It’s all up to me

I’m back to being excited about this process which is a nice feeling to have.  I took a look at the calendar and made some new goals, or modified my old ones.  As much as I would like it to move more quickly, my new goal is to be below 200 before the end of the school year.  There are 31 weeks until summer (somehow that doesn’t seem so far away) and since I need to lose approximately 45 pounds that makes it necessary for me to lose 1 1/3 pounds every week.  Still going to require some work but not the all-consuming amount of work that losing 10 pounds a month would require.  Also, knowing myself, I know that this will be an average  of 1 1/3 pounds, but will really be a loss of 3 pounds, a gain of 1, etc.  But as long as the overall trend is downward, that’s what I need.

This also lets me feel ok about not working out for at least 75 minutes every day.  Since I was putting so much pressure on myself, I felt like a slacker for “only” working out 45 minutes.  Now, I know that I need to get in 30 minutes and if I have time for more, great.  But if not, then I still did something good for myself.

I’m a bit stressed, though, b/c my regular lunch of South Beach Diet wraps are no longer available at my regular store.  I need to check a few more stores in town.  They’re quite healthy and tasty, and also only require about 2 seconds of thought in the morning as I’m walking out the door.  So if these aren’t an option I’m going to need to be creative to come up w/other ideas.

Today I got in 35 minutes on the treadclimber and I’m ok w/that.  I still burned over 700 calories which is nothing to sneeze at.  Speaking of sneezing, I think I’m getting a cold but hopefully some good sleep tonight will help w/that. 

Hope everyone had a good Monday!

Progress toward workout goal:  78/250

Today was a fun day but I can definitely tell we’re inching toward winter.  My sister watched Kyle for us and we took our older son to a pumpkin patch w/a corn maze.  I didn’t think I was going to get in any exercise today but that corn maze was huge and we didn’t follow our map very well so I got at least a 45 minute walk through mud.  Finally I took the map from my hubby and navigated us out of there.  And they say women can’t read maps!!!  But we had fun.

For those of you who were wondering, P90X is a workout program developed by Tony Horton.  If you ever watch fitness infomercials, they’re on all the time.  Basically, the 90 days are broken into 3-30 day intervals.  The first 3 weeks of each interval are intense and the 4th week is a recovery week.  Then the intensity goes up during the next 4 weeks so that you’re constantly making progress.  He uses weight training, plyometrics, kempo karate (I don’t know exactly what this is but this is the cardio component), ab routines and yoga/stretching.  The results really are phenomenal but I know I’m not fit enough right now to even contemplate it.  There are lots of pull ups, push ups, etc. and I can’t do them.

For now I’m exhausted and ready to give my kids to the next person who walks by so I’m going to sign off.  I’ll write more about my new goals tomorrow when I’m more sane.

Progress toward workout goal:  77/250

Oh geez, I forgot to report my weigh-in.  244.5.  After my mini-binges on Friday and Saturday I’m very pleased w/that. 

Lots of ups and downs today but right now things seem to be looking up.  Food had been good but then I went on a mini-binge.  My new favorite treat is peanut butter on banana, so at least my binge food is somewhat healthy. 

The weather cleared up and I was able to get outside for a while and cut the grass.  It was nice to get moving and use my muscles.  I actually caught myself breathing a bit hard, sad that this makes me happy.  It’s also sad to think that probably a month from now we could be looking at snow.  According to someone, we’re supposed to be looking at our first big storm around Thanksgiving.  I’m definitely NOT ready for that but I’m guessing Mother Nature doesn’t really care what I think.

I’m going to set some more goals depending on my weigh-in tomorrow.  As much as I would love to lose 10 pounds each month I know that this much pressure is what’s causing me to fall off track.  Instead I’m going to set my sights on 5-7 pounds/month.  Basically, I want to be under 200 by the end of the school year, and when I make my goal I’m either going to order P90X or take pilates classes over the summer.  Has anyone done the P90X?  My brother did and he said it was great but I would like a woman’s perspective.

