Yoga my ballet booty

After a few stressful days without dinner I am down to 162.2 again.  I am aware of the fact that it is probably water lost after I got back on my 3 liters of water per day.  I’ve also been paying a lot closer attention to what I’ve been eating during the day.

Once I get started on thinking I can relax and have a treat, it very shortly becomes all treats.  The stress is not diet related.

I am in the process of reducing my full time schedule from M-F to MWF so that I can help JM with his business.  It looks like it is going to work out just fine.  I feel so much better.  I have been putting off speaking about it with my boss for the past two weeks.  Everyday is a little more stressful.  But NO MORE!!!!

I’m on the way home to do some YOGA BOOTY BALLET.  I really enjoy it.  I was able to find a full set, with the abs ball on ebay for only $19.00 YAY ME!!!  In the interest of saving money I’m seriously considering cancelling my membership at the YMCA (who wants to pay $76 per month for two people anyway) and going full on with the Booty Ballet.

Will keep everyone posted.  Weigh in tomorrow.

Yep, it must be the title that haunts me.  It’s getting on fall, my garden has produced better than I had ever hoped.  And through my journey on the this website I had lost 25 lbs.  No small feat. 

However, life has thrown me some big curve balls in the last two months and I have fallen off the bandwagon and fallen hard.  Today is the day to get back on. 

I have regained 5 lbs.  The lowest the scale saw was 160 and today I tipped it at 166.4.  The time has come to stop feeling sorry for myself and eating everything in the house.  Or I’ll be right back up there before I know it.  I need to think about and remind myself that everyday is important, that every bowl of ice cream, cheeseburger or snack is accountable and I am accountable to each one of them.  The same goes for the fact that every salad, apple, and carrot stick (particularly every glass of water) are also accountable and I have those things to be proud of.

I can no longer let a bad day at work or a bad day at home send me running to the refrigerator.  I need to get to the gym after work on a daily basis, or I need to cancel my membership.  It is too expensive to keep if I’m not going to go and the fact that I belong to a gym need not make me feel superior or better than anyone else.  If I’m not using the membership, I will not pay for it.  I cannot afford to continue throwing my money out the window.  Time to buckle down.

For those of you that read and take suggestions from other peoples blogs, I totally love “Yoga Bootie Ballet”.  It begins and ends with a meditative and focus segment which for those of us like me need to calm down and focus is priceless.

Until next time, I am signing off, a little puffier maybe that last month, but back on the band wagon.  Now only if I can figure out how to change my title……

Also perhaps a deceptive title.  And after the last one, I have to admit this one does have a positive connotation.

I’ve been eating well, drinking water like crazy and going to the gym.  Today 161.2  YAY!!!!

Also, a word to the wise.  I live in Washington, near Seattle.  In case you were unaware, it rains here a lot.  When we moved into our new house I was put in charge of the cable, alarm system, utilities, etc.  I chose Direct TV because it was a little cheaper than Comcast (our other choice in our neighborhood) and they offered free installation.

So the first sign of rain and continuous rain happened over the past two days.  Since installation we’ve always had a few problems with pixelation and jumpy screen due to satellite contact and I suspect our close proximity to the Air Force base.  Day before yesterday we lost all contact.  We went out and messed with the sattelite and then the tv.  I spent half a day reading the manuals for both the sattelite and the receivers and am proud to announce that last night I fixed it myself.  Yep, ladder and roof and all.  I was soo very proud.  When JM got home from work I was giddy that I did it.  I’m terrible at mechanical things.

As soon as it started raining later it went out again.

Now, I tried to fix it myself because the customer service representative told me it was very user friendly and designed to allow you to troubleshoot it yourself.  Not to mention that I would’ve been charged for a service call at $80.

I called today, just livid, wanting to cancel the service and suck up the extra money and pay Comcast, a traditional cable company that uses wires (who would’ve thought).  They have a great offer going on right now.  Free installation, $29.99 for the first six months and a free Wii system.  I wanted to jump right on that.

