Fighting the Dark Cloud of pudge!!

Well it seems that my chats have sparked a mutiny!  Some came back, and I caught an awful cold!  Could it be chocolate has been saving me from all of this??

On vacation this week and heading to CT on Friday.  I think I will be well enough to drive down, but I wasn’t well enough to see Jersey Boys this afternoon.  Glad I bought one of the cheaper tickets!  My night class is going to see The Secret Life of Bees this evening.  Theatre is not far from home so DH will drive me and pick me up.  He is a wonderful hubby.  I can’t very well send a supply teacher!

We finally went through the 400 plus wedding photos.  DH is putting them onto a website so I should have more for you later on that.  I do regret not losing waitte now that I see the photos.

I will restart the chats once the cold is gone.  I am thinking that maybe dates and tahini could replace chocolate.  It is sweet and tastes much better than it sounds.  Not sure how much better it is fatte wise, but who knows.  Also I have been reading up on leptin.  I got some pills which are supposed to balance the leptin so I will let you know on that front.  Apparently it takes 2 months and I am not starting until the cold is over.

That’s about it here.  Sadly, no lottery winnings!

Cheers!

What a week this has been!  I was so surprised when my staff presented me with a thank you card and a $30 starbucks card at the weekly school assembly.  Later they said they know I take a beating from the admin for them and as I always show them that I appreciate them, they wanted me to know that I am appreciated!  THEN the day after one of the teachers gave me a bottle of a vodka cosmopolitan and a large box of ferraro roche to thank me for helping him get a night school teaching gig and one with virtual school.  SO that was nice.

And my chats with the fatts is still going well.  I have been paying close attention to the rewarding myself eating and reduced it considerably.  My real reward is a 3.5 loss this week!  I had been quite disenchanted when I stayed at 201 for the week but today the scale jumped down to 198.5.  YAY!

My conversations have not ended.  I have noticed the reach for the sweets whenever I am stressed or depressed.  That is the next thing I am working on.  After some logical assessment I am wondering if I can switch fruit for the chocolate. I know it is a stretch, and I will have to look at a variety of fruits, but we will see.  I am guessing watermelon may help if I can keep it handy.  So that talks contintue.

I will try to log in more often.

I am actually finding this fatt dialogue worthwhile.  At this point I think I have more than one challenge to overcome.  I have concluded that at times I eat to reward myself.  That is, “I am a good person so I deserve some chocolate”.  In part I think it stems from being given candy as a reward by my Mother (and if we can’t blame our Moms, who can we blame?!!) and in part I think it fulfills this desire to always be everything to everyone!  So, because I have been soooo good to everyone else, I reward myself.

It reminds me in part of a line from the movie Holiday (with Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz) where Kate’s character Iris says something to the effect  of “I should at least be the leading lady in my own life!”.  I think I have to start taking the lead and be more selfish.  I need to do what is good for me and not try to be the best employee and the best daughter and the best dog owner and the best wife.  BECAUSE when I neglect myself I really cannot be any of those things.

As I said, I think this is part of the problem.  I think there are more problems that will be unearthed with more dialogue.  Still, this is actually helping me when I make decisions about food.  I still make some wrong decisions, but not quite as many.

Cheers

Well we made it through Thanksgiving dinner. I bought an Opera cake www.alacuisine.org/alacuisine/2004/10/opera_cake_1.html (sorry if that makes you hungry) which is sooo delicious BUT I sent Mom home with about 1/4 of the cake.  I put another 1/4 in the freezer and have the remaining bits for me in the fridge.  AND when I saw Mom today she actually complimented the meal and the condo.  (we moved in June and only because of hosting this dinner is it in reasonable order).  Has an alien taken over her body??

This morning I walked the dog and had another fatt chat.  Really I am trying to work through issues I have always wanted to work through.  But with these dialogues it is a more structured manner.  Does it all stem from the chocolate as reward as a kid?  Does it relate to the fact that even at 5 pounds over waitte I was made to feel huge when I was young?  Or is it a host of other insecurities?  I will say this, after walking the dog for 1.5 hours (ok add in the 15 minute visit with Mom as the dog walked over to her place (only about a 5 minute walk but he took me all over the place before getting there) I came home and made Irish oat bran (how it is different from other oatbrans I am not sure) and was still hungry.  I heard the cake calling me from the fridge.  My husband suggested I have turkey.  Well we all know that 11:30am is too early for turkey but not too early for cake!

So, what did I do?  I put away the dishes from last night and got out the ingredients to make the stew we are having for dinner.  Then I logged on here.  Is the cake still calling me?  You bet.  BUT I know I will nosh while cooking the stew, so I am going that route instead. Maybe it is the talking…

Oh and another revelation?  I was lifting the box of my good china yesterday.  I have come to realize that when my abs feel good, I feel good.  Maybe I should be writing this all down….

Cheers!

I know, I have been AWOL for a while.  Really, my life has been so stressful and my waitte has followed.  Up to 201!  Makes that 197.5 I couldn’t shake look good!  I feel awful and I have been wondering (between breaths) what to do about it.

By coincidence (is there such a thing as a coincidence??) hubby and I have been doing the remaining unpacking to get the place in order to host a small thanksgiving dinner (Mom and my brother).  While unpacking I came across an old Good Housekeeping magazine.  Not a mag I usually read, but something must have made me by it back in March.  Anyway, there was a small article about one woman’s weight loss journey.  (Ok, several articles, but this one was actually more in line with my present thinking).  She said we all do the same thing and we lose and gain back.  What we need to do is have a “talk with our fat”.  We need to figure out what it is “trying to tell us”.  Although it sounds hokey, it made me think of that saying “you are destined to get the same results if you do the same thing over and over again” (or something like that).

So in the silent watches of the morning I started my conversation.  Now, after all these years, I am guessing it is not a simple 5 minute chat - or else we would all do it and address the issue.  But I think I may be on to something here. I definitely think my body is trying to tell me something - or maybe several somethings.

Having said all this about my life, I am overjoyed reading about your successes.  So, don’t think I have descended into the dark dungeon of despair and jealousy.  In all honesty, I think I am too busy right now to descend anywhere!  Instead, I think I am on the brink of one of those self discovery revelations we all get from time to time.

So, happy thanksgiving- even if you are not Canadian!  We are made everything - well except a nice cake I bought for dessert.  Granted I also attempted a pumpkin bread.  I am trying to get the hang of baking with non-wheat flour due to my allergies.  My last experiment was lemony cookies that tasted like lemon flavoured saw dust.  Wish me luck with the pumpkin bread.