100 days

Ugh. Bad run today. I am not a runner, yet, and I feel really confused about how running works. It seems so instinctive and common-sense but it’s really not! I don’t understandy why today I felt like I was hitting a wall and could not run any more all of a sudden. Well I ate well all day- until tonight- I have been nibbling on things all night.

I did weigh myself- down 1 pound. At least it’s in the right direction. I have a feeling I just didn’t eat as much as usual last night so it might be a fluke. I’m not going to test it by weighing myself before next friday though! I have spent most of tonight reading some really inspiring blogs about weight loss and running and I’m hoping this week will be better than the past. I have been doing a really bad job of recording my food lately. I have been keeping a running mental list in my head, but I’m not all that sure of how accurate it is. I need to be writing it down!

Goals for this week: Write down food- mental lists dont count and are probably wrong! Don’t let Thanksgiving be an off day. (I don’t really care all that much about the food- being vegan I will probably have to make my own dinner because my extended family doesn’t care too much about my diet needs. Lastly, Create a training schedule- and STICK to it. Also- SEE TWILIGHT!! I am such a sucker for teenage novels (..harry potter what what!) 88 days!

Being overweight…I wonder in how many ways it affects me. I’m not eager to go shopping for clothes (or food), I’m reluctant to go workout (thinking..what are they all thinking about me??) I shy away from going out sometimes because I don’t want to feel uncomfortable. Those are the obvious ways..but today I have been thinking about how else it holds me back. My roommate suggested today I applied for a certain retail job. I thought to myself, I can’t work there..only thin little earthy girls work there. And all the times when I want to do anything good or rewarding for myself, I will always promise- when I lose weight I’ll do that. I keep putting off my life and anything good for myself until I lose weight.

Now, I don’t know if that means I should lose weight to stop doing that- or change my way of thinking..but either way its not good. I do know that losing weight has been on my top priority list for many years..so why not do it now?

Okay so besides my little thought process..okay day. I ran- and it sucked. It was not a good run- but I completed it. It was snowing and I was not exactly prepared for a snow run. I didn’t have any good thin layers so I packed on the sweats and looked like a bear running with all the layers I had on! Tomorrow (after I weigh myself of course) I will be either running and then doing the 30DS. I can’t wait till I don’t feel like dying in the middle of doing that dvd!

Eating today was perfect..until I went out to meet a friend for a drink. Two frozen cosmos! Yikes. I don’t even know what the calories in them are..but it is so rare that I drink so I’m not going to FREAK out about it. I just wont be eating late tonight..even though thats usually my favorite time to eat :/

So as of today my successes have definitely been more in exercise than in my food. I’m thinking I should work on upping exercise time to compensate. I signed up today for a free trial of a local gym- so I might also stop by there this weekend and see how that fits into my schedule. I love taking classes at gyms- it makes me work harder for a longer period of time, mostly because I don’t want to whimp out in front of other people!

Well, thank you so much for the comments, I sort of forgot for a while that other people read this! I’m glad the idea of setting 100 days as a time of change sounded good to some other people. It really makes sense to me because I am all for short term satisfaction. That has been a serious obstacle in the way of weight loss. I would like to cut calories one day, then  see results the next. It’s so weird that that does not happen?! So if I can pledge to follow through with my plan for 100 day- I  have to to see results right?!? God I hope so…

Today was a more optimistic day. I woke up and did the 30dayShred. I will most likely be waking up in the morning feeling like I was attacked by a bear. But that will be good for burning the pb sandwich i had today. Why couldn’t food I like be low in calories? I could eat PB from now until next June and be so sooo happy. But 190 cals per serving? YIKES. So my cals for today came in at 1290. So close. It also helped that I woke up at 2pm. I’m going to be a very sad chick when I have to start working in two weeks. My little unemployment vacation has been so nice…

I am also trying to be more vigilant in my running. I followed c25k at one time, but I would rather work it myself right now. I’ll see if that works for a little while, but I might be revising that statement later. I didn’t want to run today because it was snowing and I had just done the 30DS. But FOR serious. I’m getting my act in gear and running tomorrow.  I also have to bake cupcakes tomorrow. It is my roommates birthday and baking cupcakes has always been my thing. Even though I really dont want to be tempted- I know she’ll be expecting them. :/ I’m just going to force myself to figure out the cals in each one- that way I cant sneak one (or 7). Again, why cant I love celery like I love cupcakes?

90 more days. 10% down. LBC- i liked that saying- “Losing Weight Is Hard. Being Fat Is Hard. Choose Your Hard.” That is so so right.

