butterfly emerging soon

SW: 263

GW:165

TW:199

Oh holy crap! I am ovulating and bloated to all to heck. My fingers are even hard to bend. I am cramping and put on two pound in water weight. It is 199.8 to be exact. I think God in His mercy kept it under a number as to not have me melt down completely.  sigh   All of the other pounds though are allllll my own damned doing.

I have been stressed out. My eldest DS will have to leave where he is going to culinary school early. he has no money, no job, no car, and frankly no drivers licence.  He will be with us for at least a year unless we can sell the house  and be in a position to help him out.  sigh   This on top of teaching my 9 year old at home, my 2 year old might be starting therapy within a few weeks and i am beginning to feel like I am drowning.

Okay Joy, enough pity party and self pity. I need to think of ways to cope through this rather than just feeling sorry for myself and taking it out on DH because he gets to go to work and escape all of this. YES    

    I actually said that!  I am not proud of myself. But it is how I feel. I love my kids so deeply and dearly but I am soooooo darned green with envy of women who can go to work with real grown up human beings.   Okay    SNAP out of it!  

Good news!!!!

I did a KICK AS- workout this morning! I mean there were times where I was working so hard I was shaking. I REALLY needed to work off some bad vibes and so I pushed myself real hard. My arms hurt so much it hurts to lift my arms to type!  LOL        To me that is good news!       

Last day of the week to teach. Saturday is my cleaning day and Sunday church! Boy oh boy do I need church and rest this Sunday!  For now toodles!

FOOD TODAY

Snow, snow, and more snow!  I can remember a looooooong long time ago when I was little and my mom would dress us so warm we could barely move. She even used old plastic bread bags inside of our boots to keep our feet dry. I would love to go out and play in the snow. I would make snow angels, build forts with snow out of empty coffee cans , and have snowball fights with my two brothers and my little sis.  Now when I go out it is to shovel snow, or to get from the house to the car as fast as I can .  DH and I used to cross country ski waaaay back BK  (before kids). We got rid of our equipment a long time ago when we realized that this sport was a thing of our past. I like taking long hikes as long as I dress warm but taking a two year old would not work.  LOL  He can barely manage to move after i am done getting him bundled up for our OHIO Arctic weather!   LOL         Sooooooo I guess for now I have to be a indoor gal as far as working out in winter.  I did a kick butt workout this morning. It was only 20 minutes but it was a cross train with weights. My arms are now rubber bands!   LOL            ;)  I have to go out and buy the one she did that has weight and a ton of squats. Oh man does it kill but you can feel your butt being re-shaped!

I am going to really commit today to keeping what I eat in check with my points. I went shopping last night a bought a TON of fresh fruit and veggies, a ton of chicken, and other healthy in my points range stuff. 

Well I guess that is it for now, I will try and get on during a break from teaching or lunch hour. Toodles!

SW:263

GW:165

TW: 197.2

Cold air, winter rain/sleet, icy roads fun, fun, fun. It makes me truly question why anyone (including me) would opt to live in OHIO?!  I like the weather here mid April through November and then the rest is truly downhill.  I like being out of doors , in fresh, warm air. Working out and staying active is so much easier when it is warm. You can hop on a bike or put on some walking shoes and just go. 

Okay quite enough complaining for one day.

I am thinking of joining weight watchers once again and going to the meetings for a while until I can myself truly back on track and in a ‘good place’ once again. I am enjoying the workouts. Patty is right the aerobics is much better to get the heart rate up and going. I got a step but need to buy a DVD to remind me of all of the step moves. I also have to have DH upload my MP3 player that I got for Christmas. I am hopeless when it comes to gadgets and the computer. 

After I did my Bible study this morning I did a short devotion. It had something really cool in it that I want to share.  It was talking about Come to a H.A.L.T .  Meaning when we are feeling hungry, angry, lonely, or tired we should not make any snap judgments.  That makes so much sense in the diet way as well. (Yes I used the four letter word-sorry).  NEVER shop hungry period. Do not make a choice to eat right away when angry, lonely, or tired. I should say that should go for being bored as well.  That is a HUGE part of what killed my diet this Christmas. I was off from teaching so I got real bored. I did not have the usual time crunches that I was used to. Too much down time, being bored was a HUGE factor for me. Anywhooo I just wanted to share that little tidbit.

