another new year

Filed Under General | 2 Comments

It’s quiet here since poor little Sis has a terrible cold. She’s snuggled up on the couch watching Charlotte’s Web. Poor baby woke up this morning with a runny nose and watering eyes. She said “Mama, the pollen must be out.” She’s such a cutie. So, I got her pillow and blanket and put in a movie. She doesn’t feel like doing much of anything. It will be restful day.

So, here it is again… another new year. What will  2008 bring? We never really know, do we? I’m sitting here making lists of things I would like to improve on this year. There seems to be so many things.

• Read the Bible- there’s a 365 day reading plan in the back of my Bible. I’m going to follow that. I’d also like to find a church. It seems to be easier said than done. I want to feel like I’m a part of something when I find a church. Not just somewhere I go on Sundays. The churches we’ve visited seem kinda… clickish… I guess is the word… almost unaccepting of strangers. I want to find one that we’re all comfortable in. It might be tough… but it’s very important to me that we find one.

• Get in shape - that’s a gimme. But I’m going to set some fitness goals. I used to jog everyday when we lived in Arizona. That was over 6 years ago. But I loved it. I had to get up at 4:30 am to get it in and I’m not a morning person. But I rarely missed a day. I was in great shape back then. So, yesterday, thanks to the cool runners thread on the forum, I started the Couch to 5k program on coolrunning.com. Ya start out slow… and build. So, there I was, 20 degrees out in the snow and loving every minute of it. I want to go again today. But they say not to do too much too fast. I’ll take their advice. But you better believe, I’ll be out there tomorrow.  I’m gonna stick to the scedule of the C25K program. I’d like to run a 5k this summer. That would be fun, I think. And then on my off days, I’ll try to do some strength training type stuff and the walk away the pounds videos. As far as the diet goes… I’ll stick to the 1500 cals a day. I’m not gonna be so obsessive about the calories as much as I’m gonna try to eat right.

• Watch less TV- I’m gonna limit myself to 2 hours a day… it’s crazy how much time I spend watching TV. Think of all the things I could be doing instead of watching tv. If I can cut down to 2 hours a day… I’ll see if I can cut back even more.

There’s so much more, I just can’t figure it all out right now. I just want 2008 to be better than 2007, ya know?

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

Filed Under General | 4 Comments

I’m sorry. I know there are many, many “grown ups” out there that hate snow. But I love it! I always have and I’m just tickled stinkin’ pink that we’ve gotten so much snow this year.

So, Sis and I went to Walmart this morning. She got her My Little Pony. It was on sale so she has a smidge left on her card. She was happy about that. I got the videos and scales. Unfortunately, I have a hell of a head cold. So, until I feel better the videos will have to wait.

I weighed in at 178lbs. So, 53 lbs to lose.

Filed Under General | 2 Comments

I’m waiting for Sis and J to get home. I thought they would be home by now. I wanted to go to Walmart to spend our gift cards. I want to get those videos. Sis wants a My Little Pony that Santa didn’t bring her. J thinks he’s gonna buy groceries or gas. I’m not gonna let him do that. It’s not very often we have a smidge to spend on ourselves. We should all get something. He should get some music or a movie or something. I just thought it would be fun to do something like that together. Just a trip to get fun stuff.

I also wanted to get some groceries. I might just go tomorrow… just Sis and I. Junk food quickly finds its way into the cart when J is with us. I need to talk to him about that. It would do us all some good to not have that stuff in the house all of the time. I don’t know if I can get him to help me out with that but I need to give it a shot. He just doesn’t understand…

Sis started on us the day after Christmas. As I sat my butt on the couch yesterday morning ready to enjoy the box of chocolates I got from my father-in-law, she looked at me and said “Mama, I thought you were gonna start eating right after Christmas.” When Daddy got home from work and sat his butt in front of the fireplace and lit a smoke, she said “Daddy, you were supposed to stop smoking after Christmas!” As we tried to patiently explain to her that we didn’t mean RIGHT AFTER Christmas, she threw her arms up in the air and said ” You guys just don’t do what you say your gonna!” and stomped off to her room. (When did she turn 16?) Shame on us. She’s right. We need to stop coming up with excuses. I was actually trying to think some up today. Now, that the birthdays are over and Christmas is over and we don’t have plans for New Years, I can’t come up with any “I’ll start my diet after… ” excuses. So, yeah, I’m starting tomorrow.

