light bulb goes off
No, not a comment on earth hour in a couple of weeks. I think I may have a revelation regarding my waitte situation. My mother (and isn’t Mom ALWAYS involved) is planning a party, for herself (not for my wedding). I have no problem with that. She likes to have parties. What I find odd is the timing. Her party will be May 10. My wedding will be July 6. Rather close? She is inviting almost as many people to her party. Mom has always loved the limelight. Do you feel something perculating??
I think that all of my life my Mother (who is not a happy person by nature) has been jealous of me. (She is often jealous of other people - although by most standards she had a really good life). I suspect that this conflict between loving me and being jealous of me could be at the root of my waitte problem. I am very sensitive (always have been - I am a Cancerian after all) to changes in the status quo. So, imagine as a young child volleying between love and jealousy? How can a child/teen/young adult comprehend this. Love should be love. Jealousy is not within someone who loves you. Heck, it has taken me until my mid-40s to learn the two can live together within someone.
Assume now that I am not the only one of us with a problem such as this. Perhaps there has been a dichotomy somewhere in all of our lives. A conflict of emotions which we cannot understand so we take refuge in eating. In my case, I suspect my Mother has been secretly happy that I am a pudge as there is less chance of losing the limelight to me. She would tell me to diette and then make me a lunch full of candy (aside from my sandwich etc). Makes me wonder. Granted I do not think she is fully aware of it herself or maybe she is. Who knows what others are thinking?
Perhaps if we all delve into our relationships with family members we can find where the emotional issue that plagues us and makes us self sabotage is.
Do you think I could be onto something…or do I just sound like another whiner who is blaming Mommy??!
Let me know what you think.
Hmmmm……I gained the most weight while taking care of my mom, esp. toward the end—-stress, no such thing as a balanced or reg. meal time, trying to juggle A.’s sched too. Certainly not my mom’s fault, but the fact remains that the pounds added up.
Oh I absolutely agree that somewhere deep inside us is the reason we need to feed ourselves. I know as a young teenager (in the early 70’s) I suffered from poor self image — even back then I didn’t fit the mold even though looking back I had a gorgeous figure. My first husband constantly called me pudgy (I was 5′7″ and 140!!! and I have an hourglass figure). So I guess I spent most of my marriage controlling the only thing I could –my weight - I taught him a lesson I could really be pudgy if he thought I was — LMAO ok I will stop now this is your blog.
I am sorry your mom is doing this to you and so close to such an important date. Just close your eyes and use her “party” as an opportunity to spend time with as many of these friends as possible because the wedding day will pass as a blur — think of it as a rehearsal for the party. Ha — maybe you can even thank your mom for thinking of this — twist the tables on her.
Joanne
My mother is one of the most self-centered people I’ve ever known. Whenever something good happened to me, my mom was always there to talk about something better that happened to her. I don’t know if I would call it jealousy - I think she just sometimes feels a need to squash others so she feels she exists. When I was a kid I thought that was how everyone’s mother was, it took me a long time (and some therapy) to accept her as she is and recognize that I can love her without feeding into her behavior… Sometimes it can still get to me, though…
In the end I’ve set the terms for our discussions and sometimes will just stop them short or call her out on her behavior. Most of the time I just try to let it go without a comment.
It’s tough though, and I feel for you… hugs!
It’s been a bit; hoping you’re just busy and nothing is wrong!