It’s all up to me

Turns out the combination of secret eating and mixed nuts was too powerful to resist.  My hubby is out with some buddies tonight so it’s me and the boys.  The day went well and so did food until about 8:00 when my older son went to bed.  Earlier today I found my hubby’s stash of mixed nuts and instead of telling him that I found his hiding spot so he could relocate them I kept quiet.  I told myself it was so I didn’t have to bother him (like it takes a ton of effort to lift a 2 lb. can of nuts) but now I realize I was creating the perfect storm.  So there I was, just the baby and me and he won’t tell.  My older son honestly could not have been in bed more than 30 seconds before I headed to the cabinet.  Correction, I headed to the freezer first to see if I could find the chocolate that I did ask him to relocate after I found it, but he (un)fortunately listened to me.

So now I’m trying to figure out why I felt compelled to eat these nuts.  The first bite or 2 were good but after that it wasn’t for flavor.  And it wasn’t like it was unconscious, I was aware of every fatty, salty nut that passed my lips.  I’m torn between the fact that my next weigh-in is a week away so it’s safer to indulge now and the fact that I’m a bit peeved w/ my hubby.  Not for going out, he actually needs to do it more.  I’m tired of hearing him grumble about how tired he is without being willing to do anything about it.  Yesterday he was grouching about it and this was after he got about 2 hours more sleep than I did.  I KNOW that if he would eat a veggie or 2 and exercise more than his hand on the remote that he would feel better but I don’t want to turn into one of those wacko fitness freaks, especially since I have gone back and forth on this path so many times.  I’m honestly worried about his health so I will often have my older son ask him to go for a walk.  We’re both going to get bikes so we can ride as a family and he said he would be willing to do this.  It’s just sad b/c he was a semi-pro baseball player and a Marine in his younger days and now he gets winded going up stairs.  I also feel guilty b/c when I met him he had a 36 in waist and now he’s a 44-46.  I know that I didn’t put the food into his mouth but when a man is relatively trim for 30 years and then within 10 he goes to being obese, the only thing that was added to the mix is me.

So now that I have confessed my sin of gluttony with the nuts I can let them go and focus on getting over this bump in the road.  I would estimate that I packed in maybe 500 calories which in reality isn’t that big of a deal.  I actually missed a few snacks today and I ended up mowing the lawn so I burned some extra calories.  I’m going to assume that the calories will take care of themselves and I’ll avoid the scale until next Sunday so I’m not upset by water retention due to the salt in the nuts.  I also already prepped my hubby that before we head out for our day tomorrow that I need to workout.  I won’t have time for much, just the final day of my 1st week of my walking routine, but enough to remind me that I did something healthy for myself.  I’m hoping that will be enough to help me resist the cake at the graduation party, or at least hold me to 1 piece.  See you tomorrow.