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You guys are so great. Thanks so much. 

J left town last night to take a truck load to Ohio and Sis stayed the night with her cousin. So, I was all by myself. I was kinda lonely. But when I woke up this morning all was quiet and the sun was shining. My hand was on my belly and I realized I have a little baby bump. It was a good way to wake up.

I think J is starting to realize how frugal I’ve been and how much more frugal I can be. I learned from the best. I remember my mom making everything from scratch when we were kids… pasta, bread, sauces. The had 2 large gardens and would spend a couple of days in the kitchen with my grandma freezing and canning and making jams. Then they would hall it all out to the big chest freezer in the garage or down to the basement. We were pretty much stocked for the year. So, instead of buying perogies and pasta and frozen pancakes, I bought the stuff to make them from scratch. J really liked the idea, especially when he realized how much money we saved. And Sis is tickeld pink at the idea of making her own pasta. I gave her my rolling pin yesterday since Mom is going to give Grandma’s nice wooden one. You would have thought I gave the kid a million dollars. She held it out and said “Can we make something now, mama?” But my brother was on his way over to pick her up for the sleep over. So, I have a feeling we’ll be making some pasta when she gets home. Dad bought a bunch of seeds because I told him I couldn’t have a garden again this year. I told him I would take all I can get. And we’re on the look out for a little chest freezer. Mom said we can get one for pretty cheap brand new considering how much we’ll save on groceries. Mom has a great recipe for spegetti sauce and would like to help with all of the freezing. It will be fun and Sis will love helping. When we get money from our taxes, we’re going to get our oven fixed or a new one which ever makes more sense. Then, I can make homemade bread and such.  I also told J that when the baby is ready to start eating baby food, we’ll use our fancy blender to make baby food instead of buying that expensive over processed stuff in the jar.

I would love to have a kid or two to watch. I’ve talked to J about it but it didn’t go over well. We all know he’s not going to get rid of his cats. We have 8 now. I can’t imagine anyone would want their child here with 8 cats no matter how clean my house is. Plus the minute someone pulls a tail or something, these cats are gonna freak out and scratch or bite the kid. It really sucks. It would be the perfect solution.  But J loves his cats. And I got married to NOT become the crazy cat lady on the street.:)

I’ll be out of my first trimester soon. I would love to tell Sis this weekend. She’s gonna be so tickled. I think we should video tape it.

Have a good day, you guys!

 

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Thanks so much Ruby and Ini for all of your support. You have no idea how much it means to me.

Today is a better day. Last night J actually snuggled with me for a little while. And when I told him I had a headache he dug through all of the stuff in the cabnet to find Tylonol which the doc said was safe to take. I didn’t even have to make dinner. He had Sis stay with Grandma because he knew I wasn’t feeling good and made himself a little something to eat. He even offered to get me a bowl of ice cream. J… is that you? Sometimes he really suprises me.

I know he’s worried about money. And I know things are so so tight. But here’s the trouble. If I get a job right now. We will not get medical assistance. We are right on the border of not getting it at all just with his income. And we can’t pay for the doctor and stuff without it. He’s going to try to get a couple of loads to drive so we can get caught up on the utilities. That’s what killed us so much. The gas bill this year was insane. We had 3 months at $300 a month. Once we get caught up it won’t be so bad.

Then, when the baby comes this is what we’re looking at. I checked around and the average daycare is around $150 per week for a baby. $150 x 52 weeks/12 = $650/month + another $200/month for sis’ before and after daycare. Then, if you take a baby to daycare… they’ll only use disposable diapers. So there’s another $85/month. Plus I won’t be able to keep breastfeeding as long so there’s another $100 for formula. Then, for me to get to work and back there’s another $100 for gas everymonth. AND if I get a job the kids won’t get the medical assistance… so let’s tack on onther $150 - $200 a month for that, shall we. So, all together the cost of me going to work would be about $1400 a month. $1400 a month!!!! If I don’t go to work, there’s no daycare costs. I’ll use cloth diapers… laundry and such about $20 a month. Breastfeeding- about $10 for supplies (maybe?) Gas- Maybe $50 a month. So, me not working with 2 kids… about $100 bucks a month.

Anyway, blah blah blah… I’m just not gonna put my kids in daycare for someone else to raise them so I can go to work to pay for the daycare. My last job I only brought home about $1300 a month working 40 hours a week. So, what’s the point. I’ll try to find a part time job I can work at nights… IF J wants to watch the kids. I’m sure the break into adult world would do me some good.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m very very happy about the baby. I’m already feeling that I can barely wait feeling. And I know everything will be just fine. Ya just find a way to make things work is all. Plus I have some ideas to help out with the bills. I have an entire garage full of stuff that I don’t need. I can sell or consign most of that stuff (except the baby stuff) then, we can get rid of the garage payment and make some money. I have jewelry from when I did jewelry home shows that I can ebay. Actually that whole thing was pretty good. If I could just get passed the whole social anxiety thing it would have worked out great. One show I made and I mean pure profit $400. Not bad for 2 hours of work on a Saturday afternoon. But I couldn’t seem to get shows and it cost like $350 a year to stay in it. And I just didn’t have the money. I just didn’t have the contacts and wasn’t persistant enough. I’m just not pushy enough. So, I have some stuff I can do to help out. I even thought about taking my grandmas sewing machine and making grocery bags out of recycled clothes and selling them at the farmers market. Hell, I could probably get about 100 grocery bags just going thru J’s closet :)

So, I guess I’m doing better. By the way my headaches are I’d guess the pregnancy hormones are running crazy now. Sometimes it feels like PMS on meth.

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It’s been awhile, huh? Well, everything is going okay. I just have been SO tired and pretty icky feeling.

We still haven’t told anyone about the baby. We want to tell Sis first and we will do that probably next week sometime. She’s gonna be so happy.

 J and I are having some problems though. He’s all worried about money and blah blah blah. It just drives me nuts. I understand he’s worried about money. But he’s worried about money because he thinks he needs to have all of this stuff that he doesn’t need. He said that he though I was gonna get a job so that’s why he got that car (and the payment). Well, guess what. I wasn’t expecting to get pregnant any more than he was. I just wish he would consider some of the sacrafices I’ve made by not working. One…. I loved my job. And how about the fact that I NEVER have any money! Okay, so the underwire on the one bra I owned broke and if I wear it it cuts into me. So guess what… no bra. That’s right no bra.  I don’t have any make up, I have no money to get my hair cut. I have no money to go by some clothes that I can actually button. And if I ask him for money for some of this stuff he acts like I want to take him for every penny he has or something. Like I’m gonna go out with the girls and go shopping at the mall. Then, he talks about how other women take care of themselves. Ya know their hair looks nice, they have lipstick on, and aren’t they dressed nice.  I do the same thing every single day without getting paid or even a friggin’ thank you for washing the clothes, cleaning the house, cleaning up after his precious cats, cooking all of his meals, trying to figure out where to put all of his crap… He just makes me feel completely worthless and like I’m the reason his life is such crap.

I’m sorry. I just feel so alone.