It’s all up to me

All in all I’m satisfied with how the weekend went.  The things that were under my control went according to plan and the things that weren’t…why worry?  I made it through the cake-making experience w/o a nibble which is HUGE for me.  I got in my tough workout Saturday morning, ate my breakfast and packed lunch.  We went to the reunion and had a blast but surprisingly there wasn’t very much healthy food around.  Apparently cardiologists like fatty foods as much as we do :)  Granted, I could have brought something healthy myself but when you’re traveling 2+ hours in 90 degree heat, veggies don’t do that well.  I wasn’t able to workout yesterday due to the fact that my parents’ basement flooded and upstairs they had brand new carpet so I didn’t want to leave shoe marks all over the place.  Plus, I woke up with some sort of head cold and I was exhausted.  When we drove home Saturday night there was a massive thunderstorm, at times we were only driving 40 mph on the interstate.

But this morning I’m back on track.  I got in a workout and am on track for food.  I still feel like crap and my older son decided today was the day he was going to be hyper but that’s life.  On a good note, when I went to the doctor on Friday, the nurse didn’t even look for the bigger blood pressure cuff, she just used the one for normal sized people.  Yay!

My goal for this week is to be at or below 255.  I know I’m trying to avoid using weight as a goal and focusing on behaviors instead, but I’m treading water instead of making progress.  It’s a doable goal, I just need to do it.

Progress toward workout goal:  16/250

It’s Friday night which means we’re headed into the weekend.  For most people that’s something to celebrate but for me it is a scary time.   My schedule is totally disrupted and temptations abound.  But I am going to make it through according to my plan.  So what is my plan?

• Finish today on plan.  I have been happy with my food choices and got in a solid hour on the treadmill.  The danger tonight is that I have to make a cake for our family reunion, but I am going to brush my teeth and chew gum during.  I still have a treat coming tonight and I have some yummy sf pudding chilling in the fridge.
• Tomorrow, I’m going to get in a tough workout first thing in the morning.  I have already told my hubby that after 5 am the kids are his responsibility and he’s fine with that.  We’ll be on the road by 9; by then I’ll have had a good breakfast and I’ll bring my lunch to my parents’ house.  I will make the healthiest choices available at the party.
• Sunday we’ll be at my parents’ house.  I will bring along a few DVD’s so I can workout there first thing in the morning.  I will also bring the cereal I usually eat as well as another lunch.  I’m not sure how long we will be there but I want to be prepared.

Progress toward workout goal:  14/250

OK, yesterday wasn’t my proudest moment, but it’s over so I’m not going to let it bother me anymore.  Today is a new day and I’m going to use it to get myself back on track.  I got a decent night of sleep and our regular nurse is coming today so I know that I’ll be able to get a workout.  Since I’m having my tubes tied today I’ll probably be under my calories so maybe yesterday will balance itself out.  And I should be back to normal tomorrow b/c I’m not having traditional surgery, it’s just an in-office procedure where they do everything through the opening that God provided.  The Dr. told me to expect just regular cramping and said I’d be able to resume regular activities on Friday.  I’m not going to lift weights on Friday as I normally would but I will get in a good, long, walk.

I’m trying to be a “look for the silver lining” kind of gal so maybe yesterday was a warning for me.  We have a family reunion this weekend and a lot of choices were up in the air.  One of those choices was do I take the boys and go to my parents’ house Friday night or just come down Saturday morning, pick them up and continue to the reunion.  I have decided to go down on Saturday for 2 reasons.  One, I will be more likely to get in a workout Saturday morning if I am home and two, I will be in control of my food Friday night and Saturday morning.  I’ll bring my lunch w/me to eat at their house and then do the best I can at the reunion.  That side of the family has lot of medical people (the host is a cardiac surgeon) so I know there should be at least a little bit of healthy food

On another front, I’m really tired of my hubby being sick.  I’m sure he is, too, but what I finally realized is that the reason it’s irritating me so much is that when he’s sick, he just gets to be sick.  I can pick up the slack.  When I’m sick, though, I have to coordinate help due to our situation with Kyle.  I remember when I was horribly sick with strep throat last spring and slept for about 3 days straight, I was on the phone with my mom, having her come up for a couple of nights to help with the kids.  And then on the 1/2 day I went to school, I was coordinating a schedule for people to come over and help with the kids b/c I knew it wasn’t safe for me to take care of them b/c I wasn’t strong enough.  He does the best he can and I don’t want to complain b/c I have one of the best husbands around, but he has one of the best wives around and I just wish he’d tell me that.

