Fighting the Dark Cloud of pudge!!

OK, I got on the scale and the 2 pounds were back!!!  Please tell me it was because I had a late dinner!!!

Other than that, it was HOT HOT HOT walking home.  Perhaps I should opt for the transit  until it cools down.

Shari

Well, I got on the scale this morning and I was 199!  That is down 2 pounds from last Sunday.  All this AND I am taking a terrible course (thank goodness it is only 10 days long—each day a pure hell) with boring material and passive aggressive peers.  Who could ask for more?? !!!

It has been really hot here,. and I thought I was eating badly,  but I did walk home from school and I did walk downtown (in the sweltering heat) so maybe it melted away the ice cream I had??!!   Actually there is nothing to eat at school.  There are muffins et al but noting my allergy to wheat, I am just taking in fruit or cut up peppers to snack on.  Then I have a salad at lunch.  As I was hungry after class, I will take some fruit for after school this week.

I did see a really nice looking lunch bag at Carlton Cards. It looks like a large makeup bag but has that silver insulation inside.  I had to buy it!  It had to be done.  So I can be stylish, and save money (well, not counting the cost of the bag) by bringing my lunch.

Anyway, wanted to check in and let you know it was not all bad this week.  Just the course!!

Back to my homework.  *sigh*

Shari

OK, after two days of saintly behaviour (and 1 pound loss) I fell off the no chocolate no wheat band wagon.  Keeping in mind that an allergy and acid reflex are the motives behind this behaviour, I think it is worse when I fall than for most.  (down acid, reflex I am busy right now!)

 So, what set me off?  Well, Mom was asking attention seeking questions, the pan burned on the stove, my organic food delivery was drowning in the milk from the carton that leaked, and my boyfriend was on the phone (I love him derly but I could not have a sane conversation while dealing with all of that)….I had to eat lunch in record time to get to the lawyer’s office (with Mom) concerning Dad’s will….and I just lost it.

It started with a small slice of a delicious cake (actually I remembered it being Far far more delicious than it was) then I moved onto two of the Hallowe’en sized Smarties boxes, followed by a dairy milk chaser.  OY!!

 Lesson learned (and there always seems to be one!)  I CANNOT STOP AT ONE!  Perhaps this new found wisdom will help me next time.

 As an aside, I saw Dreamgirls last night.  I cannot help but think the message is “you can’t be successful if you are fat”.  Did anyone else get that feeling from the DVD/movie?  Just curious.

 Excuse me while I get myself from Tums (and probably should bang my head against the wall!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Have a good night

Shari

Well, I managed to get through day 1 with no chocolate (except the organic cocoa rice krispie cereal I had in the morning - and I don’t think that really counts).  I slept well.  Not sure if it is related to the lack of chocolate and wheat, but I actually woke up refreshed!  Granted I have sleep apnea so perhaps I just didn’t stop breathing in the night!

I am confident I can face today, but know that Marge is always there whispering in my ear.  Makes me wonder if I will become like John Nash in the movie “A Beautiful Mind”.  Talking to imaginery people.  Hmmm…

 I have also been taking advantage of the good weather and walking every where.  Not long walks, but a few a day.  Hopefully it will help.  Ironically, the 1.5 pounds I miraculously lost reappeared on the scale today.  Another hmmm….  Of course as I am perimenopausal and my last period is now 30 days late, it could be anything. 

 Have a good day!
Shari

I am facing the chocolate addiction head on.  I know if I have some I will have all, so it has to be an all or nothing commitment.  Having said that, I do not count the organic version of cocoa rice krispies I had for breakfast.  I just want to use it up.  Why, when cereal never fills me up, I do not know.  So I had a small bowl of that, a slice of watermelon, some grapes and several pistachoes.  Odd for a woman who is not pregnant?  At least I do not think I am pregnant.  That would open a whole new barrel of fish!

 Oddly enough as soon as I made the resolution to get on track and give up chocolate, my weight dropped back down the 1.5 pounds I had gained.  Coincidence?  Are the diet goddesses rejoicing??  Who knows…I just know enough not to look a gift horse in the mouth! (hey I don’t even like to look my adorable dog in the mouth unless his teeth are brushed!)

Don’t get me wrong.  I am fighting the chocolate urge. There is a carton (yes CARTON) of dairy milks in the cupboard along with several stray bars of this and that.  These are for my Mother- also an addict, but with no real desire to quit.  Hey the woman turns 80 next week- let her eat chocolate and smoke cigarettes like a 40s movie star if she wants to, right?!

As I was saying, I am fighting the urge constantly.  But I know that giving in will only extend the pain and misery.  Aren’t the first three weeks the hardest?  Or is that a myth?  So, I want to get through the “hardest” in one go, and not prolong it.  Does this make sense?  Has anyone given up an addiction cold turkey?  Can anyone out there provide me with sage wisdom? 

Even if the first 3 weeks, or 4 weeks are the hardest, I know that, like smoking, I will not be able to give in later in life.  There is no such thing as moderation in my world.  If there was, would I need this blog???  I mean honestly!

Isn’t it funny how we can be successful in our careers et al and so pathetic in our eating habits?  (or is that just me…and really “successful” is a relative term, I suppose!)

Well, I am trying to keep my humour.  Remind me of that when the caffeine withdrawal headaches start.  I had an ice latte today - not decaf - from a local coffee house called Jet fuel  http://www.toronto.com/bars_clubs/listing/132570.  It was strong…especially since I usually have decaf due to my highish blood pressure.  It made me realize why I should stick to decaf.  Don’t get me wrong, it was an amazing coffee experience- but really, I am getting too old for this!!

OK, I am going to indulge in jelly bellies.  They are all I have left.  *sob*

 Sobering thoughts (albiet random)…from a recovering addict.

Cheers

Shari

I think I have to face the fact that I have an addiction to chocolate.  My consumption lately has been far above normal…although what is normal?  I cannot just blame it on PMS (which I have professed having daily since I became a teacher 6 years ago!).  I have to treat it as an addiction.  Of course there is the added problem that I live with my Mother (ok, I know enough said already but….) who is also a chocolate addict.  We have a lot of chocolate in the house at all times.

 I can live without chips, cookies, and even cakes.  But chocolate calls me….  I know people kid about being an addict, but I really think I am one.  No doubt I would get laughed out of addiction research places, but I think it is true.  I think you can be addicted to chocolate.  It raises your seratonin.  Up until however, like an addict, I have been unwilling to give it up. 

Really, I have to quit cold turkey.  It is how I quit smoking- granted I also found cigarettes gave me a sore throat.  If I ever had a cigarette after that I would go back up to a pack a day almost immediately.  But I can resist it as long as I do not have that first drag.  In fact, I do not think I have had a drag since the 1980s.

So, I have to wonder if I can do it.  Is it really a case of one day at a time like overeaters anonymous etc say?

 Anyone else have this addiction?

Shari

It has been a few days since my last post.  I fear I have got out of control.  Is this a perimenopausal thing?  I cannot stop eating chocolate?  On a brighter note I only regained 1.5 pounds, but still….  I feel so helpless.  It is truly an addiction.  I now believe i just go through cycles where I either go crazy or am under control.  And going crazy seems to be lasting quite some time! 

Does anyone else have this???

 Shari