so. We’re driving, as you know, so we might opt to stay a few extra days. We’ll see. It seems important to have a few days to wind down on the other side of the trip before going back to work, so we may leave (Sis’s) a week from next Thursday or next Friday-ish. Not sure. I do know that these three days at work are NOT going to be much fun. WAY too much to do, and arrived here today to learn that the water is shut off in the building. (we can use the “facilities” next door at Jury’s Hotel, but I ASK you - how comfortable is that?) To add insult to injury, because the besement is apparently flooded, we can’t use the elevators, so going to pee would mean (for me) walking down five flights of stairs and then, for gawd’s sake, back UP again! Now, how well do you suppose this is going to work for someone who customarily eats a breakfast with in the vicinity of 30 grams of fiber, and then drinks HUGE amounts of water throughout the day? NOT OPTIMUM. I may very well end up just packing it in and heading home. If they’re smart, they’ll send everybody home, anyway. You can’t operate an office building with no sanitary facilities or water. I swear these people are crazy. One of the top execs (They’re all away at a conference this week) is flying back to deal with the problem. Seems a little absurd that they can’t declare a state of emergency and send people home until he gets here. Poor management practices, as far as I’m concerned. But I’ll be darned if I’ll take a half personal day because of their failure to plan properly for emergencies. I can wait them out. (I think).

Hot out there. <sigh> Getting hot in here. I am NOT a happy camper, not inclined to work much. Not under the circumstances.

I think I’m actually going to miss DH while I’m away in NC without him. Maybe. He’s already started to look hang-doggish and talk about our being so many miles apart and all. I pointed out that he’ll be up in NH Friday - Sunday, and it’s unlikely that he’ll have much time to be missing me. Monday - Friday might get a little lonely, but he’ll have Yoko and Daisy (the khats), after all. The way I’m feeling is that I’d welcome a week to myself, with no need to interact with anybody if I didn’t want to. I think I would’ve thrived as a hermit. Or not. I dunno. But he (DH) is being awfully sweet, and sweet tends to go along way with me. I’m such a sucker for sweet, I swear! Except I really, really need my “alone” time - something I haven’t had very much of for a very long time, now, and don’t expect to get much of while I’m “on vacation” over the coming week. Oh, well. If I can grab a day or two here and there before summer shouts it’s last Hurrah, and take myself off for a solitary day on the rocks overlooking the ocean at Newport, I’ll get my batteries recharged and be good again for another little while.

Well, it’s later, now - 3:01 to be exact - the water’s back on, more’s the pity, and I didn’t get to go home after all. Got some work done, which is a good thing, and made it through the “dry times” without any serious problems.

Hey! Everybody give Ruby Jean a big round of applause! I mean, that girl is DOING IT!!!!!!! Roo-bee! Roo-bee! Roo-bee! (you’re supposed to imagine a huge crowd of supporters chanting….) Ruby, you are an inspiration to us all! Yay, Ruby! If my math is correct, we’re talking 17.5 pounds, right? AWESOME! GREAT job, Rubes!

Oh, isn’t it lovely - all this great and marvelous web of folks: this web of lovely JEWELS - that we’ve got here together?

Wednesday - and only two more days to go….

I’m back. Never did get a chance to finish this up yesterday. Got home and whipped up a lovely Jambalaya (Zatarain’s - I didn’t have to add a single spice of my own!) with chunks of pork roast left over from Sunday and a pound of lovely shrimp. Delicioso! And healthy! (Who would’ve guessed?). Washed hair and had myself a long soak in the tub after supper, and then it was off to bed. Couldn’t stop yawning. Then couldn’t stay asleep. Woke up three or four times over the course of the night (I should’ve given Ms. Close a call!) and then got up at 5:00 AM and drank several cups of coffee in rapid succession. So far, I’m managing to stay awake, although I’m not too optimistic about how I’ll be doing this afternoon. Right now I’m nibbling on dry oatmeal squares cereal - just ate a big, ripe peach. I’ve been drinking loads and loads of water, and I’m feeling very virtuous with regard to eating. Well, not virtuous, exactly, but just sort of comfortable, I guess you’d say. Not worried about counting anything or measuring anything - just eating good, nutritious foods in reasonable amounts. Of course my exercise program (my non-existent exercise program, that is) is down the toilet, but I’m not aiming for perfection, here - I’m just aiming for being able to handle the sight of myself in a mirror, or in a store window in passing, you know? Perfect is scary. I am slowly growing fond of my “laugh lines”, and if not fond, tolerant of my curves and less repulsed by those secret sags that get hidden by my choice of clothing. The one thing that I never want to do - or be - is that old lady with the make-up plastered on with a trowel, the hair dyed golden blonde, and the wrinkled bosom pushed up and presented to the world on a corsetted shelf like some huge, overripe and mushy pair of melons. I see one of those at the grocery market every so often, and it never fails to send me home loving my wrinkles and congratulating myself on my own good sense in knowing when to give up on the cleavage, and embrace age like a long-lost friend.

Well, I’m off to see the wizard - or more accurately, off to tie up as many loose ends as possible before heading off on my adventure with the children. I did a good bit of packing last night, and will finish up between tonight and tomorrow night. I still may have to cull through what I’ve already packed and remove a few things. I felt myself getting a little carried away with the “just in case” items last night.

Take good care, my web of jewels,

Hugs,

Z

…at girls who wear glasses”. SO, I guess it’s a good thing I’m not a GIRL anymore (nor am I interested in having passes made at me - too freaking old), because I have just joined the glasses-wearing crowd! Here I am in my new shades: (Of course you young-un’s won’t remember the above quote; it ages me considerably, but after all, who’s checking birth certs around here, anyway?)

