It’s all up to me

After 2 days away from exercise I was able to get back with it today.  I decided to finish the 2nd week of my interval walking program even though I should be starting week 3.  Anyway, on this day I was to alternate 90 seconds of walking with 90 seconds of running from 4-4.5 mph.  Last week I did the same thing but for only 60 seconds.  Let’s just say that 90 seconds is definitely harder.  By the 4th cycle I was dying but I made it through all 6.  All the while I was thinking to myself that people actually choose to run b/c they want to!!  Now that it’s done I feel good and very proud of myself but I don’t think I’m going to be one of those people out there pounding the pavement, even once I get in fantastic shape.

I don’t know what’s wrong w/me today but I’m a grouch.  My older son and I went to the pool this afternoon and he was struggling to listen (to put it mildly) and now that we’re home I’m a grouch.  I’m trying to do the whole mind over matter thing and will myself out of a bad mood but it’s not happening.  Maybe I’m detoxing from all of the sugar over the weekend.

I think I’m going to do a July challenge w/myself.  I’m not going to set a specific number of pounds and/or inches that I want to lose, but I am going to state that I need to workout at least 6 days a week.  This month that will be very doable and it will help to keep me on track.  Anyway, I’m going to weigh myself tomorrow and take measurements and then do it again at the end of the month.  If I want to impress everyone when we return to school in August this is the month that I need to make things happen!  I’m excited to see what I can accomplish.

As a teacher I don’t typically look forward to July b/c for some reason it feels like summer is nearly over by this point.  But this year I’m glad to see it come b/c it’s the one month that we don’t have a ton going on.  I should be able to workout six days a week and maybe even seven with little problem and we don’t have a ton of social activities that will make it difficult to stick to a healthy eating plan.  I’m craving that sense of normality after my class all week and our obligations over the weekend.  I have not even come close to sticking to plan and we still have another event today.  I’m going to do the best I can and look forward to tomorrow when I can buckle down and get back to business.  It’s funny, but I’m actually looking forward to healthy food b/c my stomach is upset from all of the junk.  You’d think that would be enough to get me back on track but that’s hard to do when there’s a double chocolate gooey butter cake staring you in the face.

I also am looking forward to having time to read all of your blogs.  I didn’t realize how much I enjoy doing that until this week when I didn’t have enough time.  And I have got to get started on my summer “to do” list around the house or nothing will get in order until NEXT summer!

We had so much fun last night.  And thank you so much for all of your comments, they really changed my thinking.  I was planning to log on this morning, getting down about all of the food I ate and beer I drank (what was I thinking???) but you all have made me realize that I need to try living in the moment a bit more.  So what if the number on the scale isn’t what I want to see?  Indulging for a short period of time won’t make me add all of the inches that I have lost.  Thank you, fat chicks, for help reminding me what’s important.

So here’s how last night went.  We went out to dinner with some friends who also needed a night out.  Yesterday was the 9 year anniversary of the day their daughter had an accident that eventually took her life.  I had just started dating my husband maybe a month earlier and had fortunately had the opportunity to meet their daughter the weekend before she died.  Obviously this time of summer is tough for them so I’m glad we were able to help them forget about things for a while.

Then we ended up bar hopping.  I can’t remember the last time we did that.  My hubby was DD and although I didn’t get drunk I did have a good feeling going.  We listened to some bands and played pool.  The funniest thing was toward the end of the night when I got hit on by some guy in the bar.  All of a sudden my hubby puffed up into some caveman-type guy and strolled over to protect his “woman”.  I’m glad he’s not like that too often but it was good for him to be reminded that he’s lucky to have me.

Got to go, the kids are up.

What is wrong with me?  I’m cutting my sleep short so I can workout before my class and then I’m eating away all of my progress.  Today our group gave a presentation on physical wellness and one of our members “taught” our class how to make trail mix.  Yes, it’s healthy, as long as you only eat a little bit.  I had more than a little bit, but still not a ton.  I couldn’t decide what to have for supper and the only thing that really sounded good was PBJ.  I estimated the calories at near the 400 calorie mark which is where I try to keep my meals.  Again, it would have been ok if I had only had 1 sandwich instead of 2 1/2.  Then, later, I heated up the leftover hamburger the guys had. 

So once again, here I am trying to pick myself back up and haul my ass back on the wagon.  I’m trying to be easy on myself b/c I know it should be better next week but I’m just disappointed in myself.  We’re going out tomorrow night and then we’re having a family event on Sunday so eating is going to be an issue all weekend.  The good news is I know I look smaller but if I keep cutting myself too much slack my progress will slow and/or stop.  I’ll be glad when this week is done and I can get back to my regular routine.

