My Journey- Good and Bad!

I stayed fairly on track with food. No junk food, even when I went to Moms. She had fried ‘taters (MY WEAKNESS!!!!) and then some of my SILs reunion cake left. OMG that icing is like a zillion calories per spoonful, but its heavenly.  Michael had some of the taters and Dad was eating the cake. OMG it was sooooo hard to say NO with Mom asking me a million times if I wanted something to eat. But I did it. YAY!!!! I managed to do 45 minutes on the treadmill last night at an incline of 2 and speed of 3 mph. I even got on the scales this morning. Oh man.. I was one unhappy lady!!! I really cant even bring myself to type the number. I am so ashamed of myself. SHAME ON ME.  So far today Ive behaved myself. Now its getting to the tough part.. afternoon/night. Thats my worst time. Wish me luck. Oh and pray I can convince myself to get off my rear and get on the treadmill. lol. Hope all is well all of you all.

 Oh and speaking of the reunion cake.. here is a pic of it..

Read the rest of this entry »

Im soooo happy! I still have a zillion miles to go, but Im happy to be losing a little. We leave for vaction on Tues the 15th. Had to change it from the 14th to the 15th so my sister and her family could go too. Thats 6 days from now. If I could be down 6 lbs by then. OMG Id be soooooo happy! I wont get my hopes up. Ill take 2 more lb loss by then Im really hoping to stay on track when we go on vacation. I dont want to gain any of this back. I wont have internet access unless my sister brings her laptop. Id love to have one, but we are just too broke to get one.  I did a mile on the treadmill yesterday. Took me 20 minutes at an incline of 2 and speed of 3 miles per hour, just burned 122 calories, but heck, Ill take it!

 I hope all is well with all of you.

I had an appt at 9am. Got there about 8:45 and it was 10:30 before I ever saw the Dr. When he finally comes in, he just instructs the nurse to take off my bandage. She does so. He says it looks ok. I point out that its red and swollen still on the opposite side. He says.. did I put u on antibiotics? Like he isnt even familiar with my case. I mean come on. He has saw me a zillion times in the last month. I said yeah, Cipro. He says ok, come in Thurs to get your stitches out. Like the redness was no big deal. I pray its not. I was so aggrevated. He spent maybe 2 minutes with me after I sat all that time. Why didnt they have me come in Thurs to begin with or take out the stitches today? Its a 20 minute drive, Michael works days, so I have to get a babysitter for me to go, gas is $4.09 a gallon. UGH!!!!!!  Then to top things off, I was NOT happy with the scale!!!!

Today is Day 1 AGAIN.  We go on vacation next Tuesday and I want to be down several lbs by then. I know I can do it, just getting up the motivation to move is gonna be hard. Ive went so long without doing a damn thing. Im lazy and FAT! I dont even want to step on the scales I know Im over 250. I swore Id never let myself see that number ever again, let alone go above it. Its absolutely insane that Ive gained this much weight. Ive been holding steady at 242-244 for 6 months. On occasion Ive dropped into the 230s. Even got to 236 a couple times. Now Im sure Im above 250. I can feel the fat that Ive put on. I know can seriously feel every lb of it. My clothes are tighter and I can just feel and see it. I was talking to Michael about it yesterday and his reaction.. “Its no ones fault but your own.” Hows that for blatant honesty! I needed to hear it though. It really is no ones fault but my own. Im the one who has put every bite I shouldnt have into my mouth. Things are going to change. I just have to set my mind to it. Ive done it before. Heck Ive lost 70 lbs before.. I can do this!! I just need to keep telling myself that if I could make myself get up and move when I was 307 lbs I can make myself move now!!! The exercise is never any fun, but I can handle it, its the food that kills me. I dont care though. I wont bend. I wont give. Ive got to do this. I dont care if I have to resort to running water over everything. Believe me. Ive done that before. No more crap is going in my mouth!!! I may eat my words, but this time Im serious!!!

I got there at 11:30, dropped off my papers to the collections office, and got registered with the OR place. It was about 1 before they ever called me back. Did the whole, undress, put on the gown, get IV, talk to anestesia, etc then they realize they didnt do a preggo test. So I had to do that and wait another 20 min before we could get started.  

