It’s all up to me

I caved on got on the scale.  Yesterday afternoon I wanted to but I was feeling kind of vulnerable so I knew that if I didn’t see a number I wanted that it could throw me off track.  Wisely, I told myself that if I still wanted to weigh myself in the morning that I could.

I was totally expecting a great number.  I have worked out every day since Sunday and have not deviated from my eating plan in forever.  Instead, I’m up .5.  WHAT!!!???   The rational side of me knows that I’m PMSing so I’m probably retaining water.  I also know that I can see changes in myself, my clothes are fitting better, etc.  For instance, today I’m in a pair of pants that a month ago I would not have worn in public and now they’re even kind of loose.  I have lost 15 pounds since mid-December.  When I started I was a tight size 24 (let’s be honest, I was a 26) and yesterday I pulled out a pair of size 22 pants that I could wear and was even able to almost button/zip a pair of size 20 pants.  All of this should make me feel good but it doesn’t.

This is why I hid the scale.  Granted, hiding it where I can find it kind of defeats the purpose, but at least it makes hopping on a conscious decision instead of a robotic action.

So where do I go from here?  The fantastic news is that this is not making me want to abandon ship.  I’m assuming in a week or so when I stop retaining water that I’ll start to see a drop in the scale.  I am also at the point where food cravings are gone.  Yesterday my older son brought home some cupcake-like thing from grandma’s and he left 2/3 of it on the table.  It didn’t even cross my mind to take a bite.  The fact that I’m PMSing and not craving chocolate is huge.  I feel great and look forward to exercising.  If I wasn’t in this Biggest Loser contest I think I would have my hubby completely hide the scale for months at a time and just rely on measurements but that’s not an option.  So being realistic I’m going to keep doing what I have been doing and try to remember that my hard work is going to pay off.  Maybe not today, but it will pay off.