It’s all up to me

Well, yesterday didn’t stay perfect w/eating but I did make a few choices of which I am proud.  Two or three different times I threw in the towel and went on a mini-binge, but each time I stopped myself and realized that I had worked too hard to get discouraged now.  This is a huge moment for me b/c I am the queen of thinking that one bite of something ruined my diet for the day so I might as well eat everything in sight.  Have to look for the silver lining in the cloud, right????

I am also starting to see some more changes in my body and it’s exciting.  This morning I was getting my son ready for his breathing treatment and I was in yoga pants and a sports bra.  My arms are still pretty flabby but I usually can see muscle definition when I flex them.  Today, I could see the bicep as I reached for a diaper.  Granted, there is still a ton of flab hanging there (you know, the grandma arms) and in all honesty some of that may always remain.  I can’t expect that after 20 years of being fat that the skin is going to snap back into place.  But I know that I’m getting stronger every day and I love that.  This morning, for instance, I was doing the TJ Turbo Sculpt workout and I noticed the guys were using 8 pound weights, I had 12.  Now, I realize that the guys could probably do it w/20 pound weights but it still made me appreciate my body and all it can do.  Hopefully the next thing to go away will be the shelf around my hips/pooch area

Progress toward workout goal:  114/250

8:30

Holy crap!  For whatever reason I decided to get on the scale, maybe to minimize the shock of what I was going to see tomorrow.  Last week I was 236 and the other day I was 240, since then I have eaten somewhat piggishly so I was just hoping that I would be under 240.  Plus, I had already eaten breakfast and I didn’t completely strip down.  What did the scale say????  235!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What?  I seriously wonder if my scale is starting to die b/c it has the most inconsistent readings.  But for now, who cares, it said 235!  This was my goal by the end of November.  I’m not going to consider it reached unless I stick to the eating plan for today but this gives me the strength to make good choices today.

Also, I’m toying w/the idea of setting goals based on clothing.  Right now I’m an 18/20 and I have a pair of size 16 pants waiting for me w/the hope of wearing them by the new year.  I’m thinking I can drop a size every 2 months which will get me into the size 12 dress I bought for my hubby’s graduation in May.  Does a size every 2 months sound realistic?  As an adult I haven’t been much smaller than I am now (for about 5 minutes I fit into a size 16 before I got pregnant w/my second son) so I’m not very experienced w/dropping dress sizes .

But for now I’m celebrating 235.  I will make good choices today, I will make good choices today, I will make good choices today.