Does anger burn calories?
I have calmed down a bit over night but I’m sure the anger is going to rise up again. My sister called last night, she’s the member of our family who attracts bad things. I can’t remember if I wrote about this 2 weeks ago or not, but here’s the quick recap:
She found yet another crappy boyfriend and allowed him to move in w/her and her kids. He, apparently, had been threatening to kill her for about 6 weeks, but he finally crossed the line and threatened to kill her AND the kids in front of the kids. We helped her through the process of going to the police and sadly found out that they couldn’t do a whole lot until she evicted him, which would take 30 days.
Fast forward to last night. She calls about something else and then mentioned his name. I figured that there was no way she was still w/him (every time I have called and asked how things were going she would say “really good”) but she acknowledged that she’s back w/him. I was dumbfounded. For about 20 seconds I didn’t say anything b/c I was truly in disbelief. Even though my sister is extremely intelligent she’s one of those people who make dumb choices, but it never even occurred to me that she would be this stupid. She said she couldn’t fill me in on the details b/c there were “ears” around (I assumed she was talking about her kids but the more I think about it I wonder if he was right there) but that she’d call back when we could talk freely. She said that it would be ok b/c he had gone to church and church can do amazing things. I replied that prisons are full of men who have found Jesus. Before we hung up I spoke up and told her that she can’t make these decisions anymore only considering what she wants to do, she has kids to think about. And that I couldn’t imagine what a guy could say to apologize when he had threatened the lives of my kids AND MY KIDS HEARD HIM DO IT!!!! What message is she sending her daughter about how guys can treat her? And what is she teaching her son about how to treat women?
Man, I”m getting pissed again. Mostly b/c there’s not a whole lot I can do. Calling my parents won’t be helpful, at least right now, b/c she doesn’t listen to what my parents say. Plus, the boyfriend is black, and my parents are not the most tolerant people you have ever met. So I called another sister, who is a bit more levelheaded, and we’re going to think of a plan of attack. Sadly, I teach w/a guy who’s SIL was murdered by her husband. Now his wife is very involved in domestic abuse-type situations so she may have some suggestions.
I can tell, though, that all of this anger is going to lead to a kick-ass TJ session later today. Every time I punch, kick and jab I’m going to be seeing my sister’s face. Maybe I can punch the stupidity right out of her. I’ll post more after my workout.
1:00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I called my sister b/c I figured out why I was so angry. Basically what I told her was that she is so lucky to have 3 healthy kids and I have a son who is going to die no matter what I do. I told her that if there was anything that I could do to save my son’s life that I would do it in a heartbeat, and here she is placing her kids’ lives in jeopardy. Even if he doesn’t ever do anything, she is showing her kids how men and women should interact; with fear, domination and intimidation. I asked her to explain to me what he could have said to allow her to risk all of their lives and she wasn’t able to answer. I then called my other sister, who is going to call this one tomorrow to see if what I said sunk in at all. Then we’re going to figure out what to do from here.
But as I predicted, my anger helped fuel my workout. Every kick, punch and jam was loaded w/feeling and I felt much better afterwards. Wiped, but better.
Progress toward workout goal: 57/250
I wish I had some good advice for you, Brandie. I know you’re livid and would love to jump all over both them. Unfortunately, you have to leave the door open for her and there’s no telling what that would push him to do. Probably take it out on her.
The best advice I can give is to keep the lines of communication open with her so that she knows she can turn to you and stay in touch with those kids! If it ever comes down to it, call Child Protective Officers and make sure they make their presence known. That’s what I’ve done in the case with my son and his girlfriend/wife who’s bi-polar. I had custody of the kids for two years while she went through some really bad times and I’d do it again in a heartbeat if I felt they were in a really bad place.
Hi Brandie,
You had stopped by my blog today, and I thought I’d hop over and see how you were doing. I’m very sorry to hear your sister is in this situation, and I’m sure it leaves you feeling helpless. It’s really touchy isn’t it?
Patty had some good advice, and being an abused woman years ago in my first marriage, I know that knowing where a safe house was located was important to me. Unfortunately, the cops came one day after I was almost killed and mentioned the name of the place with my husband within earshot, so I just walked down the interstate with a backpack and two dollars through three states until I collapsed, was taken to the hospital, and then ended up at an abused women’s shelter. It really woke me up, and I never went back or saw him again and started my life over. I can tell you that I had a lot of family in the state we lived and close by, but I had a real fear also of him hurting them. He made it his mission to be sure I had no phone, no car, and of course he would only take me to visit occasionally and have his “ears on” when we were at my mom’s for instance.
Sadly, I watched many women with and without children return, and it was explained to us that most women do go back approximately 6 times before it sinks in that this is not going to get better but only worse. There are so many psychological factors involved!
I hope that your sister’s friend can help you with local information that involves phone numbers and a safe house so she has that when she is ready to get out. Knowing somebody cares and you are not alone probably would help her a lot too. Her self-esteem may be shot, and I’m sure she really hopes he means what he says “this time.” I’m glad she has you and your sister to talk to and count on for help, and I wish you and her and her children the best. Will pray it all works out for all of you.
Stay strong for her, and I hope to hear it turned out okay when all is said and done. Take care of yourself as well, and keep up the kick boxing. Sounds like you have learned a healthy way to deal with your anger and frustrations–good for you!
Carol
Hey, Brandie! I don’t have to binge. The perm is frizzy on top and I don’t like that but the color turned out great. Come and see what you think!