Fighting the Dark Cloud of pudge!!

Well, I am holding at 197.5.  Actually that is a bit of a lie, I went up and down one pound.  Yesterday I had “the talk”with myself so was very good and held at 197.5.  I figure today is the “day of reckoning” where I really behave and try to break that number.  Well, I was somewhat good.  Stress is bad.  AND I am finally accepting that annoying people make me fat!  Yes, talking to them, dealing with them.  It is all stressful and stress leads to eating and eating to weight gain. So I tell myself, is that person worth gaining weight over???  OK, I am at the start of the learning curve, but I am trying to learn!!  Face it, there is a reason I teach Spec Ed…I AM Spec ED!!!!

So, to counterbalance, I am having French onion soup for dinner.  I find that is less calories than many other choices.

Happy Hallowe’en!!

Shari

Well after ballooning to 200 pounds again, I am back to the 197.5 which was annoying me at the start of the exercise. Yes, I know it was foolish of me to get upset and try to “teach the scale a lesson” (ok and there was PMS and MS in there!).  I hope it took to heart what happened and moves at a more timely rate in the future!  It was war!! It was not pretty!

I was off work today. Imagine getting exhausted from a full time and two part time jobs combined with a university course.  WHAT WAS I THINKING??????????????????   At least the university course ends Dec 9 - but weekends! Sat and Sun from 8:30am - 4pm both days.  WHAT WAS I THINKING????????????

Sadly with this schedule I have not had time to go out and buy some hot chocolate for my overpriced and rather foolish  - but I still love it - hot chocolate maker thingy from William Sonoma.  Maybe when I am walking home from school on Sat (re-read WHAT WAS I THINKING????)  I can stop by William Sonoma and try their over priced (though reputed to be good) hot chocolate mix.

So, I was off today with an upset stomach actually and now I also have a migraine.  Mars bars are good for migraines!!!

SOMEONE HELP ME STOP MY INSANITY!

Cheers

Shari

Sorry, I have not been online for a while.  TOM came along with a weight gain.  It is starting to settle now.  And the hubby is in town so we are making plans for next summer’s wedding.  That, along with all the work I am doing (full time, 2x part time and the course that <thankfully > ends Dec 9).

I can truly say that stress causes weight gain.  Now that I am conscious of it, I am making note of how badly I am eating due to time restraints and how little I am exercising.  I do try to walk home from the weekend course to get SOME walking in.  Of course I did stop at William Sonoma and buy a hot chocolate maker….well a ceramic jug with a battery operated whisk..BUT IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!   I have used it once  - ok I am out of hot chocolate!!  You know it is a wonderful product when the instructions do not even tell you how long to microwave the milk for!!

Hope all are well

Shari

Hi there:
This weekend marks Canadian Thanksgiving. I know this really weird to Americans (my husband included!) as it doe snot kick off the Xmas season!  Still, it is what it is.

As you can well imagine, my destructive eating put me up.  So, on a brighter side I do not weigh tat non-budging 197.5.  Bad side, I weigh 198.  Not a huge difference noting my destructive behaviour.

What did I learn from this?  I find it interesting that I divorce my weight from me, in that I feel it has a life and breath of its own.  Perhaps this is the stem of an issue???  I feel this is based on the fact that I do not necessarily co-relate my eating with my weight loss or gains.  I mean, I know (in that rational part of my brain) that they are related, but the other (not quite irrational part as that seems too harsh…so we’ll call it Sybil!) part of my brain (now known as Sybil) thinks “hey when I eat well I do not lose weight immediately; sometimes when I eat badly I gain immediately but sometimes I don’t “.  So Sybil gets made at my body when it does not follow a rational pattern.

I appreciate at this point I probably sound totally nuts (and I am I suppose) but perhaps this contributes to weight.  If I do not recognize that my behaviour directly impacts my weight (because I cannot numerically prove it on the scale) then some other force (not me, or even Sybil) is responsible for the losses and the gains.  And maybe this is why, when I do not lose I get frustrated so eat.  Maybe this is why we sabatoge ourselves?  (Am I making any sense here?!)  Perhaps we are getting back at the unknown force when we sabotage.  Maybe our “sybil logic” kicks in and tells us that what we do does not impact our weight gain or loss but instead it is this unknown force that controls the changes.

Now that I have freaked you all out, I will admit that I am not unhappy about the .5 weight gain.  Part of me says it is great I am only back .5 pounds.  Part of me is just glad to see another number on the scale.  And a third part of me (now you know why I chose the name Sybil earlier!!) thinks that now I can see the scale is capable of moving I am more determined than ever to get below 197.5!

