butterfly emerging soon

5 p.m.

Hello! I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and a great weekend. We went to the new church again. While I miss our old pastor I loved hearing the preaching at this church. It was so nice. The kids had great classes again and my toddler only melted down a tad. They had decorated the church for Christmas and it was soooo pretty.

Speaking of decorating we went out in the cold rain and bought our tree. It is a Frasier Fir tree and smells sooooooooo nice!  Hubby put it in the stand, strung up the lights and my 9 year old and I decorated it. My 16 year old had a anti Christmas attitude and wanted nothing to do with it so we let Mr. Ba Humbug stay in his room while we had fun. My DS (2) woke up and came out and just oohed and ahhed and stared at the tree for such a long time.  I took a bunch of photo’s of him touching ornaments.  I still have photos in the camera from summer!  I am so bad about that!

Well that is about it for now. Toodles!

SW:263

GW:165

TW:189.6

Thank you, thank you, thank you GOD!  I was good yesterday! I am also so grateful and humbled that I have lost weight on that 3 day binge.  I will not question why however I am very humbled by the fact that I fell down, fell hard, and realize that this will be a lifelong battle no matter where I am on this journey. It will not end when I reach that magic number. I will always have issues with food and weight gain unless I choose to keep it in check. I also have to recognize what I tell everyone else when they fell. I am human, I am not perfect, I will stumble. It is how I pick myself up and handle it that matters far more than the stumble itself.  EWWW BLECH    That is even too deep for me this early in the morn.

It is time! I am dragging out all of the decorations today! WOOT!!!!!!!  Christmas snowmen here, stuffed Santa bears there, stocking hung up, etc….. Having kids I love decorating as tacky as can be. The more color and variety the BETTER!!!!  That is part of my good memories as a child. Bubble lights on the tree, huge red velvet stockings on the fireplace, ceramic snowmen and Santa’s everywhere etc…..   Now my dream is to decorate all Victorian for Christmas. I can do that when the kids are older.   After church tomorrow we get the TREE!!! WOOOOHOOOOO!  I am sooooo in the Christmas spirit!!!

Well enough of that. I have to get my hind end on the Elli and some weights and workout. Maybe if it is clear enough later we can take a family walk. Sort though it will only be 43*F  Brrrr!  Warm enough with layers though!   LOL

Toodles!

SW:263

GW:165

TW:190

First off I need to say that I am floored! I am back on track today but let me tell you I ate just HORRID for three days. Now I ate healthy stuff. Dates, raw almonds,turkey, clementines, turkey , turkey,  , whole wheat bread, turkey, diet chips,more turkey, apples, cheese, chicken, a ton of salad and even GASP a burger King grilled chicken sandwich. Last but not least some dark chocolate!    I LOST a pound and a few ounces!!!  What the helllll-oooo is going on with my body????  I mean I ate so many dates and almonds I don’t want to ever see one again!!!!  I should have gained right???  How could I lose weight?  I just do not get it!  I am officially declaring I know nothing about my body anymore!  I am back on track today. Guess what is for dinner???  Turkey!   LOL   I love turkey as you can see!   LOL  Good thing it is low fat and healthy.   

I am thrown off by holidays that fall in the middle of the week. I keep feeling like today is Satuday or Sunday. It throws me. Does that happen to you?

Round asked me for the cinnamon recipe. It is almost embarrassing to pass on. It is from my child’s recipes book.

I use Jiffy corn muffin box mix. You live in France so I don’t know if they will have that. It uses all of the dry ingredients of any corn bread recipe. The base is generic.

Two boxes corn bread mix

1 TB flax seed

1TB oatmeal

1 egg

1/2 cup applesauce

1 tlb. vanilla

1 tlb. cinnamon

1 pinch nutmeg

(skim milk not whole milk) according to package amount or recipe amount I use 3/4 cup

*I will add pumpkin pie spice blend at times for a change (clove. ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg) is a wonderful addition.

**I just follow package direction. I will make it in a whole pan or like muffins. If I am feeding a crowd I make mini muffins.

for now

TOODLES!

