My Journey- Good and Bad!

I stayed fairly on track with food. No junk food, even when I went to Moms. She had fried ‘taters (MY WEAKNESS!!!!) and then some of my SILs reunion cake left. OMG that icing is like a zillion calories per spoonful, but its heavenly.  Michael had some of the taters and Dad was eating the cake. OMG it was sooooo hard to say NO with Mom asking me a million times if I wanted something to eat. But I did it. YAY!!!! I managed to do 45 minutes on the treadmill last night at an incline of 2 and speed of 3 mph. I even got on the scales this morning. Oh man.. I was one unhappy lady!!! I really cant even bring myself to type the number. I am so ashamed of myself. SHAME ON ME.  So far today Ive behaved myself. Now its getting to the tough part.. afternoon/night. Thats my worst time. Wish me luck. Oh and pray I can convince myself to get off my rear and get on the treadmill. lol. Hope all is well all of you all.

 Oh and speaking of the reunion cake.. here is a pic of it..

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Im soooo happy. I hope I keep this up!!! Just sticking to this on vacation is going to be hard. Ive been watching my calories and walking on the treadmill. It just seems to be falling off… BUT I know this will not last at this rate. It will slow down as I go. I guess my body had gotten use to me filling it full of crap again. I know, I know.. shame on me!!

A quote of a post I made yesterday from a forum I post on.

Dalton saw Dr. – the allergy Dr. He was suppose to have the testing done which takes 2-3 hours and tons of needles. Once we talked to the Dr and explained that he has never shown any signs/symptoms of being allergic to anything except bugs and wasps she decided not to do it. Just instructed us again on how and when to use the epi pen jr.

I saw Dr. – today for the zillionth time in the last 6 weeks. Got my stitches out and he said for me to come back in 4 weeks unless the redness/swelling on the opposite side gets worse. He also said I could go swimming in about 4 more days. Just in time for vacation. I didnt mention to him that we were going. I didnt want him tell me it was ok just because we were going.

Im soooo happy! I still have a zillion miles to go, but Im happy to be losing a little. We leave for vaction on Tues the 15th. Had to change it from the 14th to the 15th so my sister and her family could go too. Thats 6 days from now. If I could be down 6 lbs by then. OMG Id be soooooo happy! I wont get my hopes up. Ill take 2 more lb loss by then Im really hoping to stay on track when we go on vacation. I dont want to gain any of this back. I wont have internet access unless my sister brings her laptop. Id love to have one, but we are just too broke to get one.  I did a mile on the treadmill yesterday. Took me 20 minutes at an incline of 2 and speed of 3 miles per hour, just burned 122 calories, but heck, Ill take it!

 I hope all is well with all of you.

Today is Day 1 AGAIN.  We go on vacation next Tuesday and I want to be down several lbs by then. I know I can do it, just getting up the motivation to move is gonna be hard. Ive went so long without doing a damn thing. Im lazy and FAT! I dont even want to step on the scales I know Im over 250. I swore Id never let myself see that number ever again, let alone go above it. Its absolutely insane that Ive gained this much weight. Ive been holding steady at 242-244 for 6 months. On occasion Ive dropped into the 230s. Even got to 236 a couple times. Now Im sure Im above 250. I can feel the fat that Ive put on. I know can seriously feel every lb of it. My clothes are tighter and I can just feel and see it. I was talking to Michael about it yesterday and his reaction.. “Its no ones fault but your own.” Hows that for blatant honesty! I needed to hear it though. It really is no ones fault but my own. Im the one who has put every bite I shouldnt have into my mouth. Things are going to change. I just have to set my mind to it. Ive done it before. Heck Ive lost 70 lbs before.. I can do this!! I just need to keep telling myself that if I could make myself get up and move when I was 307 lbs I can make myself move now!!! The exercise is never any fun, but I can handle it, its the food that kills me. I dont care though. I wont bend. I wont give. Ive got to do this. I dont care if I have to resort to running water over everything. Believe me. Ive done that before. No more crap is going in my mouth!!! I may eat my words, but this time Im serious!!!

F’in BUST!!  I just hopped on the scales tonight. I wanted to PUKE!!!  Im so so mad at myself. Heck, mad is NOT the word for it!!

I did 30 minutes on the treadmill earlier, but Im about to head back in there, 12 am or not, and walk til I cant walk anymore.

 My life has been a complete mess.  Seriously. Im not good with stress and Ive had NOTHING but stress for WAY too long.

 A few things thats been going on in my life…

My sister Missy had a cyst on her vajayjay and had to have it surgically removed
My BIL was in the hospital with ulcers (Missy hubby)
My sister Opal was in the hospital with diverticulitis
My BIL had heart surgery (Opals hubby)
My Brother Ward had a lymph node surgically removed under his arm (cancer scare)
My Brother Wade had his gallbladder taken out
My SIL had a hysterectomy
My Great Uncle Dane passed away
I had a lump removed from my breast
My Mom had a stroke. 
Bailey has been having a super hard time with it all and is super needy.

Then this week..  my Best Friend since 3rd grade passed away AND if that wasnt enough of a load for me to carry Dalton got stung by a wasp and he is SUPER allergic and we had to take him to the ER, etc.  Not to mention I still am not healed up from my surgery. Im on my 3rd round of antibiotics! First it was Amox, then Bactrim, now Im on Leviquin (sp?) that costed $105 for 7 pills!!!  Dr Roy says if this doesnt take care of it.. Ill have to have another surgery..

 All this.. and Im an emotional eater. I get stressed. I eat!!! 