I’m gonna come up with somethings to reward myself for every 10 pounds. That will give me some motivation, I think. Ya know, I reach 170 and get a pedicure… never had one of those. I heard they’re fantastic. Obviously, my reward for reaching 125 would be clothes. Hopefully, I can afford to give myself these rewards. I’m sure I’ll figure out something.

noah

Filed Under General | 2 Comments

Christmas was wonderful! Sis was very pleased with what Santa brought to her and we got to spend time with family. The best part of the whole day was watching Sis  play with Noah… her big brother… J’s son. Noah is 20 years old and he’s a great kid. J hasn’t really been a big part of his life and he knows how bad he screwed up but it seems that Noah doesn’t hold it against him too much and is willing to give things a shot. So, Sis might get to know her big brother after all. It’s really bothered me all these years that J hasn’t tried harder to have a relationship with his son. Finally, J called him and he came over to my mother-in-law’s for Christmas. It was great! Life’s just too short to not reach out to people you love and care about.

I got a gift card to Walmart from the folks. I’m thinking about getting some walk away the pounds videos and a scale. I need to get this weight off of me once and for all. I’m stickin’ with my plan of 400 cals/ meal and 300 for snacks. Then, I need to work out probably 5-6 times a week.

my weight

Filed Under General | 2 Comments

As I sit here, with a pan of chocolate birthday cake, a cup of coffee and a fork, I realize why I came to 3fc in the first place. Funny, huh?

So, Sis caught J smoking in the bathroom. She had to pee. So, she knocked on the door. He said just a minute. Then, opened the door and let her in.
She said “Daddy, why does it smell funny in here?”
He said, “I fluffed” (fluff is our word for fart).
” Why does your fluff smell like smoke?”
Silence (ignore it, it will go away)
“Daddy, why is there a cigarette in the toilet?”
“Huh?”
“MOMMY! DADDY’S SMOKING!!!!”

He told her he would quit after Christmas. So, I’m going to start my “diet” after Christmas too. I just can’t be so obsessed about it though. I’m just gonna shoot for an average of 400 calories a meal and 300 calories for snacks. I can do that, right? I’m gonna go ahead and set some more goals… more realistic goals, I think.

birthday, cats and depression

Filed Under General | 1 Comment

I just love you guys! Thanks so much for all of your comments!

So, my birthday… I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown in the morning. I felt horrible because I didn’t catch it in time to get away from Sis. So, here’s my poor baby trying to comfort Mama and asking me what’s wrong… and I don’t know… I just feel like sobbing. So, that’s what I told her. Bless her little heart. She just sat down next to me, put her little arms around my neck and let me cry. When I was done, I said I was sorry and told her that sometimes I just have to cry and get all my bad feelings out so I can have a better day. She said okay and we moved on.

Sis got me a puppy. She handed this little white stuffed puppy to me with hearts hanging around her neck and said “Mama, you wanted a puppy… so I got ya one.” How sweet is that? J got me a pair of jeans that were 2 sizes to big. That’s okay. I took them back and couldn’t find anything so I bought him a Christmas present instead. I know. I know. It’s just what happens every year. My mom and dad gave me money. In the card, Mom wrote, SPEND THIS ON YOU! Never happens. It’s too close to Christmas. I guess I would just rather spend it on other people. J’s mom got me a pair of pajama pants. She usually does. It takes me all of about 2 minutes to rip the tags off of them and slip them on. I love these pants. So, comfy. She also got one of those gingerbread houses to decorate. That was very thoughtful. She knows I wish I had an oven to do cookies and stuff. Sis and I are going to do that tomorrow.  Sis and I went to McDonald’s for lunch and played in the big hamster cage for almost 2 hours. Then, out to the folks for dinner and cake.  Dad got me a card that made me cry. What a big lug. He’s changed so much since we were kids. He used to be so stressed out and kinda grumpy. Now, the only time he’s grumpy is when he doesn’t feel good or he’s REALLY worried about something. Retirement just comes too late. It was a good day.

I talked to J about how I’ve been feeling so depressed lately. He said I should go to the doctor and get back on the meds I was on before… Lexapro and Wellbutrin. I really resisted going on something like that but then I felt so much better when I was taking them. I might take J’s advice. This is something I’ve battled since I was a teenager. They say it comes with hypothyroidism. But it doesn’t seem to go away with taking the thyroid medication.

We have seven cats in here now. The four originals, Makamae, Nani, Laki and Kali. Then we have L.G. (little Gray) His dad is Gray Man… a tomcat that’s been the pimp around here since we moved in 6 years ago. Then, we have his sister, Penelope. Then, there’s Hope. It’s a bit much. But when you’re married to the “cat whisperer” what ya gonna do. They flock to him. L.G. and Penelope are pretty calm cats. L.G. is your typical boy and Pen is shy and timid. Then, there’s Hope. Remember her? She was the one that was so sweet and cuddled up to Sis. Well, she’s feeling much better… She’s almost mean. J called the vet and got her some downers. If we don’t bring her down a notch we won’t be able to keep her. She attacks the other cats. She’s gone after Sis (playfully but aggressive) It’s pretty obvious she was in a house where she was roughhoused. We think she came from across the street. They have a tendancy to kick cats out. They probably kicked her out when she got sick. The boys over there are very aggressive. So, we’ll try the medicine for awhile. If that works she can stay. Otherwise she’ll have to go somewhere else.