My kids loooooove this cornbread and will eat it for breakfast even

SW:263

GW:165

TW:191

First I wanted to say thank you for all of the really nice comments. One thing that I am thankful for is all of you siterchicks who are on here. This site is a wonderful blessing in its support, kinship in shared experiences, and accountability.  So thank you ! 

I hope that you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving day. DH had to work today. The airport never closes.  So I am packing up my DS’s in the mini van and meeting him halfway. Then we will go to his brothers house for dinner. Since I do not have to cook I am making a turkey Friday but with healthy fixings. They can have their buttery, fat laden stuff today. Friday it is turkey, 2 veggies and salad.  I might make some cinnamon cornbread to go with it all. Then since I am not a total mean mom apple pie for dessert (for them not me).

This has been such a rough year but I am grateful for so much.

• That I have a great husband who supports me and loves me
• That I have some terrific boys that I have been blessed with
• That I have my aunt S.
• That I have my BF  V.
• My diabetes is close to being in remission
• My DH has a job
• We have enough money for our home, food, our bills and a tiny bit more.
• The new church we have attended
• a ton of small things (too many to mention)
•  Last but Never least!!!~~~GOD~~~

You all have a wonderful day with your family and or friends. May it be filled with blessings, laughter, and family warmth.

Toodles!

Joy

SW:263

GW:165

TW:  sigh 191

Yesterday was not a good day.  I went off of my diet again. The second time in a month. What the Hell-o is going on with me????  I am usually very up, chipper, and full of the holiday spirit this time of year. Now I am not sleeping well, feel blue a lot, went off of my diet twice in the past month, and hate working out on the elliyptical with a passion.  My attitude in general sucks!  Hows that for honesty?  That is usually what puts people off about me. I dont mind being honest about myself shortcomings and all. I don’t see the point of wasting time trying to fool the world into seeing me any different than I really am.  Does that make me a bitc-?  So when I fail who am I trying to kid when I will not admit it to others?

I am feeling guilty about even thinking of joining the workout facility because it means I am gone for two hours every time I go. 20 minutes to drive each way and the workout time. I feel guilty for taking this time to myself right smack during dinner time. I can try and prep as much as I can. I know that DH does not mind shoving it in the oven or watching the kids. My guilt is over he comes home and I run out the door. My guilt is my own making. Do I look at this like having a job and it is necessary for a while for me to do this?  I don’t know. I was raised to let guilt dictate and run my life well guilt and fear. I guess that comes from the Irish catholic ancestors on my side of the family. Now I am blathering on.  ENOUGH!

It is time for me to claim my life back. I am so sick of this feeling blue, feeling guilty, feeling like a failure CRAPPING nonsense. I am beginning to see what WILL define me. Not as much my life, or the hats that I wear but how I VIEW life, react to it, live in it, feel in it. Is THIS what defines our inner being????  If this is my epiphany thank you GOD!!!!

For all of you leaving today for your Thanksgiving destinations may God give you safe travels, may you be surrounded with the love of your family and friends, and have a wonderful time!

Toodles!

PS   That Vicky from the Biggest Loser TV show. Is such a cheater and such a blankety blank!!!!  VOTE her off people!!!!!!  I so hope she goes below the yellow line next week!

SW: 263

GW:165

TW:189.0

Well two more ounces is two more ounces! I will take it. At least it is going in the right direction which is down!

I have been craving protein like crazy as of late. I am not quite sure what it is. I have been pretty lazy in the workout department so i dont think it is my muscles craving it.  I guess I will just go with the flow and increase my lean protein consumption to more meals a day.

Something BRSEAY posted on my comments from yesterdays post was a really good point. You should read her comment to get the full gist of it.  It guess how we define ourselves depends on how many hats that we wear as women. VERY true. Makes me think even more about the whole subject. It goes into the recipe along with our personality, views on life etc…. More complicated than I first thought!

It is a short week of school for us. I will teach till Wednesday since my older DS goes to his school through Wednesday. Woohoo long weekend coming up!  How many of you are cooking the big turkey meal? How many are going to a relatives house? Are you making any diet dishes or are you taking the day off? I am nosy as you can see!      

Toodles!

