It’s all up to me

I weighed in this morning and although I showed a loss (down to 254 from 257) I’m a bit disappointed b/c I know I would have been lower if I had been able to maintain my exercising.  But I’m trying to realize that it was essentially out of my control so I’m going to be happy that I have lost.

My friends out there know how elusive 250 has been for me, so my 2 week goal is to get out of the 250’s…FOREVER!!!  We have a family reunion 2 weeks from today and I am determined that when I get up that morning that the scale will say 240-something.  Not only will I be closer to 200 than 300, I will hit the 40 pound-lost mark if I’m at 249.  Somehow I have a feeling that 250 is more of a mental stumbling block than anything else, and once I blow past it there will be no stopping me!  So for the next 2 weeks I will be focused.  I’m still probably a day or 2 away from being able to wear tennis shoes to exercise (damn blisters) but that cannot cause me to throw in the towel.  I might be able to do a FIRM workout tomorrow since it doesn’t involve repetitive walking, just standing there and lifting weights.  Tuesday night we have open house at school so I’ll probably avoid heavy cardio just for the sweat factor, which gives me until Wednesday to get my feet back into the proper shape for cardio.  In the meantime I’ll focus on weights, pilates and yoga, and of course not eating everything in sight.

I have been sidelined by blisters.  When I wore my cute dress and shoes on Thursday I got knocked back down to earth by the damage that was done to my feet.  I truly thought the shoes were going to be comfy but I could not have been more wrong.  I have a blister on my left foot that is making it nearly impossible to wear shoes.  Yesterday we had a school spirit day so I was able to wear a t-shirt and shorts, which meant that I could also wear tennies.  I put some Liquid Bandage on the blister and threw a couple of bandaids on it.  By the time school was over I could feel the blister through the bandaid!  So right now I’m trying to do as much w/o shoes as possible, which is comical since I have to wear a shoe on my other foot.  I’m continually walking lopsided.  Anyway, I’m hoping the open air will dry out the blister so it will be tough enough to wear shoes soon.

So obviously I haven’t exercised for a while.  I skipped it on Thurs. b/c my feet were raw and had considered going yesterday after school but my hubby called and we had to pick out a new kitchen cabinet (long story).  I still have done my 10 minutes of pilates in the morning and I’m hoping this weekend I’ll be able to do a longer pilates/yoga DVD since I always struggle w/my diet when I don’t exercise.  But even though I’m panicked about not exercising, I know that taking this break will get me back on my feet more quickly than just pushing through.

I forgot my lunch at home. OK, don’t panic, I can improvise. Our cafeteria has crappy salads made up but I can eat it for one day. They also have wraps w/lettuce, turkey, etc. Between these 2 items I will be ok.

Also, people have made lots of positive comments about my dress!!! I’ll post more later after my workout.

I don’t know why but every person over 65 in our town today has decided that they can just walk into traffic w/o looking to see if anyone is coming.  I stopped at Target after the gym and next to Target is a grocery store.  In the span of 200 feet 3 senior citizens just walked out in front of me.  Normally stuff like this doesn’t bother me but I just about ran one of them over to teach them a lesson.

OK, that amount of hostility was weird.  I had a good day so it must have been the fact that I was STARVING.  After the gym (25 minutes weights, 45 minutes treadclimber) I normally head home and have a snack.  But the Target delay put me into serious hunger mode.  I actually felt a little light-headed.  So before I left the store I strolled down the diet aisle b/c I know they sell single-serving protein bars and I figured I could find something to eat.  I ended up buying a product called “Figamajigs” and I am in love!!!  They are figs covered by dark chocolate and I don’t know if I have had something so yummy in quite some time.  I love chocolate covered raisins and they are very similar.  They are super chewey, which is a huge plus for me, and a decent chocolate taste.  The package was only 150 calories, there are 2 grams of fiber and only 2.5 grams of fat.  Next time I go to the store I’m going to grab some more.

I have decided to take all of your advice and wear one of my new dresses tomorrow.  I’m kind of easing into it b/c the kids are watching a video for about 20 minutes of class so I can hide behind my desk if I feel uncomfortable wearing the more form-fitting dress.  Plus, the shoes I want to wear are new so I don’t know if my feet will hurt by the end of the day so it’s a good idea to try them out while I’ll be sitting for part of the day.  I’ll let you all know what people said…if they say anything at all.

Progress toward workout goal:  38/250

Today was a big day in our household.  My hubby turned 40, he started back to classes (what a great gift), our son started kindergarten and I had the first day with my students.  Fortunately everything went well.  I was worried that our son would be teary when I dropped him off at the before-school daycare but when we got there about 7 little boys were playing.  He couldn’t get away from me fast enough.  I barely got a quick kiss and a “See you later, Mom.”  I did tear up a little in the van as I was driving away but I’m glad he’s excited for school.