So, I’m trying to train them all to stay off the counters and table and to stay away from us while we’re eating. Not an easy task. The original 4 are used to doing what they want. J doesn’t share my concern with having them up there. I don’t understand. Here’s a man that washes his hands 30 times a day, uses that antibacterial gel, and is such a picky eater. But he’ll let animals that dig and bury their poop walk where our food is. I keep it wiped down with antibacterial stuff as best as I can but when we have seven cats getting up there, it’s hard to keep up. When we eat, it’s frustrating because if we’re in the kitchen they don’t know any better to stay off the table because they’re let up there any other time. They just know there’s food up there and they’re allowed to get up there. It drives me nuts. We never have people over for dinner. So, I decided that if he wants all of these cats in here there are going to be rules! Number 1- no cats on the counters or table! So, I got some squirt guns and the minute they step foot on a counter they get sprayed. It seems to be working. But I walk around with the squirt gun all day. Sis thinks it’s funny. J thinks I’m getting squirt happy.

super dad to the rescue

Filed Under General | 3 Comments

Well, my pappy rescued me. He came into town for a doctors appointment. When he left the doctors office he called me to see if I wanted to go to my rental garage to get a kitchen table I’ve been wanting to get out of there. Sure… let’s get that done while he’s in town. So, on the way there we had to stop at the bank. Then, we decided to stop at Walmart to pick up a present for Sis and look for things for Mom for her birthday and Christmas. Then, we stopped at a coin shop so he could get these little containers to put his nickles in. We went to the garage and got the stuff. Which involved me climbing over and under several forgotten items to find the legs of the table in the back and on the bottom of the garage. ” Hey Dad! Remember where I put the nuts to put the legs on the table?”  “Nope. We’ll stop and get some.” In the meantime, we decided it would be a good day to stop for Chinese food. So, we stopped at a little place with a lunch buffett. Then, to the hardware store for nuts and washers, where Dad explained the screws on the table were metric.  Back home, Dad helped carry everything in and used his Dad voice to say “Let’s get this table put together.” Good ol’ Pappy. Gotta love him.

So, I guess in the end it was a pretty good day. I finally got my cute little kitchen table in here, along with a few other things I’ve missed. I knocked out the “must have Christmas present for Sis. I got to have chinese food… and I spent the afternoon with my dad.

i don’t know

Filed Under General | 4 Comments

I don’t even know what to write, I have so much on my mind. I keep writing and re-writing…

Tomorrow is my birthday. I’ll be 34 years old. I’m trying… really trying not to be one of those people who hate their birthday. ..who say it’s just another day… who say I’m 34 and what do I have to show for it?… I’m really trying not to go into one of those who gives a crap moods or the what’s it matter… nothing’s ever gonna change… I’m stuck here forever suckfests I get myself into. But it’s already after 10 am, I’m still in my robe and unattractive “man” slippers, feeling like an over stuffed sausage with my gut hanging over my too tight panties and out of my too small freekin’ bra top that I fell asleep in on the couch last night. And wathcing a freekin’ swivel sweeper infomercial. All I need is some cheesecake and I’d have all the makings for one damn good all day suckfest. And honestly if it weren’t for Sis I’d be already smack dab in the middle of my suckfest instead of trying to get myself from going into one. She’s not even here. She’s at Grandma’s… cuz I’m supposed to be getting work done today. She is so excited about my birthday. She wants to make sure she’s home with me tomorrow… to spend my birthday with me. She’s been drawing my “secret” pictures all weekend for my birthday. She wants to do something special with me on my birthday. Bless her little heart. How did I get so lucky to get that little angel? I’ve must have done something right in my 34 years to have her.

Anyhoo, I’ve been feeling really crappy… physically. I’ve been having headaches and feeling sick to my stomach. I was a little nervous for a minute… my period was about 4 days late and I started feeling icky about 2 days after I noticed I was late. Thing is I don’t feel sick to my stomach often… actually hardly ever and the last time I remember feeling this way, I ended up having Sis. But I got my period… after I had already convinced myself I was pregnant and had several conversations with myself about how I will tell J, how we’ll tell Sis… and after I daydreamed about what I would wear during the pregnancy, how excited Sis would be the first time she felt the baby kick in mama’s belly, what it would be like to have a little brother or little sister for Sis, how we’d rearrange things to fit the baby and all the baby things in this little place… I daydreamed about watching our kids grow up and J & I growing old together with a full house of grandchildren… Then, I got my period. I got my period, a head ache, an icky feeling in my stomach and no baby.

