Fighting the Dark Cloud of pudge!!

Ok, Marge is now safely tucked away and hopefully will not raise her head for some time.  I did gain back a bit of my lost weight, but am still 1 pound less than I was after the last Marge attack.  I consider that some progress.

 This is a tough week as we had the end of year lunch yesterday (I managed to eat the meat and veggies- no pasta and no cake), and then I met an old teaching buddy for dinner (I order the grilled calamari which was somewhat rubbery sadly).

Tonight is my brother’s b-day dinner and next week my other brother, Mom and I have birthdays.  (A truly Cancerian family!)  As I had a “wheat hangover” from all the wheat I had consumed over the weekend, I am not consuming any of that.  Unlike most people I do not digest wheat well, so I was bloated unlike any normal kind of bloating, and the rash on my hand has not cleared up from my last Marge attack, so I really need to cut back.

I am feeling strong today- having locked Marge away.  Look out pudge, here I come!

Cheers

Shari

Well, I was not very good this weekend.  I don’t think I can really blame Marge.  Too many celebrations and too many tempations.  I did make better choices than I would have, but I could have made even better ones.  On the other hand, I don’t often see or have funnel cakes, for example! 

Having said all of that, I am down 1.5 pounds since last week….well even more if you count that I weighed myself last Monday and was up another two pounds (which I didn’t think would last so didn’t count….that would be 3.5 pounds).

 I do like this diet and I am ashamed to say that Monday is our end of year lunch- at a curling club, so I do not have a whole lot of options, but I will do my best.

 As the weekend is not over, Marge and I are joining some others at a local pub for dinner.  I will try to conquer her….

 Cheers

Shari

OK, Marge won out today.  I had a really hard time staying on target yesterday, but I did.  Today, however, one of my students gave me a box of chocolates as a thank you gift for helping him.  He is graduating next week.  He knows I love chocolate.  So I had a few- not the whole box, but a few - chocolates.  Add to that the teacher retiring from my dept put on a spread of treats.  After careful consideration I had a strawberry tart.  It was more strawberry than tart, for what it is worth.

 OK, so I blew it today.  All in all though I did not do as badly as I could have, so I am not beating myself up about it.  I weighed in at 199.5 pounds today.  Not great in the world of super models, but less than I have weighed for a while.  AND if the Marge binge didn’t negatively impact things I hope to remain below 200 pounds.  At least I am (temporarily perhaps) below 200!

 Tomorrow is another day.

Shari

OK, day 3 of my slimming world diet.  I REALLY want some of that chocolate I got at Costco.  This is, of course,  in addition to the chocolate I was entitled to have after dinner.  The demon Marge was yelling to me for 30 minutes about that chocolate in the cupboard, but I am proud to say I opted for a jello fruit cup.  (Please do not tell me that they really have the same number of calories!!!!!!!)

Eating is an addiction, I admit it.  It is a hard addiction.  Maybe I am noticing how hard it is because I am stopping and analyzing it.  Or maybe I am almost through three days because this time I am stopping and analyzing it.  Who knows.  I am not going to stop and analyze THAT!

 This weekend will be a test.  My boyfriend is in town.  For some reason I tend to gain weight around him.  He is not a huge eater so I do not know why this happens.  Another day I will analyze that!

 Now I am going to watch CSI and hope there are no chocolate ads!

Have a good night

Shari

definition.  Nosh.

 Yesterday’s big discovery…I like to nosh.  Even when I am not hungry, I like the feel of the textures of food in my mouth.  Yes, it is amazing when you slow down and deconstruct your eating habits what you will find out.

I called this “the noshery” because when I was a kid we went to a restaurant by that name.  We really liked it.  It was very popular for a while but then “the crowd” moved on.  We didn’t because it was a great family restaurant…c’est la vie.  Rather like loving a certain colour of lipstick only to have it discontinued!

Slimming World seems to be working.  If you count the two pounds I gained during the day I signed up (but did not start the diet so figured I should eat everything and anything) I have lost 3 pounds in two days.  More than likely two of those pounds were the fake fat I was talking about in an earlier blog, so in reality, I lost one pound in two days.  Still not bad.  Even more amazing I have stuck to it for two days!

I realize the diet can only guide and I must decide.  As I have slowed my eating process down to analyze it, I can now make better food choices.  (well, better is a relative term…I prefer chocolate but do not instinctively grab it now…I think about it first).  I stop and consider the ramifications of my food choices.  I also consider that I am sick and tired of being pudgey and that this weight thing hangs over my head and life constantly.  I also consider that I am paying for this diet plan so why waste hard earned cash?  Of course, my mind may change from time to time, but I am hoping I can keep this up for the next 6 weeks- before I go off to Europe for a vacation.  Being fat in France does not seem pleasant.  (Not that being fat in Canada is a barrel of laughs!)

And so I am really taking it one day at a time.  I am guessing that this is what recovering drug addicts and alcoholics do.  Am I really all that different?  I am guessing food addiction is somewhat similar.  I dunno, as drugs and alcohol have very little effect on me.

Have a great day!

Shari

OK, I started a new diet.  Although I said I would never do it again….well, it is more being educated in an eating style than a diet.  One of the UK bloggers mentioned slimming world in her posting.  I checked it out and joined online.  I thought perhaps if I did something different it would help. 

The diet seems to be like WW but with more flexibility and more “free” foods.  I survived day 1 yesterday which is more than I have done on anything else recently.  “Chocolate is that you calling me???????????”  I am allowed chocolate, but as we all know that is treading in dangerous waters.  OK, I did have some yesterday and I seem to have lost a pound.  Why “seems”?  Well I overindulged the day before I started so went up to 203 from 201! (yikes!)  So, as we all know rapid weight gain like that is not permanent unless you eat like that for a few days (sealing the new found pounds to your body!).  So, I MAY have lost one pound- or in the worst case scenerio I may have gained/kept one of those new pounds!  (Yikes again!).  So time will tell.

