Fighting the Dark Cloud of pudge!!

Well, the hydroycut seems to be working as I lost another 1/2 pound.  Granted, it may have been the exercise.  No doubt both work.  Not sure how long I will stay with hydroxycut as I am not one to medicate without cause, but I do need the kick in the arse to get into gear.  AND I have lost 3 or 4 (depending on where you want to start me at!) pounds.

The panic of getting everything done before the trip is setting in.  I was at Addition Elle yesterday (I saw they were having a sale and HAD to enter the store).  I thought about getting some capris (apparently only tourists wear shorts in Paris- then again does it matter if the world knows you are a tourist??  I mean tourists are the only ones with bulky cameras and maps too, aren’t they??).  Anyway, found a nice pair and tried them on.  They were too big.  I have gone down a size.  Granted for a while now I thought my pants were fitting poorly.  Still, how did I go down a size?  I thought perhaps the sizing had changed but when I got home voila (sorry had to add in some French there!) my old size 14s fit like a glove. So, guess what I am taking to Europe?!!  One of the sales women in the store told me it looked like I lost weight!   That I can only credit to the exercise as there is no way a 3, or even 4, pound loss can do all of that.  In fact, most people do not even notice it on me!

So, I doubt I will work out today as I need to get my nails done, go to the bank, and get the car washed (in between dog walks, of course) and pick the b/f up at the airport at 5:00pm (which means leaving at 3:30 noting Toronto rush hour) .

Ok, I am rambling.  I did manage to write more of that awful essay I had to write.  I still have 4 categories  to cover and I have no idea where to get that information.  Perhaps Paris will clear my head.

Cheers!
Shari

I did start reading Bob Greene’s Total Body Makeover yesterday while on the bike.  I am partway through Chapter 1.  It is not that it is a difficult read, but. there is much “food for thought” (which has no calories from my understanding). So I read the first part while on the bike and then spent 30 minutes on the treadmill thinking about it.  Today I will go back and read the next bit on the bike, and hopefully mull it over too.  So far, it is very good for addressing why we regain weight or have difficulty losing it.  Will keep you posted

Add to that, I started taking hydroxycut.  It may be my new dietac.  After two days I have lost 1.5 pounds.  Yes, a fair chunk is water, but I hope this will kick start me into something!  It was so nice to see the scale under 200 (198.5) again AND as I am PMS, it was nice that my breasts were no longer bloated!!!

B/F and I are off to England and Paris on Wed and will return Aug 11.  How will you all last without my blog??!!!  I am sure just fine! :P  I hope to be able to resist all the lovely breads and cakes in Paris- if only because of my wheat allergy. Likewise for the scones and chocolate in England but as I get most of that here, I may be stronger at resisting.  If I do get online I will try to post and let you know how I am doing.

Expect another post or two before I go!Shari

Well, I finally started reading my Total Body Makeover (or something like that) book by Bob Green.  I bought it a while ago and never wanted to start it.  So far, I have read the introduction and part of Chapter 1.  He seems to make sense (as they all do at the onset) because he wants to address “why we are overweight” before starting any food changes or exercise programme.  I will keep you posted.  One line from the introduction that struck me was “I won’t let anything stop me from reaching my goal”.  (ok I paraphrased as I do not have the book in front of me).  Simple words, but in some ways quite powerful and empowering.

In the meantime, I have to write this g-d awful essay for my principal’s course practicum.  It is unlike any NORMAL essay as I have a series of boring headings I must use and which, for the life of me, I cannot drag 2000 - 2500 words under.  It includes such riveting topics as legislation related to my practicum, board policies related to my practicum (and all to be listed in appropriate essay format).  Am I to list them or talk about them how they influenced me (or more appropriately make up how they influenced me).  It is terrible when you have to deconstruct common sense and put it into a restrictive format.  If they just asked me to talk about my project it would be far more passionate and interesting…or maybe not to the ‘bean counter-types” who will be reading this. Obviously they are preparing me for all the bs I will have to face if I am a school administrator!! (I cannot imagine why else they would do this!!!)

Alright, I am actually going to head down to the gym and read more of that book while cycling on the recumbent bike.  I love exercising without noticing!

Cheers!
Shari

I was reading an article that binging is an actual eating disorder that WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY  outnumbers anorexia and bulimia.  Ironically Binging Eating Disorder’s acronyum is BED (so is bachelor of education, or that place we like to sleep). Now, if we do not sleep enough apparently we can gain weight- so there is another bed reference.  Somehow in this fog it should all make sense.