We had a whole ordeal over the Levaquin. They hung it, and was giving it to me, and I asked what it was. She said Levaquin. So I tell her about the side effects it has on me. But I tell her I think Ill be ok, because I really needed to have it before the surgery. So then another nurse comes over and freaks because she said she saw in my chart that I am allergic to it. They Dr had wrote it on the papers. Next another nurse comes over and has papers showing where the Dr had also wrote the orders for me to have it.  So no one knew what to do. I finally told them to just leave it, and they did. But sent me home with Cipro instead.

They didnt put me completely to sleep. Just sedated. I had no idea what was going on . I would wake up on occassion and the anestesia lady sitting behind me would say I was ok and out Id go. I never felt any pain,  but I could feel them moving around.  I wish they would have just put me under general now though. The sedation served me way worse. I was sick to my stomach and dizzy all night and the next day. With the general I was fine in a few hours.

After the surgery they bandaged me up like I had been in a war. Didnt tell me much though. The Dr didnt stop to talk to me really other than to just ask if I was ok. He went out and spoke with Michael but pretty much just told him the surgery was over, I was ok, and they would be out to get him in a few minutes. I talked to the nurses and asked about how much they had to take out and they said “Oh not a whole lot.” but  oh not a whole lot to them may be OMG a heck of a lot to me.  So I guess I will find out Monday when I go back to the Dr and get these bandages off.

 They sent me home with some strong pain meds. I took 3 but since Ive just been taking tylenol. I hate that crazy feeling from the pain meds.

Today Im feelin more normal and have to get up and do a few things.

More later.

I havent been back on the scales. Honestly, Im scared to.  Im tracking my food on the daily plate today and I hope to work out some. Ill report back about that soon.

Wed I had to stop by the Infection Drs office to find out about getting the rest of my Rx of Levaquin in samples. They didnt have any. UGH! So they lady there who keeps up with samples seemed to think he could give me something else. She went and talked to him and came back with a Rx for Cipro. She said it was in the same family.  I had it filled. But havent started on it yet.

Then yesterday was my appt with the surgeon. He said I didnt have to keep taking the Levaquin that maybe the 5 days I have taken it will be enough. I told him about the Cipro and he said I could take it if I wish, it will work, but will take alot longer than the levaquin.

He also thinks I needed to have the area debreeded (not sure if thats the right word/spelling).  So I had to go in today for pre op and Ill have surgery again on Monday at 12.

Wish me luck!

yesterday cause I am fed up with my Dr beating around the bush about whats going on with me. He too said I may have to have another surgery to scrap out the dead skin. Im just praying it takes care of itself.

 I told him that I was sick of not know what was going on, that I was sick of not seeing the test results, etc. He went and got the papers and let me hold them in my hands and read them.

Thank GOD its not staph infection, but it is a bacteria. So that sucks.

I told him about what happened with the levaquin. He said that that dose may have been too high and I wasnt allergic to it. Im not a complete idiot, I could breathe, and didnt have a rash. But the side effects were horrible on me. He said it was JUST side effects and that I should continue taking it but in a lower dose for a longer period of time. So, he put me on 500mg instead of the 750mg. I was scared to take it, but I did yesterday while I was at Moms house and my sister who is an RN was there.  I didnt have the confusion and the side effects werent as bad. But they were still there. I felt drunk, like I had drank way too much coffee, my head hurt, heart raced, sweated, etc. Not as bad as before though.

The Dr said that I really had not other choice by mouth than to take the levaquin. He said I HAD to take something or they would have to put me in the hospital and give me IVs if I didnt take it. So.. I guess Ill just have to take it and be sick to get better.

I had asked him if I even had to go back to see the surgeon, because honestly, Im fed up with him/his offfice. Of course he said I needed to, but I needed to continue to see him as well because he is an infection specialist and knows more about it than the surgeon would.

Anyone ever taken it? Anything odd happen?

I got my new Rx for my boob yesterday. It was Levaquin. Ok, so I took one about 11pm last night. Around 3 Dalton woke up crying and saying Mommy. Well it took me a few minutes to even realize he was talking to me. Finally I did figure it out. I felt like I was in a fog. I knew he was my son, Dalton, but I was just extremely confused. I knew something was wrong. I woke Michael up and he said I was just sleepy. I told him I KNOW Im not just sleepy. I never do this. My Mom just had a stroke, so the confusion just scared the crap out of me. I was burning hot on the inside. As if I was boiling, but my temp was fine. I was sweating horribly and freezing at the same time. I vomited. My heart was racing fast enough to bust out of my chest. Like I had drank 10 cups of coffee.  I just kept telling Michael something wasnt right. He got up and got me a wet rag to put on my head. It was killing me. My head was pounding. I could feel an anxiety attack coming on. My face was going numb, etc. I hadnt had an anxiety attack since 99. I didnt end up having one, and did eventually fall back to sleep around 4:30. But I told Michael to check on me when he woke up to make sure I was ok.