I called direct tv to discuss my contract or if a contract even exists.  They told me that if I cancel my service I will have to pay $360 for early termination and that if I don’t pay it, I can go to arbitration but that the refusal to pay would go on my credit report.

I am so angry and plan on getting back on the roof again when I get home.  If I can’t fix it this time, I guess I’ll just suck it up and pay the $80 and hope that works and that we aren’t just stuck with crappy cable for the next 15 months.

The moral of today’s story is……….DON’T GET DIRECT TV

Yesterday, I was horribly disappointed (but what did I really expect) to see 166 on the scale.  I did keep my head up and attribute it to water weight and chose that moment to get back on the wagon.

And I did.  Lots of water, back to the fiber water, salad, fruit, nothing bad.  Went to the gym, did abs and squats in the morning.  Renewed by bearings.

And today.  Lo and behold I weighed 162.2 this morning.  I am so sick of the 160’s and no one probably reads my blog anymore because I am a stalwart.  NO MORE.  I”m off to the gym.  Gonna see the 150’s this month.  I swear.

I can do it!

That title could technically be taken two ways.  Precariously positive, like maybe suddenly by but muscles got extremely tight and I am so proud.

However, I mean it in a different way.  I have been under a ton of stress as everyone has had the ability to read about.  Trouble at home, trouble at work, a family wedding and mom having surgery.  To cope I have been drinking like a fish.  Almost everyday, not enough to get drunk necessarily but enough to take the edge off.  And EATING, yesterday I ate three fudgesicles. 

This morning I weighed in and topped out the scales at 166.  Which I haven’t seen for months.  Now, I realize I probably didn’t gain 4 pounds over the past week, or almost 6 depending on which scale reading I was paying attention to. 

Yesterday we had a harley adventure day.  Which certainly calmed me the heck down and brought me back to reality a little more than I have been recently.  My harley ring was tight.  That right fits when I weight 25 lbs more so that was the first clue that I’m retaining water.  If I’m at all lucky, I will have only one pound of excess flab after my indulgence.  I’m severally dehydrated.

This weekend I got Yoga Bootie Ballet.  That I’m excited about.  I’ve been wanting to try that one for a long time.  Although when I do consent to any sort of excersize it’s at the gym, I think I’ll be doing that from time to time, it looks really fun.

So today, being monday, being calmer I will again make an effort to get back on track.  I’ve had a healthy breakfast (All bran strawberry whatever) and a healthy lunch (homemade salad, delicious with mixed baby greens, pea pods, peas from the garden (shucked) and fat free ranch).  and an excellent snack (lots of baby carrots), three liters of water so far (back to pee town) and I plan to get to the gym for an abbreviated workout.  I’m looking forward to my life getting back on track.

Good Luck to everyone out there.  Will report in tomorrow.

And only because I promised a happier post.  I think I will certainly feel better tomorrow after my mom’s surgery.  I know that gall bladder removal is fairly commonplace these days and I personally know several people (two are other family members) that have had the procedure.  But I can’t help but be overly protective because, her let’s face it, she’s my mom.  I’ve avoided the temptation today at work from looking up all possible information about the procedure on the internet.  However, I still have to make it through tonight and tomorrow morning before the excrutiating sit at the hospital with my dad and sisters.  Ah, wednesday, where for art thou?

Saturday was my brother’s wedding.  JM did great on his reading, he was really nervous, and I was nervous for him.  From my point of view I was very happy with my hair and makeup, they did a much better job than they did for Kristin’s wedding in January.  And my dress!!! It fit great.  Same dress as for Kristin’s wedding, but the family seamstress told me she had to take it in three sizes.  I don’t know if I posted about it before and don’t care to look, but I’m pretty sure she only said one size before.  I’m taking the three sizes though.  It makes me feel much better about myself.

