It’s all up to me

Will I ever get over this hurdle?  It’s like I’m destined to be 275 forever.  Yesterday when I got home from school I was feeling “light” again.  I really have to ignore that feeling because I generally am kicked in the teeth when I hop on the scale.  Yep, 275.5.  The extra .5 pound doesn’t bother me because it was 3:00 pm instead of 5:00 am but I still don’t know where the 275 came from after 269 last week.  I’m about 10 days away from TOM so maybe it’s water weight but I wouldn’t think that would come this early.   My water intake may have been down (great idea kellyj) but I’m still upset by this drastic number.

So I fell off the wagon last night and I mean big time.  One of my favorite hi-carb foods is peanut butter and jelly.  I know, everyone else is dreaming of pasta and garlic bread but I want the favorite meal of children everywhere.  My hubby was going to the grocery store so I asked him to pick some up.  He did his part by asking me 3 or 4 times if I was sure I wanted it; I think he knew better than to come home without it.  Then, while he was gone I got into his secret candy stash.  Before this episode I never realized what an emotional eater I am.  Long story short, a bunch of candy and 2 PBJ sandwiches later, I’m at a crossroads.  What do I do from here?

I know I should just hop back on my plan and start over right now.  And for the most part that is what I plan to do.  But a good friend and her kids are coming for the weekend and I know that I don’t want to be 100% on-plan.  So this is my plan.  This morning I’ll have my regular breakfast of hardboiled eggs.  We have a few things going on in the am and then for lunch I’ll have the leftover chicken breasts and a salad.  For supper we’re grilling out with chicken and burgers for the kids, serving sugar-free jello, cottage cheese and veggies.  But then we’re busting out a pie.  This place we know has the best pies for $2.99 (I know, you can’t make a pie for that).  I figured this way we have dessert but I’m not adding calories from all the nibbling I would do if I made something.  Tomorrow we’re going to a breakfast sponsored by the group who did my son’s benefit but they make omelets so I should be ok.

I wish I had more willpower to get back 100% right now but I just know I don’t.  To keep myself from going off the deep end, though, I’m going to wear my smaller jeans to remind me how hard I have worked.  This should keep me from eating an entire pie by myself.  When we talked about the pies (I want lemon, he wants chocolate) I agreed to getting 2 as long as he was ok with throwing out the leftovers on Sunday.  With a sad look in his eyes he agreed.