10:20

Yay, I got in my workout and now I feel like myself again.  What’s scary, though, is that after taking 1 day off I had to MAKE myself workout.  Usually I look forward to it and I had to force myself today.  Luckily I chose one of my alltime favorites which really got me going, so when it was time to get on the treadmill it was no big deal.  And what I’m noticing on the treadmill is that my endurance is so much greater during the running times.  I have 1 more week of my interval walking program and then I’m going to start C25K.  A quick question about that, during the running times how fast are you supposed to run?  I downloaded the program from the internet and it just gives a time and/or distance, and from what I could calculate it comes out to about 6 mph.  Is that right?

Progress toward goal:  13/250

I think I just consumed a days worth of calories in under an hour.  I had just posted about how well the day was going in spite of the fact that I didn’t get in my normal workout and I ate several small chocolates as well as the 4 leftover pieces of cake.  Oh yeah, I found a single size pack of salted peanuts in the cupboard.  Thank God we keep the junkfood pretty minimal around here b/c I know the only reason I stopped is b/c I ran out.  I am an intelligent person, why can’t I figure out how to NOT put food in my mouth???

I’m  worried about today b/c I can already tell that I’m going to be out of my regular schedule.  Our older son is sick, he was up about 5 times last night with a fever.  He rarely gets sick and when he does he cries at night (he’s only 5).  So it was frustrating last night b/c I was trying to take care of him as well as keep him quiet enough that he didn’t wake up Kyle.  Plus, my hubby is still taking painkillers to sleep at night so it was all me.  His temp stayed around 102 all night, even w/Tylenol.  If it hasn’t broken by this morning I’m going to call the doc.

This may be selfish but I’m worried that I won’t get in a workout.  Not working out, combined with being exhausted, is a recipe for eating.  So my goal for today is to stick to my regular eating plan no matter what.  I can take a day off from exercising, but I’m afraid of what will happen if I do.  For right now, I might be able to sneak in a short one b/c my hubby just got up and our older son is finally sleeping.  It’s also sad b/c whenever he gets sick he’s afraid that he’ll get the disease that our younger son has.  I keep trying to explain to him that Kyle was born with his disease, but when you’re 5 and you hear people talking about your brother who is going to die b/c he’s “sick”, it must be scary to be sick yourself. 

I can do this, I will not let one day change my focus.

1:45    So far the day has gone better and worse than I was hoping.  Better, b/c I was able to get in 20 minutes of a workout.  Not enough to count it as a day toward my goal (I honestly don’t care about that) but enough to remind me that I did something good for my body.  I am also on plan for food, which hasn’t been easy.  But this is a chance for me to prove to myself that I am in control of food, not the other way around.  The reason it has been worse is that our nurse didn’t show up today.  Our regular nurse has the day off and the replacement nurse didn’t come.  I called the agency and they said they would check on her to make sure she’s ok, but in the meantime I have both boys by myself.  Thank goodness this isn’t tomorrow b/c I’m getting my tubes tied so we would have to scramble to find daycare.  Anyway, our older son is still a little sick (temp 100.2, not eating) but he’s acting normal so I’m not worried.  I’m not worrying about the amount of tv he’s watching today b/c he just wants to curl up with a blanket on the couch.  The baby did nap for a while and I did think about hopping on the treadmill but our older son asked if I would snuggle with him so of course it wasn’t even a choice.  I know that the day will come (probably in the near future) where he won’t want to snuggle with me anymore.

I’m proud of myself for sticking with my eating plan.  I am a little short on water, especially since I didn’t workout and I have had 2 coke zeros for the caffeine but all in all I’m pleased. 

Beware, I’m in a fantastic mood so this is going to be a very peppy blog.  I know sometimes I can’t handle others’ happiness so if you’re having one of those days you may want to read something else.

Nothing really special happened to put me in a good mood, it’s just that life is pretty good.  The weather is GORGEOUS and I just spent 45 minutes outside, reading a book in the sun.  I know, I know…the sun is harmful but it feels so good.  And I am one of those people who don’t think I look good without a tan.  Maybe when I’m happier with my body I will be able to see myself as pretty without a tan but I’m not there yet.  At least my insides are healthy

I finished my inspiring diet book and have a few more ideas to share:

• Set regular goals and feel the glow of achievement when you reach them.  Every day I wake up looking forward to working toward the next goal.  It’s a big change from when I used to wake up looking forward to cookies.
• One of the great things about any process of positive transformation is that the longer you do it and avoid temptations to quit, the more you have invested in not failing.  Every time you stick with it, it becomes easier to decide to stay on track.