So, I have been binging.  I wonder why.  I try to analyze this.  Is it because when I was a kid “getting fat” was the worst possible sin in my parents’ eyes?  Am I still rebelling at 47?  Did it start that way and snowballed?

or

Is it that I just like chocolate?  or is it PMS (I am sure I have had that nonstop for 5 or so years- ask my Mother who is stuck with my arguments and abrupt comments!)

I wonder if we, as a species, are simply meant to be getting fatter - well in the Western World (and esp in North America).  We have so many devices to make our lives easier, we generally sit on our ever expanding butts at work, and now we blog, which is not exactly an aerobic exercise!  As more and more countries are emulating us, their populations are getting bigger.  Used to be I couldn’t even shop in England  as their size 12 was our size 10 and as I was a 14 here I had no hope of anything. Last year, however, I saw the sizes were bigger. Makes one think.  Makes me wonder why I spend so much time analyzing this- maybe because action rarely seems to do much.

I think the reason I do not lose weight  is because it takes soooooooooooooooo long to get results.  Two years ago I worked out almost daily - at least 1 hour on the bike or treadmill and weights etc. I was losing and so pleased.  It would be my first time back in England in years (decade perhaps) and I wanted to look good.  Well, by some twist of fate three days before I was due to leave weight found its way back to me!  I have no idea how it happened.  I had not done anything “wrong” yet the pounds I had painstakingly lost had returned.  Perhaps they missed me!  Ok,  it does take me ages to lose weight so it was not 20 pounds or anything- but more like 7 or 8.  Still, how upsetting is that?!!

Yet sometimes I just gorge on chocolate and lose.  I think when I binge on chocolate I do not eat my regular meals so it actually balances out.  Ok, maybe my arteries are not happy with my food choices, but I don’t do it every day.

Why oh why can’t  Dietac come back on the market?  I loved that.  You took one pill a day and felt so full you couldn’t eat more than one meal a day!  OK, it made your head feel tingly and you had enough energy to climb Mount Everest at a run,  but it worked!  And the weight stayed off just as long as it did with WW.

Any another thing.  Is it really true that if you lose it slowly you gain it slowly? I mean really?  Where are the studies- and who did the studies?!!  Let me lose 20 pounds fast, and then we can talk!

Cheers!
Shari

Greetings.  I have been more on plan than usual!  I worked out yesterday!  I also WALKED to a local bookstore for their Harry Potter promotional events.  My Mom and I had been there the evening before and learned they would be “sorting” people into the 4 houses of Hogwarts AND you would get a certificate.  Well, I had long ago told my students that I taught at hogwarts but was in Ravenclaw.  Why Ravenclaw you may ask?  Well, for starters, they are supposed to be the smart ones AND because no one ever knows anything about Ravenclaw.  Soooo, I went to the store, told them I needed Ravenclaw and voila!  Although apparently my answers to the quiz put me in Gryffindor.  C’est la vie.  They also had a great sorting hat puppet so I bought one of those.  Keep the kids guessing!

Emotionally, I am all over the map, but in enough control to talk myself out of the Godiva chocolate carmel (frappaccino like) drink.  They are amazing and well worth $6, but I firmly told myself “NO”.  Somehow I convinced myself that the immediate pleasure (and there would be A LOT!) was not worth the long term pain.  Not sure if  was right, but I did it anyway.

Now, I am off to read more of the new book!

Cheers

Shari

OK, it has been a few days.  Last weekend the b/f was up from CT.  (We have managed this Long distance thing for almost 1.5 years.)  This weekend he asked me what kind of engagement ring I wanted.  We looked at some.  I am heading down a new, and exciting, stress path.  BUT as he reminds me, he has not asked me anything yet.  Do you think maybe he is waiting until we are in Paris next month?!!

The day after he left I had ballooned back to 202.  Any stress is stress for me, as you can see.  Today I was back to 200.  I started looking at wedding dresses online.  Who ever thought to make them white?!!  One of the least flattering, or should I say most fattening, colours.  No wonder so many look like cakes!  Anyway, I was on one of those charity project wedding dress sites.  Really, I can barely justify spending hundreds (most definitely not thousands) on a dress I will wear once.  I am way too practical for this, I can already see this.(BTW the charity is the money you spend goes to charity.  Although I am a teacher, so by definition do not have a HUGE salary, I can afford a dress!)

Anyway, I noticed that in the photos where the Brides modelled their own dresses, even the size 10s looked BIG.  I am a size 16 (I am talking street sizes not bridal sizes which are inevitably two sizes larger so I would be an 18 or 20!).  Women who wore those white frilly size 16s…well, I do not even want to go there.  I do not want that photo haunting me for the rest of eternity.  So, the pressure is on…as always fueled by me and no one but me.

good thing he hasn’t asked yet.  I have more time! 

