It’s all up to me

I was still having the chocolate craving last night after I took my shower and then I remembered to brush my teeth.  It’s not like I can’t brush them again but for some reason that usually does it for me.  So I’m taking those good vibes from last night and using them for today.

<>Food during school is always generally easy b/c I can only eat what I bring.  After school I’m going to cut the lawn so I will have activity and it will keep me busy during the time I like to snack.  I have enlisted my hubby’s help to keep me on track for a good supper and tomorrow should be ok b/c I weigh in on Sundays and I want to have a good result.  Even though I realize I’m probably not going to lose weight this week (between the food, lack of activity and PMS) I know that one disappointing week doesn’t sink the ship.  And who knows, it’s generally when you least expect a loss when you get it.

<>Today I’m going to try to determine my workout schedule for the summer.  Because our nurse will continue working over the summer I am going to have literally hours every day (M-F) to workout.  My older son will go to daycare/grandma’s 3 days a week and on the other 2 I plan to go on walks and bike rides with him b/c he loves to play outside and it will be fun times for us.  But knowing me, if I don’t have a plan in place I won’t make the best use of my time.  I have set the goal of being at or below 225 by the start of the school year (I was 257 on Sunday) so I’m going to have to kick it in gear to accomplish that.  But I like a challenge and I’m up for it.

Wow, blast from the past.  I just totally fell into emotional eating.  What’s worse, I knew I was doing it before I did it and still did it anyway.  Today has been a humdinger of a day on top of the PMS so I’m not surprised that I did it but I’m saddened that I fell back into that trap.  So I’m writing about it trying to shake it off so I don’t let it sabotage me throughout the rest of the weekend.  I am going to mow the lawn tomorrow after school so I will count that as a workout (trust me, if you saw the hills in our yard you’d understand why it counts as a workout) and then I am just going to have to be mentally tough to get me through the rest of the weekend.  What’s done is done, I just want to make sure it doesn’t do any more damage.

I’m having a blah kind of day.  Finally the drama of all of our illnesses are behind us and then Kyle had 2 seizures today.  Nothing major, and the nurse is taking care of him, but I just long for the times when we had weeks and weeks (if not months) of fairly uneventful days.  But I can’t change it so I might as well deal with it.

I’m definitely ready for the school year to be over.  Not only am I looking forward to warmer weather, playing in the park, working out more, etc. I’m becoming more irritated with the kids.  Granted, behavior generally escalates toward the end of the year but I know that I’m not dealing as well with it as I can in October.  Plus, in the last week I realized that someone has stolen money from my purse at least twice and my credit card has been used to order video games.  The frustrating thing is the videogame company can’t give me any info without a search warrant.  Someone used MY credit card but their identity is protected.  Nice.  Our school police officer is here today (I think) so I’m going to talk with her to see if it would be possible to get a search warrant for this.  I don’t care so much about the money (it has been refunded) but if a kid at 13 has the nerve to steal a credit card number what are they going to be doing in 10 years????  Maybe if we can scare the crap out of them now, or even get them involved in the juvenile system they will have a chance of being a law-abiding adult in the future.

<> Calgon, take me away!!

Does PMS get worse as you get older?  I don’t ever remember being affected by it but the last few months it has definitely caused some problems.  And I know it’s not in my head because it’s not until after the fact that I check the calendar and realize that TOM is coming.  Take last night for instance.  I did great all day, even got in 2.5 miles on the treadmill.  None of the food I normally eat for supper sounded any good and I had a huge craving for Happy Joe’s Pizza.  It’s a particular pizza chain in our area and normally I don’t really care for it, but last night I had a specific craving for it.  We ended up ordering it b/c I know myself well enough to realize that if I fight off the craving for it now I will end up paying for it later, but I made my hubby promise me that he would help me stay on track for the rest of the week including the weekend.  That was my only fear, that going off-plan last night would lead to sliding through the rest of the week.

But then while we were waiting for the pizza (hubby and oldest son ran to the store, baby was napping) I was too hungry to wait so I prowled through the kitchen.  I found a bag of chocolate covered peanuts my hubby had put in the freezer.  He hid them really well and normally I don’t like frozen candy so it’s not that he’s trying to sabotage me, I was just on a mission.  I bet I ate at least 2 cups of those candies and that’s a ton.  When I tried to figure out why I felt so out of control it dawned on me and I checked the calendar and yep, PMS.  But at least now I’m aware of it and I can plan for it instead of letting it control me.

Speaking of all things female, have any of you noticed a change in your cycles as you have lost weight?  Usually I’m like clockwork but last month TOM came a whole week early and this time I can tell it’s going to be 3-4 days early.  I know losing an extreme amount of weight/body fat can screw things up but I have only lost 30 pounds and about 6-7% body fat.  I do have a gyno appt. next week to discuss a tubal ligation so I’ll ask my doctor then but I’m always worried that it’s something sinister instead of looking for the more obvious answer.

I think I get to start working out again today!!!  As long as nothing crazy pops up I’m back to a normal life.  I’ll be interested to see how  much time I actually have because our nurse likes to talk so when I get home I think I’m going to have to go directly to my bedroom and change into workout gear so that she gets the message.  She is wonderful and I love talking to her but part of the reason she’s there until 4:30 is so I can workout.

Almost had a bad moment last night.  We had the leftover chocolate cream pie and I was going to have a small piece.  But when I looked in the fridge there was only 1 piece left and I know my hubby wanted some so I left it for him.  It wasn’t willpower, just my not wanting to look like a huge pig in front of him.  Who cares, it got me through.