 Scary, eh? This is my pensive face. I’m supposed to look intellectual.  LOL! Well, I’ve actually had glasses for years, now. Twenty, at least. My right eye is weak, and I am near-sighted like crazy. Never any trouble reading things up close, but distance has always been a bit troublesome. Not troublesome enough, however, to actually WEAR those danged glasses of mine, and definitely not pesky enough for me to be poking contact lenses into my eyes. No, not me. Nuh-uh. So, anyway, for the past month or so, my eyes have been blurring and feeling strained, and I’ve had a sort of low-grade headache, and it suddenly occurred to me that maybe I needed to wear my glasses! So I pulled them out of their dusty old case - they were stuck way in the back of a kitchen drawer - cleaned them off and stuck them on my face. There was a minor improvement, but not nearly enough, so it was apparent that I need(ed) a new prescription and some new glasses. (Ugh).

So, today I stayed home from work and off DH & I went to the eye doctor, after which we presented ourselves at Lenscrafters with paperwork in hand and started trying to find frames that I could live with. Well, there weren’t any regular glasses frames that I liked at all. I mean, flat out NONE. But I did like some of the sunglasses frames, and actually found some that they said they could put my (bifocal) lenses into. How kewl was that? Now the ones I REALLY liked - the Jackie-O’s - were just TOO BIG, they said, for my (old lady) lenses, but they could do those with just the distance prescription and sunglass tint (for driving). And I did manage to find some - a little bit smaller - I like nearly as much that they COULD put my (bifocal) lenses into, and those are what you see above. (And this is how I suppose I’ll be looking forevermore). Ultimately, we walked out of Lenscrafters having spent a whopping $730, but I think I may actually be able to bring myself to wear the darned things, you know? It’s just so annoying to think that with $730, we could’ve spent a couple of nights at the Cape or something. Jeeze. Well, I believe that my vision care plan at work will reimburse one pair of glasses per year, so I’ll get at least a partial reimbursement for what we spent, which is helpful, anyway. I have those glasses on right now, in fact - with my nightgown (am wondering if that’s proper glasses etiquette; does one wear glasses with pajamas?)

While my glasses were being made, DH and I had supper at Bertucci’s in the mall. Yeah. Not optimum, but yummy. Some of you may be familiar with their “Sporkie” pizza? Ohhhh. SO good! So calorie-filled, indeed. And I inhaled every last bite. Yes I did. It’s not EXACTLY “junque”; it tasted very fresh and all….oh, alright. While in the throes of trauma over having to finally give in to wearing glasses ALL THE TIME, I resorted to an old source of comfort - rich and plentiful food. I diodn’t even finish the Caesar salad that I ordered on the side. If I’d been half-way smart, I would’ve eaten all of that and then only had room for maybe a little bit of pizza. But not me - nope. I left plenty of room for pizza, and to heck with the salad! I may spend eternity trying to shed these last ten or so pounds - I’d prefer 20, but would settle for ten - and when you’re wearing glasses, who’s going to notice, anyway? (Just kidding).

Well, must be getting ready for work - just wanted to share this pivotal moment with you-all….(yes, and kvetch over it a bit).

Hugs,

Z

My kids are growing up. Well, they’re all grown up, if I have to be completely and painfully accurate. And, any of you who have even a passing familiarity with this here blog know that I love my darling offspring very, very much. BUT, I am just now realizing - perhaps not exactly in epiphanic proportions, but coming through loud and clear all the same - that they have actually built lives for themselves. They have their own family units, they have their careers, they have their friends and social spheres. Oh, certainly, they make time for their mother regularly, but I feel very distinctly that element of “making” time in otherwise busy and productive lives. To wit, last night we had one of our somewhat regular “movie nights” whereby everyone gathers at DD36’s (she has a wide screen television set in her family room); we “order out” our supper - pizza, chinese (more about that later) - and then choose a movie from on-demand or pay-per-view or whatever and get comfortable in our respective chairs, the couch, the window seat cushions - wherever. DH went home after we ate because he was tired and wasn’t up for a movie. As usual, of course, he was awake and up at 5:30 this morning. But never mind that. Last night we couldn’t find a movie that everyone wanted to see, and ended up watching four episodes of “Curb Your Enthusiasm”, which I find hilarious. I’ve heard it said that you either love Larry David’s humor - or detest it. I’m one of the ones who loves it. I, of course had never even heard of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” until I was out in L.A. visiting my son last November (late October - early November; something like that) and one night when his significant other was at work, my son and I watched about ten episodes in a row. I watched until my eyes closed of their own accord. I swear. My son said he knew I would be “hooked” once I saw one episode and of course he was right. I guess that speaks to a couple of things: my son knows me very well, and - hmmmm. Is there something a little dysfunctional, perhaps, about people who find Larry David so funny? I mean, he reminds me of several people that I know, and I like them (although they irritate me completely). But enough about that. We were watching “Curb Your Enthusiasm” episodes last night, and my GD7 and GS6 were playing in and out of GS’s room - staging “safaris” (complete with pith helmets and other safari paraphernalia) out to the kitchen and yes - you’ve guessed it - straight through the family room, and straight through “Curb Your Enthusiasm” - and making lots of “jungle noises” like screetching chimpanzees, trumpeting elephants and roaring lions and tigers. How adorable, eh? Okay, well, here comes the moment of truth: I did not find my own darling little grandchildren adorable. I found them irritating and annoying, and I was wondering why, when we were sitting attempting to watch something on TV at 11:00 at night, they were still traipsing around making noise and so on and so forth. At their age, my kids were all tucked safely in their beds at 8:00, and that’s the truth. Whatever happened to this new generation of parents who seem to feel that their kids should decide when they’re tired and when their bedtime should be? So I raised my kids with some structure in their lives, which contributed (I think, at least) to their doing well in school and becoming responsible human beings. And do they think that how I raised them was too harsh or something? TOO structured? Too…..something? And they feel the need to give their children complete freedom to romp and run about the house until they fall over from exhaustion? And that’s being a good and loving parent? Oh, blah! I can’t even begin to count how many funny lines of Larry David’s that I missed last night because one child or the other raced through hollering his or her lungs out. Now my GD does wonderfully well in school - right up there at the top of her class (and to be completely fair and accurate, I do believe that her mom & dad do insist that she go to bed at 8:00 on school nights; and they’re quite firm about homework, what she’s allowed to watch on TV, etc.) - but GS is another story. I believe I may have mentioned that he was diagosed with Autism, and while he’s actually doing pretty well, there are occasional problems with him, and his sleeping patterns are abominable. Even on school nights, he runs himself ragged - and DD puts him to bed from wherever he’s managed to poop out. She says it’s the Autism; I’m more inclined to believe that it’s poor limit-setting on her part, but hey - I TOLD you I’m getting old and irritable.

