Struggling
Tonight is tough for me and I can’t pinpoint why. I was able to workout this morning and I hadn’t planned on being able to do that. I ate well and even though I hit the almonds a bit hard tonight I still feel ok with my eating. I did “splurge” and eat an orange this afternoon for a treat. I know it’s healthy but I generally shy away from fruit because it usually makes me crave more fruit which can lead to a sugar binge.
Today I should be feeling great. Since we had a 2 hour delay I tried on some clothes in my closet and a new skirt that I bought on clearance fit. It’s a size 20!!! When I started this right before Christmas I was a 24-26. I feel better, I have more energy and I’m really starting to see the changes in myself. So why am I struggling? Usually I can focus in on my feelings but I’m truly at a loss tonight.
Fortunately we have purged our home of tempting foods because I don’t think I would be strong enough to refrain.
OK, I think I just figured it out. (I told you that I’m good at figuring myself out). There is a teeny-tiny chance that I am pregnant. The odds are so miniscule (my hubby had a vasectomy 18 months ago) but the chance is still there. I wouldn’t be that upset to be pregnant but since my son’s disease is genetic there would be a 1 in 4 chance that this baby would be sick. Plus, even though I truly don’t think I’m pregnant I would hate to be hard-core with my diet/exercise in the event that I am. Guys have no clue what we go through every month.
We have been talking the last few days about if I should get my tubes tied. That way if both of us are fixed we can virtually guarantee that we won’t get pregnant. The reason I’m hesitant, though, is that I don’t know if I’m ready to commit to that. We both agree that if for some reason we wanted to have another child that we would adopt or use a sperm donor so him being fixed is no big deal. And the reality of adding another child to our life is not something that we can handle right now. But taking precautions not to have another child is completely different from making it virtually impossible.
Wow, nothing like TMI. I think I’m going to call my gyno and look into other forms of back up birth control. I don’t want to go back on the pill and I’m not in favor of an IUD so I don’t know what other options are out there for us.
Hopefully I’ll have my mind on straight tomorrow. Thanks for listening.