My 1st day w/kids was good as well.  I think that at least 2 of my class periods are going to be challenging due to 3 different kids.  A few of them tried to get into a pissing match with me today and I’m glad to say that I came out on top in every situation.  It’s a small victory and I know that there will be others that I lose but it’s nice to start the year on a good note.

I think one problem I’m going to face is the time around my lunch/prep period.  It’s a good problem to have but I have 2 classperiod back-to-back when I don’t have students.  I ate my lunch today and was still hungry.  Normally, my lunch fills me up so I’m hoping I was just extra-hungry, but I’m worried that if this continues that I will face a challenge b/c I would actually have time to eat something else.  I’ll just have to monitor things and make a plan if I continue to be hungry.

Tonight I restricted myself to 40 minutes on the treadclimber b/c I think my feet will become a problem again if I don’t take it easy.  Then I was on the bike for 20 and did about 10 minutes of abs before I went home.

Progress toward workout goal:  37/250 

OK, I’ll try this again.  When I tried to post it before my writings disappeared.

Long story short, today is the day all of my excuses are gone.  Life gets back to a regular schedule, so if I make bad choices they’re all mine.  I’m actually relieved, I want to get back on track.

Here’s the plan.  M-F I’ll get up at 5:00 and do 10 minutes of a Pilates DVD.  They each focus on a different body part so it will give me some good toning.  Even though they don’t burn a ton of calories they do work well to make body parts smaller.  Then I’ll go to the gym after school for about 90 minutes.  MWF I’ll lift weights and then spend the remainder of the time on cardio (about 45 minutes).  T/TH I’ll spend at least 60 min on cardio and then end w/a good stretch and ab work.  I will allow myself to miss 1 workout during the week if absolutely necessary for appointments, but even then I’ll try to schedule them so that I can get in at least 30 minutes at the gym.  On the weekends I will get in at least 1 workout.

For food, I’ll follow my 3 Hour Diet by Jorge Cruise.  I do well if I eat similar food all of the time so I have breakfast and lunch set.  Supper will be a series of frozen meals, veggies and cottage cheese.  My after supper snack is a sugar free chocolate pudding.  I do love that pudding!!

I’m going to focus on my behavior so I haven’t set any weight goals but I think I will, as soon as I have a chance to see what’s realistic for me.

6:00

I ate well today and got to the gym after school.  I did 2 sets of all of my weight workouts and then got in 55 minutes on the treadclimber.  We have fresh tomatoes right now so I had 2 big ones w/my WW frozen meal.  It’s amazing how much better fresh veggies taste than the ones at the store.

Progress toward workout goal:  36/250

Today is going to be spent getting out life back in order as much as we can.  I just went though bills from when we were on vacation, so at least I know we’re not going to have our electricity shut off b /c a bill fell behind a desk somewhere.  And, a friend and her little girl are coming over soon so it should be a fun afternoon.

I wrote a month or 2 ago about how my hubby’s grandparents play favorites, at the expense of my hubby, his sister and our kids.  The latest issue was that they didn’t get our younger son his b-day present until 2 months after his b-day.  To make it even worse, it was cash, so it’s not like the card couldn’t have been thrown in the mail.  So last night at the b-day party for my MIL and hubby, his grandma asks me if she put money in the card.  The reason she was asking, she said, was that she never received a thank you note from us about it, “not that I care if we get a note or not.”  First of all, I am the ONLY person in the whole family who send thank you notes.  And she has always been passive/aggressive w/her comments and I had finally had enough.  After staring blankly at her for a second or two, overcoming the “respect your elders” mantra that had been drilled into  my head from a young age, I replied “Gee, I guess since he received the gift so far after his birthday that it escaped my mind.  I know I sent notes to everyone who gave him gifts back in April.”  To anyone watching our exchange they would think it was 2 very polite women having a conversation, but anyone in the know would realize what was truly happen.  Afterward, my MIL (his grandma’s daughter) and hubby were in the living room and I told them what happened, both laughed.  I especially wanted to make sure that his mom knew what happened b/c when it was brought up later I wanted to make sure she knew the truth.  Childish, I realize, but it felt so good.

I think I overdid it yesterday w/the treadclimber.  On top of going for 50 minutes, I increased my speed and the interval between the boards.  This morning my heel is screaming at me.  I’m concerned about how my foot will do next week when I am back to wearing dressy shoes during the day.  As much as I love burning so many calories during my workout, I may have to scale it back a bit and remember that this is a marathon and if I want to finish that I need to take care of my feet.

To answer tiny2b’s question, a treadclimber is a cross between a treadmill and a stair stepper.  You walk on it just like a treadmill but the part where you walk is broken into to sides (right and left) and each side goes up and down, so it’s like you’re walking up stairs.  There are infomercials on all of the time about them and I think both Bowflex and Nautilis makes them.  THey claim that you can burn twice the calories in the same amount of time at the same speed and I can attest that this is true.  The other day in 20 minutes I burned 370 calories and yesterday during 50 I burned 900.  I haven’t pushed it further than 3.4 mph and generally hang out around 3:0 or 3.2.  I feel that I could go faster but based on heart rate I keep it there.

