Monday November 24, 2008
SW:263
GW:165
TW:189.2
define: verb 1) To explain the meaning of 2) To fix the limits or extent of
me: pronoun 1) The objective case of
I have been thinking a lot as of late about what defines me. I used to think that my weight in its huge number defined who I was. I let the world define me in that manner as well. I was obese and therefore lazy, I was fat and therefore ugly, I was huge and therefore worthless. YES I really felt these things. This has ever so slowly been changing in me as I am changing. It is NOT that I am slimming down so I am not lazy , ugly, or worthless. No I mean I am slowly changing how I perceive myself as I find myself in this loooong journey of self discovery and weight loss.
I make the mistake of letting other things define me. I am a stay at home wife, mother, and home school teacher to my two youngest children (2 & 9). So I have this weird thing in me that the house had better be perfect in its cleanliness or I am a BAD housewife. I better cook all the meals or I am a bad mother. I must have a child who knows more than the kids in building school for his level or I am a failure as a teacher. I think that part of this comes from society making women who choose to stay at home justify it by being the perfect “Leave it to Beaver June Cleaver”. I just cannot do this anymore. Now I want to make a little disclaimer right here and right now. I by no means am putting down any woman who chooses to work. Some choose to work in the home and some choose to work outside of the home. I make no judgments here at all. To be honest there are days (I LOVE my boys so much) that I just want to have a job outside of the house. I am not sure though if it is to escape or give me more value and meaning to my life.
So I guess the LOOOONG short of this is how do we see and define ourselves as women. How does it change as we lose the weight? If I do not like how I still define myself how can I change this without being too self centered about it? Why is it that we seem to value ourselves more as we weigh less? Hmmm maybe I need a therapist? LOL I don’t have the time LOL
Toodles!
~~~~~~~ 5 p.m.
I had such a great day! I finished all of my teaching, DS got to attend a class at the library, and I got to have a short visit with my best friend. GREAT day!!!!
- 2 hard boiled egg whites
- 1 reg. Wendy’s chili
- 1 leftover chicken breast
- 2 cups salad greens
- 1 TB diet salad dressing.1 WW Latte bar
- 2 WW 1 point cakes
- 1 WW fudge bar
nice post
I always admire women who choose to stay at home with their children and truly enjoy it. I have some friends who fit into this category and I have a few who do it b/c their husbands make enough money that they don’t have to work and they feel pressured into staying at home with the kids, it is so obvious to see the ones who love it and those who resent it. I love my boys but I know that if I didn’t have the break of going to school that I would crack. Homeschooling is tough work and it sounds like you’re doing a great job.
Good question, though, about what defines us. It’s hard to do w/o listing all of the roles we play for other people. I’m going to have to think about this for a while.
good blog!! I dont know how you do the home schooling!! it takes a special person to be able to do that (i think). I know how you feel about the clean house, and dinner every night.. like if we dont do these things we are not holding up our end of the bargain or something. you’re only human. and you have to do things for your self too
Doing things to better yourself, & help you become a happier person, will in turn make you a better mother and wife. thanks for the thoughtful post
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