Cheers

Shari

Ok, I have now decided to address the stress issue.  My present thought is if I can get that under control, perhaps the weight will follow.  Well, it is worth a shot.  Anyway, I went to a supplement store and got a stress relieving tonic made by St. Francis.  It is too soon to tell.  You need to take supplements for about 2 weeks before you get any indication if they are working.  So, I am doing that. (or maybe it is 2 months before seeing results….hmmm  I can’t recall)

Had a lovely weekend with the boyfriend.  We saw the new Harry Potter film on IMAX (which includes a 3D section).  Of course we got there 15 minutes before it started so got stuck in the first row- which isn’t quite as bad as with a normal movie).  I did eat popcorn but with very little butter.  I have to weigh in tomorrow as I did not do it today.

Back to school tomorrow. *Sigh*  I wrote up the script for my part of the presentation, and did a handout.  Everyone was to send me a handout by today- I got one.  See, it is no different with adults!  AND we are supposed to be keeners!

Have a good night

Shari

While walking home from school today I concluded that I am a muller…granted I am usually gnawing on a chocolate bar while I am mulling.  Today I over ate.  I do that a lot.  (you may have noticed!).  Of course I thought it was in part still part of my b-day celebrations, or influenced by my period.  Then I thought about the stress factor.  But really, I have the course under control (and it ends next Wed) so there is not that much stress.  AND when I am working I argue that the stress is causing the eating and that when I am off in the summer I will get a handle on it.  When summer comes it really gets too hot to go on the treadmill… but during the year I am too tired.  Do you see a pattern here???  I certainly do.

1.  I put up obstacles to excuse my bad habits

2.  There is always going to be stress!!!!  So, instead of using it as an excuse, I have to learn to befriend it (ok, maybe not exactly befriend it- but learn to cope with it).

hence why I am mulling.  Now, on the upside, I am walking.  and I am still eating my sliced sweet pepper- usually instead of the chocolate bar.  So, there are some (very) subtle  improvements.  But if I want to lose weight before I retire (and I am not that close to retiring) I had better continue mulling and come up with some coping strategies.

Once it is said and done, I have to actually remember the strategies and to use them.  Amazing how bad habits get sooooo ingrained that we do not even notice them anymore.

Enough depth for one evening!
Cheers

Shari

OK, I was somewhat good considering it is my b-day today.  As it was Mom’s 80th yesterday we went out for dinner- and I overate.  Not pathetically, but somewhat pathetically.  I did not gain weight though.  Today I did indulge in an ice cream cone, and some chocolate, but as the lunch an old b/f took me out for was a small pathetic salad (bless his heart he knows I can’t eat wheat so took me to a place which offers salads BUT today it was mainly pasta salad <wheat!>) So I got this tiny (they claimed it was their large) salad of some lettuce (not even a lot of that) two thin slices of tomato and two honking pieces of bread.  We only have a 45 minute lunch from school and I really did not want to tell him there was nothing I could really eat.  So, I went back to class and ate the nectarine I brought from home.

So, I am thinking- and I could be wrong- that the chocolate will balance it out.

And, I got my period.  There I was thinking it had left forever (woohoo) when it came after 64 days.  At least the swollen breasts will FINALLY go, so maybe I can lose a pound there (and be able to run up or down stairs again!).  Ahhh, the joys of being female.

I am off to bed.  Tomorrow is another day!

Cheers

Shari

Well, as I had hoped, the  surprise pounds that found me do not appear to be permanent.  I lost one by morning and am hoping to have “outrun” the other one by tomorrow.  OY!  Why can’t losing be as easy as gaining?  Or at least as much fun?!!

It is HOT HOT HOT again here but I still walked home from school.  Tomorrow is the midway point for the course.  How I can bitch and complain THIS much about a 10 day (well longer if you add the online component) course no doubt amazes you.  I know it amazes my boyfriend!

Speaking of the b/f, I actually ate well (so far anyway) in part because it depresses him when I tell him I ate badly.  No, not in a controlling or superficial way.  It worries him when I eat wheat and chocolate because he knows my body does not digest them well.  It got to the point where he asked me not to tell him anymore.  WAKE UP CALL!  So, I am not mentioning it- but I am trying more not to do it.

Having said that, I am off to take Mom out for her b-day dinner.  Tomorrow it is my b-day (yes, I gave her contractions for her b-day many many years ago!).  I will try.  It is all we can ever do, isn’t it?

Cheers!

Shari