5k in the month of may- hey i’m a poet

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Yesterday was a good day for eating. Thank God! Never could have done it without him. I think it helped a lot that I didn’t go crazy tracking calories. I did just write the number down in my planner. I ended the day with about 1400 calories I think. I know it wasn’t over 1500 for sure. It made things a lot easier. And I didn’t concentrate on food all day long.

Yesterday, I did the Walk Strong dvd and the 2 mile walk away the pounds back to back so I got 60 minutes in and some strenth training. Today, I went out for a run. Cold, cold, cold. I was covered well but the wind on my face burned. But it still felt good. I love the way I feel when I’m walking up the walkway to our door… it’s such a sense of accomplishment. I did 3.5 miles today.

So, we have an arts festival here in the middle of May. I love this arts festival… never once have I had any money to buy anything… but I still just love it. Anyway, they have a 5k… so… I’m thinking that I’m gonna go ahead and register for that. (as soon as I have $15 extra dollars). I told Sis about it and she thought that was pretty cool. I’m very excited. Last year a girl did it in 17 minutes… and the guy did it in 15 minutes. That’s nuts. Hey, if anything… I get a t-shirt, right? I just think it’ll be good for me to have something to shoot for… Of coarse, I’ve been daydreaming about being in the top 3… mostly because you get like a gift certificate to buy something from any of the artist at the festival. I know that won’t happen. But hey, one can dream. So, I’m gonna start working towards building my time for a 5k. I wonder if J would still wanna do something like that. I’m also thinking about volunteering in this little thing they call “Empty Bowls”. It’s a program they do to donate money to the area food banks. They have students make bowls out of clay and decorate them. Then, they sell them at the festival and all of the money goes toward the food banks.

Isn’t it something how a person can look back and see all of the things they wish they could have done or been. All of my life I’ve felt like an artist when in reality I’m just a wanna be artist. I think I have some talent. I’ve just never taken the time I need to develop it. I hope Sis doesn’t do that to herself. I hope she doesn’t look back some day and say… ya know if I would have went to school I would be the one designing the stuff for the arts festival… or if I would have kept drawing… or if I would have kept writing… It’s a bad feeling and I don’t ever want her to feel it. Well, I guess I’m not dead, yet, right? I mean if I think about it, I’m only 34. In my family the women tend to live into their 80’s which means I still have over 1/2 of a lifetime to develop any talents I might have. I do miss drawing. I’ve always wanted to paint… but one thing that I’ve always had daydreams about doing… pottery. Oh, that’s my favorit part of the arts festival. And maybe jewelry making and sculpting… blah, blah, blah…

ugh!

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I had such a bad eating day again yesterday. The cats are driving me crazy! They’re always fighting and growling and making that high pitched frickin’ annoying screach noise! I’m bitchy! No one likes me! I don’t like anyone! Everything sucks!!!! UGH! I guess it’s the time of the month again. I feel like I’m going to explode! And I mean I really feel it! My head is all swimmy like and my pulse is up! I need to calm down!

Anyway, I don’t know if this counting calories thing is the right thing for me. I just get too obsessed with making sure I have all the numbers right. I don’t think it’s good for some one with a binge eating problem to be thinking about food all of the time. I know what’s healthy and I know what’s not healthy… I think instead of counting calories I’m going to concentrate on eating healthy food. Besides do I really feel like counting calories for the rest of my life? No, not really. I remember when I did body for life… you eat a lean protein and a carb at every meal and eat 6 meals a day and ad vegetables to a couple of those meals. It worked really well for me. Maybe I’ll do something like that again.

It’s WAY to cold to go out for a run today. I REALLY wish it weren’t. But it’s 25 below zero with the windchill out there. That’s just crazy. I wish I would get a call from the Y but it doesn’t look promising. When I get a job though one of the first things I’m going to do is get a membership to the Y! That way, I can swim and lift weights and all kinds of stuff. I love volly ball. I’d love to learn how to play racketball… take a yoga class… Anyway, I’m going to start going out for a run everyday that I can. It’s just so much of a stress reliever for me. My day always goes so much better if I can get outside for a run.

I’m skipping weigh in this week… in my state of mind I just don’t need to get on that scale and see anything other than a loss… and with TOM… I can pretty much guarantee it’ll show a gain.

noggin gush

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I took off for a run as soon as J and Sis left this morning. I took a different route and I really liked this one. It was 3 miles there and back. I’m glad I went so early… the temp is dropping and the wind is really picking up.