I’m amazed at what a moron I can be.  I’m getting up at 5am to workout every day and doing a good job with food and then tonight I decided to scrap it and just eat.  I’m presenting with a group tomorrow about the importance of healthy eating and exercise tomorrow so I was making some fat-free and whole wheat muffins.  While I’m making them I probably ate 2-3 muffins through the batter.  Then I found the chocolate my hubby “hid” in the freezer and ate some of that.  The good news is that I realized what an idiot I was being before I went too crazy and stopped myself.

On a great note, we had a physical trainer come to our class this morning to show us some exercises and breathing routines we could do in our classes when we get tense and I’m proud to say that I had the easiest time doing the squats of anyone in the class, even the skinny bitches!  I was so surprised to see this one lady getting tired after doing just a few squats, I think I could have done them for several minutes.  I incorporate a lot of lower-body work into my workouts and I felt good to see how much it has paid off.  The trainer is coming back on Friday and I can’t wait, it’s fun to get graduate credit for working out.  I just hope it doesn’t rain b/c the plan on Friday afternoon is to take a walk along the Mississippi and then do resistance training on our arms.

I’m wiped today and although I think I know why, I don’t know why it has affected me this greatly.  I think it’s just the combined effect of everything.

Today is day 2 of my class and we watched a video about teaching.  In it, the teacher had students interview each other and then introduce their partners to the class.  One student obviously had been through chemo/radiation but the kids weren’t sure how to handle it.  The teacher expertly brought the topic up for discussion (with the child’s permission) and in the discussion the kid talked about how hard his illness has been on his parents b/c after all, they feel it’s their job to protect their kids.  For obvious reasons I had trouble with this and had to leave.

After that, though, I was pretty ok but noticed that there are a few people in our class who have to comment on EVERY SINGLE point that is made.  They have a story that they want to relate, and what’s more annoying, the story generally points out what a wonderful teacher and/or parent they are.  I seriously think I’m developing diabetes from how sweet some of these people appear to be.

The third thing that set me off was that we have group presentations and our group goes on Thursday.  No problem, but I have ordered an item for ours and it probably won’t be delivered until Thursday.  So I asked the Friday group if they would be willing to switch days and everyone was ok with it except for 1 lady.  She said that she couldn’t be ready to go by Thursday b/c she needed time to prepare.  That would be ok with me but she missed out on working with her group yesterday TO GO GOLFING!!!!  Even her group members stared at her in disbelief.

On a good note, though, I got up at 5:00 and did my workout and stuck to plan on food as best I could.  Lunch was a BLT wrap on tomato basil and cottage cheese.  Really yummy!  I’m tempted to hop on the scale but I’m going to hold off, I don’t want anything to pull me off course.

My posts are definitely going to be brief this week and I probably won’t be comment on others’ blogs b/c of the class I am taking.  It’s an awesome class (about how putting yourself first is important to make you a better teacher) but I have homework every night.  But I’m staying on plan.  I got up at 5 this morning to get in a workout and brought my snacks during class.  We went out to lunch and I ate a grilled chicken salad.  It was the healthiest thing available at the restaurant but it had caesar dressing so I’m sure it had more calories than I wanted but it sure beat the enchiladas that everyone else was eating.

But I’m going to focus on the fact that I’m proud of me for sticking to my plan.  On top of that, I’m proud that I didn’t make excuses as I ordered my salad, I just ordered it.  Maybe people will think I’m a health nut!

I think I have let the overindulgence from last night go.  When the baby woke up this morning at 5:00 I was hungry which is funny b/c I’m normally not hungry when I wake up.  Hmm, interesting.  Anyway, as soon as I fed the baby I ate breakfast myself.  Fortunately I love my healthy breakfast (1 c of a high fiber cereal, 1/2 c milk, 2 hb eggs and a small bit of yogurt) so even on Sundays, when I allow myself to eat what I want for supper, I have no problem sticking to the plan in the morning.  In fact, except for something like pancakes, I prefer this breakfast over donuts or other breakfast items.  Weird, I know.

I watched a strange/funny movie this morning called “Lars and the Real Girl”. If you’re not familiar with it it’s about a guy who lacks social skills and orders a life-like doll over the internet. What makes the movie interesting, however, is how his family and friends give him the support he needs and accept Bianca (his doll) as if she were real.  It’s definitely goofy but very heartwarming.

My hubby is still snoozing but we agreed the other day that in order to be able to leave on time for our grad party that I needed to be able to be on the treadmill by 10.  That means that he can sleep until about 9:30.  He has the ability, like most men, to spend a huge amount of time in the bathroom.   I honestly think I can shower, do my hair and put on my make-up in the amount of time it takes him to “drop the kids off at the pool.”  I grew up w/3 brothers, had a male roommate in college and work mostly with men now so I have a million euphamisms for that particular bodily function.  Oh well, I had better get used to it as I am the only woman in this house.

