cuteoldjeans

well I am feeling a little down and lonely, honestly. I am really going to focus on healthful choices like quitting smoking ( I only have one pack left after this pack is gone) and then no more taking the anti - anxiety medicine. I feel in tears. so the best thing to do is to work on myself and to feel better about myself through exercise and making it almost a hobby to eat healthfully again with really no cheating. I began cheating more so, because I had already lost some weight. But it is again back to my goals at becoming the best I can be. My initial goal was to quit smoking and taking the other medicine on November 20th, but that I have changed now. Wish me luck. I almost feel bad for not just dumping these cigarettes and pills down the toilet today, but well… cigarettes cost money, and I have already made my decision. It’s better than my initial date of November 20th anyway. When these are gone, they are gone! And I am not buying one more pack, ever! So I am going to blog more here. I don’t this instant feel the motivation but feel depressed. But hopefully will come out of it. I am 39 years old and not getting any younger, and I truly don’t want to feel fat on top of all I feel already.

this morning I am eating 1/2 cup of pure oats
coffee and drinking water.
I weigh about 187 — my goal is still to reach the solid 170’s by the end of November.
lunch - 1/2 cup non - fat free re-fried beans with onions and 2 eggs/hotsauce
dinner - my neighbor and I are going out for subway - I am having a blt… with extra vegge’s and low fat mayo… maybe I will make it into a salad? and lotsa water.

no exercise today ~ felt a little depressed and it’s very cold here. I shall see about going for exercise tomorrow.