A Life Less Overweight

someone comes along and has to shit on you. Last night, we went out with my two best friends and their boyfriends to see B’s patient who was playing in a band. Happened to be the same bar where I ran into my childhood tormentor Derek. Unfortunately, he wasn’t there last night to see how good I looked. I was feeling really good about myself, looking hot, even K and B told me I looked thin- awesome! So we get there, things are fine, some guy almost smashes into me with his drinks. I backed off, and he apologized, oh I’m so sorry. “I’m ok, you didn’t get me.” He then decides to make it up to me by kissing me on the cheek. Uncalled for and a little weird, but I smiled gracefully and then prayed I didn’t get clamydia. So I’m moving on and this other guy, old and creepy, says something I didn’t quite hear. Well, I kinda heard, but thought I might have misheard so I asked him to repeat it. I’m pretty sure he said “How can you not kiss such a pretty fat girl?” WHAT?????????? YOU SHITHEAD!!! But, I very coolly did not respond and walked away, trying to process what he said, and decide if I misheard or if that’s what he did say. I’m pretty sure that’s what he said. I guess it’s possible I still misheard, but I can’t figure out what else it would have been that could have still sounded like that. At the time I wasn’t bothered by it because the guy was just gross, but after I came home it really started to bug me. And that pisses me off. Who cares what this guy thinks? But, A. you’ll get this, the fat girl inside of me started up with, “yeah, he’s right.” So frustrating since I’ve been working so hard at losing weight, but also on not feeling like the fat girl. “Well, maybe you really are fat. Maybe you really are just a pretty fat girl”, says my head. It kills me that some guy I don’t care about can get in my head like this. It bothers me that it bothers me so much. I know I shouldn’t care what someone like that says, but the truth is that I do. Asshole.

Wow, I’ve been very lazy this week. One gym session. I suck. Please please please do not let me fall into bad habits again. It is going to be such a huge struggle in a week and a half when school starts to not fall into them. This Monday starts a new week. I WILL go to the gym four times. Seriously, you all need to yell at me if I don’t. I will post each time I go to the gym this coming week. If you don’t see three posts before Friday, do something drastic.

Coming soon to a blog near you, after months of strict eating and physical activity, the fifth grade teacher you have come to know will undergo a terrible transformation…she will become a man. No just kidding, she’s just gonna get fat again because SHE’S LAZY!!!! GET OFF YOUR DAMN ASS!!!! Lazy piece of poop….

At some point in my life, almost everyone who is important to me and dearly loved has made me feel fat. Of course, it’s never intentional. But you know how some people just look at you a certain way or casually suggest you might want to go to the gym because “it will make you feel better”? My parents have definitely done that, out of concern, I understand that. But there are only two people in my life who invariably have NEVER made me feel like they were looking at me critically or thinking that I needed to do something about my weight. The first person is my best friend. She is so fantastic, and although at times I am sure she’s thought I could lose a pound or ten, she’s never made me feel as though she thought so. The other person is my husband J. He is just so fantastic. He is the person who helped me through a lot of my body/self-esteem issues. And he always tells me how beautiful or hot I am, how much he likes my butt etc. However, as all women do, I don’t usually believe him, or at least think, “shit, if he thinks my ass looks good, his vision really is bad. Maybe LASIK surgery would be a bad idea…for my ass.” But tonight, getting into the shower, I caught a glimpse of my butt (the lower part, not the bass, we know how I feel about that) and my thighs from the back, and let me tell you, the view wasn’t too bad! Definitely looked better in cute undies than nekked, but not bad. All of the exercise I’ve been doing has definitely firmed things up a little. And while I still have a ways to go, I was able to see my rear view in the mirror the way he sees it.  I guess I’d  be all over that too!

Or in this case a pair of jeans! I am now able to take my jeans off by sliding them down, without unbuttoning or unzipping them!! That’s pretty cool. I love these jeans though, they are my Banana Republics with the button pockets on the ass. I guess I’ll have to start wearing them with a belt!

I am 4 pounds away from my mini goal. I’ve decided when I hit it, I will get a massage. We are going away (again) for a wedding, which happens to coincide with my birthday. I would like to think I will work out even just once, but I don’t tend to do so when I go away. I will bring a workout outfit just in case I do get the motivation to do it though. Hopefully I will at least maintain a 4 pound deficit rather than increasing that too!

Last night, we had friends over for dinner. Her husband is also on a healthful eating plan, which is great because I could cook what I usually eat and no one would be like what the hell is this? He told me I looked good and could tell I’ve lost a few. She made cookies, and I did eat a half of each one, which totals only one cookie, but threw the rest away. Overall, not bad! I haven’t been to the gym yet this week, but I am going today, tomorrow, and Saturday. Got to keep on truckin!

Well, back from the “destruction” of J’s childhood home. I inhaled a TON of dust; it was like when Al Pacino sticks his face in the pile of coke in Scarface, except all I got was itchy. Overall, it wasn’t as stressful and tension-filled as I thought it would be. It was sad for the family, his dad made himself scarce, but the new soon to be wife sure didn’t! What a weird situation. Considering there were all sorts of ridiculous things to eat this weekend, I didn’t do too badly. I did cheat, but as soon as I did, I started craving sweets after each meal. Before starting this new life, I used to LOVE going to restaurants and other people’s houses to eat. Now, I find I don’t enjoy it as much as I used to, mostly because the control piece of it is out of my hands more. Being a control freak (all teachers are to some extent!) I don’t like not knowing exactly what is in my food, how it was cooked, and a limited menu. It’s a good thing I like to cook and am good at it. And although I’ve always considered it annoying that I SUCK SUCK SUCK at baking, I’m beginning to see that as a blessing!!

So, even though I cheated, I am still down a pound. Only one though. Heaven forbid I actually lose two in a week. Oh well, slow and steady…