Progress toward workout goal:  76/250

The scale, that is.  As you know if you have read my past few writings I “gained” 12 pounds last week.  I got back on the plan and weighed myself this morning (I know, I said I wasn’t going to until Sunday) and I have “lost” those 12 pounds.  This is during a week when I have only worked out 2 days.  Apparently my new plan needs to be NOT exercising.  Whatever!

I have learned a couple of things this week while I haven’t been exercising.  First of all, I CAN control my eating when I’m not working out.  This has always been a huge obstacle for me so it’s a big deal.  Secondly, I now know that it’s not so much if I work out or not, but if I’m busy during the after school time that keeps me on plan.  All 3 days this week when I haven’t been able to workout I have been busy from after school until suppertime.  Supper has become fairly automatic and then by the time the kids are in bed I have enough willpower to get me through the little bit of time before bed.  And third, I need to get back to lifting weights.  I skipped it this week since I missed some workouts and wanted to burn a lot of calories but I realized that when I do just cardio that I’m much hungrier than normal.

I’m hoping to have great workouts this weekend but I’m not 100% sure that’s going to happen.  Our younger son has a double ear infection and he isn’t sleeping so not only am I tired but so is my hubby and that’s not always the time to take an hour and pump iron.  I do plan, though, to catch up on what you all are up to.  Have a great weekend!

8:30

When will I learn?????  Every time I get so excited about my progress I decide to chuck everything I know that works and wing it.  So now what doesn’t make sense is that I ate probably 2 days worth of calories in the last 2 hours.

Here’s how it started.  I ate a Lean Cuisine frozen pizza for supper but when I opened the fridge to get some veggies or cottage cheese I noticed the leftover chili dogs my hubby had for supper yesterday.  Since I REALLY wanted the chili dogs I decided to forgo the veggies and eat the chilidogs.  Then all hell broke loose.  Tootise rolls, toffee, bananas w/peanutbutter (hey, that’s kind of healthy); if it wasn’t tied down it is now in my belly.

Ugggh.  But before I get too frustrated (again) let’s look objectively.  Why am I eating unconsciously?

1.  My son is sick and any illness w/him can turn serious in a short amount of time. 

2.  I’m very concerned that I’m not going to get a lot of sleep tonight.  I don’t do well when I don’t get enough sleep.

3.  I had an appt. today where they shot dye into my fallopian tubes to make sure that the procedure (basically an in-office tubal ligation) that I had this summer worked.  It did, which is good news, but it reminds me that I won’t have any more kids.  I’m ok with that decision, but as I was driving home the song on the radio was all about what a wonderful experience it is to have a new baby.

4.  I’m frustrated w/the lack of discipline at our school and had been hoping that a position would open up at one of the high schools in town.  Tonight I talked to a friend of mine at that high school and she basically told me that it’s not likely that something was going to open up.

OK, now that I have put the words down I feel a bit better.  I should know myself well-enough to know that things like this bother me but I wasn’t willing to tackle it when I got home.

So here’s where I am now.  I can’t change what I already ate but I can make better choices for the rest of the weekend.  I think next week should take care of itself b/c I’ll have a more regular workout schedule, so I’m going to think short-term.  I am done eating for tonight, even if Kyle is up most of it.  I also will stick to plan tomorrow with a hope of salvaging my weight loss for the week.

I’ll let you all know tomorrow how things went.  Thanks for holding me accountable.

I am going to contact my member of Congress and ask that all elementary school teachers earn double their salary next year.  I’m also going to let God know in my next prayer that you all get to take the speed lane to heaven.  I helped out at my son’s school during an after school fun-run and I about killed 5 little kids.   Because of that I didn’t get to exercise but it was nice to spend some time outside.  I’m doing well w/food (just ate supper) so I’m not going to let a lack of exercise get me off track.

Kyle is sick again so I have to take him to the doctor.  I’m guessing it’s another ear infection and it’s a doctor that we don’t know so I hope I don’t have to twist his arm too much to get an antibiotic.  I know they’re trained to avoid them if possible but antibiotic resistance is the least of my concerns.  Most of the docs in the practice know that I basically get what I want, let’s see how long it takes me to train this guy.  If I have time to write more when I get home and catch up on a few blogs I will.