I’m going to set a new goal for February of 45 minutes of exercise everyday instead of 30 minutes. I’m going to build up to 60 minutes. Working out and running is going to be what keeps me on the right path as far as eating the right foods go.

I ended the day yesterday with 1035 calories and 29g of fat. The only thing I had that wasn’t good for me was a small bowl of ice cream. I ate a lot of fruit yesterday… Hey, Round, I was a sexy chick eatin’ fruit!

This came gushing out of my noggin yesterday:
I look in the mirror and criticize every little imperfection from the lines around my eyes to the thickness of my middle. And I cry for my seemingly lost youth and hear the chorus ” I’m too young to feel this damn old”
I look in the mirror trying to see the me I used to know and wonder if I don’t recognize myself anymore because of what I’ve lost or what I’ve gained…

skinny chicks eatin’ fruit

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In the movie “Meet Joe Black”, the young doctor who falls in love with Brad Pitt enters the first scene of the movie eating grapes. In “City of Angels”, Meg Ryan loves pears and makes fruit salad. In “Single White Female”, Bridget Fonda tells her roommate an apple is enough for breakfast (when her roommate had eggs and bacon ready!) Skinny chicks eatin’ fruit… how sexy is that. I wanna be a skinny chick eatin’ fruit. There’s just certain things that hit a cord with me and inspire me to get in shape… one of them is skinny chicks eatin’ fruit.

I’m feeling much better. It was a beautiful day yesterday. I went ahead and went out for a run. It felt fantastic! I was so happy! It was so warm that I had to take my pullover off. Even though I love winter weather, that gave me spring fever a smidge.

So, I think I’ve decided on my lenten sacrafice. I think I’m going to give up junk food. I thought about TV all together. But let’s face it… unless I spend all of my time in the kitchen or the bedroom when J is home that’s just not gonna happen. He always wants the TV on. I wanted something significant… not just something that I might miss a little bit… now, how does this bring me to a closer relationship with God? Well, I’m gonna need all the strength I can get to pull this one off… NO junk food for 40 days! I’ve found that praying for strength has taken me away from some VERY tempting situations. As in, there is no way I could have walked away from that myself type of temptation! It was certainly devine intervention! I think if I just talk to Him and ask for that strength, He’ll provide whatever it is I need to get through it. Also, I’ll need to find things to do instead of crave and eat junk food, right? Well, I’ll read the Bible and do things that help other people… maybe volunteer, take Sis to the store to buy food for a food pantry or take breakfast to the homeless guys who stand out in front of the library waiting to get in in the morning.

I’ve recognized over time (not as quickly as I should have) that when I try to find an intamacy with God, I need to keep on the look out for the devil trying to get in the way. When I was first saved the devil sent a snake to tempt me… and I bit the apple. And well… let’s just say it turned out very, very, very badly. I need to keep myself in check during this whole thing and listen to what He is telling me.

I finished Genesis. Wow! I don’t know how many times I’ve started reading the Bible and well… just stopped. Now, I’m ahead of the schedule for reading it in a year. What a good book. And I don’t mean “THE GOOD BOOK” I mean, it’s a good book. I actually found myself wanting to read on to see what happen’s next… funny, huh? One thing that is very cool is how well Sis listens when I tell her about God or some of the stories in the Bible. We were going to go to church on Sunday but J didn’t want to try that one out after he looked at the website. I feel like it’s something we should all do together, ya know? I really don’t want any more things to seperate us any more than we already are. But if he’s gonna find a reason not to go to every church, I guess I’ll just have to go ahead without him.

So, Sis is getting very good at expressing her needs and wants. I think this is fantastic… mostly because this is something that should be in the whole “Project Chel” thing. I am HORRIBLE at telling anyone what I want or need. This is part of the problem with my relationship with J. I’m sure things would go a lot more smoothly if I would just tell him what’s up instead of trying to drop enough hints (that he never gets) for him to get it and then get mad at him for not doing what I never told him I needed or wanted him to do in the first place. UGH! Anyway, last night after I made exactly what everyone wanted for dinner… J wanted a cheese quesedilla and Sis wanted fried potatoes (interesting request since she’s never asked for them before), brocoli and a dinner roll. So, I made dinner. J was happy with his. Then, after Sis ate most of hers she said and I quote “Mama, next time cook the potatoes a little longer, add more salt and don’t put any butter on the brocoli.” HUH?!?! J almost fell out of his chair he was laughing so hard. She’s only 5… what should I expect when she’s a sassy teenager!?!? 