But back to my kvetching. (This is very cathartic).

This is the very group that I will be going to North Carolina with in a little under two weeks time. We are DRIVING down in a seven passenger mini-van thing - an “Uplander” (????) and there will be exactly seven of us, including the two children. It’s about a fifteen hour drive, and we’ll all share the driving - kind of rotate our way around the van, with each driver doing 3 hours (five adult drivers; 3 hours apiece - not hard, eh?). Those not driving can put on some headphones, listen to music and sleep. Maybe. I’m trying here, to picture GD & GS cooped up in a car for fifteen hours with only the occasional “get-out-and-walk-around, get-something-to-eat and use-the-restroom” breaks. Oh, Lordy, Lordy - what have I gotten myself into, anyway? Once we’re at my sis’s, I think we’ll be okay, because she has several bedroom suites on the lower levels of her house where the kids - and their kids - can stay. There are two bedrooms, two baths, a laundry room and a big family room with TV and everything else you might need down there. So, the kids, when we’re not out and about, can do their romping and running down there. Of course, each child will have the use of a laptop computer with a full complement of DVDs and what-have-you to keep them occupied. Hah! When I think of how we traveled with MY kids….well, never mind.

Yes, yes, I feel that “grumpy old woman” persona slowly taking over. I really do. And the sad part of it all is that I flat out don’t care. So much for the wise, warm and nurturing old crone whom everybody looks to for sage advice and unconditional love, eh? Nope, I’m just a grouchy old hag who plays a wise and nurturing grandmother-type on TV. LOL! Okay. Not. And I do - I DO love my kids - and my grandkids - but having said that, I certainly see the inherent need for a change in attitude as one progresses through the various stages of their lives.

I’m not old to the point where I’m at death’s door, or even close to it, I don’t imagine. But I have sort of “been there, done that” when it comes to procreating, raising the offspring, seeing them safely into adulthood, and now feeling the need to withdraw a bit. I know that most grandparents absolutely swoon over their grandchildren, and while I love mine very much and do whatever I can whenever I can for them, I am past swooning, I’m afraid. New babies I can work up a pretty good swoon for still, but by the time they’re running about making all sorts of (undisciplined) noise, I no longer swoon. I think that my kids love their kids very much, so having passed that capacity down from one generation to the next is no little thing, and I will give myself due credit for raising loving human beings. I’m glad of that.

But I have, of late, found myself feeling a little resentful at how busy their lives are, and how they seem to have to “make” time to see me. Silly and ungrateful, considering that they do make it, but it is somewhat strange to be on the receiving end of their emotional largesse when I used to be in charge. I think that’s what’s been bugging me, too - is that in my reality, they are supposed to look to me for permission to do thus and such, and now they do thus and such - and thusser and sucher - without so much as a by-your-leave, and I am sort of “along for the ride” in some respects. No longer CEO, you might say - now a retired exec with no staff to command, and just a salute in passing acknowledgement that I built the freaking company!

BUT, epiphanistically speaking (LOL) I think I have just now realized that life does have a “phasing out” process. I have done my job, done it fairly well, and now it’s time to bow out - time to decide what I want to do with the rest of my appointed years. I think that the irritation and annoyance I’ve been feeling is actually separation anxiety. I’ve been enabling myself to become irritated with them all beause THEN, leaving them when it’s my time to move on, will be less painful. For me. And, if I’m enough of a grouch and mean and miserable enough, it’ll be less painful for them, as well, to see me go. Good thinking, eh?

Oh, such craziness.

You’ve caught me in a weird mood. Or I’ve caught myself in a weird mood, eh?

I ironed this morning and effectively doubled my wardrobe. I have SO much stuff that I haven’t been wearing because it seemed like too much trouble to iron it - a few things that I haven’t had on my back yet this summer, and if I don’t hurry up and wear them once or twice, it’ll be winter and time to pack them up and put them away for the season.

I’m also trying to limit myself on my packing for this visit with my sister. Typically, I overpack to the point of ridiculousness and end up not even wearing half of what I’ve brought. BUT, there’s always something that I haven’t brought that would’ve been soooo perfect….well, you know what I mean. No, this time I’m going to pack smart for a change. With a little planning ahead, it shouldn’t be that hard. PLUS, we’re all going to have to learn to pack smarter, considering that the freaking airlines all want to charge us for checked bags now. Damned oil prices! Well, they’ve dropped a little in the past week. Maybe there’s still hope… Anyway, I’m going to really think through what we’re likely to be doing down there, decide exactly what I want to wear while we’re doing it, and bring just those things that I need and nothing more. ONE somewhat dressy (casual-dressy) outfit for going out to dinner in, but something I can wash, iron, and wear a second time if need be.