That last quote really got me through this morning.  I had to wait about an hour after I got up to workout and that delay allowed me to think about if I was going to do it.  There was no reason not to, but it wasn’t automatic.  So I did  it and I am so glad I did, not only b/c I got in my workout today, but I finished a wonderful movie called “The Final Season”.  If you like feel-good films this is a great one, and it was especially interesting to me b/c it’s based on a baseball team about 20 miles from where I grew up.  They filmed it 2 summers ago near us and I saw a few of the boys that I used to teach in the baseball scenes.  They used local players as the athletes (at least the ones who weren’t the main stars), so it made it really interesting.  I told myself I couldn’t watch that movie unless I was on the treadmill so that made me keep going.

Progress toward goal:  12/250

I know most people dread Mondays but I sort of look forward to them, at least in the summertime.  They get me back into my routine and I’m definitely a routine kind of gal.

Yesterday didn’t go quite like I had planned, at least food-wise.  I finally got Kyle back into bed around 6:15 am and crashed on the couch.  My older son got up at 7:30 and I was NOT ready to get up yet, so I woke up my hubby so I could go back to bed.  I felt bad about it, I know he’s sick, but I was exhausted and since he can’t help me take care of Kyle right now, I had to sleep when Kyle was sleeping.  I got in about another 90 minutes of sleep and it was heaven.  Fortunately Kyle was doing much better so we didn’t even have to call the doctor.  He even took a later nap so I was able to get in my walk/run to finish the 4th week of my interval training program.  I can definitely tell that I have increased my endurance.  Yay, me!!

Food choices were awful, but they were conscious choices.  I was planning to follow the plan I had created in the wee hours of the morning but knew that it could cause me problems later in the week.  I determined that the extra calories were worth the focus they would bring for the other 6 days this week.  So even though I’m disappointed in myself that I wasn’t strong enough to make healthy choices, at least I made a conscious decision regarding what I was eating.

Today I got in my regular 90 minute workout and I feel great.  My older son and I were able to spend some time outside and now we’re taking a break to get away from the heat.  He wanted to try the treadmill after I got off it yesterday and thinks it’s fun so when I get done typing here he wants to go walking.  He gets up to about 2 mph before his little legs (he’s 5) start having trouble keeping up.  I just love it that he thinks that exercise is fun :)  Talk to you all later.

Progress toward exercise goal:  11/250

Forgive the Jimmy Buffet reference, it’s 3:30 am.  I was going to title this “Stupid, stupid, stupid” so something more upbeat is preferred.  Basically, after my suprise exercise opportunity and preview of my weigh-in, I proceeded to sabotage myself.  What’s even worse, I consciously sabotaged myself.  With every bite I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I did it anyway.

Here’s what happened.  We went out to lunch, as planned.  I had a grilled chicken salad, as planned.  We saw a lucious chocolate cake on the dessert menu and while my hubby and son were in the bathroom I debated ordering it for us all to share.  I truly wanted it, which is odd b/c I typically don’t like cake.  Then I figured, if I ate a few bites of cake that could take the place of the almonds that I brought for the movie.  I was ok with that decision so we ordered it and OMG, it was the most luscious cake I have honestly ever eaten. 

Then we went to the movie and my son bought Jolly Rancher Gummys.  No popcorn, woohoo!  I resisted the candy nearly the entire movie but toward the end I ate about 4 pieces.  Again, not a huge deal calorie-wise.

Fairly decent supper (left over beef roast, cottage cheese, tomato) but then the nibbling began.  A few pieces of chocolate here, sf pudding there, etc.  Once my son went to bed, I ate 2 chocolate chip granola bars with frosting.

I’m not 100% sure what’s behind it but life has been kind of stressful lately with my hubby being sick.  I think I wrote yesterday that he has Fifth’s Disease which is very painful.  He’s doing everything he can to help but he has to take painkillers to sleep at night and it’s even painful to type or tighten lids on bottles.  He hasn’t been able to get up with the baby for about 4 nights and I’m starting to resent it even though I know he’s not faking it.  Then, yesterday Kyle started acting funny and now he’s running a fever.  With his disease every other illness is more serious so of course I’m worried that something’s going on.  When it becomes a decent hour I’ll call the Dr. to see if this is something we should be worried about.

