Fighting the Dark Cloud of pudge!!

Thanks for the great comments on my last blog.  It is nice I have so much support here.

On a happier note, today I was honoured at a conference by the Ontario government.  Roughly 10 years ago when I was a training coordinator there, I created a conference for the clerical staff.  They were widely overlooked for training for quite some time.  The conference I created was in such demand that we had a second conference to accommodate the 250 on the waiting list!  Fast forward and now not only have there been conferences for almost 10 years, but each year there are three in the greater Toronto area so that those in the east and west do not have to venture downtown.  I also learned that all across the province they are holding annual conferences using my original template (which I wrote up as a manual).  Really, I would have been more careful with my proof reading if I had known it would last the test of time!

Apparently a patchwork quilt was made of legacies in the provincial goverment and the conference has its own patch! Needless to say I was a proud mama today!  It had been my plan to start the conferences but eventually to have enough clerical staff trained that they could take it over and then train the next leaders etc.  Well over time these people have gained skills and moved on with their careers.  Coincidentally, now two of the chairs hold training positions I had had in the govt - the one I held when I started the conference and the one I held when I left the goverment.

Personally, I always thought the fact that 1/2 of my committee went onto promotions was as impressive as the actual conference.

This certainly lifted my spirits (as well as getting your emails!)

Cheers!

Last week was a tough one.  We started the new quad (as we are a year round school we have 4 quads rather than two semesters) on November 10th.   I learned one of my students was killed (execution style) in Alberta on Novmember 9th.  (I do teach some difficult students).  All accounts in the paper make him sound like such a bad kid.  From my perspective, he was trying to turn his life around when he came to our school.  He was polite, always had a warm smile and greeting, and managed to get two credits in credit recovery.  It seemed things were starting to go right for him.  No one really knows why he was in Alberta - and the death was drug related.  He was no angel - on probabtion for some assault charge that happened long before he came to our school.  Add to that, his cousin is an aspiring child youth worker who is doing a placement in our school.  So much pain there.

One of the 18 year old gang students showed up DEMANDING that I readmit him to our school.  We are a 16 - 18 year old school.  As he was 18, and never attending, I brought him in at the end of the last quad, gave him information of a nearby school for 18 - 21 year olds and sent him off.  He came back swearing at me (seems he did not bother to go on the dates I wrote down for him so when he did bother to go they were full).  When I asked him to stop swearing he sent the pile of work on my desk (and the remaining donuts for the students) flying across my office, puffed himself up (rather like the hulk), blocked my doorway and tried to intimidate me.  Being me, I walk right up to him, pointed to the door and told him to get the hell out of the school or I would call the police.  He continued a steady stream of swearing so I slammed my office door in his face.  After a few seconds I opened the door and the office manager was standing there.  She had heard me screaming from down the hall and came to investigate. (The only other time she had heard me yell was when my dog ran into the daycare centre on the property) I advised her that if he ever came onto our property again to immediately call the police as he was trespassing.  It took me hours to get over that experience.

On Thursday my Uncle died down in FLA.  I had hoped to get down to the service but I guess my Aunt wasn’t expecting us.  His service was Sunday at 11:30am and neither I, nor my cousins from England, could make it down in time.

Needless to say…waitte and diette went out the window!

This week, the caseworker for the kid who threatened me actually called to try to get me to admit him back into the school!  You can imagine my response.  Seems he can’t get his welfare cheque if he is not in school.

All in all, the rules I put into place last quad (I was new then) seem to have brought most of the kids into line.  Of the previous group only a handful- who skipped too much to know the climate in the school had changed - are causing any problems.  The new kids I interviewed and let in are our true demographic - kids who made some mistakes but have seen the light and want to get their high school credits.  The students are actually enjoying coming to school and asking if their friends can register for the next quad starting in February.  Although the numbers are down in most high schools in Toronto (housing costs are very high), our numbers are up.  On that front, things are looking really good.

Oddly enough I asked one of the long time teachers (granted the school has only been in existence for four years) to arrange the staff Holiday dinner.  She said they never had one before!  A supply teacher who knows me well was standing there and said “There’s a new sheriff in town!”