Oh, the other night? The kids all ordered pizza and grinders and chicken wings and onion rings. DH & I had a huge salad with chicken cubed into it, tomatoes, cucumbers, red onion, sliced green peppers and avocado. A slice apiece of pita bread. And it was GOOD! I like healthy food again! My foray back down the junque path seems over. Not that there won’t be the occasional stroll in that direction in the future - but brief strolls - brief. That’s the ticket! (We’ll see, won’t we?) It does tend to help, though, that I am forever haunted by the spectre of a fat little mother (mine) who wasn’t EXACTLY obese, but had a round little belly like a bowl full of jelly…etc. And long, thin stork legs. I don’t mind having her legs, but developing her belly would send me ’round the bend, and that’s the truth.

Okay, I am off to have my bath. Clean body, clean spirit. Something like that. At least smoothly shaven legs. Gawd, how I hate pickety legs!

Cheers & hugs,

Z

Kinda, sorta. I AM in a slightly better frame of mind than I was yesterday; it was hot and humid during the morning and early afternoon hours, but a late afternoon thunder storm seems to have cleared things away, and tonight it’s actually rather pleasant - even without the AC on, miracle of miracles! I worked quite prodigiously today, coming up for air so to speak only once or twice, and achieving pretty decent concentration which is always a plus, especially when negotiating one’s way through one of those gnarly federal grant applications. Tomorrow (Oh joy!) is the office picnic, always such a supreme bore, and in this instance, inconveniently timed, inasmuch as the proposal is due on Wednesday, and I still have several more sections to complete. About the best I can say for it is that they usually manage to have veggie burgers along with all the other not-so-great cookout fare, and that suits me well enough. I haven’t had red meat in months, now, and not only don’t miss it, but find it altogether unappealing. Thunder showers are predicted for tomorrow afternoon (again) so that will (hopefully) lessen the amount of time that I’ll have to spend making nice and trotting about trying to look as if I’m enjoying myself. If there’s some decent sunshine somewhere around noontime, I won’t mind catching a little of it - what with DH’s and my walks at the lake and our measured out doses of “vitamin D therapy” ala Jon Gabriel, plus this past Saturday at the beach, I’m turning a nice and toasty color. My dad always turned a wonderful mahogany shade, what with all of his post-retirement hiking about his acreage and tending his little vegetable garden and his many rose bushes, and my *tan* tends more towards the deep red/brown tones as well. I don’t want to overdo the sun and end up growing nasty little malignancies all over my face or develop deep lines and crevasses, but I do enjoy the sunshine so much, and really feel so much more alive with a healthy glow to my rapidly aging skin. So, if it’s nice tomorrow, an hour or so out of doors wouldn’t hurt.

Anniegirl, bless her heart, asked about my sister, and I’m ever so delighted to report that not only is sis recovering quite wonderfully, but is now up to two miles a day in her walks around the park near her house. The woman never ceases to amaze me, you know? I am SO looking forward to seeing her in a couple of weeks. My kids - my two local daughters, that is, and their hubbys and kiddos (Morgan of broken wing fame, although she’s about all healed up - DD30’s little girl - and Devon the dinosaur man, DD36’s little boy) and I are driving down to NC for a reunion of sorts. My DH can’t go, as it conflicts with a longstanding annual storytelling commitment at a 3-day renaissance festival sort of thing. But no matter - it’ll be lovely to hang about with my sis for a week or so, just us girls (and the sons-in-law, of course, but they may play some golf and keep themselves at least semi-occupied for part of the time). We’re leaving Thursday, August 7th, and haven’t yet decided exactly when we’ll come back, although the following Friday seems likely.

I have <gulp> recommitted with great determination to eating right and getting off a few more of these unlovely pounds. Oh, yes, feathers, I, too, as you know, rail against the unfairness of being metabolically challenged. I feel like I’m slogging my way through life surrounded by some kind of thick, sticky glue-like stuff that makes every step a real, gut-wrenching effort while others just seem to “fly on gossamer wings”, the bitches. But, I’ve hit the familiar brick wall again - can’t gain another ounce or I’ll go mad, so it’s back to counting calories (Yeah, Jon Gabriel…neat concept, but frankly, listening repeatedly to you saying the same damned thing on that CD has me asleep before you get past “Hello, this is Jon Gabriel…”) Counting calories, on the other hand, actually WORKS so long as you write everything down, add everything up, and stay within your limits. Not great fun, no, but it does produce results. That, and having a whey protein drink a couple of times a day, although I think I may try mixing it into yogurt and see how I like that. Oh, and high fiber, and lots of water. NO chocolate. Omigawd, feathers, that picture of the chocolate cake-type dessert had me salivating on my keyboard! But no. Not now, and not for a long while. I’m going to try (yet AGAIN) to finally get this monster under control, knowing full well that there will be slips and slides and occasional cartwheels off the wagon, sometimes quite deliberately and in full knowledge that it will make things that much harder for the next few weeks. But I’ll keep at it because I don’t really have any other choice. I am uncomfortable with myself and quite, quite miserable when my weight isn’t where it needs to be. But next life…. well, LOOK OUT, because this is going to be one effortlessly slim, svelte chick, you know?

Okay. Bedtime here. Eyelids drooping, shoulders demanding that I get prone…

Hugs to all…the net of jewels; I picture you all blinking around the world in a network of beautiful colors and thoughts -

Z

Yeah. That’s me on the far left, alright. This is the reson why I could never, ever, EVER live in Florida, y’know? I am sooo intolerant of humidity, and it seems like so far this summer, we’ve either had rain and gray skies or sun, but with about 95% humidity to go along with it. SO not optimum! Or maybe I’m just too danged old. I dunno.