I watched 1/2 of The Biggest Loser last night. I was so tired I just had to go to bed. I have to go on the site and catch up. Or can anyone tell me who got voted off?

Well off to my day of teaching, cleaning, laundry etc…. I am so glad to be busy once again.

Toodles!

 ~~~~~~

FOOD TODAY

fruit salad (pomegranates, mango, blueberries, pineapple)

1 soy chicken patty

1 whole grain eng. muffin

3 pickles

raw carrots and celery

1 bag popcorn

apple

grapes

1 chicken sandwich

onion rings (UH OH)

rice dream  (double UH OH)

SW: 263

GW: 165

TW: 197.5

Okay I am down a tad. Not that I deserve it after eating that brownie.  However I can feel that I am back on track. 

I watched The Body Challenge last night. While I like the people that they have who need to lose weight the coaches kind of stink . That guy who is a trainer has a mouth on him and was putting those people down left and right. Honesty is one thing but cruelty quite another! Plus what the heck is with these people having to live in army tents??? Punish the fat people??? I am not sure i will keep watching this one.

I did not stay up long enough to see Dietribe. How was it??  I hope that they re-show it at an earlier hour so I can see it.

I am so busy and on the road yet again today. My DS has a class and then I have an appointment to get the all clear before I go back on ALLI. Yeppers I am going to pop that little baby twice a day for a month to help boost my initial loss. It worked well the first time. I just need to make sure I take all of my vitamins esp. my fish pills and B complex vitamins which Alli depletes.

I was watching this cooking show called Nigella Bites. She showed some super yummy healthy dishes that I have to research the calories but I want to share before I forget.

Super salad

• 1   cup cooked and cooled cellophane noodles (or whole wheat very thin pasta)
• 2  cups each sugar peas and bean sprouts blanched and cold water shocked
• 1 cup fresh cilantro
• 2 cups pre-cooked shrimp
• DRESSING ( 1/2 tsp. sesame oil, 1 tsp. veg. or nut oil, 2 TB EACH or grated garlic and ginger, a small chili pepper ((no seeds)) minced tiny, juice from one lime, zest from one lime, 4 TB rice vinegar, 2 TB water)  ~~whisk Dressing in with Cilantro, then mix in shrimp. let set for 5 minutes and mix in rest of ingred. serve right away.

Great as a main dish. She did not list calories but I am not thinking it is real high. I have to look up cell. noodles to see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fruit salad

• 1 mango peeled and chopped
• 2 cups blueberries
• 1 pomegranate
• juice from one blood orange or lime

Put mango and berries in bowl. Cut Pom in half and whack the seeds into the fruit. Then squeeze the fruit juice from the Pom. in as well. Cut orange or lime in half and squeeze the juice into the fruit. I add one packet of stevia to all fruit to cut acid level.  OMgoodness this stuff is addictive!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FIG Dessert

• 1 large   fresh fig per person
• 1/2 cup Greek or vanilla fat free yogurt
• juice from orange, blood orange, or clementine
• 1 tsp. honey per person
• 1 tsp. pistachios per person

Quarter figs and put in bowl. put juice from fruit over figs. Add yogurt on top of figs . drizzle honey and then nuts on top. It is Dessert but it is healthy and good!  Good for company!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You will like this salmon

• 4 ounce salmon each person
• 1 cup raw spinach each person
• 1 cup arugula each person
• 1/4 avocado diced each person
• 1 TB pumkin seeds each person
• DRESSING  (juice and zest from one lime, 1 Tsp. olive oil, 4 TB white vinegar, 2 green onions sliced very thinly)  This is for one person .

Coat fish in spice mix of your choice. I like Mrs. Dash. Cook on george forman grill

Put greens on plate, add avocado

put cooked salmon on top and top with dressing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Toodles!

 FOOD TODAY

• 1 grapefruit with stevia
• 1 rye toast with 1 tsp org. butter
• greens, red onions, peppers, grated carrots/ 1 TB lt. crm, cheese/ 1 tortilla
• 1 orange
• carrots
• hummus
• apple
• BBQ chicken breast
• baked sweet potato fries
• carrots
• mint carob chip frozen rice milk

Did not do as well as I wanted to.  I am happy about the fruit and the water though. 

I also did a kick AS_ workout this morning and I am soooo sore!  I love the aerobics mixed with intervals of weights. It is sooo great!!!!

Toodles!

I feel almost manic with how busy i have been these past few days.

Yesterday we dropped our eldest DS off so he could go back to school. It will be another 6 months before I get to see him.  sniff sniff  

Today my second youngest DS has a class at the library, so I start my first day back teaching on the road. That means prepping what can be don in the van and what has to wait till we get back home.

The house is back to normal with no Christmas decorations left except outdoor lights. I am still finding glitter on the floor though.

I have to be real honest that I have not been doing real well on my diet. I am eating a TON of raw fruits and veggies and drinking a TON of water. I am also eating carbs and they are wreaking havoc on my body. I am going to have to carb detox and soon. I made the huge mistake of eating white rice with stir fry, white pasta with a 3 olive and caper red sauce, yellow corn taco shells with turkey tacos and chocolate. WTHELLLLLO?  I was doing well and now I am just doing like crap.  The problem is when I am eating crap it is not worth it but the fillet Mignon’s , the chicken cordon bleu, the chocolate mouse is alllllll too good. Patty is right though that most of it is not worth it and I know it.  I have to get together a 911 menu for a week or so to detox myself from all of the sugar/carbs/fat.  enough is enough.

Well off to my fun day

toodles

