I am attempting to eat a lot more whole foods. And cooking from scratch or using ingredients with a lot less chemicals. I am avoiding refined carbs whenever possible. I am getting plenty of pure water. I am exercising more and more and feeling good for doing it. My blood sugars are better. My energy level is higher. My moods are more level. Even my nails are stronger and healthier.

I am amazed by how little food I need to consume to feel full when it’s the right kind of food. I overbuy because I’m sure I will need all sorts of snacks, but I don’t.

I am definitely working the Eat Well, Move Well, Think Well concept of adding things before taking away: add more vegetables before worrying about taking away chocolate for instance. And the idea is that you will naturally want less chocolate.

Another important component is figuring out what role the things that are known to be “bad choices” have in my life. At this point I truly don’t feel like I’m making many “bad choices” but one thing I am absolutely not willing to let go of is dessert. Every day.

Now I no longer have a huge bowl of ice cream with melted peanut butter, or 2-3 small peanut butter whoopie pies with milk, or brownies, etc. I am working on making the healthiest dessert choices possible. But. I want my dessert. Every day. I don’t feel satisfied without it.

I am putting a good amount of energy into finding the best sugar substitute for me - one that is as natural as possible, doesn’t affect my blood sugar (I’m finding I’m pretty sensitive to a lot of them) and is fairly inexpensive. I am putting a good amount of energy into researching recipes and into preparing them. Because I MUST have it.

I eventually want to get to a point where I can skip a day a week, then every other day, etc. But I need to figure out what role it plays and find another way to fill that need.

I am amazed at the things that I feel ok letting go of…pancakes. I made the mock pancakes that are more like a very eggy crepe, and they were ok, it wasn’t the same but I wasn’t all that disappointed. Soda. Juice. Chips. No biggy.

I know that I will have planned “bad days” when I have a few drinks or holidays like Thanksgiving. But I’ve come to terms with the fact that not for my weight, but for my health, for my survival, I have to do this. I want to see my son grow up. I want to live and I want a good quality of life.

I am worried about times of stress. Today was a stressful day..my son had a bad asthma attack so I was up before 5am. Got him situated and was about to take him to school when something “went” in my car. That meant not going to work. Turned out the rear frame in my car had rusted out. Now I needed a car. My husband applied for a car loan to get another used car but I was nervous as we had some credit issues at the first of the year. But I did ok, I grabbed a few unplanned handfuls of almonds but they are an ok on plan food. I also think I’m starting to PMS - my first since I started this life change. I am worried about that too.

But, the same way that I planned things out with weekend and did a great job when we to the movies and out to eat, I’ve just got to keep planning. Planning is the key to help me keeps things in check.

I’m not hungry nearly as often as I thought I’d be. A very small snack does the trick for me in between meals. My energy level is much higher. I just feel good. No bowel troubles. I’m not so cranky. When I’m tired now I know it’s b/c I’m truly tired, not b/c I’ve eaten myself into a sugar induced sleep.

My blood sugar is still higher first thing in the morning, but I’m not sure how much more I can do about that at this point. I think as I continue to exercise and also lose more weight it will get better.

I’ve found the formula that works for me…finally! Now I just have to keep on track. Using the 3FC site is a huge help..the challenges, keeping track of my daily “points”. I’m competitive enough that it helps me stay focussed. I know I’m still in the honeymoon phase, and I have yet to face my first TOM or the first holiday stress, so we’ll see. I hope I have the good sense not to go back to my old ways during stress, but rather to continue to do what makes me feel good and helps me enjoy my life!

And I was happy to see that the scale jumped down 1.5 pounds today.

And I did well staying on plan - exercised, lots of water, ate right. But I still came home headachy and hungry. So I ate probably more than I should. I linked, so I’m on plan. But still. And it made my tummy feel yucky. I forget that both dark meat chicken and popcorn can sometimes give me that yucky tummy feeling. And guess what? I linked leftover bbq chicken legs (2) and a one serving size bag of microwave popcorn. Lot of food at once and in a bad combination for me.

My stomach has been doing so much better this week, that I was actually surprised when it started not feeling good. I drank a small glass of milk to try to counteract it and took another probiotic. Crossing my fingers that I won’t be up sick half the night.