Anyway, yesterday, DH & I packed up a small cooler with little, itsy-bitsy (8 oz.) bottles of water, ham & cheese sandwiches on high-fiber wheat, etc., etc. pita bread, and a small canvas bag with some original recipe sun chips, sun bloc (more blockage for DH, less for me) and a book, as well as our *matching* (I mean, is that cute or what?) beach chairs and (not matching) straw hats and drove down the ‘Pike to Revere Beach to catch the New England Sand Sculpting Festival.  http://www.reverebeach.com/

It was lovely - sunny and hot but with a brisk ocean breeze. Just perfect. We found an ideal parking space, left our paraphernalia in the car while we headed up to the strip where the sculptors were all lined up, took our time making our way down from beginning to end, and then walked back to the car, got our beach gear and went down to the shore line - we were probably a quarter mile down beach from the actual festival activities, and it wasn’t at all all crowded - couldn’t have been better. We did a little wave jumping - enough to get nice and wet, and then came back, lathered on the lotion and started reading our book. Pulled our lunch sandwiches out at @ 1:00, enjoyed them immensely, went back to reading, and then, at @ 3:00, carried our stuff back to the car and meandered back down to the festival area to see what progress had been made. VERY neat time. We headed home at @ 3:30-ish, got home at 4:30, both had quick showers, fed los gatos, and got dressed for a dinner date with friends in Framingham. Headed out again at 5:30-ish, enjoyed ourselves immensely with two couples that we always like getting together with, and got ourselves home, exhausted and ready to do some serious sleeping at about 11:30. 

This morning I went grocery shopping - no time yesterday - and bought a lot of fresh fruits, veggies, salad-makings and such. Spent quite a bit more than I intended to, but sometimes I just get sick of keeping track, you know?

Now I’m home, sitting in my air conditioned space, and loathe to move again. I even put on one of my summer cotton nighties. I’m not planning to leave the house again today, and if anyone happens to drop by (ack!) I have some shorts and a jersey lying handily across the foot of my bed.

So here’s the nitty-gritty, though. I may have lost some weight, but not enough, really, to feel absolutely good about myself. And that’s pretty sad, y’know? I felt like a slug at the beach yesterday, and no I am not comparing myself to those firm little twenty-somethings leaping around the volleyball net, either. No, no, I am not the worst-looking body around, but I am so far from *best* that I’m probably out of range entirely - as in from here to, well … as if from here to feather’s place. And no, I don’t aspire to be *best*, either - just best for me, really, and I’m not. Not even close. I always figured that when you got “old”, you could comfortably “let it all hang out” and enjoy being the “grandmotherly” type. Well, here’s a newsflash: it doesn’t work that way! I STILL can’t tolerate the jelly-flesh that I can squinch on either side of my waist, HATE the jiggly-wiggly undersides of my upper arms that make an appearance when least expected, and HATE, HATE, REALLY HATE that I never get to where I can just breathe a sigh of relief, pop a cookie or tow in my mouth and not worry about it. It doesn’t look like that’s ever going to happen, and it really annoys me, y’know? SOME people can eat whatever they want and not have to even pay any attention to it, because they just stay naturally slim. Me? Nope. If I eat anything that I shouldn’t. you can bet on the fact that it’ll show up around my waist sooner or later.

Ugh. I’m hot, haute, hawter, and feeling fayette as all get-out. The AC is just keeping it manageable. Just.

Blah.

Gotta go lie down and try to forget where I am and how ugly it is around here.

Back more pleasant - later.

Hugs,

Z

REALLY! And yesterday, too! And Monday too! I am no longer depressed. DH & I did a lot of housecleaning chores Monday morning and then went to Regatta Point on Lake Quinsigamond (only a stone’s throw from our house) and did a brisk hour’s walk followed by an hour on our beach chairs, reading and soaking up some desperately needed vitamin D. The pound and a half weight gain must’ve been water weight, because it’s gone now, and my fingers, which were a tad swollen, aren’t anymore. Yay and double-Yay! We also did our walk & vitamin D absorption Tuesday, too. I stayed home from work again. Needed sun more than I needed to see my office. Worked Wednesday, but it was okay - I’m taking next Monday off so I can have a (reasonably) long weekend, and we’re going up to N.H. Good weather is predicted. I have been re-energized and rejuvenated…AND the tomato bushes that I’m growing out in the yard in urns are FILLED with little green tomatoes. How’s THAT for a complete turnaround in weather AND mood? Hmmmm. Supposedly, what they say about New England is, “if you don’t like the weather, wait a minute.” Hah! More like wait a couple of weeks!!!! But, I’m okay, now, and along with my better frame of mind is a new commitment to eating right. No more nibbles of cake here and a few cookies there. I really don’t know why I did that - the HEALTHY food that I make tastes WAY better, anyway! Last night I made our favorite Taco pizzas on flat (lavash) bread (100 calories for each big rectangular sheet). I spread a thin layer of pizza sauce on the bread, and then on top of that, spread the “taco meat” - faux crumbles, that is. Morningstar brand. I dice (finely) a green pepper, a red pepper, a half of a large Vidalia onion, throw it all into a big wok-type pan along with the faux meat crumbles, add a package and a half of “original” taco seasoning and about 3/4’s of a cup of hot water, stir, and cook on medium/low heat until peppers and onions are tender and the water is absorbed - about 15 minutes. So, I spread that on top of the layer of pizza sauce, and then add a layer of Fat Free shredded mozarella cheese. Bake it for about eight minutes in a 375 degree oven, cut each one (I make two - one for each of us) into six squares and serve with salsa, Fat free sour cream and, if you like it, guacamole. DH is a real avocado aficionado, so we always have them in the house, and always have guacamole with our taco pizzas. Yum! Problem is, there’s never any left over for the next day! WAY better than cake or cookies - seriously! (So why did I nibble at that crapola, huh? Huh? Wish I knew….)