OK, my body definitely isn’t used to eating a bunch of crap.  After the last 2 weeks it really isn’t used to eating much of anything, but yesterday I had waffles for breakfast.  Then I ate most of a Dove chocolate bar (one of the big ones) over the course of the day and then had my steak supper with chocolate pie.  My tummy was quite upset.  It’s actually a good sign that my digestion can’t handle what used to be typical food, hopefully I’ll remember that uncomfortable feeling the next time I want to go crazy with food.

So today it’s back on track.  It’s supposed to be nice today so hopefully after I take my older son to the dentist I can throw the baby in the stroller and go for a walk with both of them.  Then tomorrow it’s back on track with working out, I can’t wait!!

Well, it seems the crappiness of the last 2 weeks has paid off for my diet.  I not only met my goal of being at 260 by Mother’s Day, I surpassed it.  Today I weighed in at 257.0.  Woohoo!!!  Apparently major stress burns calories.

 Fortunately, things seem to be on the uphill swing (knock on wood).  Kyle hasn’t vomited since Friday night and he actually smiled today.  It has literally been a week since I saw him smile, I didn’t realize how much I missed it.  He has had 2 or 3 wet diapers and one dirty one so I know his digestion is back on track.  We’re still going slowly but I’m finally comfortable saying that we’re on the right track.

So now I have 3 1/2 weeks to lose the last 7 pounds for my end of the school year goal.  Turns out my older son has a dentist appt. tomorrow after school and my hubby has a final so working out will have to wait until Tuesday, but after that I should be able to workout on a more consistent basis.  Setting these little goals is working for me now so I need to map out a goal over the summer.  Looking at it quickly, assuming I make my 250 goal I would like to lose another 25 pounds over the summer so I can start the school year at 225.  The last time I lost a bunch of weight I got down to 223 so I would be able to get back into those clothes.  Then it would give me about 4 months to lose the next 25 pounds to meet my goal of being at or below 200 by the New Year.  For the first time in a long time it really feels like I can meet my goals.  In the back of my head I have always wanted to be thin by my hubby’s graduation so that he’s proud of me when he’s introducing me to his friends and professors (yes, I know he’s proud of me now but you know what I mean).

But for today I’m enjoying Mother’s Day.  My older son gave me a makeover (apparently all 5 year olds think their moms look best when they are a Tammy Faye Baker look-alike) and my hubby is grilling me a steak.  We also picked up a chocolate cream pie because I wanted one.  But after today that food is all gone until next Sunday when I let myself have another treat.  My goal for next week is to be at 255.

I remember when my older son was 2 and it was Mother’s Day.  There was a story in our local paper about all of the wonderful things about being a mom and how the kids grow up so fast.  I’m a very emotional person so I was crying and I held out my arms for a hug from my son.  He came charging in at full speed but instead of giving me a hug he wiped his snotty nose on my shirt.  Yup, sometimes that’s what being a mommy is all about.  It’s one of my favorite memories.

Right now, my most frequent mommy memories involved being puked on.  We thought Kyle was out of the woods but he threw up again last night.  We can’t figure out why his tummy revolts after 36-48 hours of being fairly ok.  So we’re back to using Pedialite through his feeding tube a little bit at a time to keep him hydrated and hopefully switching to Pediasure when he can keep food down.  I know this will end at some point but right now it doesn’t seem like our life will ever get back to normal.

Food has been good, exercise non-existent.  I’m hoping that on Monday I can start working out again.  Happy Mother’s Day to all of the Mommies out there.

I don’t have time to write much but I didn’t want people to think that I had vanished.

These past 2 weeks have been awful, I hope to never go through them again.  Finally I think we’re all on the mend.  I ended up missing school again yesterday because Kyle began vomiting Wednesday night but by about 8-9 am on Thursday he was starting to keep the Pedialite down and by afternoon he was back on Pediasure.  He hasn’t vomited again nor has he had loose stools so I think we’re out of the woods.  I am so thankful that we now have a nurse coming to our home to take care of him because I know he’s in such capable hands when I leave.  My other son, hubby and I are also over this flu-bug so hopefully the rest of the school year and summer will be uneventful.

I have no clue how I have done on my diet but I’m almost guessing I haven’t eaten enough.  I have been so exhausted that when I have a choice of eating or sleeping I have chosen sleep.  Yesterday I ate a bowl of cereal, had a scoop of cottage cheese mid-morning and then didn’t eat again until supper.  But I’m just focusing on making healthy choices and I’ll worry about my calories later.  I obviously haven’t been working out but I figure I can start that again next week.  This weekend is going to be hectic with Mother’s Day and my hubby has to study for finals.

Hope everyone has had a better week than we did.  I can’t believe I’m saying this but I can’t wait until Monday so we can start everything over.

Hopefully today will be a somewhat normal day.  I picked up a bit of the flu bug that was going around my house but it seems that I don’t have it as badly as everyone else did.  I don’t feel sick, I just have to go to the bathroom a lot.  That should be great for the diet!!  So I’m sitting here with my Sierra Mist Free and Immodium AD, what a breakfast.

My mom came up last night to stay with Kyle so I was in bed by 6:45 and I was able to sleep until 4:30.  I’m still tired but at least now I can function.

I’m going to skip the workout today because I’m still feeling pretty weak so I’ll use the time after school to run a few errands.  It will be nice to get those crossed off my to-do list.