Other than that, I have decided to think seriously about this wheat allergy I have as I now have rough skin on my hands from it.  (I get a rash from overindulging in wheat- another dangerous water as I can have some but not a lot- and life does not really define a lot!)

Anyway, you can check out slimming world at http://www.slimmingworld.com/ and see what you think.

 It looks like we will get some rain today to break the humidity.  Thank goodness as our school is not air conditioned.  Going to work reminds me of the old I Love Lucy episode where Ethel and Lucy were in those old fashioned sauna machine things sweating it out!

Cheers

Shari

OK, I fell off the wagon.  Right now I want to eat.  I am not hungry, but I want to have food in my mouth.  Is that a PMS thing???  I am not sure.  It used to be that when I had PMS I wanted foods I could tear with my teeth like steak, or a Sweet Marie bar.  Perhaps I am part wolf??  I no longer crave that tearing thing.  I must admit that when  I mentioned it to a male coworker he looked quite fearful of me.  Keep them guessing!

 Today I looked up overeaters anonymous through google.  I did go there once many many many many years ago and it wasn’t for me.  A lot of addicts go there.  Maybe I have become a food addict?!  The page google brought up also had eating disorder clinics.  I wonder if I qualify.  I am certainly not annorexic (actually some of them are at Overeaters anonymous too)

I actually did consider going downstairs to use the gym.  (how pathetic am I that I have a gym in my condo building and haven’t used it in months?!)  Then I thought I am exhausted and it is really hot out.  When it is hot out I need a fan on me when I work out.  Of course when I worked out it was usually for about 40 - 60 minutes on the treadmill.  Can’t I just change my eating habits so I don’t need to work out as much?  Change them?  to what??

Part of me logically tried to tell the other part of me to just get it over with.  I know I have mentioned this before in my blog.  Just do it.  Lose the weight.  Change the eating habits once and for all.  Once you really get used to a life without chocolate you do not miss it!  I wonder why the other part of me doesn’t listen?  Why am I so determined to stay the way I am?  Goodness knows I am not happy when I see that tummy in the mirror. 

 Each time I overindulge I am further away from my goal.  Why won’t that part of me listen to reason?  And what part of me is it?  Does it have a name?  I know the logic part is called the logical part.  What it the part that doesn’t listen called???  I don’t think it is even self-indulgent part.   We have gone WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY  past that.  If I knew what to call it, would I be able to deal with it?  Maybe I should call it Marge (short for margarine - a basic fat).  I don’t really like the name Marge.  Is that better than naming it something I like?

Maybe if I befriended, Marge, things would work out better?  I think I need to work on a better name for it first.

Have a good day

Shari

I am going through a rough patch.  Not exactly sure why. Maybe just everything is coming to a head.  Maybe we just all live with so much stress all the time, that we do not even notice it anymore.  Rather like those fears that kids become tolerant of violence on TV simply through repeated exposure.

 My sweet peppers sit, sliced, in the fridge and I am making bad choices.  Oddly enough we reprimand kids for making bad choices yet we ourselves (I am taking the leap that I am not alone on this) do it without comment.

Each time there are new stresses, I fall back onto old habits.  Do old habits ever die?  A few years ago I lost 19 pounds at WW.  I had a new skill set, but when things got bad even a year of good behaviour did not kill my old habits. 

Maybe we are just too hard on ourselves and should just gt over the overweight thing.  Societywise I mean.  Maybe we should just focus all this “fat energy” onto global issues like poverty, hunger, global warming.  I wonder how much we could improve the world if we did that?

 sobering thoughts!
Shari

Well, it seems I have the week days at work plotted out.  (Of course being a teacher, all hell will break lose in a few weeks when my schedule changes and I have to replan!)  Now I need a plan for the weekends.  Yes, I had dreams of eating light, snacking on fat free yogurt and the like, BUTTTTTTTTTTTTT, I was tempted by chocolate and other lovely things.

 So, I am going to come up with a plan to put into place next week.  Anyone have any suggestions?  I only regained .5 of the pounds I lost (so am down 4 pounds in all- nothing to write Oprah about, but much better than going up!) and it could be the ever boding PMS, but I am no going to rely on excuses like that.  I want to get down down down. 

Please post your suggestions for being “good” over the weekend.

 Have a great day!
Shari

Ok, this sweet pepper thing seems to be working.  How long before I get sick of it?  Who knows!  Who cares!  At least Iam ok now.  AND I did not even eat the entire pepper today!  So there!

I am feeling better about my weight…I know it is only a few pounds, but I am below 200!  (I number I NEVER dreamt I would ever reach in the first place!!!).  Small steps.

Granted I still eat my chocolate…but less of it.  So, so far so good.  (that was a lot of “so”s in one sentence!)

No new reflections or revelations today, just feeling good and hoping I can keep this up.  My dream is to get down to 192 by June 22 to surprise my boyfriend.  OK, I know we are supposed to do this for ourselves and not others but it would be nice to be down to the weight I was when we met.  AND June 22 is the next time I can see him (long distance relationship for those just joining the tour!).  If I do not make that goal he won’t be upset.  In fact, I won’t be upset…tad disappointed, but it is not like I have not had weight loss disappointments before!  Has anyone trying to lose weight not had weight loss disappointments?!!

Anyway, I figure 192 is a good first goal and all good goals should have a time frame.  As the saying goes, write your goal in concrete and your plans in sand (ok, maybe not the exact words) as your goal doesn’t change but life can impact your plans.

Now, if I can only survive this PMS!  Hand me my light sabre!

 Cheers

Shari