A Life Less Overweight

Two weddings this weekend, and one next weekend. Three wedding in two weeks. That means three high cal meals, three slices of cake, three nights of cocktails (I am pretty good at holding back on that one) and all the other non-homecooked food in between, since we have to be away for the weddings. I went to the gym twice this week, which is better than I’ve done all summer. And yesterday, I really really wanted Wendy’s for dinner since I was out, but I didn’t, I got a salad and half a sandwich at Panera. I know that some of the dressings and such are still not exactly low fat, but I figured half of it was better than all of it, and the meal as a whole was better than a burger and medium fries, which is what I would have ordered at wendy’s. And to top it all off when I got home I really wanted dessert, but instead of pudding or something else, I had watermelon. overall, I was happy with my choices to avoid the stuff that was easy and would make me feel bad about myself and made better choices. maybe this weekend I’ll be able to do the same.

Well, this summer has been a little different than last. Last summer I had all to myself, went nowhere special, and therefore had plenty of time to focus on healthy eating and going to the gym pretty much everyday. This summer I can probably count on my hands how many times I’ve been to the gym, my vacation didn’t encourage healthy eating, and now we have a new puppy which I have absolutely loved, but it’s been very time consuming. Also, the getting up in the middle of the night totally screwed with the sleep schedule, and therefore left me too exhausted to go to the gym. So I find myself three weeks out before school starts and my goal was to lose ten more pounds this summer. And I’m up about four. So, today, I start anew. Going to the gym, drinking water, taking vitamins, healthy eating. That way the transition to the school year might go a little better, and I won’t feel so bad about myself.

Oh where to begin????? I am in LOVE with Italy. Absolutely loved Italy. Our 14 day mediterranean cruise was the most fantastic, trip-of-a-lifetime vacation I have ever and probably will ever have. The culture, the music, the food, oh the food, the wine!!! I couldn’t possibly begin to describe it all, but it was so relaxing and enjoyable, and really made me appreciate my Italian heritage. I am so moving there!!

And of course, here we are back home, back to reality, back to managing my eating habits. To be honest, I’m kind of looking forward to getting back on to a careful diet. I ate so much gelato, smoked meats, cheese, drank lots of wine, that I gained 5 pounds. And haha the DH gained 10, although he’ll probably have lost it all by tomorrow, and though it only took two weeks to gain 5 pounds, it’ll probably take me the next 20 years to lose it again!! No, not really, I’m ready. Actually, I think the eating thing might be a little easier now. I’ve had the most fantastic food on the planet, and now that I’m back here, nothing can possibly taste as good, so perhaps I’ll be less inclined to eat the crap we have here anyway! Hmm, nice theory, we’ll see.

Well, knowing that we are soon going on vacation isn’t helping my eating. I have decided to stop doing phase one of SBD, since it’s going to be pointless on the trip. I am going to try to have self-control, but I am also going to countries I have never been to like Italy, and I refuse to miss out on a huge part of the culture-food- because I need to eat a specific way. I may never get back there again! So, I will be taking exercise clothing so I can try to squeeze in a workout or two, just so I can hopefully counteract the eating, then refocus when I get back. It’s not going to be easy. For the rest of the time I am still here, I have to eat perfectly so I can allow myself a little leeway there.

Well, here I am one year later, almost to the day. It was this time a year ago when I joined this site, made the decision to make a true effort at losing weight, started the South Beach Diet, and lost 15 pounds over the summer. Overall, it’s been a good year. I’ve maintained most of my weight loss, although this summer I am out to lose 10 more pounds. I ran my first 5k ever, and although I regained some weight and haven’t been to the gym in three weeks at this point, I still feel like the past year has been overwhelmingly positive in terms of goal setting and meeting, and living a healthy, positive lifestyle. So, all in all, I would say I’ve been successful.

So here I am again, a year later, restarting SBD and ready to re-evaluate, restart, and reconnect to my thoughts about this process. I probably won’t blog everyday, because I don’t feel the need to. I got a lot of my shit out over the last year, all the nasty self-damaging beliefs I had been harboring for a good portion of my life. Am I fixed? No. Do I still have days where I feel bad about myself- HELL YEAH! But, I feel like I am dealing with my demons regarding my weight, and I am learning to accept myself as I am, not as I dream myself to be. And I don’t mean accept that this the weight I am and I can’t affect it, but that I need to accept myself in the now, and focus on all the good, rather than all the bad, which I had done for so long. So here’s to year two- looking forward to further successes!

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Next week is the end of school. Last year at this time was when I started SBD and it helped me lose the 15 pounds I lost over the summer. I keep telling myself (and everyone else for that matter) that on Thursday of this coming week, I begin again. And I don’t doubt that I will. But until then, the word judicious hasn’t been in my vocabulary. I am going out of my way to eat things I wouldn’t eat- cookies, breads, ice cream- so I can get in a “last hurrah” before Thursday. And on top of it all I haven’t exercised since my 5k two weeks ago. I know that I have some events coming up at the beginning of the week that are end of the year parties, and will have lots of food and drinking. I guess I figure a few more days to enjoy it, then get back to where I was with healthful eating. But, the one thing I am going to change before then is the exercise. I will be returning to the gym on Monday, I don’t see the need to wait until Thursday. I am ashamed that I have fallen this far off the wagon, and that I let it go this far. I think once I start exercising again, I will be less likely to want the crappy foods.

It will also help that I won’t be hanging around my new friend from school as much. She is taller than me and weighs less because she is taller but she is normal weight. However, she eats pretty much whatever she wants and all the time, but she also runs a lot too. Hanging around her I have given myself permission to eat what she eats- “oh, she’s eating one I can have one too”. Except she exercises fat ass. I just need to learn to do what I need to do for myself, and not allow other’s eating habits to give me the green light to do the same.

Have tongue surgery. That will keep you from eating dammit. I had a small raised piece of tissue on my tongue removed and it kills!! I won’t be eating, but the way I’ve been eating lately that’s a good thing.

I CAN’T BELIEVE IT I DID IT!!!!!!! After never being a runner, I completed my first 5k and ran the entire time. My official time was 45:28, which is pretty long for just 3 miles, but I don’t care. Running a 5k has been my goal, and now I can check it off my list of things to do!!!

Well, tomorrow is the day I have been waiting for/avoiding for the last two years- the 5k. I am nervous as HELL, but I know I will do this. I have done it once, I can do it again. I am excited, I am a bundle of nerves, and I hope that doesn’t throw me off. I’ll let you know how it goes!

As the school year draws to a close, I find myself making excuses about my eating. Only three more weeks, I can pick up my healthy habits again once school is over. I find these last weeks so stressful and difficult, that healthy eating is a grand effort. I find myself slipping here and there, and eating things I wouldn’t normally eat. I also find I am more susceptible to saboteurs, even if they don’t mean to be doing so. Really, overall I do eat very healthfully, it really more my portions than anything else. My slips don’t help, but I am not sure that’s really what hurts me the most. It does make those sugar cravings come back though. Sigh. As always, it rages on.