So, spent another day up in the beautiful Berkshires today - meetings from 9:00 AM to 2:00 PM and then 2 1/2 hours home. Stopped at the market and picked up the stuff we’re planning to bring up to NH with us, and now I’m home - have pasta sauce simmering with turkey sausages and ground turkey meat, and of course the ever-popular chopped onions and red & green peppers. I’ll mix it all with *SMART* penne pasta (the high fiber, low calorie, low carb kind) and what we don’t eat tonight, I’ll pack in the cooler to take with us and share with the other odd-White Mountain-folk. Also some frozen spinach. DH & I love spinach mixed into our pasta, and we’ve trained the others to like it, too.

I didn’t sleep well at all last night - went to bed at 10:00 and was awake again at 2 AM, so I took a bath thinking that would be nice and soothing and put me back to sleep, but no luck on that front, so I’ve been up and running since 2:00. Auuuurgh, huh? I need to try to get a good night’s rest tonight, because I know that tomorrow night and the next night are going to be intensive discussion-fests and I hate not being at the top of my game with that crowd, let me tell you!

Well, off to do a little packing and what-not.

Hope you all have a nice, relaxing weekend!

Hugs,

Z

Or…..”My Life As A Damp, Crabby and Depressed Old Hogwart”. Okay, I don’t exactly know what a hogwart is (isn’t it some sort of creature out of the Harry Potter books or something? Or are they real snorting, snarfeling things that root through the undergrowth and resemble actual hogs?) I haven’t read the Harry Potter books, and I’m too darned lazy to look it up or ask DH, who probably knows, because he’s an avid National Geographic and Scientific American reader. He knows just about everything about everything. If that sounded snide, it probably was. He’s getting on my nerves, but since everything and everybody else is, too, I’ve got to figure this is mostly me and not him/them.)

Okay. I have gained a pound and a half. Way to GO, eh? Oh, the weather - the weather. I have already berated myself soundly in my previous post for complaining about the weather when others around the world have it so much worse, so I’ll just do without that disclaimer stuff. I am feeling oh, so sorry for myself - and, I suppose for my fellow east-coasters as well, but mostly for myself - because this summer, thus far, is turning out to be such a bust. Presumably there’s still a chance for it to get better, but that kind of presumption isn’t doing me one iota of good at this particular point in time. I am soooo tired of waking up in the morning to gray skies, walking around all day in gray, gray, gray, and then having the gray slowly fade to black as night takes over again. I can practically feel the grayness seeping through my pores, and I feel bloated and over-hydrated.

I’ve been indulging here and there in stuff I don’t need to be eating - a piece of cake here, a cookie there - and you all know the slippery slope that can have you sliding down in no time at all. An ounce here, and ounce there, and pretty soon, instead of losing that last damned ten, you’re trying to lose that last damned fifteen, then twenty - and then you’re disgusted with yourself all over again, depressed, miserable….and hogwarty. So a pound and a half is no laughing matter - not something that someone my age can take lightly: not when losing it is like losing twenty would’ve been twenty years ago.

I got my hair frosted and cut. Well, I didn’t “get” it frosted. DH and I did it. Really. I mean, isn’t that a scream? I bought two of those frosting/highlighting kits, and used the plastic cap that comes in them - I pulled through all the front and front/side hairs and DH did the rest. And then I mixed up a double batch of bleach, slathered it all on, covered it with the plastic overcap thingie (really just a rectangularly-shaped plastic bag thing) and waited for an hour. YES, a whole hour! My hair is beastly to bleach down. I even added a drabber to the bleach, because my natural hair is full of red and orange tones, and if you don’t leave the bleach on long enough for all those tones to wash out, I end up looking like a walking Maple tree in October - wonderful fall colors, doncha know? Unfortunately, I can’t seem to find a hairdresser who isn’t scared to death of being sued - scared that leaving the bleach on for so long will make my hair all fall out, or something - so doing it my/ourselves is my only option. My only option if I want a silvery blonde as opposed to a “golden” blonde. I’ve been too old for the “golden” blonde look since I was 30. Just never liked it on me. I’ve always leaned towards the ashy tones, and now that I have more than a few grays coming in, staying with the ashy tones makes perfect sense, because the grays blend right in and I don’t have to keep bleaching my hair quite so regularly as I would have to if I wasn’t getting those grays in. Anyway, I have ample hair, but it’s rather fine, and bleaching it adds a little body, so that’s a help, as well. So, we - DH & I - frosted it, and did quite a nice job - I guess his being an artist and all helps with pulling those hairs through, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why it should. I just know he does a good job with it, so why should I pay a hairdresser who will only end up giving me that awful “strawberry blonde”stuff, anyway? I did, of course, go to the hairdresser for the cut - I have a woman who can really CUT hair, and that’s what I needed as well - needed to freshen up the color and then get it shaped nicely again. I haven’t had it done in over a year, and the sides had somehow grown shorter than the back and the back was all long and straggly - lately I’ve just been wearing it up in a banana clip because there was no shape to it when I let it hang loose. So now it’s all fairly uniform in length - three or four inches below my ears -  but with choppy layers that give it some oomph and body, and it looks quite decent, if I DO say so myself. Having better hair is a plus right about now, but I have to say that what’s been simmering in the back of my mind for a few days now is maybe doing a few sessions at a tanning salon. A little crazy - what with the skin cancer warnings and all, and the salons aren’t nearly the rage they were a few years back - but I am seriously suffering from a lack of sunlight (and vitamin D, naturally) and am feeling like 20 minutes in a tanning booth might cheer me up a little. Something needs to, and that’s the truth.