JM and I are still struggling.  He is having an incredible amount of work stress and stress about the kids.  I want to be more loving and fair to him about the situation but I don’t think that it’s fair, or appropriate of him to be taking out his stress on our relationship.  I literally almost left home on Thursday night.  Only because I didn’t want to be knocking on someone’s door at 3 am and admitting my problems and what exactly they are did I stay.  I really can’t take much more though.  And he has been warned of the explosion impending.

Back to the wedding….  It was beautiful, and very relaxed for an extremely formal occassion.  I have never before in my life seen such sincerity as I saw in my brother’s eyes on the altar that day while he was saying his vows.  I’m sure she looked the same way.  If there was ever a perfect couple, who neither of which like the spotlight by the way, these two are that couple.  Both shoud’ve been nervous, sweating bullets and barely able to choke out the words, but they were gazing deep into each others eyes and meant every word they were saying.

Also, fun party

No weight loss update to speak of.  Been fluctuating over the weekend, and with that frustration I chose to forgo the scale this morning.  Maybe tomorrow, depends on how I feel.  Probably not though, don’t want to add to the stress of mom’s surgery day.  If maybe you are reading this and happen to remember, maybe you can include her in your prayers tonight.

I was raised 100% catholic school girl and these days I am almost 100% lapse catholic but you better bet I’ll be saying prayers tonight.

Until next time, still looking forward to a great bikini.  And also, can’t believe I forgot….. Thank you so much for those of you who sent me comments on my last post.  I really needed the suggestions and support.  I appreciate it.

So rare is it that things are awful at home and at work at the same time.  This is a good thing and helps my life to feel more balanced.  In fact, sometimes things are going good are both places.  Which I love.

Home is an awful place right now.  JM has been working a lot and running around with his boys.  All we seem to do is argue.  I seem to be crying and screaming more than anthing else lately.  This morning he told me he feels like a jerk.  I informed him that he should and that I was feeling like a nagging bitch.  and I hate that.  Usually I’m awesome and we’re in love, and he’s at least respectful. 

I’m guessing that the problem there is that we’ve spent too much time together this month.  July is the only time this year we’ve done any vacationing.  We’ve been off work for two full weeks at least in July.  Gotta get back into our routine. 

Part of his problem is just that, work has piled up, there are lots of issues with different things and he tries to do everything alone.  My problem is that there is just a lot going on, my brother is getting married in two days and I’ve been helping a lot with getting things ready, attending showers, etc.  All while coming and going from different vacations.  My mom is having surgery next week to remove her gall bladder.  That is stressing me out too.  That’s my mom……. I want for her to be better.  Another reason I’ve been really trying to help with the wedding.  She’s in a lot of pain.  My stress level is out of control.

Work sucks right now too.  The boss is on a war path and feels like every stupid little thing is worth discussing and making people upset.  I hate my job right now.  Normally I don’t mind it.  They pay me pretty well and there is a lot of freedom. 

I want to run away, off into the distance by myself and start over. 

Venting like this actually is making me feel better.  Sorry to make everyone read my whining, but I guess you can just read someone else’s blog, can’t you.

The only good news I have to report is that today the scale read 160.8.  Finally a digit I haven’t seen before.  That makes me feel a little better.  Now I would just love to see 159 or lower (she’s never happy)………..

Next time a happy post.

Rather than continue to try to count the weeks, as I am well past my 16 week time frame, I’ve decided to start over.  At the begining I’m always focused, always vigilant, always excersizing.

Now as I am in week 22 or something like that, I eat what I want, usually at night (bad girl) and have been hardly attending the gym.  Sometimes I feel like losing 20+ pounds is good enough and that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.  Then I walk by the mirror, and I see that fat girl.  The really fat one, not the sorta normal one I’ve become and I feel like she isn’t so far in the past.  If I keep it up, I’ll be right back where I started.   No one wants that, least of all me.

So here’s to begining again.

My brother is getting married this Saturday.  While my dress is smaller and I look better I’m disappointed that the scale hasn’t moved in about a month.  OH it has moved, from 164.4 down to 161.0 and back and forth over and over and over.  Jeez what I wouldn’t give to see 159.  Not asking for much am I.