I have decided to not let this graduation party today get me all flipped out about food.  If I’m hungry, I’ll eat the healthiest thing I can find and if I’m not, I won’t.   I’ll let you know tomorrow how my plan worked.

Yay, my hubby just came upstairs, he’s up about an hour earlier than I thought he would be.  And it looks like the baby is going down for a nap so I’ll be able to workout longer. 

Turns out the combination of secret eating and mixed nuts was too powerful to resist.  My hubby is out with some buddies tonight so it’s me and the boys.  The day went well and so did food until about 8:00 when my older son went to bed.  Earlier today I found my hubby’s stash of mixed nuts and instead of telling him that I found his hiding spot so he could relocate them I kept quiet.  I told myself it was so I didn’t have to bother him (like it takes a ton of effort to lift a 2 lb. can of nuts) but now I realize I was creating the perfect storm.  So there I was, just the baby and me and he won’t tell.  My older son honestly could not have been in bed more than 30 seconds before I headed to the cabinet.  Correction, I headed to the freezer first to see if I could find the chocolate that I did ask him to relocate after I found it, but he (un)fortunately listened to me.

So now I’m trying to figure out why I felt compelled to eat these nuts.  The first bite or 2 were good but after that it wasn’t for flavor.  And it wasn’t like it was unconscious, I was aware of every fatty, salty nut that passed my lips.  I’m torn between the fact that my next weigh-in is a week away so it’s safer to indulge now and the fact that I’m a bit peeved w/ my hubby.  Not for going out, he actually needs to do it more.  I’m tired of hearing him grumble about how tired he is without being willing to do anything about it.  Yesterday he was grouching about it and this was after he got about 2 hours more sleep than I did.  I KNOW that if he would eat a veggie or 2 and exercise more than his hand on the remote that he would feel better but I don’t want to turn into one of those wacko fitness freaks, especially since I have gone back and forth on this path so many times.  I’m honestly worried about his health so I will often have my older son ask him to go for a walk.  We’re both going to get bikes so we can ride as a family and he said he would be willing to do this.  It’s just sad b/c he was a semi-pro baseball player and a Marine in his younger days and now he gets winded going up stairs.  I also feel guilty b/c when I met him he had a 36 in waist and now he’s a 44-46.  I know that I didn’t put the food into his mouth but when a man is relatively trim for 30 years and then within 10 he goes to being obese, the only thing that was added to the mix is me.

So now that I have confessed my sin of gluttony with the nuts I can let them go and focus on getting over this bump in the road.  I would estimate that I packed in maybe 500 calories which in reality isn’t that big of a deal.  I actually missed a few snacks today and I ended up mowing the lawn so I burned some extra calories.  I’m going to assume that the calories will take care of themselves and I’ll avoid the scale until next Sunday so I’m not upset by water retention due to the salt in the nuts.  I also already prepped my hubby that before we head out for our day tomorrow that I need to workout.  I won’t have time for much, just the final day of my 1st week of my walking routine, but enough to remind me that I did something healthy for myself.  I’m hoping that will be enough to help me resist the cake at the graduation party, or at least hold me to 1 piece.  See you tomorrow.

I weighed in this morning b/c my hubby and I are switching our mornings to sleep in this weekend and I lost 5 pounds!  Now I’m 258!!!!!!!  I was in the 250’s briefly after I had strep throat but I kind of consider that cheating.  This time I earned it.  I know I won’t continue to lose weight this quickly but I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Yesterday I went to the pool and ended up water walking for about 50 minutes.  Holy crap!  I don’t remember water walking being that hard.  As much as I enjoyed it, my feet didn’t.  I know, I’m the idiot who figured out she has plantar fascitis and then goes walking ON CONCRETE barefoot.  This morning, even with stretches, my heel was unbelieveably tender and 2 of my toes have abrasions.  The intelligent part of my brain tells me that I can’t do this workout anymore but the irrational side tells me I can do it if I modify a few things.  This week I won’t be able to b/c I have a class M-F, 8-5.  But next week I might try it once more and wear some of those aqua socks.  Then, if my feet still rebel, I will acknowledge that this is one activity I cannot do.

Today I feel like a slacker b/c I only did a 45 minute workout but I wanted to take it easy on my feet and since we don’t have nursing on the weekends I think my hubby would have been a bit grouchy if I disappeared into the basement for 90 minutes.  He and my older son have baseball today and hopefully the baby will cooperate and take a nap while they’re gone so I can do a WATP DVD.  Otherwise I’m going to try to find the time to cut the grass today and get a bit more activity.  I realize that I’m teetering on the brink of becoming compulsive w/exercise but for now it’s working for me so I’m not going to worry about it.