Oh, Anniegirl - that needing to clean the house bit hits home more than you realize. I love, love, LOVE decorating and hate, hate, HATE that dull, repetitive, day-to-day upkeep. Back when I had a little bit of money and the kids were growing up, I always had a cleaning person - I always worked full time, and when I was home, I wanted to spend quality time with my kids, not be up to my elbows in housework. Now, of course, I have no little babies at home anymore (they are STILL my “babies”, you understand - they just don’t live with me) and there’s only me and DH - and he’s home all day, so I don’t feel like I should work all day and then come home and clean up after HIM, if you know what I mean. I COOK - because his cooking is so abominable (although he’s managed to bake some chicken and roast some sweet potatoes for a few suppers, and they’ve been perfectly edible) - but I don’t expect to have to clean, and haven’t done very much of it for quite a while, now. Of course DH doesn’t clean as thoroughly as I would (if I had to) so there are some things that I tolerate for weeks at a time and then just give it a good shot myself from time to time. But overall, I’m not real happy with the state of my house - and feeling too damned gray and depressed to jump up and tackle any of it right about now. We actually have a great screened-in porch that I’ve been meaning to scrub down really good and set up our wicker table and outdoor chairs, which is as we speak floundering in the basement - hang some plants out there, but haven’t even bothered. Who wants to sit out in a screened-in porch to watch it rain? Blah, blah, and DOUBLE-blah is what I say to it all!

My son just got a job designing videogames. Go figure. Yes, I knew he was really good with computer programming and such, but had no idea that he could actually do this sort of stuff. Quite a substantial increase in income for him. I guess he won’t be moving back to Massachusetts anytime soon, so I may as well start searching for inexpensive (IS there any such thing?) flights to LA and back for the fall. I’m actually looking forward to it - it’s smoggy in the mornings out there, but generally speaking, there’s not much rain, ever. That’s what I really, really need - someplace where there’s not much rain, and there’s the BIG BONUS of my son being there, as well. I do miss that child terribly.

So, the fourth of July has come and gone. We went to a cook-out at the home of some of my daughter’s best friends - a huge family affair with parents, grandparents, grandchildren, and every age human imaginable. I brought my famous potato salad that I can’t even eat myself anymore because of this allergy I’ve developed in recent years to eggs. I have a gigantic aluminum bowl, and into this gigantic bowl, I threw one large (diced) onion, two stalks of (diced) celery and a dozen hard-boiled eggs. I then proceeded, using my old-fashioned tin hand-chopper, to chop that stuff into the finest consistency imaginable. I chopped, literally, until my wrists were hanging limp and useless. (Oh, not entirely so - but they were sore, and that’s the truth!) Then, I cut up eight pounds of potatoes cooked perfectly and refrigerated overnight into approximately 1 1/2 inch cubes and added them to the mixture. Then I mixed all that stuff together with *lite* Miracle Whip and a few good squirts of Gouldens brown mustard. Oh. MY! Now I’ve got to say that, simple as that recipe is, my potato salad is known and revered from here to Florida and out to the west coast and back (courtesy of my son, of course) and I only make it three or four times a year just so people don’t get too used to having it and it’s not a “treat” anymore. (LOL). So there you go - a nice, crowd-pleasing, non-diet-friendly summer recipe. (Don’t for a minute think that using *lite* Miracle Whip will do you any good whatsoever!) So, I took my potato salad and a great big package of Italian turkey sausages, and off we went. And guess what! It sprinkled, it stayed cloudy, and all in all, it was a gray, unpleasant day YET AGAIN. Some intrepid folks swam about and threw a beach ball back and forth in the pool (which they said was lovely and warm in contrast to the chilly day) and there were a few games of kickball and a badminton game over in one corner of the lawn. I can’t say I was able to muster much celebratory spirit, although I smiled and told a joke or two (Old song that you young ‘uns wouldn’t remember called “The Tracks of My Tears”. “They say I’m the life of the party because I tell a joke or two….dee dee dah dah (hum here because I don’t remember the words) but something about inside being miserable and you can tell from “the tracks of my tears”) Well, I don’t have any tear tracks, but I’ve gained a pound and a half and I’m vitamin D deprived, and that’s not exactly conducive to shouting with joy. It was okay, though - the folks are very pleaant, and it was nice seeing them and all, but a ray or two of sunshine would’ve been soooooo much more pleasant.

We were planning to go up to our White Mountains retreat over this weekend - I actually took Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off in order to prolong it, but now we’ve cancelled. The weather predictions are for more rain and thunderstorms all week long until Friday, so there seems very little point in trekking up to the woods to experience more damp and grayness up close and personal. I’m going to go to work on Tuesday and Wednesday and save those vacation days for better weather. I will take Monday off, though. I really do need the break from work. I spent all this past week working on a huge, and extremely technical and complicated grant application, and my brain needs a little down time.

And that, folks, is “all she wrote”. Looks like plenty to me. A little more than plenty, but hey - I had a lot of kvetching to do!

Hope you are all doing well, happy, and most of all, I hope you haven’t gained a damned pound and a half!

Hugs,

Z

Oh, yeah. Monsoon season is upon us. Monsoon season? In Massachusetts, you ask? Oh, yes indeed. The weather patterns, they are a’changin…and that’s the truth. Now you can pooh-pooh Al Gore & global warming warnings all you like, but the proof, as they say, is in the pudding - or in this particular case, in the freaking thunderstorms that we can’t seem to shake. It feels like Flawridder, for pity sake! Hot, humid, and thundershowers every afternoon. We should have some seriously lush shrubs and plants this year, you know? Our tomatoes and peppers are already getting big and full-bodied.

