It’s all up to me

I have a feeling this is going to be a long weekend.  Both of the boys are sick, and when our older son is sick he wakes up crying/shouting.  He’s still 1/2 asleep so there’s no rationalizing w/him.  Last night the battle started b/c he took off his pants and wanted to sleep on the floor naked.  He’s still not potty trained at night so he wears what we call “nighttime undies”, without those we know he’ll pee on the floor.  Finally, after about 30 minutes of him shouting, my hubby telling him to keep his voice down (not very effective) and me trying to do the tough love approach, he put the undies back on and went back to bed.

Kyle has the beginnings of a nasty cold which means sleep for the next little while is going to be hit or miss.  He has a chest treatment he takes 2x daily to help him break up the mucous in his chest but for some reason the last 2 mornings he has screamed bloody murder when I put him in the chair.  We’ll get it in later, it’s just not a good omen for the day.  Plus, there is a rogue fly that’s buzzing around and keeps landing on his face.  He can’t swat it away so if I’m not paying attention there’s a little fly feasting on my baby’s face.  Nice.

Then, my dad, who turns 65 tomorrow, fell off a ladder last week and got so goofy that he couldn’t remember why the furniture was missing from the house (they had gotten new carpet).  He has been to the ER a few times this week due to anxiety attacks (apparently they can be common after a major physical trauma) but yesterday he had to go for acute pain.  The docs said he cracked a rib when he fell and then Thursday night he coughed reallly hard and dislodged the rib.  Now he’s on Percocet and Xanax and it will be a couple of weeks before he’s good as new.  My parents have always been so healthy and it’s scary to go through this, especially since he’s hitting such a milestone b-day.  I guess I don’t like the reality of their mortality staring me in the face.

Even better, hubby and I are being grouchy w/each other.  It’s not bad enough to say that we’re fighting, b/c we’re not.  It’s just that the last couple of weeks have been really hard and we’re both sick of it.  He’s sick of constantly hurting all of the time, and I’m sick of always having to be the one to get up with Kyle.  Plus, since all of his joints ache, sex is obviously out of the question and when I go without for too long I’m not a fun person to be around.  This has been our problem for a while and basically I’m tired of always being the adult and bringing up the topic for conversation.  I have explained to him that simply grabbing my ass as he walks by or wrapping his arms around me from behind can be just as effective as a roll in the hay.  Plus, he has yet to comment on my weight loss.  If I ask him he’ll say that he sees a difference, and I have told him that if there’s a day that I look really good that it would help me for him to say it, but nothin’.  I still love him and I know he loves me, life is just hard right now.

Sorry for the long ramble.  On a good note, my weigh-in was decent.  I’m going to go w/252, even though I saw 251 and 250.5 at different times.  But 252 is what I got when I weighed in like I always do.  But then I got out my other scale (it measures body fat, water and muscle) and my body fat is down to 44.4%.  When I started out I was at 52.6%.  So since I’m a facts and figures kind of gal, when I started out at 289 pounds, 152 pounds of me was fat.  Now, “only” 111 pounds of me is fat.  That’s a fat loss of 41 pounds, when my body weight  loss has only been 37 pounds. 

My goal for today is just to make it through.  My dad’s party has been cancelled so I’m going to stick to the program w/the only exception being that my hubby is going to grill out.  It will still be healthy (shrimp and sirloin), just slightly higher in calories.  If the baby naps I’m going to do a new pilates DVD that I bought.  It has 5 different 10 minute pilates workouts, and the plan is to do one of them each morning when school starts.  It will be enough to get my moving in the morning w/o (hopefully) getting me all sweaty so I can still shower at night.  It saves me about 25 minutes in the morning if I can shower the night before.

Keep your fingers crossed for me that I don’t pull all of my hair out before the sun goes down!!

11:30

Somehow I confused 2 handfulls of dark chocolate M&M’s with my regular meal plan.  How did that happen?  But the good news is I have pulled myself away from the bag and managed to do the Pilates DVD.  I really like 3 of the 5 segments and can tell that they will do some good.  The stretching section is ok and the total body section is beyond my abilities right now but it’s something I can work toward.  I feel much more in control now that I have worked out.  I’m going to try to forget the candy from before, b/c I can’t undo it, and just make sure that for the rest of the day I stick to the plan.  I think we’ll have to end up taking Kyle into the doctor at some point, odds are it’s an ear infection.  Whenever he gets sick that’s usually what it ends up being.  But it has been two months or so since he has been sick which is fantastic for him.  So it will be a minor blip in the road and then we’ll get back to normal.

Progress toward workout goal:  21/250