 ~~~~~~~~6 p.m.

being a female I have the shopping gene in me. I have shopped for purses, shoes, clothes, books, makeup, perfume etc…… I have found yet another store that satisfies my fix for shopping. Trader Joes. I found one about 35 minutes from where we live so i cannot go often. However that being said I LLLLLOOOOOOOVVVVVEEE all of the organic, healthy, unique choices of any kind of food, beverage, and even some cleaning products.  I could feel my DH cringing as i ooohed and ahhhed over the organic pomegranates that I have a fruit salad recipe for. The steel cut oats from Ireland, loose organic tea from England, meringue cookies from France. I was in HEAVEN!!!! I think my DH was in Hell-o!   LOL  I was good I bought some hummus, some stevia, some organic oranges, and a grasshopper brownie for my DS who was drooling at the bakery counter  LOL    I am going to wait to buy the fruit and veggies till I need them for the fruit salad and the stir fry.

TV ALERT!!!!!!

Tonight at 8 pm     (DHC  Discovery Health Chan.)     Body Challenge

TONIGHT  10 pm    (Life chan.)   DIETRIBE

Speaking of TV I watched  Oprah today and she talked in depth about her weight gain, the whys, and how she will be changing things. She also had Carnie Wilson on who had that operation to lose 130 pounds and regained most then lost most of that. It was a compelling show, real down to earth truths. I LOVE it when people are real and honest about themselves and the real reasons they do things. She was very, very honest and I respect that a great deal. She also had on Bob Greene which is a diet /workout specialist who has some really good books out. I like his theory behind his writing which is basic. Eat healthy, eat less, drink a ton of water, workout. end of story.  Simple .

Well I have to dash  busy, busy, busy.

DS has yet another class in computer science (he is now more advanced than me at 9 years old!)  LOL  I can e-mail, blog, and web search. That is all!!  Toodles!

FOOD today

• cream of wheat
• banana
• almond milk
• huge salad with (peas, greens, red onion, chic peas, sweet peppers, cucumbers, tomatoes, celery, carrots and diet ranch dressing
• 1 chicken breast
• 1 organic vegan chocolate chip/coffee/mocha frosted brownie  (UH OH)  
• 3 cups greens
• 3 ounces ground turkey
• 1 ounce organic cheese
• 5 organic whole grain taco chips
• 1 tb. salsa mixed with light ranch dressing on top of above taco salad

Not the greatest day.

Toodles

Well my eldest DS will be heading back to where he goes to culinary school on Sunday after church. It feels like he just came home lugging all of his dirty laundry for me to wash.  These few weeks fairly flew and now it is time for him to leave.

Speaking of where did the time go I got an early start to some serious cleaning. The kitchen alone took forever. Between the toaster, toaster oven, mic. oven, stove top, fridge, coffee maker, the island, the pantry, the floor. and the garbage can I was over an hour into the work before I knew what hit me.