I wont be taking any more of these, but has anyone else had this happen?

F’in BUST!!  I just hopped on the scales tonight. I wanted to PUKE!!!  Im so so mad at myself. Heck, mad is NOT the word for it!!

I did 30 minutes on the treadmill earlier, but Im about to head back in there, 12 am or not, and walk til I cant walk anymore.

 My life has been a complete mess.  Seriously. Im not good with stress and Ive had NOTHING but stress for WAY too long.

 A few things thats been going on in my life…

My sister Missy had a cyst on her vajayjay and had to have it surgically removed
My BIL was in the hospital with ulcers (Missy hubby)
My sister Opal was in the hospital with diverticulitis
My BIL had heart surgery (Opals hubby)
My Brother Ward had a lymph node surgically removed under his arm (cancer scare)
My Brother Wade had his gallbladder taken out
My SIL had a hysterectomy
My Great Uncle Dane passed away
I had a lump removed from my breast
My Mom had a stroke. 
Bailey has been having a super hard time with it all and is super needy.

Then this week..  my Best Friend since 3rd grade passed away AND if that wasnt enough of a load for me to carry Dalton got stung by a wasp and he is SUPER allergic and we had to take him to the ER, etc.  Not to mention I still am not healed up from my surgery. Im on my 3rd round of antibiotics! First it was Amox, then Bactrim, now Im on Leviquin (sp?) that costed $105 for 7 pills!!!  Dr Roy says if this doesnt take care of it.. Ill have to have another surgery..

 All this.. and Im an emotional eater. I get stressed. I eat!!! 

I knew I had gained a few… cause my jeans were getting tighter and I can just feel it. BUT OMG.. I pray my scales are wrong!!  Ill see what I weigh in the am before I post it here.. but this ol girl  HAS to get back on track.  NOW!!!!!!!!!

Thanks all for the comments.

Ive had a rough couple weeks. Ive been super sore. More so than I EVER thought I would be. I still cant sleep without a bra or well do anything without a bra for that matter. Ive been wearing sports bras and that helps to hold em still. If they move I can feel that pulling in there and it hurts like heck. I have no idea how people have boob jobs. They are more woman than I am, I tell ya! I was sore from practically my belly button to under my arm pit, all the way up to my collar bone. I seriously have no idea how they do it.

I kept my bandages on until the 2nd when I went back to the Dr. The nurse took them off, and I was so relieved to be free from them. I felt like a mummy. But once they took the bandages off, thats when they pain began. The bandage had my boob so supported that it couldnt move at all.

I still have my staples. I get them out tomorrow, the 9th when I go back to the Dr again.

On the 2nd when I went in they had some of my results back, but not all of them. They did have one saying that it WAS NOT cancer. THANK GOD!!!!  They didnt know the definate diagnosis of what it was yet though. The path lab sent it off to the Mayo Clinic, so I should find out those results soon I hope. Maybe tomorrow. Im just THRILLED that it wasnt cancer.

I made the nurse give me a copy of the results so I could read it all myself. They look at  you like your an idiot when you ask for a copy of those things, but its me, its my body, its my results, and I have the right to see them/have them.

The area that they took out was 2.3 in x 1.7 in x 1.1 in. 

Ive been splurging with food since the surgery and I can tell Ive gained weight. I can just feel it on me. I havent weighed, but Im sure Im tickin 250.  Ive only walked on the treadmill once since I had the operation. I walked for an hour though. Hopefully I will be pain free today and I can get plenty of exercise from cleaning up this house and then Ill try to walk on the treadmill too. Im gonna weigh in today as well. Ill update you on that status too. I have plans to log my food on the daily plate as well.

We are going on vacation the week of July 14. We are going to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg. We havent got all of our plans set in stone yet, but we will go to Dollywood and to the Aquarium. Ill be buying a new swimsuit for the trip, because the one I had last year is way too big. So I would like to be back into the 230s by the time we leave even if its 239. lol.

Im back on track, and if I let myself fail, Im really gonna be ticked when its time to go in the pool and I look like a whale!

Oh, and my brother, he is doing good. He came through his surgery ok and is recovering quickly. Thanks for all the prayers for him as well.

 Now Im off to check Judy’s blog and see if she is ok.