So in my own bizarre way, I have much to be thankful for!  I have recognised the whole Sybil theory.  I have a wonderful new husband.  I am thankful that I have a job I do not dread going to that can almost pay all of my bills.  I am thankful that  these blogs were created so that we can have a daily (or as often as we want) sounding board where we can post such things as the Sybil theory as we work out our struggles in our minds (and out of them!).  I am thankful that there are so many wonderful women (who are yes, over weight!! Gasp) who I can make these somewhat outrageous statements to and some of them may even identify with them.  AND I am thankful that I live in a country where freedoms can be taken for granted; where I have a good health system to keep me of (reasonably) sound mind and  body.

Happy Thanksgiving

Shari

Isn’t it odd how a few days ago I was THRILLED to be 197.5 but now after three or four days that weight has all the attraction of a relative who has overstayed her welcome!  (and I can name names!!  But I won’t!).  More irrational thoughts and behaviour is that somehow I think I can punish the number by eating food I shouldn’t.  So, as I was stuck at school last night for Grade 9 Parent night I ate things, like microwave popcorn (and I do not mean low fat!) and I had pizza. Two slices of pizza - one lovely vegetarian and the second a truly ghastly BBQ chicken.  NEVER order that.  Trust me on this one! But I remained 197.5 this morning!

Today I was worse.  I had some chocolate for breakfast.  Stop the insanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Add to that, I learned I did not make it through the Vice Principal process.  My resume did not “do it” for me.  Of course upon talking to the superintendent about my experience he kept saying “is that on your resume??”  It was… leaving me to wonder (he was not on the committee who chose the resumes) could the people not be able to read a resume?  Did they not understand what my experience was?  Are they not embarrassed to admit that they did not know the Link Crew programme I referred to?   Makes me think it is time to find a smarter school board to work for!

Makes you think….

Shari

Do you do this too?  Whenever I lose weight unexpectedly, like the pound I lost two days ago, I start thinking that I will lose at that rate on an ongoing basis.  (Did that just make sense?)

I mean two days ago I was THRILLED that I had lost one pound in one day of dieting.  Now there is a more reasonable part of my brain which tells me that really I did not lose a pound in one day and that this was probably an accumulation of something, BUT that part of my brain becomes silenced by the excited part of my brain.  The excited part of my brain tells me - hey you lost one pound today so you will lose one pound tomorrow.  AND THEN, the excited part of my brain becomes even more excited so I look at the calendar and start calculating when I will be the next magical weight I want to be.

Of course when the following day arrives,  I do not lose another pound (in my case I maintained- which according to the rational part of my brain is a great thing because it is a more solid number then, and at least I have not gained!) so I am a little upset!

Noting the fact that most butterballs like me have been dieting for quite some time, so I know the rational part of the brain is far more knowledgeable than the  excited part of the brain. Why oh why do I get pulled in by the excited part of the brain each and every time?

If I made any sense to you, please comment!

Cheers

Shari

Well, I must admit my new vim and vigour seems to be paying off.  I was down to 197.5 on the scale this morning.  Inch by inch.

Sorry I have not been online too much as I have overloaded myself (don’t we always) workwise.  Right now I am the Dept head at day school - and have taken on the Grade 9 Mentorship programme (creating it as I go along!), am teaching a grade 10 class online for another school board, teaching Grade 12 Academic English (to students who for the most part are clearly misplaced there!!) twice a week at night school AND I am taking Part 2 of my Principal’s course.  Who me crazy???  At least everyone knows where I am - out of trouble!!  As I am teaching real life night school twice a week from 6:30 - 9:30 I have little time to nosh! In fact, the first night (Monday) we had a meeting so I had no time for dinner- taking a Slimfast shake (well the ones you make not the ones you buy -so when I added ice and some fruit it became more like 2 shakes!).  That is how I think I lost that one pound.  But who am I to look a gift horse……

I can almost taste the 195 goal I have set for myself.  Will keep you all posted!

Cheers

Shari

Now that the dust has settled and Paul has returned to CT (we are going to apply for his immigration to Canada so he may as well stay where he can earn a living until then!).  My weight is 198.5 - one pound gain for a wedding weekend; no complaints here! But I still have the July wedding to plan.  The weekend proved quite successful.  Aside from getting married, we managed to secure a venue and a photographer for the July event.  My neighbour (one who sent me the flowers) was always doing the flowers for my July wedding, so that is also set.

So, my next big goal- ok not sooo big - is to get down to 195.  I think 190 is too big a goal for me, so I need to take it in smaller (bite sized) increments.  I got under 200 when I decided I NEVER wanted to see that on the scale again.  Now I want to see 195 (or less - but why look a gift horse in the mouth?!!  Have you ever smelled a horse’s breath?!!!).  So, my next goal is to get from 198.5 - 195.  One small step for mankind, one HUGE leap for Shari.  I will keep you posted.

Sorry but I cannot figure out how to add one of the wedding day photos…so keep tuned!

Cheers

Shari