I took a quick break to play with my youngest DS and then off to the main bathroom, master bedroom, parlor, family room, and the youngest boys bedroom. OMgoodness!  I love my boys, dearly, they are a light in my life and a gift from God. That being said boys can be such PIGS!!!!!! I wonder how many calories I burned cleaning today????  LOL

Well off to change the baby , put him down for a nap. wash lunch dishes and then the rest of the afternoon is MINE that is until DH gets  back from the airport. Then we are off to do some quick errands. So if i don’t get back on sooner. Toodles and have a nice weekend.

FOOD SO FAR

• segments from 3 grapefruits with splendra
• 2 rye toast
• 1 apple
• carrots raw
• celery raw
• cucumber raw
• low fat dip
• ww pizza

SW:263

GW:165

TW:198.4

I can give up and or temper my eating habits on a lot of things.  This Christmas has been one big excpetion though. However in the overall time period I can give up a ton of carby foods such as white rice, bread, pasta, etc…. I can temper my chocolate fixes to be low carb or WW type. One thing i cannot do without is caffeine. Give me my coffee, give me my super strong Irish tea!!! Hot, iced, latte, chai etc…… Get the picture? If I had to choose between the two food or caffeine I would have to choose caffeine . Isnt that sick????? Let me defend myself. I am a FEMALE and as such wear many hats that require energy all of the time! Second it is the one last thing that I can have other than water that is calorie free with the benefit of waking me up or keeping me awake.  How about you chickies? What is the one thing you wont give up????

Thanks so much for all of the comments all of you sisterchicks. Yeah I realize I am unabashedly honest to the point of being called a bitc- many times. I guess I see life as a gift, and one that is too short to be wasted on beating around the bush with baloney. I tend to be more brutal in my honesty about me than others. I figure the one person I can get away with this is ME.  hahaha    I would rather see the problem, face it, fix it and move on and enjoy the good parts of my life.  LOL  Just don’t ask me if I like the dress!   LOL  I am the girlfriend who will tell you the truth.  LOL  I know  I am working on TACT   and being more gentle on delivery. 

I worked out again and did a cardio/weight DVD.  OH MY Goodness! My arms felt like rubberbands by the time i was done. IT FELT greeeeeat!  As much as I like the pain of a good workout I am going out to get some Ben Gay. I need to sleep! 

Toodles

~~~~~~~~   12:30

FOOD SO FAR

• 2 grapefruit with splendra
• 2 organic rye toast with 2 tsp. org. butter
• ww pizza
•  org. raw carrots
• apple

SW:263

GW:165

TW: get ready 198.5

Yessssssss I know that is quite the gain!!!!!! I was at 189!!!!! That is almost 10 pounds . I CHOSE to eat. I did not fall off of the wagon I got off with full intent of not being healthy, eating right, working out etc…..  I made a choice. I deserve every pound and I have reaped the consequences of my actions. There how is that for honesty. This is why some people don’t like me. I am far too blunt  honest.   I can even be that honest about myself.  It has even earned me the lable of bitc- from a few.  OH WELL!      I did not weigh myself for two weeks so I did not think I gained weight. LOLOLOLOLOLOL  Who the hell-o did I think I was kidding??????  You, me, God Himself??? I was a idiot for thinking I could eat whatever, not workout and not gain weight.

Now it is done, over, behind on. I am wearing the weight from my choices but that is okay. I am now CHOOSING to get back to working out, making healthy choices in food, water consumption, vitamins, etc…… 

I worked out this morning to a aerobic/light weight DVD. Wooooohooooo feel the burn! I love it! My muscles are crying out in mercy and I say NO  mercy we have been lazy long enough!!!!!!  I did so many squats I think those muscles could walk on their own!  I did so many arms they quiver ever move I make. IT is GREAT!!!!!!

Now I am going to make good food choices and I will be posting them later.  So

IIIIIIIIIIIII’m    baaaaaaaaaaack!!!!

Toodles!

~~~~~~~~~12 p.m.

FOOD so far

• 1 ww yogurt
• 1 banana
• 1 ww pizza
• 1 apple
• 1 sourdough pretzel
• raw carrots
• red. ranch
• pizza (blah not low carb or ww)
• 3 low carb cran. lemonade (hard)

Okay not the best day but only over WW points by 4

Well, well, well we are here at the end of a month and the end of a year. I am actually very excited about starting my resolutions/plans for the year of 2009. I am so thrilled about a few things.

