Cute, but fat.

Holy Cow!  I am fully responsible for what I purchase at the supermarket, thus I am fully responsible for what I put in my mouth.

No blame on anything but ME!

I’ve been off track for about two weeks now.  My usual steadfast approach has gone by the wayside. I’ve been soooooo gooooood for 18 months with diet and exercise, that I believe I’ve reached a rut/stalemate.

HELP!

I’ve been inhaling food like a crazy woman.  I can feel myself getting bigger and bigger.  I am conscious of what I am doing, yet I don’t STOP! 

How can I go from a docile, mindful dieter to a woman that is out of control. I will do everything in my power to NOT return to my heaviest weight.  That is why I check 3fatchicks daily and blog.  I need to regain control and resume.  I will not fall off the wagon and say ‘whatever’. 

I kind of feel like a rebellious teenie booper who doesn’t want to adhere to the plan, just kind of make my own rules.

Last weeks weigh in I gained 3 pounds!  UGH UGH UGH UGH!  So Monday, I started with a fresh page and decided to increase water/exercise and decrease excess eating. That lasted for a day.  Gee.

I have tons of encouraging notes scattered about to help me remained focused. Guess, I am not paying attention to them, huh! hee hee.

Tomorrow I have 2 very doable goals: water and exercise. If I can keep those two in line, then hopefully this need to overeat will vanish!  I am not talking about an extra snack here and there….but down right inhaling a bag of M&M’s. No, not the small bag either!

I will not let myself regain the 50 pounds I have lost.  I will not let myself regain the 50 pounds I have lost.

I will write and say this 100 times! hee hee

Do you ever sabotage your own journey?  Willfully knowing you will only put yourself in harm’s way. 

I DO I DO I DO! 

I know my trigger foods and yet I buy and have them accessible to me. Tempting me at every move. 

I ask myself why do I set myself up for failure??  I think it’s a safety net sort of mindset.  Kind of like if I don’t have that special treat in the house that somehow I will starve.

What a nutty thought, huh!  I could certainly survive without a HUGE bag of M&M’s starring me in the face.

I am the person who does the marketing, thus making me solely responsible for what I buy and bring home.

I want to let go of the ‘crutch’ of bad food.  I used to stock pile unhealthy foods in the cupboard for a ‘just in case’ day.  I know longer do that, but I do have a bag or two of M&M’s on standby. No, not the little itty bags either….the great big suckers! hee hee

I am a work in progress…..

Are there times where you do not feel like being on ‘plan’.  Do you ever want a break from weighing and measuring portions?  Ever tired of exercising.  What about skipping a weigh in, ever thought about doing that??

I’ve thought about it, but the guilt overrides the desire.

Today I am not wanting to eat super healthy, I haven’t exercised as of yet.  But the nagging voice keeps telling me to keep on keepin’ on. 

I very seldom have missed a day of exercise and have NEVER ever missed a weigh in. 

I’m not wanting to forgo all my hard efforts and I certainly do not want to stop my journey, I just want to take a break today. 

Is that so bad?????????

in an imperfect world!  I am my own worse enemy.  I often let myself down if I don’t eat healthy and exercise daily.  I very seldom give myself a ‘free pass’ if I over indulge in food or if I miss a day of activity.  I certainly over ate today, yet I exercised twice.  Still, all I can think about is the over eating.  In fact, I carry the perfection angle in all areas of my life, not just in the health area.  For some reason I find that I need to be ‘perfect’ for ’someone’.  Funny thing is I don’t have a clue who that someone is. 

The humidity is gone!  Not for good, but it sure feels wonderful outside. Took a nice 3 mile walk.  It is easier to walk when the air isn’t saturated with moisture.

My time of month is due any minute. Bummer.  Last month I gained 3pounds, it took me a month to lose it.  Nuts!

It seems I have two super weeks of eating healthy, feeling great and exercising.  When the (TOM) looms all bets are off! 

When I miss a day of exercise I feel incredibly guilty!  Which is very ironic, since I really don’t like exercising.  I try my utmost to exercise at least ONCE every day, trying for multiple times in a day if I can. On the rare occasion when I am not able to exercise then I go into automatic guilt mode.  Somehow my silly mind thinks if somehow I miss a day or even two of exercising I will gain all the weight back overnight.

Stupid, I know.

that will teach me a lesson, I hope!  I naturally never look at all the positives that have happened with losing weight, I focus on the few bumps in my path.  These bumps of recent happen to be in the form of food, mainly M&M’s. My God Man…who invented these delicious little pop in your mouth delights!  hee hee.

I am NOT throwing in the towel or giving up at all. I continue to exercise daily, sometimes twice or three times a day. I continue to limit my extra foods (with the exception of those yummy colored candies) and I drink a mind boggling minimum of 120 ounces of water daily. 

So, with this minor detour of M&M’s, I am wishing that it will soon pass and my new fixation will be something yummy, but not as calorie laden. Hmmm…..possibly a tall, dark handsome MAN! hee hee

First M&M’s then Oreos….Double Stuff Oreos I might add.

What’s next?

The kitchen sink!

I gave myself the goal of abstaining from M&M’s for the week…..

Darn, I didn’t even last a day! hee hee

The key to avoiding the M&M intake is this: DON’T BUY THEM!

But, I didn’t buy them…..the cat threw them in the shopping cart.

Meow….

New goal for the rest of the week: Don’t turn into a M&M candy! 

My mini goal today is make it through the day without any M&M’s!  So far so good!  Doesn’t help that soon my period will begin. That usually means I want chocolate! 

What’s a girl to do???