Anyhoo, I have just under 3 weeks to lose the last seven pounds to reach my first goal of 165 by Valentines day. This last week or so hasn’t helped at all. But I’m feeling back up to snuff and getting back on track. I printed out some pictures of women running… trail running, road running, running on the beach… and put them up over my dresser with the rest of the “inspiration pictures” I have up there. I have pictures of me when I was thin and looking happy, pictures of fit girls meditating, working out, doing yoga, pictures of Sis to remind me to be a good role model… maybe I should hang up some pictures of skinny chicks eating fruit.

too much too soon

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I guess I was just a smidge anxious. I went out and tried to do c25k where I left off. Ha… right. It felt great at first, then about 10 minutes into it my chest started hurting and I got light headed… to the point that I almost called J to have him come get me. I was looking for a place to sit down but there wasn’t anywhere but snow. So, I just kept walking. It finally got better when I was almost home. I probably shouldn’t have gone out like that when I’m still a little sick. I don’t know. I might have to go back to the 3rd or even the 2nd stage of 2c5k… but I got in 2.5 miles, anyway.

Eating hasn’t been good. I have to get back on track tomorrow! I’m going to stick with the walk away the pounds dvds until this cold stuff is gone, though. Then, I’ll start running again.

friday

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Well, I went ahead and weighed in this morning. I’m still at 172. That’s okay. I wasn’t expecting a loss really. Hey, I didn’t gain any weight back! That’s a plus. I think this cold medicine I’ve been taking (the walmart version of nyquil and dayquil) makes me retain water. I’m SO thirsty. I can’t seem to quench my thirst. And my fingers are swollen. I’m anxious to get back on plan. It’s pretty clear that if I’m not working out I’m not losing weight… pretty typical I think for someone with hypothyroidism. I plan on going out for a run tomorrow. I’m gonna try to not take a nyquil tonight… it makes me so yucky feeling in the morning.

I talked to my best friend last night. Man, I miss her. She lives right here in town. We just don’t see eachother anymore. It drives me crazy… We haven’t talked since Christmas, I think. That sucks… then, when we do get to talk there’s never enough time to catch up on all of the things we need to catch up on. She said she’s trying to jog, too. She has a treadmill in her living room. I told her about the C25k program and emailed her a link. I asked her if she would want to run outside… I got “ah…no.” At first I thought it might be because of the cold… then I thought maybe she would feel to self-conscience (sp?) Now, I think it’s a combination.  She’s lost 11 pounds! That is so fantastic. Her story is about the same as mine. Girl is hot… boy meets girl… girl has babies… girl tries to be hot again… I think she may have found what she’s looking for though. She’s been going to this New Age Weight Loss place. They do some kind of laser acupuncture, I guess. She said her cravings for sweets has really gone down. She doesn’t even crave soda… a big problem for both of us. She’s really happy about the way things are going with it. Anyway, she’s a very very good friend. There have been many times in my life that if it weren’t for her, I’d be lost. I wish I could say I’ve been as good of a friend to her. A new 2008 commitment… be a better friend.

still sick:(

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Well, I’m still sick. I do feel a little better then I did yesterday but still pretty crappy. I pretty much slept the day away yesterday. I watched City of Angels then went to bed. J came home… we had Sis spend the night at grandma’s. J went to the store and picked up some nyquil for me. A little while after I took some, I felt pretty loopy so I went to bed and had some pretty bizarre dreams. It really knocked me out. Then, I woke up this morning with the same feeling in my head and throat. So, I’m still resting.

I don’t even want to weigh in tomorrow. I’m pretty sure I didn’t lose anything. I barely worked out and my eating… well… I had ice cream for breakfast this morning. Probably not good to be sick and trying to recover and eating that way. But I guess I got that ” I’m sick so I’m gonna feel sorry for myself since no one else will and eat whatever I damn well please” attitude going on. I could say so much more. But I won’t… not today.

I figured out I have 32 weeks to train to run to my folks house. I don’t know if I mentioned this but Pappy said I shouldn’t take the gravel roads because folks out there don’t tie their dogs up… it would be better for me to take the paved roads where people are used to seeing people walk and stuff. Good advice. So, I mapped a new route. If ya can’t tell by how much I talk about it, I’m pretty excited about this. Thirty two weeks is good, it will give me time to finish out the c25k which will get me running 3 miles non stop and from there I can build distance and speed. I think that should be enough time. I told my mom I’m gonna schedule a full body massage for September 10th. She thought that was a good idea.

it’s gonna be a lazy day

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So, this morning I woke up feeling very under the weather. I have a sinus headache, a very sore throat and body aches. Yuck. What sucks is today would be a perfect day to go out for a run. It’s been over a week since I’ve been out for a run. Today, it’s warm enough and Sis is at grandmas. If I start feeling better I’ll go out. For now, the plan is to veg out on the couch with tea and tissues. Boy, that came on quick.