Christmas Time

Filed Under General | 3 Comments

I love Christmas. I think it’s just a fantastic time of year. I love the snow, the cold, the decorations, the warm and fuzzies of drinking cocoa by the fire, Christmas movies… I love it all. I think the reason I like it so much is because I don’t let a lack of money for gifts, etc… get me stressed out. We stopped exchanging gifts with siblings, nieces and nephews because well there’s just too many for any one in either of our families to afford to buy for. So, we worry about our folks (because they deserve it) and Sis. Our folks are really easy… it’s a what do you get some one who has everything kinda thing… so, I make up calendars with pictures of Sis and her artwork for the next year. They always love it and it’s something they can use. Sis is pretty easy too. She never asks for too much. This year it took some probing to get her to say what she wanted for her letter to Santa. She’s just not a material kinda gal, I guess. She’d rather just decorate the Christmas tree over and over and over again, color Christmas pictures to give everyone, maybe make some rice krispie treats and watch Christmas shows. I just love it.

We didn’t go to the wedding. Our entire route there would’ve been either snow, sleet or freezing rain. J called his sister and she said not to chance it… our “cargo” is too precious and they found another little girl to do it. So, we stayed home. Sis didn’t mind too much. We had fun going to the Christmas tree farm, decorating and playing in the snow.

The cat… Hope is doing wonderful! We found a vet who was very reasonable and loves cats. Turns out she was just super skinny from not eating and she had urinary tract infection. She just needs antibiotics for 10 days. She sure is spunky now… and certainly getting some meat on her bones. So Sis is happy about that.

better

Filed Under General | 2 Comments

First of all, I want to say thanks to you guys for the hugs and wonderful comments. It’s funny isn’t it… how a gal can feel so much encouragement from ladies she’s never met face to face. 

I’m still feeling pretty down. But not as bad as I was. I’ve realized just how much of an emotional overeater I am. I’m thinking about getting a book called Shrink Yourself. It’s about how to stop trying to kill your feelings with food. I don’t think any kind of diet or way of eating is going to work as long as I have this problem.

Meanwhile, we’re supposed to go out of state to J’s nephew’s wedding this weekend. I don’t have anything to wear. And I mean I really don’t have anything to wear. Anything I could wear to a wedding  I either can’t button or even get over my butt. We leave for the wedding tomorrow morning. Sis is the flower girl. How cute will that be? I might go out later to see if I can find something. I don’t have much money though.

Sis got her hair cut yesterday. We went to Cost Cutters. They were all so fantastic. We were greeted with smiles and the girl who cut her hair was so gentle and sweet to Sis. I was so impressed with the whole experience. They gave her a little toy, a first haircut certificate and the address to send her hair to Locks of Love… 10 inches. I’m going to send a picture of Sis with her hair, I think. Her hair  looks so cute!  I was okay until I looked at Sis after it was styled and she looked so grown up… then I got pretty teary eyed.  I got my hair cut too. I really like it. It’s cute and spunky… made me feel a little better to not look like a frumpy housewife. I even walked with a smidge of confidence. It was a great day!

But we do have a smidge of a problem and I don’t know what we’re going to do about it. There was a new stray cat outside over the weekend… she was skin and bones. We let her in and she took to Sis very quickly. Which is very unusual. Usually, they are just to scared of her quickness and shy away from her. This one followed Sis around and snuggled up to her when she slept. Sis named her Hope and I told her we would see about keeping her if everything goes okay. The last couple of days, she’s seems to have more spring in her step but acts very nervous. We’ve had a problem getting her to go in the litter. This morning she peed on a blanket and it was bloody. I’m affraid she’s very sick. Her stools are very loose as well and I thought I saw a little blood in that too.
We just don’t have any money to take care of her. The last couple of times we took a stray to a vet, it ended up costing us more than $200 each. And two of them died. We just don’t have it. I explained to Sis this morning what was going on and I could see it was breaking her heart eventhough she was trying to be strong. She gets very attached to them very quickly just like her daddy. Me? I give them some turkey, some love but don’t let myself get attached because I know we just can’t keep them all. I think Sis would be happier with a puppy… ya know someone she can take for walks, play fetch, tug of war, take with us when we go camping… a pet that’s gonna play with her.

Anyway, I have to get stuff done today… including figure out what to do with this sick cat before we leave for 3 days, laundry, pack, clean, find something to wear to the wedding… yada yada yada.

Have a good weekend everyone. Take care of you.

keep looking »