SW:263

GW:165

TW:189.2

define: verb  1) To explain the meaning of  2) To fix the limits or extent of

me: pronoun 1) The objective case of

I have been thinking a lot as of late about what defines  me. I used to think that my weight in its huge number defined who I was. I let the world define me in that manner as well. I was obese and therefore lazy, I was fat and therefore ugly, I was huge and therefore worthless. YES I really felt these things. This has ever so slowly been changing in me as I am changing. It is NOT that I am slimming down so I am not lazy , ugly, or worthless. No I mean I am slowly changing how I perceive myself as I find myself in this loooong journey of self discovery and weight loss.

I make the mistake of letting other things define me. I am a stay at home wife, mother, and home school teacher to my two youngest children (2 & 9).  So I have this weird thing in me that the house had better be perfect in its cleanliness or I am a BAD housewife. I better  cook all the meals or I am a bad mother. I must have a child who knows more than the kids in building school for his level or I am a failure as a teacher.  I think that part of this comes from society making women who choose to stay at home justify it by being the perfect “Leave it to Beaver  June Cleaver”.  I just cannot do this anymore.  Now I want  to make a little disclaimer right here and right now.  I by no means am putting down any woman who chooses to work. Some choose to work in the home and some choose to work outside  of the home. I make no judgments here at all.  To be honest there are days (I LOVE my boys so much) that I just want to have a job outside of the house. I am not sure though if it is to escape or give me more value and meaning to my life.

So I guess the LOOOONG short of this is how do we see and define ourselves as women. How does it change as we lose the weight?  If I do not like how I still define myself how can I change this without being too self centered about it? Why is it that we seem to value ourselves more as we weigh less?  Hmmm maybe I need a therapist?  LOL  I don’t have the time  LOL

