It’s all up to me

…in sleep.  I was exhausted last night and was in bed by 9 and didn’t get up until 8 this morning.  I can’t remember the last time that I slept that many hours w/o being sick.  The sad thing was, I could have slept a few more hours but I knew my hubby was in the living room taking care of both kids and my guilt got the best of me.  But it was luxurious, that’s for sure.

I’m feeling very overwhelmed right now and the sad part is there is no realistic solution.  My hubby has a load of work to complete before the end of the semester and finding time to work it in is becoming stressful.  Our house is a constant disaster area, mostly b/c my son keeps needing more and more equipment and there isn’t enough room to store it all.  We’re actually going to be getting rid of a couch in the living room to make more space but even when everything is clean it looks cluttered which stresses me out.  Finances are of course a struggle and we should be a wheelchair accessible van but we just can’t afford one right now.  Plus, we need to either move or build a wheelchair accessible house but we can’t afford that, either.  They’re adding extra meeting at school (on our own time of course) and then add in the regular holiday stress and I’m about ready to go beserk.  I have considered taking a “mental illness day” but it’s generally more work to get ready for a substitute and since I have missed so much school the last 2 years b/c of my son I don’t feel right misusing my sick days that way.  Plus, 1 day isn’t really going to do any good, I need a mental illness month.  Thank heavens for exercise, though.  I just got done w/a TJ workout and I feel much better, at least for the moment.

I don’t mean to gripe, I really don’t.  The fact that I have these problems means that I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful husband, kids, home and job.  So many people don’t have what I have and I need to remember to be thankful.  But every now and then I think even the strongest of us show cracks and I think I’m at that point.  I also want to mention how thankful I am for all of you.  I’m still amazed at how supportive messages through a computer can be.  I know that so many of you out there are rooting for me and will help to keep me strong while I am feeling weak, it’s worth more than you know.

This week I’m going for a perfect week.  It’s my PMS week and I am apparently a glutton for punishment, going for perfect the week when I’m the most hungry.  But I can do it and I WILL do it.  This week will be a bit more challenging, though, b/c I have 2 late meetings after school.  I will make plans each day to incorporate exercise in spite of this change in my schedule and stick to my eating plan.

Progress toward workout goal:  101/250