Today we have someone coming to show us an air purification system.  A friend gave them our name b/c she bought one and if she gets others to see their presentation then she gets more free stuff.  I was ok w/it, b/c we’re supposed to get a certificate for a 2 night stay at a hotel, but yesterday she informs me that not only is the closest place 5 hours from here, but we have to listen to a presentation about a time-share once we get there.  We’re still going to do it b/c she’s a friend but I’m not real pleased right now.

Tomorrow a friend and her little girl are coming over so that should be fun, and then Monday’s here again.  I don’t know right now what I’m going to do w/food.  My plan is to stick as close to my regular habits as possible and when I stray, to choose healthier foods.  But tonight we have a b-day celebration at my MIL (her b-day is Monday and my hubby’s is Tuesday…the big 4-0).  Since I’m not going to control the food, I’m going to try to listen to my body and only eat enough to fill me up.  This is such a hard concept for me, so wish me luck.

The good news is people are definitely noticing at school.  Several people have told me how great I look, so it’s just a reminder that the numbers on the scale don’t necessarily reflect what’s going on w/your shape.  Number-wise, I think I lost less than 10 pounds over the summer, due to my vacation weight-gain.  But I know I lost a lot of inches and that’s what matters.

I’m starting to lose confidence w/some of the cute dresses I bought for school.  They’re a bit more form-fitting, which is what makes you look smaller, but now that it’s getting time to wear them I don’t want to look like a sausage stuck in the casing.  I think I’m going to try a few of them on for my friend on Sunday and see what she thinks.  And the one that is causing me the most worries I think I’ll try on for my hubby.  He’s generally pretty honest about if something looks good on me.  Sometimes I want to kill him for it but he does it nicely and I would rather have him say something than let me go out of the house busting at the seams.

10:00 am

I had a chance to do a 30 minute Pilates DVD today so I gave my heel a rest.  I know I didn’t burn very many calories but I know I have to pay attention to all areas of my fitness.

The guy for the demonstration showed up but forgot the equipment.  What a doorknob.  I wasn’t going to buy anything anyway but if I was even a tiny bit interested he would have just lost a sale due to his idiocy.  Oh well, he’s back.  I’m going to see how quickly I can get rid of him, my goal is under 30 minutes.

Progress toward workout goal:  35/250

Grr!  With school starting this week I have had about 10 minutes total all week to be on this website and I still don’t like it.  I haven’t figured out how to navigate around efficiently.  So I completely apologize to all of my friends out there, I haven’t forgotten about you, I just haven’t been able to visit.  But I will be back soon.

We got the wheelchair yesterday and he loves it.  I’m so happy.  And I also love it, which I wasn’t expecting.  I think he’s going to be able to experience so much in his life b/c he’s upright instead of laying on the floor.

Inservice continued today and I finally started getting some work done.  I’ll have a little more time on Monday to get ready for the kiddos to arrive Tuesday but I’m starting to feel calm.  I’m also glad that these inservice days are over b/c we go out to lunch everyday.  I finally decided that I didn’t WANT to eat salads all week so I enjoyed sandwiches, chips, etc.  I was fierce w/exercise, though, so I’m hoping I’ll break even.  Today I did the weight circuit for 15-20 minutes and got in 50 minutes on the treadclimber.  Just on the treadclimber I burned 900 calories.  Yay!!

I’m still struggling to organize my life at home since we got back from vacation so that’s my goal for the weekend.  I’m paranoid that there is a bill that I have missed that’s overdue.  It never happens but I always worry about it.

Progress toward workout goal:  34/250

Today is the official anniversary of the day my son had his bad seizure and although it’s not a good memory I’m not having as much trouble w/it as I did on Monday. It has been a rough year but I’m so glad we had him with us to create more memories. Maybe it’s just that I’m busier than I was on Monday but I feel that I’m dealing better with everything than I did over the weekend.

I titled this mixed emotions b/c on top of dealing w/the memories of last year we’re getting Kyle’s new wheelchair today. It will definitely make things easier but it takes away one more way that I can deny that my son is different from most kids and that we’ll lose him one day. Even though he’s nearly 2 1/2, it still feels like we just have an infant b/c he does all of the normal baby things. But since he’s becoming too big to carry everywhere, having to strap him into his wheelchair reminds me that he’s not a baby anymore but a child who should be walking, talking, working on potty training, etc. A good friend of mine has a daughter who is exactly 2 weeks younger than him and even though I like hearing stories about what she’s doing it’s hard b/c it reminds me of what Kyle isn’t doing. ***And just as a side note, I’m not normally this morose and focusing on what he can’t do, I’m just dealing w/ emotions today.

On the exercise front, I did do my 10 minutes of Pilates this morning but I’m not going to be able to go to the gym. The appt. for his wheelchair had to be at 2:30 and I go to the gym at that time. I feel it’s more important for me to be at his appt. than workout today.

Today is full of meetings at school so I had better get my butt moving.