I’m praying for that job at the Y. I could see me really liking it there.

I’m pooped… I’m gonna go lay down.

YMCA

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Get this! I just applied for a job at the YMCA! Boy oh boy I hope I get it! I think it would be so good for me… just a couple of days a week… so I can still be home with Sis a lot… be involved with the community… make a little money… still be able to work on design when I get jobs in… and I’m not certain but I would assume I would get a free membership. That would be just down right stinkin’ FANTASTIC! I’m not getting my hopes up… well okay, I am. But it would be pretty cool.

beautifully cold

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Last night, I sat on the couch in the dark and silence and watched the snow come down. It was so peaceful. This morning when I woke up, I quickly noticed as the sun came up that it was going to be one of those beautifully cold and bright winter days. The kind that’s perfect for shoveling, playing and warming up with hot cocoa. So, Sis and I went out and shoveled… and played… and then warmed up with hot cocoa. She’s now quietly playing with her my little ponies, completely content.

I’ve been trying to stay away from that if I lose 2 pounds a week for the next… blah, blah, blah or if I cut back 500 calories a day and burn 250 calories in a workout everyday I’ll lose this much which would mean I’ll be absolutely perfect and not so human like by the time summer rolls around. I think that’s helping me. Because if  I try to “do the math” it will discourage me and all will seem hopeless. But I’m concentrating on my new goal. That is to run to my folks (14.76 miles) we all know that right? Now there’s a date. Ready? September 9th 2008. Ya wanna know why that day? I’ll tell ya. September 9th 2008 is the one year anniversary of the day I quit smoking! HUH? Whatcha think about that? I suppose to celebrate my one year anniversary I could go out for a beer and have a smoke but I think I’ll stick witht the run.

Besides as long as I keep doing what I’m doing regardless of how much I weigh when summer gets here, I’ll still look and feel better than I do now, right?

I found two churches I would like to visit. One I’ve been to before and was starting to like it. Then, when I got J to go with me, the pastor decided it would be a good idea to explain how he squashed a bug in his garden. So, J got a little upset… “How can someone who believes in God harm one of His creatures.” Like he’s never killed a bug. He’s never read the Bible and I don’t really know if he plans on it. But he might be a little surprised, huh?
I am. Anyway, I might like to give that one another go. It just seemed kind of… uncomfortable… no one really welcomed me or talked to me at all for that matter. I was raised a catholic in a small town. We went to catechism every Thursday night at the school with some of the kids in our class in school. Which, I had a total of 32 people in our graduating class… most of which we went to kidnergarten with. Then, there were a few kids that came over from neighboring towns for it. We all went to St. Stevens, we all had our first communion together and we were all confirmed together. After confirmation, my folks said it was up to me from now on. Well, that was it for me. I never went back to a catholic church except for a funeral of a friend of mine that I was confirmed with and graduated from high school with and another funeral for another friend of mine that I was confimed with and graduated from high school with. Roger… fell in a hole while working at a construction site and was buried alive by wet concrete. Melissa was coming home from her nursing shift at the hospital when she lost control of her car on an icy bridge. Sorry, I got off track. Anyway, I just didn’t get it. So, I didn’t go on. But I still liked that sense of a small town… a small family church…

But I would really like to check this other one out. I just got a better feeling when I was looking at their website. It didn’t seem like there wasn’t as much smoke and lights… if ya know what I mean. They also have some great things for Sis… like a childrens choir. I can’t carry a tune in a bucket but that little stinker can belt it out like nobody’s business. She loves to sing and she loves to learn about God. I don’t know. I guess, I’ll just try a couple out and see what feels like… home.

So, Ash Wednesday. We, as catholics, always gave something up for lent. I guess I don’t know all of the ins and outs of being a christian but I’m gonna go ahead and do that. As far as I remember, it was something like a sacrafice of something and in turn would help you concentrate more on building a relationship with Christ. I’ll have to look it up.  Easter will mean so much more to me this year. I mean, I’ve always loved Easter… ya know it always meant spring… and chocolate… and the easter bunny… and chocolate… and easter egg hunts at the folks… and chocolate. I haven’t concerned myself with the Ash Wednesday, lent, Good Friday, Easter Sunday church stuff since I was a kid to the point where I didn’t even remember what Easter was really about.

Anyhoo… so much on the brain.

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