Enough of the rant.  Here’s to being on track, everyday.

So needless to say, I didn’t make it my mini goal of being under 160 in time for vacation.  Although, no matter what, I still feel good about myself, better than in a long time and had a really fun vacation.

No it’s back on track.  I would very much like to make it to my goal weight by my birthday.  That being 145 by October 27th.  If I can stay on track it should certainly be doable. 

In order to achieve my goal I will need to:  hit the gym at least 4 times per week, avoid alcohol for the most part.  I’ve been drinking way too much and get back on the bandwagon as far as allowing myself so many treats.  I can’t help but be discouraged by my progress over the past two months.  I wanted to make a chart, but don’t want to mess with the computer that much so instead I will do it in fancy list form.

April 186.5 lbs- Lost 10

May 175 lbs- Lost 8

June 168.5- Lost 5

July 165-161, not sure if I lost any.

All the slow down relates (I think) to the fact that the less you weigh, the fewer calories you burn.  And also to a slow down on excersize, too much drinking, too many hamburgers (the summer bbq’s damn them) and too many later night snacks.  Got to cut all of the that out and maintain the water drinking.  THEN and probably only then will I see a newly minted resevoir of weight loss.

My brother is getting married on Saturday.  My sister got married last January.  I will be wearing the same bridesmaid’s dress (don’t ask, it’s complicated), and the feel good news of the day is that in January, that dress was so tight that not only did I wear special squeezy underwear but I actually popped the zipper by the end of the night.

This wedding finds that dress needing to be taken in two inches in the hips and 3 in the chest/back area, with no special underwear and still being loose (to avoid that embarrassing pop).  So, while I’m being a little tough on myself in this post as far as stick to it iveness, I am still very proud of the progress I’ve made.  Let’s see the scale move this month!

So, in 9 days we’re off to bike weekend and then to Las Vegas.  I’ve never been more excited for a vacation (I feel like that came out a little sarcastic but it seems true).  So in the next 9 days I will try to return to the begining of my diet, when weight loss seemed easier.  I’m either at a giant plateau (very possible), or I’m just not trying as hard.  I’m getting a lot of comments from friends and family about how great I look, et cetera.  It makes it a lot easier to eat too much later in the day.  Confidence and hunger take over, until morning that is, when I lament all I’ve eaten in the evening.  Again and still, nothing like before.  I would certainly like to see the end of the 160’s before I go.

Re affimation is the name of my diet game.  And like others, this has really become a lifestyle change, which I scoffed at in the begining.  I know it’s necessary in order to keep the weight off, but at first I was counting the weeks (intending to stop at 12) in order to motivate myself, thinking that soon it will be all over.  Anymore, I can no longer imagine the days of stopping at McDonald’s almost everyday for lunch.  Sometimes it would be the salad or chicken sandwich, but more often it was a double cheeseburger with fries and diet soda of course (gotta watch that giant figure), I haven’t eaten fast food in 4 months and truth be told I don’t miss it.

Today I weighed in at 164.2.  Over the past two weeks it’s gone between 161 and 164, dependant I’m sure on water intake, retention and food consumption.  Let’s see 159 at least by next friday.  It’s a lot in a week but not if you think I’m really 161 (which I hope)  two pounds is doable, five isn’t really. 

So here’s to salad, water, cereal, fiber water and lean meats, veggies and fruite….. and we musn’t forget the gym.   Now that I’ve typed my way through it, the gym is the most important issue here, I haven’t been working out much over the past few weeks in all my business.  Been there twice though already this week and in the hey day of weight loss (what was that weeks ago :)) I was getting to the gym anywhere between 3 and 5 days a week.

JM is coming around on the food.  I’ve been making him lunches everyday and he’s already accepted the big salad before dinner routine.  Gonna shape up the whole house, that’s what I’m going to do……