1. I will reach my goal of 165 by the end of June (or darned close)
2. I will reach my ultimate goal of 155 by the end of 2009
3. I will be a runner
4. I will be in remission
5. I will be a whole new person physically with new habits and better health

When I started this blog (originally under the name of (Finding Joy in the journey of weight loss) back in march of 2008 I was over 263 pounds and felt so hopeless , so fat, so ugly, so like an alien in my own body, so out of control. Now I am not thin by any means and have been off plan for almost a month now. But I am different, changing, I realize that I am so much more than my body, I have hope, and I CAN be in control. Wednesday , January 1st. 2009 I start to take my control back once again.  LOOK at Sterling and how she in one years time completely changed her outer being and found herself in so many ways. She is such a wonderful example of how to do this and we can be a success!  So many of you inspire me! Too many to name all of you. I am so grateful and thankful for this site because it is one of the best tools I have in this weight loss battle! 

Well off to my day of motherhood, housekeeping, etc….. I will chit chat with you all later. Toodles!

 ~~~~~~ 1 p.m.

I have been such the lazy one all week long! I do not have to start teaching again till next Monday so I am finding that I have a LOT of extra time on my hands. I am reading, watching movies, going online, spending extra time with my two youngest, doing a tad of cleaning, more reading, the budget, oh yeah and EATING!  BLAH!

FOOD TODAY!

• 2 egg whites
• 1 whole wheat toast
• 1 orange
• 2 cups grapes
• apple
• 2 veggie patties
• 1 serv. tater tots  (OMgoodness!)
• turkey burger
• grilled onions with mushrooms
• 2 % cheese
• 2 rye toast
• 1 giamt dill pickle
• pringles
• apple
• ww fudge bar
• ww cake

That is it so far.    Even with all that I have been eating my weight has been holding steady. Thank the Lord!!!!!  I wonder if it is all the fruit and water???

Toodles!

~~~~~~~~ 7 :30 pm

10   9    8   7   6   5   4   3   2   1      okay it is too early for the countdown but I am tired and going to bed soon. So Happy New Year all you sisterchicks!!!!

See you in 2009!

Toodles!

I for one am so glad that changes are coming my way. Today I am going to concentrate on a few goals.

1. drinking at least 10 glasses of plain water
2. eating at least two servings of raw fruit and or vegetables at every meal and snack
3. taking all of my vitamins
4. no more junk even if I am over my points in fruit and veggies

Thats it for today and Wednesday. Now here are my NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS.

1. get down to 165 by the end of June
2. be a runner even if short distance by summer 2009
3. journal my food intake and workouts
4. have the doctor declare me in remission in 2009
5. be more active in my faith and church
6. be a more hands on, patient mom
7. be a more loving, less mouthy , more patient wife
8. be a better friend, and blogger friend

I think that is enough for the year. That is a lot of work but I think I am up for it. I know some of those are not diet related but I like to be held accountable and to be honest a lot of mine are all connected. Who else is making resolutions?  Toodles!

PS   you know what i just found out?????  OLESTRA is baaaaaad for you!! I do not mean digestion either! If you ingest it in a meal it blocks most of the nutrients that you eat with the olestra food. OMgoodness! This explains a LOT!!!! So I need to go back to baked wheat pretzels and baked lays instead of fat free (OLESTRA) type stuff. GROAN!!!!! I knew it was too good to be true!  This explains my hair loss!!!!!!!

~~~~~5 :45 p.m.

Looooong day. My boys are all starting to bounce off of the walls. Games , DVD’s, books, and toys now seem old to them even though they have had them for mere  days. They do not want to go out into the cold and they are getting on each others nerves and now mine!  I love my DS’s all four of them but YIKES I need a vacation from THEIR vacation!

I did get to start and finish a book though. I found this mystery at the library that looked really good and was able to read it in two days. Mostly because DH was ON duty more than OFF duty. It is good to have him home for some normal hours once again. 

We just finished dinner and I have to say it was gross, sick and yucky! I made a roast (I cut all the fat off). I made it with a ton of root vegtables and green beans. It was just bland even though I added a ton of spices and some herbs. Not my type of food I guess. 

FOOD TODAY

• banana
• ruby red grapefruit with splendra
• 2 cups grapes
• two soy chicken patties
• baked cheetos (2 serv.)
• 1 orange
• 1 WW Latte
• 2 cups stewed carrots, turnips, onions, celery, with 3 ounces roast
• 1 biscuit
• 1 WW cake