Toodles!

~~~~~~~ 5 p.m.

I had such a great day! I finished all of my teaching, DS got to attend a class at the library, and I got to have a short visit with my best friend.  GREAT day!!!!

• 2 hard boiled egg whites
• 1 reg. Wendy’s chili
• 1 leftover chicken breast
• 2 cups salad greens
• 1 TB diet salad dressing.1 WW Latte bar
• 2 WW 1 point cakes
• 1 WW fudge bar

Ahhhh to be in my Father’s house again was wonderful!  The new church is HUGE to say the least. It is like moving from a tiny town to new York City. However it had so much to offer. My 16 and 9 year old DS’s were in their own classes and LOVED them! My toddler was in the toddler room and had no meltdown about being there!  Woohoo!  DH and I went to the worship service and it felt so good to sing, pray, and listen and learn. Now i am not putting down my old pastor for he is a gifted, loving  , kind preacher. However that aside my old church was misery!  Now we are going to spend the next week or so getting our feet wet so to speak to get used to the lay of the land. Then we might get more and more invloved.  I am so excited!

This morning I had one hard boiled egg white so that my tummy did not sing its own LOUD blaring tune during church. After church we ran to Wendy’s and I had a chili. It only had 4 WW points and is very filling. Now we are at home while DS takes a nap. Then we might take a walk. brrrrr it is cold so layering is the look of the day for all of us!  LOL  You have to when it is 36* F.

Patty thanks so much for the nice note I got this morning. That is so sweet of you. Especially when you are feeling so sick. Thanks.

Well off to see how you all are doing. Toodles!

(PS: no weigh in today oh and no workout either. Hey it IS Sunday!   LOL)

• 1 hard boiled egg white
• 1 med. Wendys chilli & 1 small bag corn chips
• 1 large chicken breast
• cups and cup of  baby greens w/ 1TB of diet dressing
• 1 cup steamed broccoli
• 2 cups rasberries w/ 2 TB fat free Cool whip
• 2   1 point WW lemon cake
• scads of coffee and water

SW:263

GW:165

TW:189.2

My father was a wise and wonderful man. he often would tell me things as a child or as a young adult that I would either not understand or reject (I was a teen need I say more?)  I am a impatient person by nature I always have been. My father would often tell me as a teen that all of our lives are a journey. Our day by day lives are our gift as human beings from God. Each day is a new chance to live, learn, experience, grow, appreciate, love, and cherish. Whys is it then that I consistently live as if losing weight , moving back to the city, having more money, etc… will make me happy or solve my problems?  I often forget in the rush of life that each dayis a gift. To be cherished, held close, experienced, learned from etc…. How do i keep losing out on the fact that it is the journey and not the destination that is important. Maybe being waaaaaay out here in the middle of no where, losing weight, teaching one of my DS’s at home, being in tighter finical times is what is being used to help me grow as a person.

I think about this more as I now lose weight ounce by ounce and not pound by pound. I know to some all of what I said can sound so cliche but it is real and in different varied degrees what we are allgoing through. So here is to the ounce by ounce, the one foot in front of the other, the learned lessons of all our journey. take it, cherish it, feel it. Good , bad, pleasant painful it is ours to claim because it is what shapes us.

So I will take the few ounce weight loss and claim it with pride. Have a nice Saturday   (Y’all)   ~~~  LOL   that is for my dear sweet friend who says I am going hillbilly out here!   LOL                   

Toodles

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 6 p.m.

Every time I eat that progresso soup (the diet WW kind) I keep getting nauseous for hours afterwards. t is a good deterrent from going off the diet however the yucky feeling is so not worth it! That is it I a done with that soup for good! I will stick with Campbells tomato if any.  I was so sick feeling that I could only eat a sandwich on a whole wheat roll. So unlike me who loves the protein. Well I am off to start getting things ready for church in the morn. Toodles!

SW:263

GW:165

TW:189.4

I have been getting a lot of comments on the paintings and pictures that I post. They are from ARTY profile comments. I will post a link to it on todays comments area.   I am kind of strange for my age and generation. I love all kinds of music, dance, and froms of art. In the mornings I LOVE to listen to big band music from the 30’s-40’s.  It is cheerful and it is so hard to be in a bad mood when you hear it. I also love to relax to classical music and play it for my two youngest DS’s as they fall asleep. I have done that since they were born. I like Christian gospel and pop, some country, and some old rock n roll. I do NOT like rap music in the least. Sorry rap fans.   I am going to have a pretty interesting mix when I get an MP3 player for working out that is for sure!   LOL         I have also always loved going to see good plays, and the ballet. It was a treat for me as I was younger. Being an very amature artist I have always been fascinated with art and art museums. I know I am so weird!  I am not rich or snooty I just like that stuff.

Well onto other stuff. My DS was watching TV and I hear a loud chorus of children saying “Good morning Miss. Crabtree!”   OMgoodness! he was watching something I watched as a child. The Little Rascals. I mean the old stuff from the 20’s and 30’s.  He is 9 years old! They don’t like stuff like that do they????  Maybe he has an old soul like I do?    LOL

I got a magazine from a place called Half Priced Books the other day. The store sells gently used book, DVD’s, music, magazines etc….. for 1/2 price. I can go in get a brand new magazine for 1/2 price but I figured out a way to get it cheaper. When you buy a subscription magazine they often will not print the price on it. So no matter how new it is only $1.  That is what I try and look for.  Then when I am done I save them and give them away.  Well I got this women’s fitness magazine with woman who have perfect bodies. It has this cool section on free weight workouts. I ripped the four pages out and am going to try it today.  I love when i can find on the ball free weight stuff I can do at home. It will be great for snow days when I cant make it into the workout place in town.

Well I am starting to bore myself. Toodles!

~~~~~~~~~~  6 p.m.

Why is it that Fridays seem to take an eternity to get through? Today was pretty tough food wise. I had such a hungry day. I made the guys ham, potatoes au gratin, & mixed veggies for dinner. I had one tiny ounce of the ham with an egg white omelet and a whole wheat English muffin and blackberry jam. The REAL stuff not sugar free and it was worth the WW point it cost me!    LOL

• 1 WW yogurt
• tuna
• 2 slices diet bread
• WW soup
• fat free Pringles
• WW coffee bar
• Egg white omelet
• Whole wheat English muffin with 1 TB. jam
• 1 ounce of ham
• 1 pack sugar free butter cookies
• 1 fish pill/1 multi vitamin/1 greens pill/ and one other vitamin I forget!  LOL

Toodles!