It’s all up to me

Is it possible to have a healthy compulsion?  I think I’m trading my compulsive tendencies toward food for exercise.  Yesterday I started feeling like crap around lunchtime, just very weak and a few people told me I looked tired and pale.  I went home after school and debated the whole time on if I should hop on the treadmill or not.  By this time I think I may have had a small fever because I was feeling a bit flushed.  I definitely wanted to workout because I enjoy it and the feeling I have afterward but I realized that if I’m sick that maybe my body needs a rest.  I truly considered the pros/cons of the situation and finally decided to walk on the treadmill but at a slower speed than normal and I didn’t run during commercials.  I figured I would give it 10 minutes or so and if I didn’t feel any better I was going to stop.  Fortunately the gamble paid off because I felt much better afterward.  Another thing I considered was that I probably wouldn’t have felt any better if I skipped the exercise so it was worth a try.  As I’m thinking this through I think I made a rational decision but I’m worried that I might be trying to rationalize my behavior and compulsions have gotten me into trouble in the past.  It’s a very good thing I don’t drink and that I have never tried drugs because I think I could become addicted very easily.

Our contest is going well and the funny thing is that my 58 year-old mother is kicking butt.  She has lost over 3% and the next closest person is one of my brothers at 1.95%.  I realize that part of it is that she had definitely been enjoying the holiday season so she got that initial rush of weight loss but it’s just funny that the oldest person is beating us all and she hasn’t even started exercising yet.  Oh well, I’m in the middle of the pack and having the contest against myself is really helping my mindset.

So was yesterday’s Oprah.  I wish there was an entire network devoted to people who have successfully lost weight through diet/exercise.  Seeing that one woman who lost 225 pounds is inspiring.  I “only” need to lose about 125 more.  If she can do it so can I.  And what about the guy who was almost 800 pounds.  If he doesn’t get discouraged I shouldn’t either.