I worked out after school today and for some reason the fan wasn’t working by the treadclimber.  “No big deal,” I thought.  Whatever.  I thought I was going to die.  I haven’t sweat that much at the gym in forever.  The minutes couldn’t tick off fast enough and in reality I wanted to quit several times.  But I know I won’t be able to make it to the gym tomorrow or Friday so I made myself hang in there to burn extra calories.  Finally the timer rang that it was over and I had 60 more minutes under my belt.

I also snuck another look at the scale this morning and saw either 246.5 or 248…more proof that much of what I gained last week was water weight.  I’m not going to look again until Sunday and I’m not going to get cocky, I still know that I gained some actual weight.  But I’m glad to see that the damage wasn’t as bad as it initially appeared.

I hope the evening goes better than it’s going right now.  As I type my older son is crying in his room and I really couldn’t care less.  He has been doing so good in school lately after the disastrous week about 2 weeks ago that I picked him up a new book at the store.  I was looking for a little present and I didn’t want to reward him w/food so I figured a book would be a great idea.  He loves to read and he’s generally excited when his bookorders come in.  Not tonight.  When he saw what I brought him his face crumpled and he started bawling.  After a couple of minutes of that I told him that enough was enough and that when someone gives you a gift, even if you don’t like it, the polite thing to do is to say “thank you”.  Apparently he didn’t get it.  Oh, the joys of being a parent.

Progress toward workout goal:  75/250

Nice title, huh?  I sat here for a few minutes trying to think of something catchy and then realized that I don’t have that much time to devote to this.  I figured you’d all forgive me!!

Today has gone well.  I weighed myself this morning and was glad to see the scale is snapping back into shape.  I’m down 4.5 to 250.5  Still not back to the 243.5 from a week ago but getting closer.  Since I know a lot of it was water weight I would like to lose another 5 pounds this week. 

Food was good and I got in 70 minutes on the treadclimber for a burn of over 1350 calories.  I was a bit annoyed, however, at the chatty woman who was on the treadclimber next to me.  Normally I’m not anti-social, but when I’m at the gym I don’t want to talk.  Plus, she doused herself in perfume prior to arriving and kept blaring her tv.  She’s new, I actually think today was her 1st day, so hopefully she’ll pickup on gym etiquette pretty soon. 

I hope tonight’s episode of TBL is better than last week.  I actually turned over the remote to my hubby after about 15 minutes last week b/c it wasn’t appealing to me.  Hmmm, maybe the fact that I was diving head-first into a binge had something to do w/it, but I like to watch them working out and learning about ways to improve their fitness, not watch them hang out w/their kids.  Before you all condemn me to being a heartless wench, I’m the biggest softie there is.  I just wasn’t feeling it last week.

Progress toward workout goal:  74/250

7:45

OK, I’m going to get bitchy for a moment here, but for all of you that watch The Biggest Loser, does anyone else want to see Heba sent home?  I’m as competitive as the next person, so maybe it’s the pot calling the kettle black, but she needs to chill.  I was glad to see Bob tear into her for her choices in dividing the teams.

OK, I was expecting a weight gain due to my previous week of being off plan.  I always play a game w/myself before I get on the scale, predicting what it would say.  My prediction for this morning was 248 (the week before I was 243.5) and I figured that was actually a high estimate.  I did workout a time or 2 and for the most part I stayed on plan during the days.  What did that damn scale say????  255!

What the hell?  The only logical thing that makes sense is that the vast amounts of salt that I ingested over the weekend, as well as the smaller amounts of water that I drank, are contributing to some major water retention.  I do realize that I gained some actual weight, but not 12 freakin’ pounds.  Geez.

So obviously I am back on plan, hard core.  Of course today is goofy and I won’t have time to exercise b/c my younger son has a doctor’s appt. out of town but I am going to stay in control of my eating.  That will give me time, though, to put the finishing touches on my new workout schedule.  I realized (with the help of a few sisterchicks) that my previous schedule was not realistic over the long haul so I need to make some changes.