So the reason I titled this “Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes” is that I need to follow the advice I give to others.  Let it go, it happened and there’s nothing I can do about it.  I weighed myself a little bit ago and varied b/t 257.5 and 258 and since today is my “official” weigh-in day I was upset that all of my hard work last week was only going to show up as a 1-1.5 loss.  Then I realized, why can’t I use yesterday’s 3 pound loss as my weigh-in?  This will only work, though, if I forgo my usual Sunday night free meal.  No problem, I experienced that last night.  All of a sudden, I went from feeling awful about myself and lack of willpower to realizing, no problem, it was my one meal a week where I don’t worry about making healthy choices.  My week has now started over and it will be healthy choices for me.  If the baby sleeps I will get in a workout but if not I’m not going to let it throw me off track.  I have exercised for nearly 2 weeks in a row so I’m entitled to a day off if I need it.

I had planned on today being my rest day from exercise but my son decided to take an early nap so I was able to get one in!  I was considering skipping it b/c I’m afraid I’m becoming compulsive with exercise and I wanted to prove to myself that I could take a day off and then I realized how stupid that was.  An opportunity was given to me and I would be foolish to watch it slip away.  So I did the 4 mile WATP but to make it harder I threw on my 15 pound weighted vest and the weighted gloves from the TJ workouts.  I’ll have to remember to do this b/c for the first time I really felt like I got a good workout w/WATP.  My calves were burning and I really worked up a sweat.

Dinner last night went well.  Both my hubby and I ordered grilled shrimp and a small portion of grilled filet mignon.  He ate my rice and I ate his steamed veggies.  We’re like that V8 commercial where the wife keeps thumping the guy in the head!  Anyway, afterward I convinced him to go to the acute care clinic to see why he’s so achy and the doctor said she thought it was Fifth’s Disease.  She prescribed some painkillers but the bad news is the pain can last for weeks or months.  Poor guy, he’s miserable and right now he’s at baseball practice with our older son, it’s a program where Dads and kids play together.  I offered to go but then he’d have to stay home with the baby and he’s afraid that he couldn’t lift him if he woke up.  He really is a great guy.

I did sneak a quick peak on the scale this morning and it read 256, which is a 3 pound loss from Sunday.  I’ll weigh in officially tomorrow but I’m pleased.  Of course I wish it was more, especially considering that I have worked out between 90 minutes and 2 hours every day this week (except for today when it was only 60) but I’ll take it. 

My goal for the rest of today is to stick with the eating plan and drink tons of water so the report on the scale is favorable.

Progress toward exercise goal:  9/250

This weekend will be a good test of my new resolve.  Tonight my hubby and I are going to be able to go out BY OURSELVES!!  I don’t know exactly what we’re going to do b/c he’s actually not feeling well.  Wednesday he woke up with a full body rash, the dermatologist said it’s a virus.  Then yesterday he started feeling really achy in his joints.  We looked it up and the 1st thing that popped up was West Nile Virus.  Yikes!  I’m sure that’s not it, but wouldn’t it be our luck to have that happen?  Anyway, I think at the minimum we’re going to go out to dinner and maybe catch a movie.  Dinner I have covered, we’re going to this Japanese place that has healthy options.  And if we go to the movie I’ll bring along some almonds if I feel like I need to snack, but plan to just chew gum.  I did my toughest weight workout this morning (the TJ weighted workout, as well as 48 minutes of walking and 10 minutes of abs on the ball) . 

Tomorrow is going to be tricky, I think it’s going to be my schedule day off from exercise.  Hubby and older son have baseball in the am and with him not feeling well I don’t know if he’ll get up early enough for me to workout and shower before he leaves.  When they get home, we have a nurse coming to watch the baby so we can hang out w/our older son for a while.  We’ll go out to lunch (I will have a grilled chicken salad) and then go bowling or something like that.  But I will have to be very conscious with my food choices b/c when I don’t exercise I tend to go off course.  I’m going to use the fact that I weigh in on Sunday as motivation to stick to the plan.

Here are some more quotes/ideas from my new fav. book.

• She was talking about eating the same meal for lunch for 6 months.  It really stuck a chord w/me b/c I tend to eat the same foods over and over.  “I needed food to be boring.  Food had been my major source of entertainment for twenty-nine years, and it had practically ruined my life…For now, just understand that I had to break the power that food held over my life.  I needed to start thinking of food as fuel, not fun.  Eating the same sandwich every day wasn’t depressing at all.  It gave me great pleasure to eat with discipline.”
• “I was replacing an old source of pleasure with one that fit my new life.  The pleasure of celebrating milestones was taking the place once reserved for food.”
• “Few pleasures in life can compete with dropping your big old clothes at Goodwill and buying new, smaller outfits.”
• When talking about being unhappy with diet/exercise she asked herself, “Chantel, how unhappy are you fat?  If you cheat now, you’ve gotta stay fat another day.”

Progress toward fitness goal: 8/250