Fears
So, I’ve already considered stopping this and I haven’t even been at it for 24 hours.
It’s exactly the kind of thing I always do, and the kind of thing I’m trying to avoid this time around. I thought maybe that writing down my fear this time would help. I think that I had this overwhelming urge to stop because I was afraid of what might come of this. There are so many things that could come of doing this, and my biggest concern, as always, is being seen failing at something. I never want to be seen doing the wrong thing, or drawing negitive attention to myself, so in the end I tend to just do nothing and stay out of any kind of spotlight.
I think this whole this is part of the reason that I tend to fail at exercise. I always feel that I’m doing something wrong and that I look foolish. I don’t want to look that way, I shy away from it. So in the end I tend to stop so I can sit on the couch and not fail at that.
I feel very uncomfortable putting myself out there and I kind of think, that in the back of my mind I think that losing weight will thrust me out of this comfort zone I’ve built behind it. It’s like if I’ve overweight no one will see me, or look at me closer than the surface and not see who I really am. I’m afraid that if people see who I really am they won’t want to get to know me and I’ll be alone. So, in the end I build up the walls myself so I don’t have to worry about others making the decision. I can do it myself.
You are not alone!!! Everything you just wrote I have felt as well. Being uncomfortable at the gym because people are watching and I’m doing it wrong so who knows what they are saying, that has kept me from going, up until now. They were all there at one time, they all didn’t know how to do the machines or how to do the manuevers, they’ve all been in your shoes before. A few suggestions would be to find an all woman’s gym, if you can a 24 hour gym then you can go whenever you want or can. Find a friend that will go with you that your comfortable with. Look at some other people’s posts around here, perhaps some will inspire you. Just remember that yes it is a daily struggle so don’t look at ahead at the next day or your overall goal it will appear too overwhelming. Just look at today. Don’t give up!
Congratulations on your fresh start! And for recognizing your fears. I remember when I first joined a gym. Luckily we had a womens only section or I might not have made it very long. But, before I knew it, I was out in the main gym on that torture device they call an arc trainer and I found that I was going longer than most people. It built up my confidence.
After I quit going to the gym when the weather got nice, I started going to the park. This was hard for me because you never know who you are going to see. I started walking. Just walking. then I graduated to walking and jogging. I still have days where I don’t want to go, sometimes a week. but you have to be kind to yourself. Remember to congratulate yourself for what you are doing and give yourself that pep talk that you would give your best friend!
See you around
Julia
http://3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/beachmomma/