I knew I had gained a few… cause my jeans were getting tighter and I can just feel it. BUT OMG.. I pray my scales are wrong!!  Ill see what I weigh in the am before I post it here.. but this ol girl  HAS to get back on track.  NOW!!!!!!!!!

Thanks all for the comments.

Ive had a rough couple weeks. Ive been super sore. More so than I EVER thought I would be. I still cant sleep without a bra or well do anything without a bra for that matter. Ive been wearing sports bras and that helps to hold em still. If they move I can feel that pulling in there and it hurts like heck. I have no idea how people have boob jobs. They are more woman than I am, I tell ya! I was sore from practically my belly button to under my arm pit, all the way up to my collar bone. I seriously have no idea how they do it.

I kept my bandages on until the 2nd when I went back to the Dr. The nurse took them off, and I was so relieved to be free from them. I felt like a mummy. But once they took the bandages off, thats when they pain began. The bandage had my boob so supported that it couldnt move at all.

I still have my staples. I get them out tomorrow, the 9th when I go back to the Dr again.

On the 2nd when I went in they had some of my results back, but not all of them. They did have one saying that it WAS NOT cancer. THANK GOD!!!!  They didnt know the definate diagnosis of what it was yet though. The path lab sent it off to the Mayo Clinic, so I should find out those results soon I hope. Maybe tomorrow. Im just THRILLED that it wasnt cancer.

I made the nurse give me a copy of the results so I could read it all myself. They look at  you like your an idiot when you ask for a copy of those things, but its me, its my body, its my results, and I have the right to see them/have them.

The area that they took out was 2.3 in x 1.7 in x 1.1 in. 

Ive been splurging with food since the surgery and I can tell Ive gained weight. I can just feel it on me. I havent weighed, but Im sure Im tickin 250.  Ive only walked on the treadmill once since I had the operation. I walked for an hour though. Hopefully I will be pain free today and I can get plenty of exercise from cleaning up this house and then Ill try to walk on the treadmill too. Im gonna weigh in today as well. Ill update you on that status too. I have plans to log my food on the daily plate as well.

We are going on vacation the week of July 14. We are going to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg. We havent got all of our plans set in stone yet, but we will go to Dollywood and to the Aquarium. Ill be buying a new swimsuit for the trip, because the one I had last year is way too big. So I would like to be back into the 230s by the time we leave even if its 239. lol.

Im back on track, and if I let myself fail, Im really gonna be ticked when its time to go in the pool and I look like a whale!

Oh, and my brother, he is doing good. He came through his surgery ok and is recovering quickly. Thanks for all the prayers for him as well.

 Now Im off to check Judy’s blog and see if she is ok.

I didnt eat too horribly. Not as good as I could have, but I didnt eat any cakes, ice cream, etc.

I had popcorn before I went to Moms.

At Moms for lunch I ate pressure cooked porch chops, pototatoes and carrots. I had only a tiny piece of meat. Maybe an ounce. Not much at all and 2 spoons (laddles) whatever its called, of carrots and potatoes.

Then for dinner I had a burger, no bun, fixed on the grill, with mustard, ketchup, onion, pickle, baked beans and a tbsp of chili.

When I got home I ate some watermelon and more popcorn.

 I did a solid hour on the treadmill at 2.8-3mph and from 2-4 incline.

Im gonna make it a  better one. I will NOT allow myself to eat a crap load of junk!!! I know I have to be creepin up on the 250s again and I vowed I would NEVER see that number again. I wont allow it. Im too chicken to get on the scale to see the actual number.

I slept 1/2 the morning. They boys and I had a late night. We stayed up til 2 am. Gotta love summer. 

My goal for today on a non weight loss level is to get this house cleaned up. Ive had so much going on that I havent had time to clean as much as I normally do. So as soon as I got up this morning I went to into the bathroom and got started cleaning. I did the sink, mirror, commode, trash, floors. I didnt do the tub. I HATE cleaning the tub. I managed to line out the laundry too. I washed a load, and have  couple more I need to do later. It wasnt really what was dirty that had me irritated. It was the clean clothes. The HEAPING pile of clean clothes. UGH!! I hate that. I like my laundry folded up and put a way. So I spent about an hour in there folding up clothes, towels, etc and putting them all away. The boys are ’suppose’ to be cleaning in thier room, but I doubt they have done a thing. Ill have to go in and help. I still have the rest of the house to line out, but I stopped to have some popcorn.

Guess I better get back at it. Once Im done with the cleaning… I have a treadmill callin my name.

I swear. I am so pissed at myself right now. I dont even WANT to know what the scales say. I can tell Ive gained some more back. My great uncle Danus (Dane) passed away. We burried him Friday. Wed I am having surgery on my right breast to have a lump removed, and then Friday my brother has to have his gall bladder taken out. Im so stressed and I have just let myself eat and eat and eat. It makes me so so so so so so mad!! I KNOW how hard it is to lose this weight, yet I let myself eat and eat and gain and gain!!!

Scales are still showing 237 .

I walked yesterday evening.

I did 2/10 a mile at 2.8 mph on elevation 10

I did 1/10 a mile at 2.8 mph on elevation 9.5

I did 1/10 a mile at 2.8 mph on elevation 9

I did 1/10 a mile at 2.8 mph on elevation 8.5

I did 1/10 a mile at 2.8 mph on elevation 8

I did 1/10 a mile at 2.8 mph on elevation 7.5

I did 1/10 a mile at 2.8 mph on elevation 7

I did 2/10 a mile at 2.8 mph on elevation 6.5.

My ankle still hurts, but not as badly.