Why don’t I want it bad enough?
I’m at one of those low points where even though I know what I should be doing, the pull of the food is greater than my desire to change. Why don’t I want it bad enough? Not only do I want to look better, I know that I feel better when I eat right and exercise. The last few mornings I have woken up with awful headaches and since I have had enough experiences lately with eating crappy food one day and having a headache the next I know that the one is causing the other. And it’s not like this is unconscious eating, it is fully planned. I suppose I should take that as a positive, that I’m not mindlessly shoving food into my mouth. But right now I’m just discouraged b/c I see myself getting further and further away from my goal.
So I think I’m going to have to go back to square one and be completely strict. Sorry, hubby, but all junk food is going to have to be removed. I am a freakin’ bloodhound when I’m on the search for chocolate. Two days ago I came home and he had “hidden” chocolate bars in the freezer (where he ALWAYS puts them). After I ate half of one he moved them, and did a pretty good job. But since I know he likes his candy frozen, it only took about 2 minutes of searching and I found them again. Now the other half is gone and I doubt he even knows it yet. He’s one of those frustrating people who can have candy in the freezer for weeks and not touch it. Sadly, I even considered eating the whole other candy bar last night to teach him a lesson (is that stupid or what???) but if he doesn’t notice it’s gone for a month I doubt it would work.
So I guess I need to go back to my title, it’s all up to me. I have to be the one to make this happen and quit blaming others. And to do that I have to decide that I really want it. To be honest, I don’t know if I’m there yet, at least with the food. So I’m going to focus on the exercise and do the best I can with food. It’s not where I want to be but it’s better than nothing. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.
You may find that will do the trick. I know that I think twice before I overeat if I have exercised that day. I don’t like all of that effort to go to waste! Best of luck to you
I think you should stop being so hard on yourself. You didn’t eat the other candy bar..thats what counts! Just take each day as it comes…exercise is a fantastic motivator
Just go with it and praise yourself on the little things you manage each day..it will give you the confidence to want the bigger things 
Hugs xx
You seem to have this image in your head of an “ideal” dieter and be beating yourself up because you’re not living up to that ideal… I do that a lot (because I’ve spent so much of my life dieting, I know EVERYTHING I’m “supposed” to do).
I’ve started to learn to let go of some of that, to focus on where I am now and instead of what I SHOULD do to just concentrate on what I’m WILLING to do right now. I think your plan of focusing on just the exercise is just that - so really let go of the food for now and stop beating yourself up about it since you’re not willing to do it right now. In time you’ll start to be willing to address it too… (by the way, I’m doing the exact opposite approach - doing diet, but zero exercise for now).
OMG! The people who can have a chocolate bar in their homes for more than the time it takes to tear apart all the grocery bags to find it just freak me out!
My hubby’s like yours & I can’t even wrap my head around it. His family…holy cow! You get them a box of chocolates around the holidays & the damn things sit on the dining room table for days, days I tell ya! It’s like they forget the chocolate is even there & I can never forget that. In my family, a 2 pd box of chocolates lasts about 30 minutes if we’re really being disciplined & holding back because there’s company watching us or something.
I’m a ditto for what everyone else said. I think you have the right idea with focusing on exercise. But since he can clearly take it or leave it, maybe ask your DH to keep chocolate out of the house for a couple of weeks.
& since you have this chocolate/food thing working to discourage you & making you think you’ll never get to your goal, find something more powerful to encourage you…maybe make a list of all the things you’re really enjoying about being more active or the things you like about being your current weight or the things you’re looking forward to 5 pds from now. Or make it not about the weight at all & find some fitness challenge or goal you’d like to achieve.
Hang in there, though! Even if you can’t see it today, the rest of us know you’re doing great!
Wow. I could have written your post. I woke up with a headache today, too, and I’m fairly certain it was the astronomical amount of salt I consumed in everything yesterday.
It really is all up to us, huh? We have no one else to blame.