I just checked the ten-day weather forecasts, and it looks like more of the same all through the 4th of July weekend. Oh, joy! We’re going up to our digs in N.H. and meeting up with the usual suspects - staying through Tuesday, and then we’ll take our time getting back, and I’ll work Thursday and Friday. Looks like we’ll have to bring our foul weather gear for sure.

But back to my cutting-edge analysis of weather - and weather-related states of mind. Now upfront, I have to say that I know full well that my personal griping and kvetching (about the weather) is self-centered, selfish and petty, given the terrible flooding they’ve been having in the midwest - the terrible weather-related disasters all over the world, for that matter - and I apologize in advance for this. I am constantly horrified at people’s homes being blown away, washing away, being torn to shreds in high winds. I can’t even imagine the terribleness of losing everything you own in that manner - going from being a homeowner one minute to a victim the next, huddling in a group shelter with dozens of other now-homeless people like yourself. Of course, I have to say that I’m horrified daily by ALL the tragedies that seem to befall humanity - from disaster to crime to accidents, disease, illness - and if you’ll permit me ONE brief cry in the wilderness, so to speak, I wonder at the purpose of prayer in the greater scheme of things. All these people who suffer all these terrible things - I mean, women who die of breast cancer, perfectly healthy people who jog, work out, eat only those things that are good for them  and ultmately drop dead of heart attacks, children who are abducted, people who are murdered, soldiers - and innocent civilians - who die daily in Iraq as well as in in numerous other parts of the world. I mean, what IS it? They didn’t pray sufficiently - or well enough - or in the correct way, or others didn’t pray for them in the right way, or whatever OR God has “other plans for them”, and if that’s the case, what’s the point of praying, anyway?

See? I will not pursue that line of thought because it leads nowhere. Forgive my digression. So, back to my petty kvetching about the weather, and how all this rain and these perpetually cloudy skies depress that hell out of me. Season Affective Disorder - S.A.D. - has always seemed awfully self-indulgent to me, but the older I get, the more I abhor humidity and wetness all around me. I MUST say, it’s a good thing I quit smoking back when I did, because this is such NOT-optimum weather for anyone with any sort of respiratory problems, and I was definitely getting short of breath. Did I ever mention how I started smoking? It was back in the early 70’s - everybody I knew smoked, but I never had. Well, I’d tried it once, as a young teenager out “behind the barn” with a few friends, came close to choking to death, and never, ever had the urge to try it again. Then, in college, everybody was hanging about in dim, smoke-filled bars talking about the war, about civil rights, about Kierkegaard and Jung, SMOKING <one thing or another> and sipping cheap wine for the most part, although we were by no means above slurping down a “pint” as they say over in the U.K.  Anyway, I felt left out. I did. But I STILL didn’t start smoking. Nope - not me. I waited until I was 28 years old to start. On the spur of the moment, in fact, I walked into a convenience store and bought myself a pack of Benson & Hedges menthol 100’s - because I liked the classy package, and their cigarettes didn’t have those ugly brown filters; they were as white as “the driven snow” - LOL, probably cleaner in my warped little mind. ANYWAY, the first one was a little rough, but by the time I’d gotten through that pack, I was hooked. So, I started, loved it, and within a year, all my friends had quit smoking!!!! I mean, can you believe it? But, being the intrepid one that I am (and late bloomer, besides) I kept right on with it - even found a friend or two here and there who smoked as well, and we kind of encouraged each other. Then, after nearly 30 years, I found myself wheezing a bit going up stairs, feeling completely oppressed when it was humid out, feeling like I couldn’t keep up with our friends on hikes and such, and I decided that I’d had enough. Did the self-hypnosis bit, and was done with it. And, like I was saying, not a minute too soon, because here we are, developing tropical weather patterns in new England, of all places, and if I were still smoking, I’d be gasping for breath right about now.

About the self-hypnosis and smoking VS. self-hypnosis and eating: WAY harder when it comes to eating, BUT it seems to have some gradual impact over time. With the smoking, whenever I think about smoking a cigarette, I automatically think about gasping for breath, and have absolutely no desire whatsoever to smoke. Yay. Case closed. Obviously can’t do that with eating, but I’m finding that I actually am beginning to develop negative feelings about unhealthy foods - junk - and when I think about eating them, I feel real physical discomfort through my midsection. Not pain - just a feeling of blubberiness; a marshmallowy feeling. I’m not sure that describes it exactly, but it DOES cause me to NOT want to eat that particular bit of junk, and that’s a good thing, even if it isn’t quite as stong as the not-smoking vibe. Maybe it will get stronger over time.

Anyway, the weather - and depression, crankiness, etc., etc. First of all, I thought winter was never going to get over with, was soooooo delighted when it finally left for good, and now I’m flailing about in this humidity and rain every day, with no end in sight, and have to tell you that I’m hating it. I am horribly cranky. I know I am. Bless DH’s long-suffering heart; he’s just so good about it.

Speaking of which, Congress has passed that spending bill that will extend unemployment benefits for 13 weeks - which will bring us right up to the week when DH’s first retirement check is due. Whoopee!!!! Poor man was really moping about, and I know that was on his mind - those weeks, I mean, with only my income coming in. Well, President Bush, they say, will sign it into law next week, and then we can breathe a sigh of relief instead of counting every dime that comes in and goes out. We’ve been saving against the time when his benefits would run out, so we would’ve been okay, but not as okay as we would’ve liked, for sure. So this is helpful.

Well, nothing special planned for this weekend - we’ll undoubtedly do some walking, I’ll do the grocery shopping, and we may have a cook-out with the kids if it doesn’t rain. (Hah! Fat chance of that…)

Alright. Enough out of me for the time being. Enjoy your weekends, mes amis -

Hugs,

Z