Canadian Thanksgiving
Hi there:
This weekend marks Canadian Thanksgiving. I know this really weird to Americans (my husband included!) as it doe snot kick off the Xmas season! Still, it is what it is.
As you can well imagine, my destructive eating put me up. So, on a brighter side I do not weigh tat non-budging 197.5. Bad side, I weigh 198. Not a huge difference noting my destructive behaviour.
What did I learn from this? I find it interesting that I divorce my weight from me, in that I feel it has a life and breath of its own. Perhaps this is the stem of an issue??? I feel this is based on the fact that I do not necessarily co-relate my eating with my weight loss or gains. I mean, I know (in that rational part of my brain) that they are related, but the other (not quite irrational part as that seems too harsh…so we’ll call it Sybil!) part of my brain (now known as Sybil) thinks “hey when I eat well I do not lose weight immediately; sometimes when I eat badly I gain immediately but sometimes I don’t “. So Sybil gets made at my body when it does not follow a rational pattern.
I appreciate at this point I probably sound totally nuts (and I am I suppose) but perhaps this contributes to weight. If I do not recognize that my behaviour directly impacts my weight (because I cannot numerically prove it on the scale) then some other force (not me, or even Sybil) is responsible for the losses and the gains. And maybe this is why, when I do not lose I get frustrated so eat. Maybe this is why we sabatoge ourselves? (Am I making any sense here?!) Perhaps we are getting back at the unknown force when we sabotage. Maybe our “sybil logic” kicks in and tells us that what we do does not impact our weight gain or loss but instead it is this unknown force that controls the changes.
Now that I have freaked you all out, I will admit that I am not unhappy about the .5 weight gain. Part of me says it is great I am only back .5 pounds. Part of me is just glad to see another number on the scale. And a third part of me (now you know why I chose the name Sybil earlier!!) thinks that now I can see the scale is capable of moving I am more determined than ever to get below 197.5!
So in my own bizarre way, I have much to be thankful for! I have recognised the whole Sybil theory. I have a wonderful new husband. I am thankful that I have a job I do not dread going to that can almost pay all of my bills. I am thankful that these blogs were created so that we can have a daily (or as often as we want) sounding board where we can post such things as the Sybil theory as we work out our struggles in our minds (and out of them!). I am thankful that there are so many wonderful women (who are yes, over weight!! Gasp) who I can make these somewhat outrageous statements to and some of them may even identify with them. AND I am thankful that I live in a country where freedoms can be taken for granted; where I have a good health system to keep me of (reasonably) sound mind and body.
Happy Thanksgiving
Shari
Oh my, I do understand not being able to relate to what happens on the scale. There is such a lag time between eating and seeing any changes. I try to focus more on changing what I like, I think that is what WW did for me. We had this great leader who talked about spending more time in the fruit aisle than the bread and spending real money for fruits and veggies. I can relate more to the taste change. - dritta
btw Cal Shakes is awesome and Lear was my first tragedy; I usually stick to the comedies. Totaly loved it; I thought Ion was going to never stop laughing when Lear comes opon the homeless naked man and says, “Didst thou give all to thy two daughters?
And art thou come to this?”