Just wanted to let you all know why I have been quiet. Just lots on my plate…both figuratively and literally!

Cheers!

I have started taking leptin after reading an article about it.  Seems that all of those artificial sweeteners have screwed with the leptin levels in our brains.  Leptin signals us when it is time to stop eating. The first month of taking it balances the levels.  Apparently the second month there is a waitteloss.  I will keep you posted.

Not much new here.  Enjoyed two weeks off (although I was sick with a cold for part of it and even had to skip seeing Jersey Boys!).  Sadly I am returning to work tomorrow.  Never rested enough to face those teaching challenges.  AND I am teaching this semester.  It is a grade10/11 English class.  Should prove interesting.  Or maybe not!

My waitte has remained more or less the same.

As you can see, not much to report!

Cheers!

Well it seems that my chats have sparked a mutiny!  Some came back, and I caught an awful cold!  Could it be chocolate has been saving me from all of this??

On vacation this week and heading to CT on Friday.  I think I will be well enough to drive down, but I wasn’t well enough to see Jersey Boys this afternoon.  Glad I bought one of the cheaper tickets!  My night class is going to see The Secret Life of Bees this evening.  Theatre is not far from home so DH will drive me and pick me up.  He is a wonderful hubby.  I can’t very well send a supply teacher!

We finally went through the 400 plus wedding photos.  DH is putting them onto a website so I should have more for you later on that.  I do regret not losing waitte now that I see the photos.

I will restart the chats once the cold is gone.  I am thinking that maybe dates and tahini could replace chocolate.  It is sweet and tastes much better than it sounds.  Not sure how much better it is fatte wise, but who knows.  Also I have been reading up on leptin.  I got some pills which are supposed to balance the leptin so I will let you know on that front.  Apparently it takes 2 months and I am not starting until the cold is over.

That’s about it here.  Sadly, no lottery winnings!

Cheers!

What a week this has been!  I was so surprised when my staff presented me with a thank you card and a $30 starbucks card at the weekly school assembly.  Later they said they know I take a beating from the admin for them and as I always show them that I appreciate them, they wanted me to know that I am appreciated!  THEN the day after one of the teachers gave me a bottle of a vodka cosmopolitan and a large box of ferraro roche to thank me for helping him get a night school teaching gig and one with virtual school.  SO that was nice.

And my chats with the fatts is still going well.  I have been paying close attention to the rewarding myself eating and reduced it considerably.  My real reward is a 3.5 loss this week!  I had been quite disenchanted when I stayed at 201 for the week but today the scale jumped down to 198.5.  YAY!

My conversations have not ended.  I have noticed the reach for the sweets whenever I am stressed or depressed.  That is the next thing I am working on.  After some logical assessment I am wondering if I can switch fruit for the chocolate. I know it is a stretch, and I will have to look at a variety of fruits, but we will see.  I am guessing watermelon may help if I can keep it handy.  So that talks contintue.

I will try to log in more often.

I am actually finding this fatt dialogue worthwhile.  At this point I think I have more than one challenge to overcome.  I have concluded that at times I eat to reward myself.  That is, “I am a good person so I deserve some chocolate”.  In part I think it stems from being given candy as a reward by my Mother (and if we can’t blame our Moms, who can we blame?!!) and in part I think it fulfills this desire to always be everything to everyone!  So, because I have been soooo good to everyone else, I reward myself.

It reminds me in part of a line from the movie Holiday (with Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz) where Kate’s character Iris says something to the effect  of “I should at least be the leading lady in my own life!”.  I think I have to start taking the lead and be more selfish.  I need to do what is good for me and not try to be the best employee and the best daughter and the best dog owner and the best wife.  BECAUSE when I neglect myself I really cannot be any of those things.

As I said, I think this is part of the problem.  I think there are more problems that will be unearthed with more dialogue.  Still, this is actually helping me when I make decisions about food.  I still make some wrong decisions, but not quite as many.

