It’s all up to me

Today is the official anniversary of the day my son had his bad seizure and although it’s not a good memory I’m not having as much trouble w/it as I did on Monday. It has been a rough year but I’m so glad we had him with us to create more memories. Maybe it’s just that I’m busier than I was on Monday but I feel that I’m dealing better with everything than I did over the weekend.

I titled this mixed emotions b/c on top of dealing w/the memories of last year we’re getting Kyle’s new wheelchair today. It will definitely make things easier but it takes away one more way that I can deny that my son is different from most kids and that we’ll lose him one day. Even though he’s nearly 2 1/2, it still feels like we just have an infant b/c he does all of the normal baby things. But since he’s becoming too big to carry everywhere, having to strap him into his wheelchair reminds me that he’s not a baby anymore but a child who should be walking, talking, working on potty training, etc. A good friend of mine has a daughter who is exactly 2 weeks younger than him and even though I like hearing stories about what she’s doing it’s hard b/c it reminds me of what Kyle isn’t doing. ***And just as a side note, I’m not normally this morose and focusing on what he can’t do, I’m just dealing w/ emotions today.

On the exercise front, I did do my 10 minutes of Pilates this morning but I’m not going to be able to go to the gym. The appt. for his wheelchair had to be at 2:30 and I go to the gym at that time. I feel it’s more important for me to be at his appt. than workout today.

Today is full of meetings at school so I had better get my butt moving.