You know what..I hate watching what i eat. I know that sounds extremely obvious, but i do. I want to eat whatever I want and whenever I want. Today when I woke up I was lying in bed thinking about my plan. This plan makes sense. I have tried so many times to lose weight, and I’m tired of never accomplishing anything. I have a choice to either accept that I can’t lose weight after years of dieting, or I can make this work and keep pushing through. It’s scary because even if I do manage to lose weight, what if I can’t maintain it. I’d rather not lose weight then lose it all just to gain it back plus some.

I know what I have to do and I don’t like it. It seems so simple to eat less and move more. That phrase just makes me want to lay down and eat 39 cupcakes. But I want to be happy. Eating makes me temporarily satisfied, but now I’m miserable with myself. So in conclusion, counting calories and carefully watching everything I do may make me miserable now, but at least I’m working towards something that’s going to make me feel good about myself.  I just hope I can remind myself of that every day.

Okay so being out of town made it pretty much impossible to post but here is what I have been up to. Honestly.

Days 3,4,5,6,7- RUNNING!! I ran every day regardless of what was going on. Eating- so-so. I did not count, but I was out and trying not to go crazy. The good thing was I wasn’t doing much snacking- but my meals were probably a lot heavier than usual. On Saturday I was out and drank most of the alcohol in CA so I can’t say that was very healthy. However yesterday I was too hungover to run and today it was snowing so much when I got home that I didn’t have time to go back home and change into more suitable clothes.

Well, what I have learned so far: Limiting my calories to 1200- is really not working out for me. I have to think about this one! I might have to up my running a lot if I want to lose weight in the next 82 days! Okay this was a bad and skimpy post but I’m hungry and ready to eat..right now!

Okay today was a wasted day of doing nothing productive. I am sooo sore from the 30 Day Shred so I opted not to do that today. Instead I drove around looking for this trail I saw on Google Map. I couldn’t find it until I got home and looked on the map again. So tomorrow I will definitely be running. On the plus side my calories are on schedule today: 1250. Not bad- it does help that I have been waking up late and basically eating breakfast at 1 then dinner at 6. However that will soon change when I start my job. :/ I sort of like being unemployed- except for the whole running out of money thing. Yea that part stinks.

Now it is only day two of my journey- but I’m feeling good about my 100 days. I like the idea that if I follow the guidelines I have set for myself- I will be a new person in many ways by Feb.  Right now I’m really unhappy with my living situation, which would normally send me into a fit of comforting myself with anything chocolate or yummy. However right now my fear of failing this “project” is outweighing my desire to eat mass quantities of food. So I just need to tell myself this 98 more times. Well then every day for the rest of my life. But I’m just thinking about the first 98 right now.

I desperately want to go visit some of my friends in CA this weekend, but I’m afraid of a few things. Aside from the money issue, I just wonder if it’s a good time to be going out for four days of eating and drinking with my old friends. When we are all together we tend to eat awfully and drink heavily. That is ordinarily my favorite combo and it would be very hard to stay away from that for a few days. I have a feeling that my going out is going to be very difficult in the next few months. Anyways, time to clean for real!

So day one..I’m not sure what my calorie total is yet, I actually ate weird combinations of food so it’s going to take me a little while to calculate everything. I’m still not sure what my calorie intake should be, so that’s what I will be working on tonight.

I did recieve the 30 day shred, so I did that  and Yikes. That was hard. I felt almost nauseous towards the end, but I didn’t give up! I finished it and then did some light grocery shopping.

Okay total calories today was 1300, but after figuring that out, I’m not sure why I just started eating more. I had a piece of bread with PB and a few pretzels with hummus. So it wasn’t too bad but now my calorie count is over. Oh well, it wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t as bad as I have been eating lately so at least I tried. I really did not need that last bit of food. :/ Tomorrow I will keep a better running count of calories so I don’t have to sit around at night figuring it out for hours at night.

So my plan for tomorrow is to write down everything I eat all day. Run, and then get to cleaning! Day one- not perfect- but heading in the right direction for once!

I am going to attempt the near impossible. I am going to lose 30 lbs. I have never been able to lose weight. But I am 22, I am out of school, I am living on my own for the first time in my life, so why can’t I do this? I have given myself 100 days to accomplish three things. Lose this weight, override my bad eating/exercise habits, and gain the self-esteem I lost many pounds ago. At the end, I will begin a new life of maintenance, high energy, and higher self-esteem. I hope I can have as much support along the way as possible, and in turn I hope to give any I can as well.

Day one Is tomorrow, and I’m going to plan what I’m going to do for the rest of the night!

See you tomorrow!