Cheers

Well we made it through Thanksgiving dinner. I bought an Opera cake www.alacuisine.org/alacuisine/2004/10/opera_cake_1.html (sorry if that makes you hungry) which is sooo delicious BUT I sent Mom home with about 1/4 of the cake.  I put another 1/4 in the freezer and have the remaining bits for me in the fridge.  AND when I saw Mom today she actually complimented the meal and the condo.  (we moved in June and only because of hosting this dinner is it in reasonable order).  Has an alien taken over her body??

This morning I walked the dog and had another fatt chat.  Really I am trying to work through issues I have always wanted to work through.  But with these dialogues it is a more structured manner.  Does it all stem from the chocolate as reward as a kid?  Does it relate to the fact that even at 5 pounds over waitte I was made to feel huge when I was young?  Or is it a host of other insecurities?  I will say this, after walking the dog for 1.5 hours (ok add in the 15 minute visit with Mom as the dog walked over to her place (only about a 5 minute walk but he took me all over the place before getting there) I came home and made Irish oat bran (how it is different from other oatbrans I am not sure) and was still hungry.  I heard the cake calling me from the fridge.  My husband suggested I have turkey.  Well we all know that 11:30am is too early for turkey but not too early for cake!

So, what did I do?  I put away the dishes from last night and got out the ingredients to make the stew we are having for dinner.  Then I logged on here.  Is the cake still calling me?  You bet.  BUT I know I will nosh while cooking the stew, so I am going that route instead. Maybe it is the talking…

Oh and another revelation?  I was lifting the box of my good china yesterday.  I have come to realize that when my abs feel good, I feel good.  Maybe I should be writing this all down….

Cheers!

I know, I have been AWOL for a while.  Really, my life has been so stressful and my waitte has followed.  Up to 201!  Makes that 197.5 I couldn’t shake look good!  I feel awful and I have been wondering (between breaths) what to do about it.

By coincidence (is there such a thing as a coincidence??) hubby and I have been doing the remaining unpacking to get the place in order to host a small thanksgiving dinner (Mom and my brother).  While unpacking I came across an old Good Housekeeping magazine.  Not a mag I usually read, but something must have made me by it back in March.  Anyway, there was a small article about one woman’s weight loss journey.  (Ok, several articles, but this one was actually more in line with my present thinking).  She said we all do the same thing and we lose and gain back.  What we need to do is have a “talk with our fat”.  We need to figure out what it is “trying to tell us”.  Although it sounds hokey, it made me think of that saying “you are destined to get the same results if you do the same thing over and over again” (or something like that).

So in the silent watches of the morning I started my conversation.  Now, after all these years, I am guessing it is not a simple 5 minute chat - or else we would all do it and address the issue.  But I think I may be on to something here. I definitely think my body is trying to tell me something - or maybe several somethings.

Having said all this about my life, I am overjoyed reading about your successes.  So, don’t think I have descended into the dark dungeon of despair and jealousy.  In all honesty, I think I am too busy right now to descend anywhere!  Instead, I think I am on the brink of one of those self discovery revelations we all get from time to time.

So, happy thanksgiving- even if you are not Canadian!  We are made everything - well except a nice cake I bought for dessert.  Granted I also attempted a pumpkin bread.  I am trying to get the hang of baking with non-wheat flour due to my allergies.  My last experiment was lemony cookies that tasted like lemon flavoured saw dust.  Wish me luck with the pumpkin bread.

Yes, it seems that chocolate is abandoning me.  It is giving me indigestion - well some does; enough brands do.  What to do?  What to do?  Perhaps this will get me eating properly?

Other than that, the students are doing well.  In fact it is so quiet in the classrooms that I keep checking to make sure they didn’t tie up and duct tape the teachers!!  So far, not even one teacher!!

Meanwhile the problem teacher keeps at it.  We keep unearthing new problems.  I just sing “How do you solve a problem like Maria?” to the Principal and VP.  It’s a shame as it is only a one year contract, but it is a whole year!!  I hope not too much damage is being done to those kids!  So far not one person seems to be passing.  I have to ask at what point, as a teacher, do you not question “why is this happening?”.  Midterms come out next week (remember we started Aug 18) so that should prove interesting.  Right now, kids just skip his class. *sigh*  It really made me realize I had no desire to become a VP at this point!