Got to go, baby is up.

11:15 am

I am publicly declaring that I am going to stay on-plan with food today.  Breakfast, lunch and snacks will be easy, but I’m guessing that I’ll be at my parents’ house around suppertime and that’s a danger zone.  To compensate, I’m going to grab a salad from a drive-thru and eat that.  I’m also going to pack some almonds in case I need to munch.

As far as my new workout schedule, the general plan is to do cardio (aka treadclimber) at the gym MWF after school.  I will put in between 60-75 minutes, depending on when I arrive.  On T/TH I will lift weights at home.  I don’t know why but I like doing weights at home and it honestly seems to be more effective than at the gym.  This should allow me to have extra time w/my older son b/c I can finish working out by 3:45 and he gets home around 3:30.  By the time he has a snack I’ll be ready to play.  Weekends will work as they always have, I can choose what I want to do but I need to workout both days.

I know this plan won’t work 100% of the time.  This Wednesday, for example, I am going to volunteer at my son’s school for a fun run.  But I’ll worry about those days as they come.

I’m going to post again after I get home so I can brag about staying on plan today with food.  I can do this, I can do this, I WILL do this.

7:15 pm

So far I have been on plan and it really hasn’t been very hard.  There’s something about confessing my plans to all of you that keeps me on track.  I still have a snack available to me if I need it and I’m hoping to be in bed w/i 2 hours so one snack should be plenty.  I know this is only day 1 back on plan, but it’s much better than being out of control.

I’m starting to make my way out of the abyss that was this week.  Total gluttony, at least for the last few days.  And it wasn’t that I was powerless to stop myself, I just didn’t want to.  I hate feeling bleak like that.  What’s worse, I can’t pinpoint exactly what prompted the change.

But I’m slowly headed in the right direction.  Last night we went to a tenderloin fry and after trying a bite of the traditional tenderloin I discovered that I liked the grilled one better so I gave my sandwich to my hubby (I guess there’s a benefit to being married to a guy who likes all things fried ) and bought a grilled one.  And this morning I have already worked out.  It’s nothing compared to a traditional workout but it’s more than I did the last few days.

Today is beautiful weather-wise and we’re taking our older son to a pumpkin patch/corn maze/haunted barn kind of place.  I know we’ll be doing a ton of walking and having fun outside.  I’m also going to spend some time thinking of a better program for myself.  It’s great when I’m focused, I lose weight like crazy.  But I think that it’s unrealistic to maintain as the school year goes on.  As much as my temperament is to be the hare versus the tortise, I know that slow and steady wins the race.

Thanks for all of the support, you gals really do mean the world to me.

Progress toward workout goal:  73/250

I remember hearing about a study a while back where someone surveyed a bunch of people and in general, people thought that fat people were stupid compared to their thin counterparts.  It never made sense to me until this week because at least for me, fat does equal stupid.

My plan to ease up a bit but still stay w/i control is gone.  I’m still doing fairly well during the day but once school is over I throw in the towel.  Here’s why I think I’m stupid for doing this, here is what I know:

• I know how to lose weight (eat healthy and exercise)
• I know that I feel better when I eat healthy and exercise
• I know that I have more energy when I eat healthy and exercise
• I know that it’s really not that hard to eat healthy and exercise

But knowing all that I’m STILL choosing to eat crap (and lots of it) and skip exercise for the mall.  I don’t even really like shopping, it was just an excuse to avoid the gym last night.

I would love to say that I’m going to get myself back on plan today but it’s not going to happen.  My schedule is too weird today and tonight so I’m not even going to try.  Once again, stupid!  Instead, I’m going to make sure at least that I incorporate exercise into both days this weekend.  Hopefully that small change will lead to bigger things and then on Monday I’ll get back on plan.

The good news is I’m not avoiding this site, generally when I go off plan I don’t blog until the damage is done.  Lame attempt at progress, I know, but at least I’m improving a little bit. 

Hope you all had a better week than I did.