Dragging my heels
OK, I fell off the wagon. Right now I want to eat. I am not hungry, but I want to have food in my mouth. Is that a PMS thing??? I am not sure. It used to be that when I had PMS I wanted foods I could tear with my teeth like steak, or a Sweet Marie bar. Perhaps I am part wolf?? I no longer crave that tearing thing. I must admit that when I mentioned it to a male coworker he looked quite fearful of me. Keep them guessing!
 Today I looked up overeaters anonymous through google. I did go there once many many many many years ago and it wasn’t for me. A lot of addicts go there. Maybe I have become a food addict?! The page google brought up also had eating disorder clinics. I wonder if I qualify. I am certainly not annorexic (actually some of them are at Overeaters anonymous too)
I actually did consider going downstairs to use the gym. (how pathetic am I that I have a gym in my condo building and haven’t used it in months?!) Then I thought I am exhausted and it is really hot out. When it is hot out I need a fan on me when I work out. Of course when I worked out it was usually for about 40 - 60 minutes on the treadmill. Can’t I just change my eating habits so I don’t need to work out as much? Change them? to what??
Part of me logically tried to tell the other part of me to just get it over with. I know I have mentioned this before in my blog. Just do it. Lose the weight. Change the eating habits once and for all. Once you really get used to a life without chocolate you do not miss it! I wonder why the other part of me doesn’t listen? Why am I so determined to stay the way I am? Goodness knows I am not happy when I see that tummy in the mirror.Â
 Each time I overindulge I am further away from my goal. Why won’t that part of me listen to reason? And what part of me is it? Does it have a name? I know the logic part is called the logical part. What it the part that doesn’t listen called??? I don’t think it is even self-indulgent part.  We have gone WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY past that. If I knew what to call it, would I be able to deal with it? Maybe I should call it Marge (short for margarine - a basic fat). I don’t really like the name Marge. Is that better than naming it something I like?
Maybe if I befriended, Marge, things would work out better? I think I need to work on a better name for it first.
Have a good day
Shari
Hey Shari - thanks for dropping by my blog
I think exercise really helps keep the appetite down and also just gives you something to do instead of eating. Don’t think of it as all or nothing, if you are “bored hungry” right now, do 10 mins. Anyone can do 10 minutes. Also, if you like knitting or crocheting or anything like that, reading maybe, train yourself to do that when you are bored instead of eating.
Believe me, I know allll about bored eating. D
I like the name Marge. I think it is important to seperate yourself from the urge to eat, altho not so much that you say ‘It’s not my fault, Marge made me do it.’ but enough to say ‘Oh go away Marge, you’re ruining my diet!’ Ok I am totally babbling
Anyway, see if you can grab a hold of some Emotional Eating books, they are good for getting a handle on ol’ Marge, once you realise why she does what she does. Let me know if you need some recs.
I call my demon the “belly devil”. I don’t want to think it is a part of my brain. I want to think of it as a part of my body that my brain can control. Sometimes my brain wins, sometimes the belly devil comes out on top.
So you are doing great and then, out of the blue, Marge notices your strength is wavering again. That is when she will pounce. Marge is an opportunistic parasite that feeds on your weakness – find a way to silence her, even if it is only for a little while. I think you will find that once your logic starts winning again Marge will fight back with a vengeance. But after logic stays on top for a few days, Marge’s voice will slowly become smaller. This is when you will do really well again and food and chocolate will no longer be an issue. If you cannot find strength to silence Marge on your own, turn to the people here for support - We all have our own Belly Devil to contend with.