Other than that, Mom’s memory is going - and she is forgetting it is going!  Today she assured me she does not leave the oven on!  Even  before she started getting dementia she left the oven on!!  That is the main reason I make dinner for her.  Now she has meals on wheels bringing her frozen meals (5) once a week.  She wants to heat them up in the oven rather than the microwave.  OY!  When she was in hospital this summer she agreed to go on the waiting list for a home.  I have to find where she hid the papers and get them completed.  It takes 2 years to get to the top of the list, but at least that is a light at the end of the tunnel.  IF she is even alive in 2 years, she will bloody well need a home!!!  Between her lungs going and the brain going…AGAIN I say “OY”.

Have a good weekend all!

Thank you for your comments.  Obviously I had some superbug as I still have a touch of a sore throat and a bit of a cough from that darn cold.  And now DH has it.  Poor DH, he is stuck in CT.  Not that being in CT is a bad thing at all, but his flight was cancelled due to the weather and he was moved to a second flight.  Then the second flight got cancelled and he is waiting in Bradley Airport as I write this for his flight to take off.  Add to that, not feeling well.  I can only imagine what he will feel like when he lands here in wet cool weather at 9:30pm.  He may stay home tomorrow.

School is actually improving.  Right now the biggest problem is one of the teachers.  He has managed to antagonize the students.  Granted he did such things as (gasp) expect them to be on time; expect them to do their work; expect them not to swear at him!  (You get the gist of the kind of kids we have?!!).  We are dealing with kids who have so much baggage that this is actually too much for them!  In part it is the way he says it.  So, he is back pedalling right now to develop a rapport with the kids, and asking me for help such as books he can read etc on dealing with these kinds of kids.

To give you a snapshot of what these kids are like.  Some actually live in the streets.  We are considering bringing in AA to run weekly meetings in the school AND we would have to give the kids volunteer hours (they need 40 to graduate here) just to attend.  We have Student of the Week assemblies where each of the 4 teachers nominates a student (so we really have students of the week ot student) and they get a certifcate and a movie coupon.  They save the coupons so they can go to a special movie.  I opened a corporate account with one of the big movie houses so I get the coupons at a discount.

You may be shocked and alarmed that we basically bribe kids to go to school and do their work.  Keep in mind that I have 17 year olds with NO credits.  I have students who dropped out in grade 8 and are, at 16, coming back to try school again.  We become their parents and their role models.  When I first started teaching I taught kids who actually dreaded Christmas break because we were the most stable adults in their lives and they would be without us and with their parents.  One kid, at 13, went to court to be legally removed from his parents.  I teach kids who when I meet their parents and see how they interact with their kids I want to encourage the kid to run away from home (no, I don’t say it, but I want to!).

Apparently the person previously in my position did not have the easiest personality to work with.  (not that I am any great shakes) so I have also worked on being supportive of the staff.  I believe that if the staff know they are appreciated, then they go into the classroom with a better attitude and can focus on the kids.  I think we have all had bosses who were so awful to work with that we spent the afternoon rehashing arguments and not really working?!  Not an option when teaching these types of kids, so I try to make it as pleasant a work environment as I can.  Sometimes all that takes is buying a dozen donuts for the staff meeting so people get a treat while there.  I think it is a small price to pay.

As for the title of this posting.  I went to my favourite Goodwill on the weekend.  I should comment that this is the Goodwill that a fair chunk of wealthy women in Toronto drop their barely worn stuff in.  I tried on about 12 pairs of dress pants for work.  A pair of Ralph Lauren pants fit but they were pleated so not a great look.  A pair of Bob Mackie pants fit but didn’t look great.  I settled for a pair of Liz Clairborne pants.  The price for any of these?  $6.99.  They look practically new.  So, you see why I love to shop there.  And there is my constant dream that I only need them for a few months before I lose waitte so why spend a lot of money?!!  During my quest I found soooo many great pairs of pants, and suits but in a size 12.  I am a 14 - 16.  So, you can understand my pain!

I will try to be more faithful with my postings!