It’s amazing to me how vigilant I have to be to keep on track and to keep feeling good. I know it’s been less than a week, but I was feeling so good and it seemed so easy. I know it will get easier with time. But wow. Just one little lapse in really thinking through what I was doing could potentially reek havoc. It’s hard work living healthy.

I got the IR Diet and started reading it. I’m going to try it. It makes sense. I told the man I don’t want to go up and visit his family today as I need to make a meal plan for the week and I don’t want to be rushed and grumpy about it all. I also have to go into work for month end for a bit so I can do all that while he’s gone.

I don’t think he was thrilled but he’s ok with it. I think it’s hard for him to be overly supportive since he’s not ready to do anything about his own health or weight yet. But I’ll be planning meals and they will be linked and eventually have the opportunity to be balanced depending on the serving sizes. I can’t control what he eats and it will only be one meal a day with the potential to be balanced but maybe it will make enough of a difference that he will start making some changes of his own. Or not. I love him and I’m seriously worried about his weight b/c he has that classic heart attack shape, but I can’t make him do it.

And it’s been easy to make some minor healthy eating changes. At at the weight I was at, even minor changes made a pretty big difference. I’m down 35 pounds from March of 2007. And another 10+ pounds from my all time high. But really I’m only down 14 pounds since March of 2008. I already feel a big difference in my overall health from the changes I’ve made, but I’ve stalled.

So it’s time to be more defined in my plan and my goals. I’m going to join the September points challenge on 3FC. I need to make it the challenge meaningful for myself - like actually a challenge - but I also need to make it attainable.

I’m off to the bookstore in awhile to pick up the Insulin Resistance diet. I’m hoping to get some good help there on how to combine foods. I also had a long heart to heart with the man last night. I’m worried about him. I know I can’t make him change but I’d love to see him make the changes he needs to make too.

This is all relatively easy in my little bubble of a long weekend. The real test starts with the workweek and pms and all of that. It’s kind of like housework - easy when I’m home on the weekend to keep the place tidy, but all hell breaks loose during the workweek.

But it’s one step at a time, one choice at a time, and it takes a good long time to relearn how to live.

Oh ya, so the “Downsizing” I realized today that I’m doing this in a lot of ways - physically getting smaller, but also around the house. Getting rid of excess. Every garbage bag/give away bag I fill makes our small house feel so much more open and organized and yes I dare say it, healthy. Goodbye to clutter - mental and physical!

It’s not about dieting it’s about wellness. So what is wellness? It’s a living thing being in balance or homeostasis for an extended period of time. We are a living organism, an ecosystem unto ourselves. If we are out of balance it is for one of two reasons - either a deficiency in something our body needs, or a toxicity - too much of something that either our body needs or is toxic to our body.

If we are not well in whatever way, it is for one of these 2 reasons and we need to figure out which thing or things are causing the problem and fix them.

If we can get back to basics, let ourselves fulfill our needs as an animal, as an ecosystem we will get much closer to balance. But we are domesticated animals. Just like the bear who has once gotten a taste of human food will go seeking out garbage, we fill our bodies and our lives with garbage because that’s what we know. It’s up to use to change it.

But change is hard. And we don’t like hard things. So we need to not do it all at once and we to not deprive ourselves. It’s all about adding things and making slow and meaningful changes. One choice at a time. Celebrate the healthier choices. Recognize that you are not ready to let go of some of the unhealthy choices yet. But keep moving forward. Keep moving toward balance.

And it’s not enough to just change the way you eat and to change the way you move. Mental wellness is just as important. If you don’t think you deserve to be healthy, if you don’t change the definition of healthy for yourself, if you don’t learn to associate healthy choices with comfort and rewarding and good feelings, if you don’t learn how to be happy, how to manage stress, you won’t truly be well. And you will be less likely to be able to sustain the eat well and move well because they won’t have become an integral part of your belief system.

So that in my words what his protocol is all about. And this blog will be about my attempts to make the changes in my own life, in my own wellness.

This is not about a diet or a fad. It’s about becoming healthier in body, mind and spirit. Along the way I hope to defeat my early onset type 2 diabetes, get to a healthier weight, long outlive the age that both my parents passed on (55), and continue to improve my mental and spiritual outlook to overcome years of verbal abuse, ingrained negative thinking and a strong family history of depression. I want to be an example of health and the real ability to make lasting, meaningful lifestyle changes.

These are my loosely defined goals. More specifics and my plan to get there will come. Thank you for reading and goodnight